Anonymous wrote:I am dating this wonderful 23 years old woman who recently graduated from Wake Forest with 220K in student loan debt majoring in education. She is about to start her job at FCPS for 53k/yr. I graduated from UVA debt free. I would like to get serious with her but the student debt is a big concern for me. WWYD?

Sorry if someone already said this, but

If she works for a public school and makes all her payments on time for 10 years, the rest of her loan will be forgiven.

She probably won't start off making that much, so she can ask for an income driven repayment plan to keep the monthly payments lower.

Anonymous wrote:Op, there are tons of high earning, highly educated women in this area. Pick one.

No way I’d have dated someone who made life choices like that. I paid less for my undergrad + law degree.

sure, but OP probably didn't even pay for himself.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Honestly, I would not. My DH had 70k of student debt when we first met and was paying it down very slowly. I worked really hard to pay mine off quickly, so I had none. I wanted to save up and pay his off quickly, he didn’t want to do that. It’s honestly the biggest thing we fought about and now that he got the loans forgiven we finally don’t really argue about money. 200k of debt is insane for undergrad.

This is OP. I am 25 years old. I graduated from UVA at the age of 20 and have been working at Apple for the past five years, making around 250K/yr as a SWE. I have about 500K in the bank. I live rent free in a condo that my parents own and I don't have to pay for food because I eat breakfast/lunch/dinner with my aunt & uncle who live in the same building as I do. I don't mind paying off her student loan debt if she is "the one". My mother was a retired MontCo public school teacher.

I wrote the long response at 13:51.

I would tell her to break up with you. You aren't self supporting - rent free with no food costs? At 25? Grow up and support yourself.

lol.. no, I would tell her to mooch off of him. He has it suuuuuper easy.

Then, I would tell her that if/when she has a kid and wants to be a sahm, he should pay for it because clearly, he's fine with not standing on his own two feet even though he can.

My god. I was feeling sorry for OP earlier.

Op, there are tons of high earning, highly educated women in this area. Pick one.

No way I’d have dated someone who made life choices like that. I paid less for my undergrad + law degree.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Honestly, I would not. My DH had 70k of student debt when we first met and was paying it down very slowly. I worked really hard to pay mine off quickly, so I had none. I wanted to save up and pay his off quickly, he didn’t want to do that. It’s honestly the biggest thing we fought about and now that he got the loans forgiven we finally don’t really argue about money. 200k of debt is insane for undergrad.

This is OP. I am 25 years old. I graduated from UVA at the age of 20 and have been working at Apple for the past five years, making around 250K/yr as a SWE. I have about 500K in the bank. I live rent free in a condo that my parents own and I don't have to pay for food because I eat breakfast/lunch/dinner with my aunt & uncle who live in the same building as I do. I don't mind paying off her student loan debt if she is "the one". My mother was a retired MontCo public school teacher.

I wrote the long response at 13:51.

I would tell her to break up with you. You aren't self supporting - rent free with no food costs? At 25? Grow up and support yourself.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Wow
Aren't you shallow?

How is this shallow?

-A woman

woman here.. I think the first PP probably has a sh1t ton of debt themselves.

I married DH when he had $350K mortgage on a vacation home, and then bought a $750K house together. I was *very* uncomfortable with this. But, he was making $250K/yr at that time (and I was making about the same). I didn't want the added debt. It never sat well with me, this added debt. He added me to the title, so I was also paying for house, but at least the house was an investment for me, too.

The $200K on a degree to teach public school doesn't have a good ROI.

The money talk is very important. Certainly you don't want to talk about it early on in the relationship, but if you are going to get serious, you need to have a serious money talk before marriage.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Honestly, I would not. My DH had 70k of student debt when we first met and was paying it down very slowly. I worked really hard to pay mine off quickly, so I had none. I wanted to save up and pay his off quickly, he didn’t want to do that. It’s honestly the biggest thing we fought about and now that he got the loans forgiven we finally don’t really argue about money. 200k of debt is insane for undergrad.

This is OP. I am 25 years old. I graduated from UVA at the age of 20 and have been working at Apple for the past five years, making around 250K/yr as a SWE. I have about 500K in the bank. I live rent free in a condo that my parents own and I don't have to pay for food because I eat breakfast/lunch/dinner with my aunt & uncle who live in the same building as I do. I don't mind paying off her student loan debt if she is "the one". My mother was a retired MontCo public school teacher.

I’m Asian and you sound Asian. You are shameful. Such a man child I bet raised like a little entitled prince.

This girl needs to run from you. You will always be a beta dependent on your family. Pathetic.

Anonymous wrote:I am dating this wonderful 23 years old woman who recently graduated from Wake Forest with 220K in student loan debt majoring in education. She is about to start her job at FCPS for 53k/yr. I graduated from UVA debt free. I would like to get serious with her but the student debt is a big concern for me. WWYD?

Lololol! No. I’d only do that if the person were a surgeon. She could have gotten the same degree from longeood and gotten the same job. Her lack of common sense and ability to do arithmetic would be a major turn off.

Anonymous wrote:You could entirely keep your finances separate. I know some couples that have long marriages and do this. Better though and in addition, talk with her and learn more about how she/her family made this financial decision. Maybe she stands to inherit some money? Maybe her parents stalled on helping financially but will in the future? I wouldn't right-this-off as a problem until you learn more. You are entitled to learn more. Don't be a scaredy-cat.

This. Not an immediate deal breaker, but cause for caution. My guess is that within a year or two you will know if this will drive you apart (her finances in general are a mess, her family is a mess, you're just not compatible when it comes to money) or if it will be manageable (family will be paying it off, has a plan, gets some % forgiven, it was a calculated risk).

Anonymous wrote:Can you even borrow this much for undergrad? This is super high

+1. I don’t think she can personally take this much out for undergrad. I’m guessing most of it must be parent loans that she agreed to pay off. Sorry, I’m a woman and this would be a hard no for me. If she spent that much for undergrad, she needs to pick a higher paying profession to pay it off. Very dumb move on her and her family’s part. This just demonstrates how her family deals with money and debt - not good. I say this as someone who paid their own way through undergrad and law school. I even worked for a couple of years to pay off the undergrad loans before going to law school. No way would I get involved with someone like this.

Anonymous wrote:Did you find this out because she told you or because you ran a credit check on her?

Assuming she told you about it, I think your best course of action is a discussion. How did she rack up that level of debt for an undergrad education degree? What's her plan for paying it back? And you can gingerly tell her that if you two get serious and consider marriage that you'll likely want to have a prenup that excludes you from responsibility for that debt.

She needs to be pursuing every forgiveness opportunity she finds. I assume if she's a public school teacher she'll qualify for some forgiveness at some point, right?

How the hell does this happen? I would honestly question her smarts.

She went to the a school based on fit/rank/whatever rather than based on what she could afford. People really need to tell donut hole kids (and poor kids and schools that are stingy with grants) to go to cheaper schools where they belong.

Did you find this out because she told you or because you ran a credit check on her?

Assuming she told you about it, I think your best course of action is a discussion. How did she rack up that level of debt for an undergrad education degree? What's her plan for paying it back? And you can gingerly tell her that if you two get serious and consider marriage that you'll likely want to have a prenup that excludes you from responsibility for that debt.

She needs to be pursuing every forgiveness opportunity she finds. I assume if she's a public school teacher she'll qualify for some forgiveness at some point, right?

How the hell does this happen? I would honestly question her smarts.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Honestly, I would not. My DH had 70k of student debt when we first met and was paying it down very slowly. I worked really hard to pay mine off quickly, so I had none. I wanted to save up and pay his off quickly, he didn’t want to do that. It’s honestly the biggest thing we fought about and now that he got the loans forgiven we finally don’t really argue about money. 200k of debt is insane for undergrad.

This is OP. I am 25 years old. I graduated from UVA at the age of 20 and have been working at Apple for the past five years, making around 250K/yr as a SWE. I have about 500K in the bank. I live rent free in a condo that my parents own and I don't have to pay for food because I eat breakfast/lunch/dinner with my aunt & uncle who live in the same building as I do. I don't mind paying off her student loan debt if she is "the one". My mother was a retired MontCo public school teacher.

You make $250K/yr and you’re freeloading off your aunt and uncle for three meals a day? Someone tell that teacher to run.

I'm gonna guess that much of this is cultural and the Aunt/uncle do this out of love, not necessity. Seems like he's saving most of the $$$ he's making (without rent or much food) so I don't view it as freeloading.

For me, the student loans would only be an issue if her spending doesn't match her finances. She has to be making a plan for paying them off and living frugally (cause there is no other way to live making $53K and having 200K in student loans). If that's the case and she's truly the one, why wouldn't he pay off her loans? However, if she doesn't see the errors in taking 200K in student loans for an EDUCATION degree that typically doesn't pay much, I'd be worried we don't align on key financial issues

Call it whatever you want, but a 25 year old who’s never had to plan for, nor even think about, paying for college, housing or food is no more of a catch than she isn’t. He’s a big spoiled baby. Don’t mistake luck for financial prowess.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:You need to better understand why the debt was accumulated. $200k for four years is $50/year. If her family needed the aid, presumably WF would have provided some grants. So, what’s up with her parents? Did they have a budget for state schools, but she elected WF and to pay the difference? Did her parents hit financial difficulty/bankruptcy? Did she work during school or summers to help pay? $200k for undergraduate school is crazy, so you need to unpack this. It could be totally rational or a huge red flag.

Whats the big mystery? The parents made enough money that there wasn’t any need aid, and they said the tuition was on her. An 18 year made the decision to go to random public university for $100k or WF for $200k. As a kid it’s easy to rationalize away that difference

Need based aid is loans at most schools

Prop grants were what I received.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Honestly, I would not. My DH had 70k of student debt when we first met and was paying it down very slowly. I worked really hard to pay mine off quickly, so I had none. I wanted to save up and pay his off quickly, he didn’t want to do that. It’s honestly the biggest thing we fought about and now that he got the loans forgiven we finally don’t really argue about money. 200k of debt is insane for undergrad.

This is OP. I am 25 years old. I graduated from UVA at the age of 20 and have been working at Apple for the past five years, making around 250K/yr as a SWE. I have about 500K in the bank. I live rent free in a condo that my parents own and I don't have to pay for food because I eat breakfast/lunch/dinner with my aunt & uncle who live in the same building as I do. I don't mind paying off her student loan debt if she is "the one". My mother was a retired MontCo public school teacher.

You make $250K/yr and you’re freeloading off your aunt and uncle for three meals a day? Someone tell that teacher to run.

I'm gonna guess that much of this is cultural and the Aunt/uncle do this out of love, not necessity. Seems like he's saving most of the $$$ he's making (without rent or much food) so I don't view it as freeloading.

For me, the student loans would only be an issue if her spending doesn't match her finances. She has to be making a plan for paying them off and living frugally (cause there is no other way to live making $53K and having 200K in student loans). If that's the case and she's truly the one, why wouldn't he pay off her loans? However, if she doesn't see the errors in taking 200K in student loans for an EDUCATION degree that typically doesn't pay much, I'd be worried we don't align on key financial issues