Anonymous wrote:It’s pretty obvious to anyone with eyeballs that I have family money. I work a government job that tops out at a GS-12 but have several properties, decent cars and can afford to splurge and take nice vacations. I don’t really bring it up and the money is in a trust anyway so it’s not like I’ll be comingling it. I am generous and I don’t “keep score” when it comes to dating and paying for things. My SO knows my financial situation but we’ve never actually talked about it. I’m divorced though and if I ever do remarry have no intention of owning anything jointly with anyone else. I’d be fine with my husband living in my house.

Is your SO younger and handsome?

It’s pretty obvious to anyone with eyeballs that I have family money. I work a government job that tops out at a GS-12 but have several properties, decent cars and can afford to splurge and take nice vacations. I don’t really bring it up and the money is in a trust anyway so it’s not like I’ll be comingling it. I am generous and I don’t “keep score” when it comes to dating and paying for things. My SO knows my financial situation but we’ve never actually talked about it. I’m divorced though and if I ever do remarry have no intention of owning anything jointly with anyone else. I’d be fine with my husband living in my house.

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Anonymous wrote:Like after the wedding, honestly. Don’t marry someone who wants you for your trust fund.

That’s not possible if prenups are required.

I don't think a prenup is required is it's an actual trust fund. It's pre-marital, unless you yourself combine finances or pledge to combine in prenup.

Depends entirely how disbursements are handled.

But also…if you’re planning to live a separate financial life from your spouse they deserve to know that before agreeing to marry you. You’re assuming a disparate amount of risk.

I agree with this 100%. Concealing something this important about your financial status would be really, really deceptive. A prenup is actually needed for the “poorer” partner so they can be protected if they make individual financial decisions based on the spouse’s trust. Eg - the spouse says “you can stay home or work part-time - my trust will buy the house.” Then you could be left with no career, no assets if anything happens. Another example - spouse wants to buy a house and you want it to be titled jointly and to contribute. But spouse insists on a much nicer house than you can afford and will pay their part out of their trust. Then what? Title it as a joint asset or will your spouse insist on owning a bigger share or that you pay more than you can afford? Or once you have that giant house, do you split the giant heating, landscaping, and maintenance bills 50-50?

this.

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Anonymous wrote:Like after the wedding, honestly. Don’t marry someone who wants you for your trust fund.

That’s not possible if prenups are required.

I don't think a prenup is required is it's an actual trust fund. It's pre-marital, unless you yourself combine finances or pledge to combine in prenup.

Depends entirely how disbursements are handled.

But also…if you’re planning to live a separate financial life from your spouse they deserve to know that before agreeing to marry you. You’re assuming a disparate amount of risk.

I agree with this 100%. Concealing something this important about your financial status would be really, really deceptive. A prenup is actually needed for the “poorer” partner so they can be protected if they make individual financial decisions based on the spouse’s trust. Eg - the spouse says “you can stay home or work part-time - my trust will buy the house.” Then you could be left with no career, no assets if anything happens. Another example - spouse wants to buy a house and you want it to be titled jointly and to contribute. But spouse insists on a much nicer house than you can afford and will pay their part out of their trust. Then what? Title it as a joint asset or will your spouse insist on owning a bigger share or that you pay more than you can afford? Or once you have that giant house, do you split the giant heating, landscaping, and maintenance bills 50-50?

Anonymous wrote:After they say yes to marrying you.

This. Once you’re planning to get married. Not thinking about it or talking about it. But actually engaged.

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Anonymous wrote:How awesome would it be to marry for true love and on your wedding night, your new spouse tells you, by the way, I’m independently wealthy? On the one hand I’d feel a little duped; on the other hand, I’d feel like I’d won the lottery but f life.

I am a woman with a modest 70k/year job (will be 110K in couple years though). But I have a certain lifestyle which is not affordable for this income, obviously (an expensive car, a $2mm house, child in private school). My main income comes from a trust. How do I explain my lifestyle during dating?

You don’t. Not while just dating. Unless the person is dumb as rocks they will put two and two together and assume you have family money of some kind. You can go into the details once you’ve been in a serious committed relationship for a while or you are planning on getting married

I’m another woman in this situation and I disagree- most men assume you’re living off your ex husband. Mine was a deadbeat- my wealth is independent of him and I don’t want people thinking he allows my lifestyle when really his marriage to me allowed our lifestyle. My wealth will have to be something for any partner to consider, unless I outright lie to them. I don’t plan to marry so don’t care if others know how my lifestyle works.

What’s the big difference between living off your ex-husband or your parents/grandparents? “My wealth”… someone would think you earned it.

Whether you benefit from property transfer via marriage or inheritance, who cares.

One of these ends (usually) once you get remarried…the other usually does not.

Exactly. Many friends can’t remarry or get engaged or their alimony dries up. My wealth and annual trust income will increase significantly as I age as its familial. This is an important distinction we’re I seeking to partner up for life.

Not for me. You’d still just be living off someone else’s money.

You don’t think if you date someone and enjoy one lifestyle; you should tell them that lifestyle will end when they marry you? (Meaning if alimony was affording the lifestyle due to alimony)?

The lifestyle I enjoy will only increase as I age. Whoever the money came from, it’s mine now.

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Anonymous wrote:How awesome would it be to marry for true love and on your wedding night, your new spouse tells you, by the way, I’m independently wealthy? On the one hand I’d feel a little duped; on the other hand, I’d feel like I’d won the lottery but f life.

I am a woman with a modest 70k/year job (will be 110K in couple years though). But I have a certain lifestyle which is not affordable for this income, obviously (an expensive car, a $2mm house, child in private school). My main income comes from a trust. How do I explain my lifestyle during dating?

You don’t. Not while just dating. Unless the person is dumb as rocks they will put two and two together and assume you have family money of some kind. You can go into the details once you’ve been in a serious committed relationship for a while or you are planning on getting married

I’m another woman in this situation and I disagree- most men assume you’re living off your ex husband. Mine was a deadbeat- my wealth is independent of him and I don’t want people thinking he allows my lifestyle when really his marriage to me allowed our lifestyle. My wealth will have to be something for any partner to consider, unless I outright lie to them. I don’t plan to marry so don’t care if others know how my lifestyle works.

What’s the big difference between living off your ex-husband or your parents/grandparents? “My wealth”… someone would think you earned it.

Whether you benefit from property transfer via marriage or inheritance, who cares.

One of these ends (usually) once you get remarried…the other usually does not.

Exactly. Many friends can’t remarry or get engaged or their alimony dries up. My wealth and annual trust income will increase significantly as I age as its familial. This is an important distinction we’re I seeking to partner up for life.

Not for me. You’d still just be living off someone else’s money.

My trust is under a company where I am a sole holder and beneficiary, how come am I living from someone else's money? It's mine and I determine the rules of the trust

we had the money talk as soon as we got engaged. But I think it was already kind of clear. DH grew up modest to poor, and didn't make a lot of money. I grew up UMC, didn't make a lot of money, but will likely inherit enough to pay for college and help out retirement funding a little/give us a cushion. But its a cushion, not a life changing, quit your job, own a vacation home amount.