Anonymous wrote:Because their 1st, 2nd, and 3rd choices for closing family financial gaps are for their spouses to get big raises.

Most of the SAHM’s I know (myself included) don’t have “family financial gaps.” Sorry to disappoint you.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:It's interesting b/c it basically shows that the privilege of being UMC is that a job isn't something just to make money, it's an identity and many people have a sense of what makes sense or doesn't make sense for them. Looking back I feel a little bummed b/c I got into top private colleges but my mom was a SAHM. Could she probably have funded it if she had done something like nannying? Not all domestic work is minimum wage, although a lot of it is. I think the thought never occurred to her (she did things like work at a preschool and as a cashier, which made beans) and we didn't live in a place with a high demand for nannies. Today though, I hope I would do something like that to open doors for my child if I couldn't re-enter the world of white collar work. Bottom line is that UMC and some MC people have choices, even when they think they don't.

You are entitled. I hope my kids appreciate my sacrifice as their SAHM, and don’t grow up to be a selfish as you.

Um, your kids didn’t ask you to sacrifice anything, it was a choice you and your spouse made. Kids do not need to be “grateful”.

Anonymous wrote:Because their 1st, 2nd, and 3rd choices for closing family financial gaps are for their spouses to get big raises.

This right here is why some of us get touchy. It’s beyond insulting. I think we are all quite capable of figuring out what works best for our families and it’s not as if the SAH spouse just declares they’re finished working. It’s a family decision.

Anonymous wrote:It's interesting b/c it basically shows that the privilege of being UMC is that a job isn't something just to make money, it's an identity and many people have a sense of what makes sense or doesn't make sense for them. Looking back I feel a little bummed b/c I got into top private colleges but my mom was a SAHM. Could she probably have funded it if she had done something like nannying? Not all domestic work is minimum wage, although a lot of it is. I think the thought never occurred to her (she did things like work at a preschool and as a cashier, which made beans) and we didn't live in a place with a high demand for nannies. Today though, I hope I would do something like that to open doors for my child if I couldn't re-enter the world of white collar work. Bottom line is that UMC and some MC people have choices, even when they think they don't.

You are entitled. I hope my kids appreciate my sacrifice as their SAHM, and don’t grow up to be a selfish as you.

Anonymous wrote:Wow some (notice, SOME) SAHMs are touchy. OP wasn't saying ALL SAHMs should be nannies, but that those who are concerned about finances should/could maybe consider it once their kids are off to college b/c it can make a non-trivial amount of money while being able to enter the workforce.

I think we are reading different threads. Op asked a question and we answered. The only ones I was "touchy" about is the one that stated that "SAHM's don't want to work" and that is why we don't want to nanny.

So, if you want an honest reply and get honesty please don't then tell us that we are touchy because you don't like the answer.

Because their 1st, 2nd, and 3rd choices for closing family financial gaps are for their spouses to get big raises.

Wow some (notice, SOME) SAHMs are touchy. OP wasn't saying ALL SAHMs should be nannies, but that those who are concerned about finances should/could maybe consider it once their kids are off to college b/c it can make a non-trivial amount of money while being able to enter the workforce.

Anonymous wrote:It's interesting b/c it basically shows that the privilege of being UMC is that a job isn't something just to make money, it's an identity and many people have a sense of what makes sense or doesn't make sense for them. Looking back I feel a little bummed b/c I got into top private colleges but my mom was a SAHM. Could she probably have funded it if she had done something like nannying? Not all domestic work is minimum wage, although a lot of it is. I think the thought never occurred to her (she did things like work at a preschool and as a cashier, which made beans) and we didn't live in a place with a high demand for nannies. Today though, I hope I would do something like that to open doors for my child if I couldn't re-enter the world of white collar work. Bottom line is that UMC and some MC people have choices, even when they think they don't.

You feel bummed because your mother made a different choice?

Anonymous wrote:OP here--it's a super interesting conversation so I'm glad I asked! Altogether it has reminded me why I appreciate our nanny so much. From this post, most UMC women only have love for their own children--do you think nannies don't feel the same way? And yet they haul themselves up to work (mainly due to lack of choices and that nannying is a way to make decent money even with just a HS or less education, etc) and yes, mine does love my children and I am forever grateful for her. It's all a choice, and I'm thankful for the people who are willing to choose in.

Agree overall w/the posts on how we need to value and pay domestic work more.

You make it sound like it is a bad thing to have love for your children. Yes I care about other children but, not as a career. I am sure you do get to love your charges but, just like there are some parents who don't love their children there are nannies that don't love their charges. We are telling you why we personally wouldn't want to nanny.

Staying home is not all roses but, you do it for the love of your children. It would not be worth it to me to deal with the downsides of being a nanny. Being a mom is more flexible but, if you get angry because I gave a small cookie instead of a carrot ( once in a blue moon) than I couldn't handle the nit picking! I get it because when you pay someone you have higher standards but, I am not interested.

Some may choose to because that is their career goal or to make needed money for the family. Personally, I was a SAHM for years before returning to the workforce in my chosen career. both my mother and grandmother worked in the homes of others, as cooks, maids and my grandmother as a house managers. I greatly respect their work, and everything that it allowed for their families, myself included. For me, though, that is not my chosen career path. When I was home with our kids, I estimate about half of the work was what a nanny would be doing. The other half was work while outside of that job description. Taking the lead on school related matters, organizing business and social engagements for my husband and for me while re-entering the workforce, management an improvement projects, caring for two sick and one disabled family member and navigating outside care. And basically setting up our new home and neighborhood networks when we moved. Most “SAHMs” I know at similar, of course taking care of kids, but also supporting family through transitions, health issues, business and personal networks, maintaining professional contacts and the like. And volunteering for causes or organizations that are important and relevant to the person or the family as a unit. That is not something that I would have any interest in doing for another family, nor would it be useful or appropriate.

In my case, I returned to the workforce as an attorney and haven’t looked back. In my case, I reenter the workforce with a salary that was, including taking into account inflation, about 30% higher than when I left big a DC firm. Preserving professional connections was key, and my spouse’s professional connections, which grew while I was at home and with my support, have benefited greatly. With both of us working and demanding feels right now, we tend to focus on the tasks and matters before us, rather than on a client development. When I was home, I had much more time to support both me and him in developing clients, hosting events, ensuring regular communications outside of matters directly before him and the like. My time is and was pretty valuable, and I am not giving that away to another family for $20-$30 an hour. That said, I think that there are so many different circumstances for stay at home parents, and I do think that people seeking financial support for their family might overlook this option, so good to think through. That said, in my own experience, nannying activities are not at all the heartland, or for the families finances ultimately the most beneficial, activities a stay at home parent accomplishments.

Anonymous wrote:This is an odd question. When I was a SAHM, it was so that our family had the flexibility for me to focus on our household and our kids during a time my DH had extensive travel requirements and long hours. A nanny is a full time job focusing on the children the nanny is hired to care for. If it made sense for me to work full time, I would have returned to the professional field I left to stay at home. Like many other PPs, I love OUR kids but am not a kid person regarding other people’s kids. Why would I have given up the flexibility we wanted at that point in our lives to take a job I had zero interest in doing. If we needed additional money I would have sought out part-time or project work in my field.

This, I'd much rather go back to my career field than nanny for OP.

Its also very arrogant of you to assume that those of us SAH don't save or cannot pay for college. We saved since birth. I don't need to work to pay for college. Our kids will go where we can afford to pay for college and graduate school and if that's not good enough, too bad.

This is an odd question. When I was a SAHM, it was so that our family had the flexibility for me to focus on our household and our kids during a time my DH had extensive travel requirements and long hours. A nanny is a full time job focusing on the children the nanny is hired to care for. If it made sense for me to work full time, I would have returned to the professional field I left to stay at home. Like many other PPs, I love OUR kids but am not a kid person regarding other people’s kids. Why would I have given up the flexibility we wanted at that point in our lives to take a job I had zero interest in doing. If we needed additional money I would have sought out part-time or project work in my field.

Anonymous wrote:OP here--it's a super interesting conversation so I'm glad I asked! Altogether it has reminded me why I appreciate our nanny so much. From this post, most UMC women only have love for their own children--do you think nannies don't feel the same way? And yet they haul themselves up to work (mainly due to lack of choices and that nannying is a way to make decent money even with just a HS or less education, etc) and yes, mine does love my children and I am forever grateful for her. It's all a choice, and I'm thankful for the people who are willing to choose in.

Agree overall w/the posts on how we need to value and pay domestic work more.

Being a nanny is a job, just like what ever you do is a job and its done for money. Why do you expect someone who is a SAHM to be your nanny? I simply don't get it. A SAHM is there for her kids and family, not yours. I have zero interest in raising your kids.

You forget some of us had good careers and have degrees equal or higher than yours. I don't need or want your money to have to deal with how you parent if its different from my way.

(PP here--I meant to say, I got into top private colleges but with one income, my parents said we couldn't afford it. Which was sort of true, but maybe sort of not.)