Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Re: imputed income, exactly this.

My DH made $350K (actually more but that was all we could find publicly). I had not worked for 8 months after a move, and in my previous job had made $150K. The court imputed me that $150K, even though we had required a FT nanny for me to work 60 hours a week to earn that salary and I now had full-time custody. Child support, which he only pays until kid is 18, is based on a percentage of the difference between incomes and is like $2K a month, even though he now earns $600K, and I make $218K and have effectively 100% custody bc he did not want it. He paid 2 years of rehabilitative alimony that was like $5K a month including the child support. I could take him back to court to demand an adjustment, but then there would be a look-back on all finances, and I don't want him to know anything about my finances. I still owe my lawyer $13K, 2 years later.

Does anyone on DCUM make less than $300k? I swear every time I'm on this page, there is a $300k salary poster either their own money or their spouse. I just don't understand why these people have problems and why they are on this site. Boredom? How does that much money per year not leave you satisfied enough and instead interested in going onto DCUM to work out issues?

300K in DC is barely lower middle class.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Re: imputed income, exactly this.

My DH made $350K (actually more but that was all we could find publicly). I had not worked for 8 months after a move, and in my previous job had made $150K. The court imputed me that $150K, even though we had required a FT nanny for me to work 60 hours a week to earn that salary and I now had full-time custody. Child support, which he only pays until kid is 18, is based on a percentage of the difference between incomes and is like $2K a month, even though he now earns $600K, and I make $218K and have effectively 100% custody bc he did not want it. He paid 2 years of rehabilitative alimony that was like $5K a month including the child support. I could take him back to court to demand an adjustment, but then there would be a look-back on all finances, and I don't want him to know anything about my finances. I still owe my lawyer $13K, 2 years later.

Does anyone on DCUM make less than $300k? I swear every time I'm on this page, there is a $300k salary poster either their own money or their spouse. I just don't understand why these people have problems and why they are on this site. Boredom? How does that much money per year not leave you satisfied enough and instead interested in going onto DCUM to work out issues?

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Re: imputed income, exactly this.

My DH made $350K (actually more but that was all we could find publicly). I had not worked for 8 months after a move, and in my previous job had made $150K. The court imputed me that $150K, even though we had required a FT nanny for me to work 60 hours a week to earn that salary and I now had full-time custody. Child support, which he only pays until kid is 18, is based on a percentage of the difference between incomes and is like $2K a month, even though he now earns $600K, and I make $218K and have effectively 100% custody bc he did not want it. He paid 2 years of rehabilitative alimony that was like $5K a month including the child support. I could take him back to court to demand an adjustment, but then there would be a look-back on all finances, and I don't want him to know anything about my finances. I still owe my lawyer $13K, 2 years later.

Does anyone on DCUM make less than $300k? I swear every time I'm on this page, there is a $300k salary poster either their own money or their spouse. I just don't understand why these people have problems and why they are on this site. Boredom? How does that much money per year not leave you satisfied enough and instead interested in going onto DCUM to work out issues?

300K in DC is barely lower middle class.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Re: imputed income, exactly this.

My DH made $350K (actually more but that was all we could find publicly). I had not worked for 8 months after a move, and in my previous job had made $150K. The court imputed me that $150K, even though we had required a FT nanny for me to work 60 hours a week to earn that salary and I now had full-time custody. Child support, which he only pays until kid is 18, is based on a percentage of the difference between incomes and is like $2K a month, even though he now earns $600K, and I make $218K and have effectively 100% custody bc he did not want it. He paid 2 years of rehabilitative alimony that was like $5K a month including the child support. I could take him back to court to demand an adjustment, but then there would be a look-back on all finances, and I don't want him to know anything about my finances. I still owe my lawyer $13K, 2 years later.

Does anyone on DCUM make less than $300k? I swear every time I'm on this page, there is a $300k salary poster either their own money or their spouse. I just don't understand why these people have problems and why they are on this site. Boredom? How does that much money per year not leave you satisfied enough and instead interested in going onto DCUM to work out issues?

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Re: imputed income, exactly this.

My DH made $350K (actually more but that was all we could find publicly). I had not worked for 8 months after a move, and in my previous job had made $150K. The court imputed me that $150K, even though we had required a FT nanny for me to work 60 hours a week to earn that salary and I now had full-time custody. Child support, which he only pays until kid is 18, is based on a percentage of the difference between incomes and is like $2K a month, even though he now earns $600K, and I make $218K and have effectively 100% custody bc he did not want it. He paid 2 years of rehabilitative alimony that was like $5K a month including the child support. I could take him back to court to demand an adjustment, but then there would be a look-back on all finances, and I don't want him to know anything about my finances. I still owe my lawyer $13K, 2 years later.

Does anyone on DCUM make less than $300k? I swear every time I'm on this page, there is a $300k salary poster either their own money or their spouse. I just don't understand why these people have problems and why they are on this site. Boredom? How does that much money per year not leave you satisfied enough and instead interested in going onto DCUM to work out issues?

Anonymous wrote:Re: imputed income, exactly this.

My DH made $350K (actually more but that was all we could find publicly). I had not worked for 8 months after a move, and in my previous job had made $150K. The court imputed me that $150K, even though we had required a FT nanny for me to work 60 hours a week to earn that salary and I now had full-time custody. Child support, which he only pays until kid is 18, is based on a percentage of the difference between incomes and is like $2K a month, even though he now earns $600K, and I make $218K and have effectively 100% custody bc he did not want it. He paid 2 years of rehabilitative alimony that was like $5K a month including the child support. I could take him back to court to demand an adjustment, but then there would be a look-back on all finances, and I don't want him to know anything about my finances. I still owe my lawyer $13K, 2 years later.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I did not, but I know many who did.

It kinda makes me sad but it's also kind of a relief, when I look around at the people I know who have spouses - especially women with husbands - I know I am not cut out for putting up with the cr@p that they put up with.

I'd like a male friend to do things with (and sex) but not someone living in my house and having to cook, clean, and try to keep happy all the time. It's exhausting.

It took a long time for the "I will never remarry, I don't need no man, men are just lazy man-babies" crowd to show up in this thread but it was inevitable eventually.

(Narrator: another obese, aging single mom was left on the shelf and is tearfully insisting that she wouldn't have it any other way)

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:my youngest is just 18 months

Ok that being the case - maybe you do need some help. Try and get in with a therapist and consider meds. This is to make you feel better and has nothing to do with your DH.

Then, yes, you can find someone else after 40 and it is pretty certain they too will have kids. So now you will be supporting a new DH who is also supporting some kids so in that sense, unless he is also a high income earner and the fact that he is paying support doesn't eat into your budget too much, then you will be ok, otherwise, now you are in the same position. It is also likely you will try and have a kid together.

It's not like getting a divorce and remarrying will make your situation better bc the bottom line will still be the same.

Your kids are young. They will get older. Both you and your DH will have more time for yourselves. The dynamics will change.

Anonymous wrote:my youngest is just 18 months

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP let me give you unconventional advice. This is how men do this (my ex did this to me) when they are a-oles. First of all you should not stay with him if he's draining your finances and psychologically unbearable. The more your stay, the higher share in all assets, your marital portion of pension accumulates. If you divorce him in 15 years, you are on hook for a lifetime alimony (I know for a fact the case when not working exH receives $6K/month from a MD exW, they divorced in late 50s).
If your DH is in his 40s the alimony will be small and temporary.

Second: make it appear to him like you are going to court for everything: don't agree to child support, to alimony to anything voluntarily. Is your employment easy to replace? Can you switch to a part-time position or leave job temporarily to take care of your 18 months old? It might be wise in terms of child support and alimony to reduce your income: you have a minor child and it will be well received by the judge if you show husband is not helping at whole WHILE also not working. You would have to pay a minimal child support.

If the CS is small, even if you do have 50/50 custody, the expenses on all children would be too high for your exH to want them 50% of his time. He will slowly become a "weekend dad" or remarry. The new woman also wouldn't want to bank your kids.

As a result, you will be free, will have your kids most of the time and pay little to him.

His lawyer will have a field day if you do this. Do you think it won't be incredibly obvious that you voluntarily did this on purpose?

https://www.divorcenet.com/resources/imputing-income-child-support-virginia.html

In Virginia, the ability of a parent to pay child support is based not just on a parent's earnings, but a parent's ability to earn. In other words, the court can base child support on what a parent could earn, not simply what a parent actually earns. For example, if a parent voluntarily takes a job that provides less income than before, the court has the power to base child support on that parent's previous income. Also, if a parent is voluntarily unemployed or refuses to provide income information, the court can make its own decision on what income that parent could earn and use that amount for child support calculations; this is called "imputing income."

if the husband is voluntarily unemployed but has prior employment history and an education, the court can impute him some income as well so her CS to him will be reduced.

OP think as a man as you go into it. Don't allow a mentally taxing freeloader take your life savings and health. You can only "upgrade" from where you're now in terms of a life partner. Just don't make it a permanent situation and wait till "grey divorce"

Yeah, what are you talking about? (NP) The income that would be imputed would be to DH--unless he is disabled, ill, etc. Also, why is everyone assuming that DH is a SAHP?? It sounds like to me more that OP earns the lion share of their joint income, not that DH has voluntarily and with DW's endorsement chosen to take on all the child care. He will be laughed out of court if he thinks his maybe semi-underemployment would get him substantial alimony.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP let me give you unconventional advice. This is how men do this (my ex did this to me) when they are a-oles. First of all you should not stay with him if he's draining your finances and psychologically unbearable. The more your stay, the higher share in all assets, your marital portion of pension accumulates. If you divorce him in 15 years, you are on hook for a lifetime alimony (I know for a fact the case when not working exH receives $6K/month from a MD exW, they divorced in late 50s).
If your DH is in his 40s the alimony will be small and temporary.

Second: make it appear to him like you are going to court for everything: don't agree to child support, to alimony to anything voluntarily. Is your employment easy to replace? Can you switch to a part-time position or leave job temporarily to take care of your 18 months old? It might be wise in terms of child support and alimony to reduce your income: you have a minor child and it will be well received by the judge if you show husband is not helping at whole WHILE also not working. You would have to pay a minimal child support.

If the CS is small, even if you do have 50/50 custody, the expenses on all children would be too high for your exH to want them 50% of his time. He will slowly become a "weekend dad" or remarry. The new woman also wouldn't want to bank your kids.

As a result, you will be free, will have your kids most of the time and pay little to him.

His lawyer will have a field day if you do this. Do you think it won't be incredibly obvious that you voluntarily did this on purpose?

https://www.divorcenet.com/resources/imputing-income-child-support-virginia.html

In Virginia, the ability of a parent to pay child support is based not just on a parent's earnings, but a parent's ability to earn. In other words, the court can base child support on what a parent could earn, not simply what a parent actually earns. For example, if a parent voluntarily takes a job that provides less income than before, the court has the power to base child support on that parent's previous income. Also, if a parent is voluntarily unemployed or refuses to provide income information, the court can make its own decision on what income that parent could earn and use that amount for child support calculations; this is called "imputing income."

if the husband is voluntarily unemployed but has prior employment history and an education, the court can impute him some income as well so her CS to him will be reduced.

OP think as a man as you go into it. Don't allow a mentally taxing freeloader take your life savings and health. You can only "upgrade" from where you're now in terms of a life partner. Just don't make it a permanent situation and wait till "grey divorce"

Anonymous wrote:I admit I am scared of leaving because I do not want to be alone raising 3 kids. I am waaaay past my prime. I do not feel loved or desired by my husband either. He makes it clear he would be open to an open marriage. I am the breadwinner so really have a lot to lose in a divorce. I worry I wont really gain anything in a divorce. I would lose even more-- he takes half of my retirement, get the kids 50% of the time, i now have to pay for two households and support husband if he fathers new children (just so my children's lifestyle will be the same)

It really is the great unfairness... and it eats me up. There are days when I feel so little self respect for myself. That I have given up and settled because of my fears. Anyone else successful in talking themselves out of a divorce?

Thank you

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP let me give you unconventional advice. This is how men do this (my ex did this to me) when they are a-oles. First of all you should not stay with him if he's draining your finances and psychologically unbearable. The more your stay, the higher share in all assets, your marital portion of pension accumulates. If you divorce him in 15 years, you are on hook for a lifetime alimony (I know for a fact the case when not working exH receives $6K/month from a MD exW, they divorced in late 50s).
If your DH is in his 40s the alimony will be small and temporary.

Second: make it appear to him like you are going to court for everything: don't agree to child support, to alimony to anything voluntarily. Is your employment easy to replace? Can you switch to a part-time position or leave job temporarily to take care of your 18 months old? It might be wise in terms of child support and alimony to reduce your income: you have a minor child and it will be well received by the judge if you show husband is not helping at whole WHILE also not working. You would have to pay a minimal child support.

If the CS is small, even if you do have 50/50 custody, the expenses on all children would be too high for your exH to want them 50% of his time. He will slowly become a "weekend dad" or remarry. The new woman also wouldn't want to bank your kids.

As a result, you will be free, will have your kids most of the time and pay little to him.

His lawyer will have a field day if you do this. Do you think it won't be incredibly obvious that you voluntarily did this on purpose?

https://www.divorcenet.com/resources/imputing-income-child-support-virginia.html

In Virginia, the ability of a parent to pay child support is based not just on a parent's earnings, but a parent's ability to earn. In other words, the court can base child support on what a parent could earn, not simply what a parent actually earns. For example, if a parent voluntarily takes a job that provides less income than before, the court has the power to base child support on that parent's previous income. Also, if a parent is voluntarily unemployed or refuses to provide income information, the court can make its own decision on what income that parent could earn and use that amount for child support calculations; this is called "imputing income."