I would be pretty direct with Grandma, out of ear shot of your teenager. "Nancy, I know you mean well, but you must stop commenting on what Larla looks like or wears. It's making her uncomfortable and she doesn't want to spend time with you. So please drop all comments about her appearance/clothes/skin etc. It's not helpful and is actually hurtful. Again, I know you mean well, but she's at a very sensitive age".

Anonymous wrote:How often does your daughter shower and wash her hair? Be honest. Messy hair just needs to be brushed or combed. Not washed. Grandma must be noticing the hair is actually dirty, not messy. Something is amiss here.

I agree that perhaps the grandma is being inappropriate, but if your child is not showering or washing her hair, it is you who needs to make sure that she is not humiliated. Grandma may be trying to protect her from rude comments from other kids, etc.

My MIL sent my sporty daughter very girly and borderline provocative clothes since was 7 and tried to mould her into something she clearly wasn't. Anyway, DD and I made a joke of it and donated everything she sent and had a good laugh at her inappropriate comments. Just make sure your daughter knows you have her back.

If you're washing your hair everyday you're just wasting product and water.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP needs to put her slob of a daughter in a tub! She sounds like her hygiene is terrible and I’m betting OP is not the cleanest of people herself to think it’s ok her daughter stinks. Best grandma tells her to try to help before she’s bullied at school for stinking. Daughter sounds absolutely disgusting and embarrassing!

Where does it sound "like her hygiene is terrible"? The first post says she's clean and put together.

This is clearly a troll. We have them on DCUM, unfortunately. Do not feed.

Anonymous wrote:Some of these responses are ridiculous.

OP, I would pull your MIL aside and say "Carrie told me that when you want to take her shopping/buy her new skin products it's because you're embarrassed by the way she looks and want to change her. Obviously we all know that's not true, but we'd really appreciate it if you could just lay off on that for a bit to help her build her confidence."

This. I don't understand the helplessness and not defending your own child. Just because it's a MIL doesn't mean you shouldn't speak up even if your DH is too cowardly to do it.

However. The showering thing. Does your daughter need to shower more? Maybe MIL is just saying it because her hair looks unstyled, IDK. But if she needs to shower more you need to take charge of that one. "Larla, I know it's a pain but now that you are 13 you need to shower every day. It's really important and I am going to remind you."

How often does your daughter shower and wash her hair? Be honest. Messy hair just needs to be brushed or combed. Not washed. Grandma must be noticing the hair is actually dirty, not messy. Something is amiss here.