Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:My husband and I have had some very, very dark times together where we really wanted to split up. During those times the only reason we didn't is because neither of us could ever imagine not seeing our kids every single day. It would kill us. So no, I don't get this.

Same. And I judge parents that, barring some TRULY awful shit in their marriage like physical abuse, don't feel this way about not seeing their kids daily.

What about parents in the military? Or another field where they don’t see their kids for long periods of time?

I think you misunderstood me somewhat, but yeah, I guess I do kind of judge those who feel their career is worth being away from their kids for long stretches. Divorce is different though, because you're also usually also introducing a ton of tension, hurt feelings, broken parents, blended families, etc.

Anonymous wrote:Includes half of birthdays, holidays, games, dances, college drop offs and breaks.

I don’t know. That doesn’t sound that bad, really. As a mom, holidays and birthdays are really a lot of work. I wouldn’t mind flying out to visit my own mother and celebrating with her or just working (I work in healthcare) without the added stress and guilt.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:No. I have a lot of sympathy for divorced or single adults. My heart bleeds for kids with divorced parents.

Why? Usually they are better off.

Would love a citation for this.

You need a citation to understand that it’s better for kids to have their parents living separately and happily than ensuring a dysfunctional home relationship where the parents hate each other?

How many messed up kids do you know that come from intact, yet dysfunctional families?

I think the wealth of information about how kids of divorce are worse off means you need to prove your point and not just blather on because you feel bad about getting divorced. I’m pretty sure that unless there is violence in the home that ends with divorce, that children with parents who stay together do better in life. But hey, don’t worry about actual proof.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I was reading the thread on staying together for the kids, and someone said that they no longer love their spouse, but it was worth it to stay in the marriage to see the kids every day.

I know that divorce is difficult and painful, but if you trust that your ex-spouse is a good parent, the one benefit seems to be that you have entire days or weeks that you aren’t responsible for the kids at all.

Am I just a terrible mother? Looking in from the outside, every other weekend without the kids sounds great.

After about 14, you rarely see your kids. Just FYI.

That sounds like a you problem.

Anonymous wrote:Eh, don't be jealous. It was hell getting to this point. I get some free time; all it took was ripping my home, kids, soul, finances, and mental health apart. If you look at me now and think I'm happy and peaceful, understand the effort it took to get here. I'd prefer a healthy intact marriage, but that wasn't a choice.

+1000.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:No. I have a lot of sympathy for divorced or single adults. My heart bleeds for kids with divorced parents.

Why? Usually they are better off.

Yes, they are better off than the toxicity and dysfunction that they were living in, but they are no where near a normal, loving functional intact family. So there is that.

I think most parents of small children would love a weekend off. It’s just really hard to do the same thing every single day with no time off. Once kids turn 5 it gets easier though and kids become more independent.

Empty nester here. As your kids get older, you will have more time to yourself. While you're in the thick of it, you may feel a little envious of the free time your divorced friends have, but I'm here to tell you, it's all temporary. One day, you'll look back, your house will be empty and quiet, and you'll wish you had more time with your kids.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:No. I have a lot of sympathy for divorced or single adults. My heart bleeds for kids with divorced parents.

Why? Usually they are better off.

Would love a citation for this.

You need a citation to understand that it’s better for kids to have their parents living separately and happily than ensuring a dysfunctional home relationship where the parents hate each other?

How many messed up kids do you know that come from intact, yet dysfunctional families?

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:No. I have a lot of sympathy for divorced or single adults. My heart bleeds for kids with divorced parents.

Why? Usually they are better off.

Would love a citation for this.

Anonymous wrote:No. I have a lot of sympathy for divorced or single adults. My heart bleeds for kids with divorced parents.

Why? Usually they are better off.

Anonymous wrote:I was reading the thread on staying together for the kids, and someone said that they no longer love their spouse, but it was worth it to stay in the marriage to see the kids every day.

I know that divorce is difficult and painful, but if you trust that your ex-spouse is a good parent, the one benefit seems to be that you have entire days or weeks that you aren’t responsible for the kids at all.

Am I just a terrible mother? Looking in from the outside, every other weekend without the kids sounds great.

After about 14, you rarely see your kids. Just FYI.

I was divorced this year and have 50/50. In reality, due to pickups/dropoffs/work we both see dc most days.

I don't know that it's something to be jealous of, I mean I'd have rathered have a healthy marriage but since that was not what happened, I'm so glad we have a good coparent relationship and our dc are happy and thriving. I think this would be much more difficult if that was not the case.

Dc is actually on their first 'vacation time' with Dad and as it happens, both my elderly parents are in the hospital (it's been crazy town in my life lol) so I'm glad they are happy and having fun while I am so completely occupied with this.
My time is next (and both parents will be safely in rehab) so I'm looking super forward to that!

It's mixed feelings for sure.

No. I have a good marriage and I adore my kids.

No. I have a lot of sympathy for divorced or single adults. My heart bleeds for kids with divorced parents.