Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:All the posters saying, cut her off, shut the door, cut contact etc. -- this person is mentally ill. Why would you cut off someone mentally ill? They need help.

Talk to someone in the field who can help you deal with them. Learn to have internal borders, like, "This is my sister being mentally ill blah blah blah blah" when she's talking to you.

If a family can't have contact with a mentally ill family member, what's the rest of society supposed to do with them?

Clearly you have never been in OP’s situation. These types of people are not just toxic but destructive. They play the victim but they will do everything to spread misery around them. They are very difficult to treat and most of the time, they refuse treatment. Sadly, the only option for OP is cutting this destructive person out of her life.

Oh, that PP knows that situation well, I suspect because she herself is the mentally ill family member perpetrating the toxic, destructive, and likely abusive behavior. That is why she is arguing against cutting off abusive, mentally ill family members — she doesn’t want her victims to cut her off.

Such dramatic language. Actually, no. I have a mentally ill sister. She suffered so much in life, and instead of realizing how ill she was, I added to her burden by treating her like a b/tch or a normal person who just happened to be doing crazy things. There are so many ways I was heartless to her. I deeply regret not treating her with compassion. It's too late for us. I've been estranged from her for over 15 years. What a mistake. I was trying to help OP not go down that road.

Life is hell for the mentally ill. Normal, strong, mentally healthy people know how to draw boundaries without being martyrs to the mentally ill person's behavior. I wish I had known that. That's why I recommended getting advice from a professional for how OP could handle her mentally ill sister.

The PP above and the other PPs who misunderstood my motivations are clear examples of why you need a professional, OP -- don't rely on the advice of these armchair therapists. They're telling you more about themselves than they are about your relationship with your sister.

Again, I deeply, deeply regret treating my sister with the attitude you have, OP. It's too late for me and my sister but it's not too late for you. Be compassionate. She's ill.

Nice of you to lecture OP and others on how they need to stay in touch with and support the mentally ill while you conveniently do none of that yourself. What a hypocrite you are. Your regrets are meaningless. You just like to lecture.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:TLDR
Borderline personality disorder is my armchair diagnosis.

Totally agree with this. Classic behavior. Read a book called “Stop Walking on Eggshells”.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:All the posters saying, cut her off, shut the door, cut contact etc. -- this person is mentally ill. Why would you cut off someone mentally ill? They need help.

Talk to someone in the field who can help you deal with them. Learn to have internal borders, like, "This is my sister being mentally ill blah blah blah blah" when she's talking to you.

If a family can't have contact with a mentally ill family member, what's the rest of society supposed to do with them?

Let's not forget that psychopaths and sociopaths are "mentally ill." I don't care what your internal borders are, they are cunning enough to figure out ways around them.

Never forget there be evil and wicked people out there who are best avoided at all costs.

You sound as dramatic as the sister.

There are also CHILDREN involved here. OP's sister lives hours away, OP needs to learn better ways to manage the minimal contact and perhaps keep a relationship alive with her neices/nephews and her children with their cousins while being aware of mental illness. The kids in the midst of the chaos could really benefit from external family support.

Bull. The only thing OP needs to do is protect herself, her own children and her husband.

These kinds of people (mentally ill or not) have no problem with poisoning the minds of kids, even against their own parents. My sister did that TWICE and drove a wedge between several branches of the family because of it.

OP, do not think for one single moment that your sister hasn't thought about targeting your own kids for her next victims.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:All the posters saying, cut her off, shut the door, cut contact etc. -- this person is mentally ill. Why would you cut off someone mentally ill? They need help.

Talk to someone in the field who can help you deal with them. Learn to have internal borders, like, "This is my sister being mentally ill blah blah blah blah" when she's talking to you.

If a family can't have contact with a mentally ill family member, what's the rest of society supposed to do with them?

Clearly you have never been in OP’s situation. These types of people are not just toxic but destructive. They play the victim but they will do everything to spread misery around them. They are very difficult to treat and most of the time, they refuse treatment. Sadly, the only option for OP is cutting this destructive person out of her life.

Oh, that PP knows that situation well, I suspect because she herself is the mentally ill family member perpetrating the toxic, destructive, and likely abusive behavior. That is why she is arguing against cutting off abusive, mentally ill family members — she doesn’t want her victims to cut her off.

Such dramatic language. Actually, no. I have a mentally ill sister. She suffered so much in life, and instead of realizing how ill she was, I added to her burden by treating her like a b/tch or a normal person who just happened to be doing crazy things. There are so many ways I was heartless to her. I deeply regret not treating her with compassion. It's too late for us. I've been estranged from her for over 15 years. What a mistake. I was trying to help OP not go down that road.

Life is hell for the mentally ill. Normal, strong, mentally healthy people know how to draw boundaries without being martyrs to the mentally ill person's behavior. I wish I had known that. That's why I recommended getting advice from a professional for how OP could handle her mentally ill sister.

The PP above and the other PPs who misunderstood my motivations are clear examples of why you need a professional, OP -- don't rely on the advice of these armchair therapists. They're telling you more about themselves than they are about your relationship with your sister.

Again, I deeply, deeply regret treating my sister with the attitude you have, OP. It's too late for me and my sister but it's not too late for you. Be compassionate. She's ill.

Nice of you to lecture OP and others on how they need to stay in touch with and support the mentally ill while you conveniently do none of that yourself. What a hypocrite you are. Your regrets are meaningless. You just like to lecture.

Not sure what your connection is to this thread, but you are a bitter and mean spirited person.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:All the posters saying, cut her off, shut the door, cut contact etc. -- this person is mentally ill. Why would you cut off someone mentally ill? They need help.

Talk to someone in the field who can help you deal with them. Learn to have internal borders, like, "This is my sister being mentally ill blah blah blah blah" when she's talking to you.

If a family can't have contact with a mentally ill family member, what's the rest of society supposed to do with them?

Clearly you have never been in OP’s situation. These types of people are not just toxic but destructive. They play the victim but they will do everything to spread misery around them. They are very difficult to treat and most of the time, they refuse treatment. Sadly, the only option for OP is cutting this destructive person out of her life.

Oh, that PP knows that situation well, I suspect because she herself is the mentally ill family member perpetrating the toxic, destructive, and likely abusive behavior. That is why she is arguing against cutting off abusive, mentally ill family members — she doesn’t want her victims to cut her off.

Such dramatic language. Actually, no. I have a mentally ill sister. She suffered so much in life, and instead of realizing how ill she was, I added to her burden by treating her like a b/tch or a normal person who just happened to be doing crazy things. There are so many ways I was heartless to her. I deeply regret not treating her with compassion. It's too late for us. I've been estranged from her for over 15 years. What a mistake. I was trying to help OP not go down that road.

Life is hell for the mentally ill. Normal, strong, mentally healthy people know how to draw boundaries without being martyrs to the mentally ill person's behavior. I wish I had known that. That's why I recommended getting advice from a professional for how OP could handle her mentally ill sister.

The PP above and the other PPs who misunderstood my motivations are clear examples of why you need a professional, OP -- don't rely on the advice of these armchair therapists. They're telling you more about themselves than they are about your relationship with your sister.

Again, I deeply, deeply regret treating my sister with the attitude you have, OP. It's too late for me and my sister but it's not too late for you. Be compassionate. She's ill.

Nice of you to lecture OP and others on how they need to stay in touch with and support the mentally ill while you conveniently do none of that yourself. What a hypocrite you are. Your regrets are meaningless. You just like to lecture.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:All the posters saying, cut her off, shut the door, cut contact etc. -- this person is mentally ill. Why would you cut off someone mentally ill? They need help.

Talk to someone in the field who can help you deal with them. Learn to have internal borders, like, "This is my sister being mentally ill blah blah blah blah" when she's talking to you.

If a family can't have contact with a mentally ill family member, what's the rest of society supposed to do with them?

Clearly you have never been in OP’s situation. These types of people are not just toxic but destructive. They play the victim but they will do everything to spread misery around them. They are very difficult to treat and most of the time, they refuse treatment. Sadly, the only option for OP is cutting this destructive person out of her life.

Oh, that PP knows that situation well, I suspect because she herself is the mentally ill family member perpetrating the toxic, destructive, and likely abusive behavior. That is why she is arguing against cutting off abusive, mentally ill family members — she doesn’t want her victims to cut her off.

Such dramatic language. Actually, no. I have a mentally ill sister. She suffered so much in life, and instead of realizing how ill she was, I added to her burden by treating her like a b/tch or a normal person who just happened to be doing crazy things. There are so many ways I was heartless to her. I deeply regret not treating her with compassion. It's too late for us. I've been estranged from her for over 15 years. What a mistake. I was trying to help OP not go down that road.

Life is hell for the mentally ill. Normal, strong, mentally healthy people know how to draw boundaries without being martyrs to the mentally ill person's behavior. I wish I had known that. That's why I recommended getting advice from a professional for how OP could handle her mentally ill sister.

The PP above and the other PPs who misunderstood my motivations are clear examples of why you need a professional, OP -- don't rely on the advice of these armchair therapists. They're telling you more about themselves than they are about your relationship with your sister.

Again, I deeply, deeply regret treating my sister with the attitude you have, OP. It's too late for me and my sister but it's not too late for you. Be compassionate. She's ill.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:All the posters saying, cut her off, shut the door, cut contact etc. -- this person is mentally ill. Why would you cut off someone mentally ill? They need help.

Talk to someone in the field who can help you deal with them. Learn to have internal borders, like, "This is my sister being mentally ill blah blah blah blah" when she's talking to you.

If a family can't have contact with a mentally ill family member, what's the rest of society supposed to do with them?

Let's not forget that psychopaths and sociopaths are "mentally ill." I don't care what your internal borders are, they are cunning enough to figure out ways around them.

Never forget there be evil and wicked people out there who are best avoided at all costs.

You sound as dramatic as the sister.

There are also CHILDREN involved here. OP's sister lives hours away, OP needs to learn better ways to manage the minimal contact and perhaps keep a relationship alive with her neices/nephews and her children with their cousins while being aware of mental illness. The kids in the midst of the chaos could really benefit from external family support.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:All the posters saying, cut her off, shut the door, cut contact etc. -- this person is mentally ill. Why would you cut off someone mentally ill? They need help.

Talk to someone in the field who can help you deal with them. Learn to have internal borders, like, "This is my sister being mentally ill blah blah blah blah" when she's talking to you.

If a family can't have contact with a mentally ill family member, what's the rest of society supposed to do with them?

Clearly you have never been in OP’s situation. These types of people are not just toxic but destructive. They play the victim but they will do everything to spread misery around them. They are very difficult to treat and most of the time, they refuse treatment. Sadly, the only option for OP is cutting this destructive person out of her life.

Oh, that PP knows that situation well, I suspect because she herself is the mentally ill family member perpetrating the toxic, destructive, and likely abusive behavior. That is why she is arguing against cutting off abusive, mentally ill family members — she doesn’t want her victims to cut her off.

NAMI and Al Anon can be great resources for you as well, PP. Perhaps you could get assistance in developing a plan to try to reestablish contact yourself?

Such dramatic language. Actually, no. I have a mentally ill sister. She suffered so much in life, and instead of realizing how ill she was, I added to her burden by treating her like a b/tch or a normal person who just happened to be doing crazy things. There are so many ways I was heartless to her. I deeply regret not treating her with compassion. It's too late for us. I've been estranged from her for over 15 years. What a mistake. I was trying to help OP not go down that road.

Life is hell for the mentally ill. Normal, strong, mentally healthy people know how to draw boundaries without being martyrs to the mentally ill person's behavior. I wish I had known that. That's why I recommended getting advice from a professional for how OP could handle her mentally ill sister.

The PP above and the other PPs who misunderstood my motivations are clear examples of why you need a professional, OP -- don't rely on the advice of these armchair therapists. They're telling you more about themselves than they are about your relationship with your sister.

Again, I deeply, deeply regret treating my sister with the attitude you have, OP. It's too late for me and my sister but it's not too late for you. Be compassionate. She's ill.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:All the posters saying, cut her off, shut the door, cut contact etc. -- this person is mentally ill. Why would you cut off someone mentally ill? They need help.

Talk to someone in the field who can help you deal with them. Learn to have internal borders, like, "This is my sister being mentally ill blah blah blah blah" when she's talking to you.

If a family can't have contact with a mentally ill family member, what's the rest of society supposed to do with them?

Let's not forget that psychopaths and sociopaths are "mentally ill." I don't care what your internal borders are, they are cunning enough to figure out ways around them.

Never forget there be evil and wicked people out there who are best avoided at all costs.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:All the posters saying, cut her off, shut the door, cut contact etc. -- this person is mentally ill. Why would you cut off someone mentally ill? They need help.

Talk to someone in the field who can help you deal with them. Learn to have internal borders, like, "This is my sister being mentally ill blah blah blah blah" when she's talking to you.

If a family can't have contact with a mentally ill family member, what's the rest of society supposed to do with them?

Clearly you have never been in OP’s situation. These types of people are not just toxic but destructive. They play the victim but they will do everything to spread misery around them. They are very difficult to treat and most of the time, they refuse treatment. Sadly, the only option for OP is cutting this destructive person out of her life.

Oh, that PP knows that situation well, I suspect because she herself is the mentally ill family member perpetrating the toxic, destructive, and likely abusive behavior. That is why she is arguing against cutting off abusive, mentally ill family members — she doesn’t want her victims to cut her off.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I hope she's not on DCUM. You put a lot of info in your post.

OP here. Honestly, I wish she was. Then she'd be reading my perspective without interrupting or clapping back with something she thinks is a great zinger.

Thank you for the commiseration. It's nice to realize I'm not in a unique situation. As far as cutting off communications, it's really a non-issue, as she lives 2 hours away and we never see each other unless it's a planned get together. I haven't seen her face to face probably since the 2020 winter holidays, and that was a socially distant outdoor visit. I'm thinking that I will go ahead and remove her DH from my social media, since my accounts are all private/friends-only, and just let it lie for now. If she reaches out like nothing's happened, I'm not planning to respond. Nothing good will come of it even in the best case scenario, and it's not like this is going to be the last time this happens.

I really my mom has some kind of codependence issue with her though, which makes it harder to disconnect, as my mom will be coming to me the next time my sister blows up at her. My mom's sticking point is that there are kids involved, and she doesn't want to lose contact with her grandchildren. My response to that is she has already lost real contact, since no doubt their mother tells them terrible things about their grandma. As for my relationship with them, I've resigned to just sending birthday cards and being a distant aunt until they're of age, and maybe then they will reach out or I will try to. I'm sure they will eventually figure out that their mom is not an accurate historian and at least wonder about the truth.

DH, our kids, and I go to regular therapy just for general mental health, but covid has greatly scaled back availability of appointments and I've let it slide. Time to get back on track with as well, it seems.

She's your mother's CHILD. Parents don't just cut off their children because when they grew up they turned out to be mentally ill.

You can't have it both ways, OP. Either your sister is mentally ill or she's not. You can't be pissed at her as if she's normal and respond to her as if she's a normal person doing crazy things, and also say she's ill.

THE WOMAN IS ILL. Show a bit of compassion for her.

Anonymous wrote:All the posters saying, cut her off, shut the door, cut contact etc. -- this person is mentally ill. Why would you cut off someone mentally ill? They need help.

Talk to someone in the field who can help you deal with them. Learn to have internal borders, like, "This is my sister being mentally ill blah blah blah blah" when she's talking to you.

If a family can't have contact with a mentally ill family member, what's the rest of society supposed to do with them?