Anonymous wrote:I don’t think any kid really appreciates it until they become a parent. Sadly for OP, as evidenced by this board, that’s often when these adult kids decide you did everything wrong.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Does your AC child express appreciation for your parenting? I don't expect constant praise of course. It was a labor of love, but I guess I hoped that by her age (recent college grad) she would start to appreciate the family she has. The sacrifices that have been made. The quality of life we have given her. She just seems to take it all for granted, which is a little disappointing.

OP, if she were expressing appreciation, what would that look like to you? What are you hoping for?

Enthusiastic (not perfunctory) thanks for extra efforts (like taking the day off from work to drive for hours to facilitate something she wants to do, or putting my tasks aside, to review important application materials that she has drafted and requested me to proof).

Saying she was happy to be home, after time away.

Expressing enjoyment of a meal that took a long time to prepare.

Realizing that her needs always did (and still does) come first, because my love for her is bottomless.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Does your AC child express appreciation for your parenting? I don't expect constant praise of course. It was a labor of love, but I guess I hoped that by her age (recent college grad) she would start to appreciate the family she has. The sacrifices that have been made. The quality of life we have given her. She just seems to take it all for granted, which is a little disappointing.

OP, if she were expressing appreciation, what would that look like to you? What are you hoping for?

Enthusiastic (not perfunctory) thanks for extra efforts (like taking the day off from work to drive for hours to facilitate something she wants to do, or putting my tasks aside, to review important application materials that she has drafted and requested me to proof).

Saying she was happy to be home, after time away.

Expressing enjoyment of a meal that took a long time to prepare.

Realizing that her needs always did (and still does) come first, because my love for her is bottomless.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Does your AC child express appreciation for your parenting? I don't expect constant praise of course. It was a labor of love, but I guess I hoped that by her age (recent college grad) she would start to appreciate the family she has. The sacrifices that have been made. The quality of life we have given her. She just seems to take it all for granted, which is a little disappointing.

OP, if she were expressing appreciation, what would that look like to you? What are you hoping for?

Anonymous wrote:I grew up with a messed up mother and she expected to be appreciated for everything. I showered her with praise to survive. Now as a parent myself, I understand how toxic she was and how abusive she was in a lot of ways.

Parenting is a selfless labor of love. I am thrilled when my kids express appreciation, but I don't guilt trip them into expressing it. It needs to come from the heart.

Anonymous wrote:Does your AC child express appreciation for your parenting? I don't expect constant praise of course. It was a labor of love, but I guess I hoped that by her age (recent college grad) she would start to appreciate the family she has. The sacrifices that have been made. The quality of life we have given her. She just seems to take it all for granted, which is a little disappointing.

Anonymous wrote:Cut her off and maybe she'll start to take a closer look at herself.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:There is being grateful and then there is the fact that kids don’t ask to be born. You chose to bring the child into the world, so the flip side of your argument is that as a result of your choice, you were the one responsible for providing her a stable home. That’s how I look at it. Are you looking for validation? How strange.

You're condensing all of parenthood into the act of giving birth. Parenting for 20 years is tough! Perhaps you CFBC folks don't understand. Babies don't sleep and toddlers have tantrums. But teenagers sneak around and then, when you confiscate the bong, they tell you they hate you. (Let's be clear: I'm not totally opposed to weed, but it does impact growing brains, parents do need to set boundaries and, surprise, it turns out teens actually like boundaries.) Then, there's the sheer cost of raising them and sending them to college. It's a weekly or daily test of your logistical abilities, finances, and psychiatric and therapist skills. Yes, of course we sign up for all this when we have kids, and we do it because we love them and without expectation of thanks. But it's still hard work.

Before you attack me, my daughter bought me dinner with her second or third paycheck. My son recently told me he loved the decisions I made about his education. None of these was prompted, and both were completely unexpected.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:There is being grateful and then there is the fact that kids don’t ask to be born. You chose to bring the child into the world, so the flip side of your argument is that as a result of your choice, you were the one responsible for providing her a stable home. That’s how I look at it. Are you looking for validation? How strange.

I'm a CFBC adult and love this PP. Thank you for being a voice of reason.

what is CFBC?

I don't think this is the voice of reason. It's a very twisted way of looking at life. Most people are at least grateful to have been born. At least. If you don't enjoy life and only think you were born because of someone else's choices in life, there is something wrong.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:There is being grateful and then there is the fact that kids don’t ask to be born. You chose to bring the child into the world, so the flip side of your argument is that as a result of your choice, you were the one responsible for providing her a stable home. That’s how I look at it. Are you looking for validation? How strange.

You're condensing all of parenthood into the act of giving birth. Parenting for 20 years is tough! Perhaps you CFBC folks don't understand. Babies don't sleep and toddlers have tantrums. But teenagers sneak around and then, when you confiscate the bong, they tell you they hate you. (Let's be clear: I'm not totally opposed to weed, but it does impact growing brains, parents do need to set boundaries and, surprise, it turns out teens actually like boundaries.) Then, there's the sheer cost of raising them and sending them to college. It's a weekly or daily test of your logistical abilities, finances, and psychiatric and therapist skills. Yes, of course we sign up for all this when we have kids, and we do it because we love them and without expectation of thanks. But it's still hard work.

Before you attack me, my daughter bought me dinner with her second or third paycheck. My son recently told me he loved the decisions I made about his education. None of these was prompted, and both were completely unexpected.

Anonymous wrote:There is being grateful and then there is the fact that kids don’t ask to be born. You chose to bring the child into the world, so the flip side of your argument is that as a result of your choice, you were the one responsible for providing her a stable home. That’s how I look at it. Are you looking for validation? How strange.

Anonymous wrote:There is being grateful and then there is the fact that kids don’t ask to be born. You chose to bring the child into the world, so the flip side of your argument is that as a result of your choice, you were the one responsible for providing her a stable home. That’s how I look at it. Are you looking for validation? How strange.