Anonymous
Post 08/05/2022 17:20     Subject: Re:Sibling Wedding: WWYD
I would skip the dinner and go with original plan. I would not take kids out of school for an additional 2 days. But what are you going to do with the kids during the reception? Is there a plan for other kid family members to get together during that time? If not, I would leave the kids at home entirely. With this plan there is no need to alter your generous gift allotment.

Curious if this Thursday dinner is instead of a rehearsal dinner?
Anonymous
Post 08/05/2022 17:13     Subject: Sibling Wedding: WWYD
Anonymous wrote:My brother is getting married next year. He is in his mid 30s. His fiancée is early 30s or late 20s (I haven’t met her yet). This is my brother’s second wedding. Their wedding is on a Saturday. It will take me a full long day to drive there. The bride’s parents have graciously invited my siblings (+spouses and children if we bring them) and parents to dinner at their house the Thursday before the wedding. While I can drive all day and be a reasonable dinner guest the same evening, I don’t think I should/can expect that of my kids at their ages so if I take my children and spouse to the wedding we’ll have to drive Wednesday. Before the bride’s parents invited us to dinner on Thursday I was planning to drive all day Friday and be there for the wedding Saturday to make it a quick trip and minimize the amount of school my kids miss. Now they’ll miss 3 days instead of 1. Granted they aren’t in high school yet but they’re already missing a couple of days earlier in the school year due to a previously scheduled vacation that we rebooked several times due to COVID and now can no longer rebook without loosing our money. (We rebooked the vacation before the engagement was announced).

I feel cheap admitting this, but I’m also thinking of spending less on their wedding present if I go Wednesday and have to pay for 2 additional nights at a hotel. I was originally thinking I’d give the bride and groom a check in the range of $500-$800 but now I’m thinking of subtracting the amount of the extra hotel nights and rounding up in their favor. Is that ridiculous?

So here are my questions: 1) Would you go two days earlier than planned to have dinner at the home of the bride’s parents? It is kind of them to host but lengthens the trip. 2) Would you bring your kids at all or just leave them home? The kids are welcome at the wedding ceremony but not at the reception afterwards. 3) Am I being cheap or petty to reduce the wedding gift amount due to the added cost of two nights at a hotel?


It's a second wedding. Who cares? No gifts for second weddings.
Anonymous
Post 08/05/2022 17:04     Subject: Sibling Wedding: WWYD
Anonymous wrote:It is an invitation, not a summons. If you can’t make, you can’t make it. The parents are trying to be nice.


+1

They are a good family, OP! At least they are trying!

Go, or don't go.
Anonymous
Post 08/05/2022 17:03     Subject: Sibling Wedding: WWYD
Send a gift and don’t go…
Anonymous
Post 08/05/2022 13:22     Subject: Sibling Wedding: WWYD
The Bride's parents know bringing together family is important but that's them. You aren't going to have the opportunity to have much of a relationship with them. Communicate to her parents how much you appreciate their gesture but do not arrangement your plans around that. Leave the kids at home.
Anonymous
Post 08/05/2022 13:20     Subject: Sibling Wedding: WWYD
Will it be some sort of family reunion with cousins and such? If so I'd bring kids and husband. If it's not that kind of vibe I'd go alone. Either way I'd skip the dinner, I wouldn't go early just for that.
Anonymous
Post 08/05/2022 13:18     Subject: Sibling Wedding: WWYD
Kids aren't invited to the reception
It's a second wedding for your Brother
Leave the kids at home
Anonymous
Post 08/05/2022 13:14     Subject: Sibling Wedding: WWYD
Just go to the wedding events and enjoy
Spend less on gifts.

Cant believe you're making excuses like this
Anonymous
Post 08/05/2022 13:11     Subject: Sibling Wedding: WWYD
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:Just don't go to the dinner - no big deal. It's a dinner for whatever family happens to be in town. That's all.


This. It’s not a summons. Drive Friday.


This. I don't understand why people feel like an invitation is a demand. It's an invitation. It sounds like a lovely gesture and I'd let the bride's parents know that it was very nice of them to invite you and your family, but you aren't arriving until Friday night and you look forward to meeting them at the wedding.


True. But it's family. It's a nice gesture, and weddings are big events. What are OP's husband and kids doing that's so important that they can't take an extra day to attend a wedding of their BIL/Uncle? Not much, I imagine.


What?!?! The kids are going to miss 3 days of school! For a wedding ceremony they will not pay attention to or get barely anything out of. I don't care what age they are, this is pretty much true with any age!

OP- I agree with a lot here. Do not drag your kids 8-11 hours away for just a dinner and a ceremony two days later, even if it is their Uncle. They will get to know their Uncle's new spouse later on, maybe on a visit?
Anonymous
Post 08/05/2022 12:53     Subject: Re:Sibling Wedding: WWYD
Anonymous wrote:OMG people give $500-800 for wedding gifts? I give $25-$50.


I know, right?! I don't think my siblings gave me anything for our wedding. It was enough that they came out for it.

For this wedding, I'd leave DH and the kids at home with no guilt. Your brother and his soon to be DW can get to know them later. A wedding is a tough place to meet someone for the first time.
Anonymous
Post 08/05/2022 12:42     Subject: Re:Sibling Wedding: WWYD
OMG people give $500-800 for wedding gifts? I give $25-$50.
Anonymous
Post 08/05/2022 11:40     Subject: Sibling Wedding: WWYD
Anonymous wrote:The Thursday dinner invitation is a courtesy for people who would otherwise be in town. I doubt the bride's parents expect people to alter their plans for it, and if they do, they're the unreasonable ones. I'd stick with your original plan, drive up Friday, enjoy the wedding, and drive home Saturday.


This is so obvious. No one would expect people attending the wedding to be there days early.
Anonymous
Post 08/05/2022 11:03     Subject: Sibling Wedding: WWYD
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:Just don't go to the dinner - no big deal. It's a dinner for whatever family happens to be in town. That's all.


This. It’s not a summons. Drive Friday.


This. I don't understand why people feel like an invitation is a demand. It's an invitation. It sounds like a lovely gesture and I'd let the bride's parents know that it was very nice of them to invite you and your family, but you aren't arriving until Friday night and you look forward to meeting them at the wedding.


True. But it's family. It's a nice gesture, and weddings are big events. What are OP's husband and kids doing that's so important that they can't take an extra day to attend a wedding of their BIL/Uncle? Not much, I imagine.


Who is this poster?? Stop. Just because “it’s family” doesn’t mean that you should drag 2 kids to spend 2 full days of driving for a 1 hour ceremony. That’s really nuts.
Anonymous
Post 08/05/2022 11:01     Subject: Sibling Wedding: WWYD
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:I would drive and attend the dinner myself and then have DH drive the kids the next day or even Saturday morning. If the wedding hotel is a fancy one, look for a Hampton Inn or something nearby. Just because there’s an official “wedding hotel” doesn’t mean you have to stay there.


Did you read the part where kids aren’t invited to the reception? If not, why would make them drive all day there and all day back just to go to a wedding ceremony? And who would watch them during the reception? And I’d never make my spouse do all that driving alone with the kids just for some wedding ceremony of an in-law.


It’s their uncle. Weddings are important. How old are the kids? oP, said they’re not high school but it also doesn’t sound like they’re little either.


So what? Their uncle couldn’t be bothered to invite them to the party where they will actually interact with relatives. Most kids of any age will not care that their uncle is getting married (for the second time).
Anonymous
Post 08/05/2022 10:58     Subject: Sibling Wedding: WWYD
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:Just don't go to the dinner - no big deal. It's a dinner for whatever family happens to be in town. That's all.


This. It’s not a summons. Drive Friday.


This. I don't understand why people feel like an invitation is a demand. It's an invitation. It sounds like a lovely gesture and I'd let the bride's parents know that it was very nice of them to invite you and your family, but you aren't arriving until Friday night and you look forward to meeting them at the wedding.


True. But it's family. It's a nice gesture, and weddings are big events. What are OP's husband and kids doing that's so important that they can't take an extra day to attend a wedding of their BIL/Uncle? Not much, I imagine.


If the sibling really felt that way about family, his nieces and nephews would have been invited to the reception.