Anonymous wrote:A lot of reading comprehension fails on this thread. People keep mentioning “controlling or overbearing” but I don’t think OP ever mentioned it. Just a PP asked about it and everyone else ran with it.

OP what was the fight about?

+1 Op said “ Fight was not about being controlling or overbearing. I told SO I wanted to end things in the heat of the moment, now they are not taking my calls.”

It would depend upon your SO. They say they don't want to see you and aren't taking your calls, well, I'd cool it and not show up announced. Your SO it treating this as a break up, so you are no longer together.

What made you say you wanted to break it off in the first place, and how did you say it?

A lot of reading comprehension fails on this thread. People keep mentioning “controlling or overbearing” but I don’t think OP ever mentioned it. Just a PP asked about it and everyone else ran with it.

OP what was the fight about?

Yes.

Anonymous wrote:Who is the controlling/overbearing partner? You or him? According to the fight, I mean.

If it’s you, the showing up unannounced with an expensive gift thing fits that description.

Neither, the genesis of that phrase was and If/Then question by a poster.

Anonymous wrote:If you were arguing about something that is an indication of something wrong.
So either it’s minor and you overreacted by pulling the I’m Done card.
Or your gut was correct and you’re being had, so you’re fine— so do not go grovel back. Don’t go, just move on, you dodged a bullet.

Agree.

If you had a good reason to dump him, don’t walk it back the next day.

If you had misinformation or got triggered or whatever, apologize and see if he’s mature enough to try again. He may say No (for whatever reason, you’ll never know), he may say yes and truly give it another try, he may say yes and hold it against you (not good).

Who is the controlling/overbearing partner? You or him? According to the fight, I mean.

If it’s you, the showing up unannounced with an expensive gift thing fits that description.

Op, breaking up as a way to handle conflict and emotion is really unhealthy.

You say this is the first big fight. Have there been lots of little fights as well? This might be a bigger one but it built from smaller ones and he is done.

Have you dealt with smaller conflicts in unhealthy ways?

If it really is your first fight - then now he has seen how you deal with conflict and that you bail as soon as it gets hard. For most people (beyond early adulthood), that isn't a dynamic they want. They want someone who can work though conflict and the emotions that come with it and not make it personal and end things. I don't know what all was in your breakup speech but if you said critical or negative or mean thing about him as a person to support your breaking up, then he might well be done.

Since he isn't accepting your calls, I would not show up at his door. He has told you pretty clearly, he doesn't want to speak to you right now. Showing up puts him on the spot and that isn't fair. You get to plan out your side of the conversation and then he is stuck unprepared and needing to respond. Any face to face conversation should be agreed upon by both parties.

If you decide to send him a text / email message at some point, don't make any mention of getting back together. The apology should be for your actions and any hurt you caused. Not about what you want from him.

Honestly, if you can’t share what the fight was about, and advice we give you is meaningless.

If you were arguing about something that is an indication if something wrong. So either it’s minor and you overreacted by pulling the I’m Done card. Or you gut was correct and you’re being had, so you’re fine— so do go grovel back. If the latter, don’t go and just move on, you dodged a bullet.

Anonymous wrote:OP here. I’m a woman not a man.

Then, yes. VERY creepy!

Only if you show up in a trench coat with nothing on underneath

Anonymous wrote:OP here. I guess I messed things up permanently. I will just have to accept that. I don’t want to come off as a stalker or anything. I made a mistake by saying I wanted to end it. But we cannot bounce back from all mistakes.

1. Your should still reach out to your bf/ex-bf.
2. I don't know why women do this--announce a break up without thinking it through.

Anonymous wrote:If you had a bad fight with SO. Is it creepy to show up at their place unannounced with a gift and apology?

No not creepy. Pls do this and make amends.
Next time you argue with someone don’t threaten a break up or abandonment, solve the issue at hand. Don’t create a side issue.

Work in your communication and conflict resolution skills.

Anonymous wrote:If you had a bad fight with SO. Is it creepy to show up at their place unannounced with a gift and apology?

No. But they also better have something to say.