Anonymous wrote:Some SLACs might work, and a fair number of state schools have sober houses/wellness housing where your kid is more likely to find sober friends.

just toured Eckerd and they have a sober/wellness house.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:In my experience, the non drinkers will find their tribe even at big party schools.

While my roommates were getting hammered, I found other non-drinkers having movie nights in the common lounge. A student can ask their RA about things happening on campus that don’t involve alcohol. RA’s can help make introductions with other students that you might have things in common with.

Ugh. Please don't do this. You'll seem like such a tool. Just ask the RA for activities if you can't figure out how to find them yourself. Do your own screen for whether you'll enjoy them. Many activities, like going to see a band on campus, may have alcohol available but may be perfectly fun without drinking.

this is the dumbest post. The RA is literallay there for this type of advice and help. THAT IS THEIR JOB.

JMU prof again- of course you can ask the RA - the worst thing that could happen is that the RA doesn't know or can't think of anything. You could also ask professors, TAs, random people you meet in class, etc. In my experience, the students I work with are 10x nicer to each other than the people on this forum... Another thing our students do if they're having trouble making friends or finding people to do things with is to post a message on the school reddit or discord. It sounds weird, but students offer to meet up or be friends.

Anonymous wrote:S/O from Lehigh comment. Obviously frat heavy colleges are out. Aside from Mormon campuses, any specific low party schools to look at?

I work at a school regularly called out about it's "party scene" (JMU). However, it's a big school (20K) and I've met tons of students who don't drink, don't "party", and could care less about fraternities. Since there are 20K students there are piles of clubs and events that have nothing to do with alcohol.

I've had students who play games (DnD, board games, etc) as their main social event, tons who did sports, music and hiking, one who did amateur auto racing and worked on his own car, and I've had a few history buffs who found other like-minded students to do things with. Of course there are many students who "party", but I think other than religious schools, the best bet would be a big school where you can "find your people".

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:In my experience, the non drinkers will find their tribe even at big party schools.

While my roommates were getting hammered, I found other non-drinkers having movie nights in the common lounge. A student can ask their RA about things happening on campus that don’t involve alcohol. RA’s can help make introductions with other students that you might have things in common with.

Ugh. Please don't do this. You'll seem like such a tool. Just ask the RA for activities if you can't figure out how to find them yourself. Do your own screen for whether you'll enjoy them. Many activities, like going to see a band on campus, may have alcohol available but may be perfectly fun without drinking.

this is the dumbest post. The RA is literallay there for this type of advice and help. THAT IS THEIR JOB.

What if they don’t drink , but love weed?

Pepperdine is dry campus, and I had 4 of the best years of my life there. Highly recommend.

In my experience, the non drinkers will find their tribe even at big party schools.

While my roommates were getting hammered, I found other non-drinkers having movie nights in the common lounge. A student can ask their RA about things happening on campus that don’t involve alcohol. RA’s can help make introductions with other students that you might have things in common with.

Ugh. Please don't do this. You'll seem like such a tool. Just ask the RA for activities if you can't figure out how to find them yourself. Do your own screen for whether you'll enjoy them. Many activities, like going to see a band on campus, may have alcohol available but may be perfectly fun without drinking.

I copied both of these for context. OP, please, listen to the first PP and ignore the second.

The second PP (in bold) sounds like a teen pressuring another one to look cool: "You'll seem like such a tool." Don't you dare tell the RA you don't drink! Don't use the resources the college has put in place for you, for which you pay, by the way. Don't do it or you'll look like a tool....

Ridiculous. To whom would the student look like a tool, PP? The RA? So what? RAs are trained to answer questions like these and to direct students to resources for whatever the students need. Of course the student will then "do (their) own screen for whether (they'll) enjoy them." Why would you think otherwise? Why does asking for some advice from a person whose job it is to advise you, something that you find uncool?

It's the adult attitude of "You should figure out everything 100 percent on your own" that is what's really damaging. College students need to learn to navigate resources, ask questions, and reach out -- not think they must "figure it out yourself" entirely. They make their own choices but there is nothing tool-like about using the resources, like RAs, that are put in place for them to USE. It's not asking for hand-holding, or asking to be coddled, if a student actually has the maturity to seek out information to make better choices. Knowing when and where and how to find out things is something adults should be able to do with zero concern for how it "seems" to anyone else. This applies not just to finding non-drinking activites but to everything from understanding the course schedule to making use of the career center.

Anonymous wrote:I think wherever the kid goes, they will just have to find their people. I went to a SLAC and heck those people were practically professional alcoholics. My kid goes to UVA now and is not even what I'd call a moderate drinker, but he will drink a beer or two to be social. He fits in fine, even in the greek scene. Many campuses have sober housing and clubs focused around that. Find the school they like and I'm sure there will be options for them.

+1. And I went to a Slac and never drank at all.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I went through college without drinking and it was fine even at a school with heavy drinking. It's good to learn to function in the real world.

I found friends (my people) who liked doing things other than drinking, from hiking to games to attending campus events. They all drank too, it just wasn't how they spent the majority of their spare time.

I also found that I could go to parties and socialize where there was drinking as long as I was willing to leave before it got sloppy. No one ever cared what was in my cup. (Very few people even noticed that I didn't drink because I was always social.) I got good at reading the room and would depart before people were drunk and it stopped being fun for a sober person.

The choice not to drink actually had a positive impact on my social life. I'd hop from parties that were turning sloppy to other gatherings, ultimately extending my social circle. It wasn't odd for me to make an appearance at 3-4 parties in a single night. I also wouldn't be hung over so the next morning I'd get up early and go do something with other friends. I had tons of friends and ended up being elected student body president as a result.

Eh. Partying is synonymous with drinking in college. People notice if you’re not drinking, and it makes it harder to get into certain circles. Students who don’t drink will usually need to find friends who don’t party.

A few very popular kids can be accepted by people who drink without drinking themselves, but they’re rare.
-Teetotaler NP

It sounds like you're one of those people who thought college parties were training for admission to AA. Those people were never much fun. All they cared about was getting blasted.

The rest of us we went to parties to meet new people, flirt, dance, maybe play pool or darts or corn hole, and kick back. Alcohol was common but not mandatory as long as you didn't impede others from kicking back.

I’m the PP you responded to. I’ve been a non-drinker all my life. People who don’t drink at parties look odd. That’s because they are odd, like vegans who insist on hanging out at bbq restaurants.

At my school, kids who didn’t want to drink hung out in dorm rooms talking etc.

New poster with a DC about to start senior year of college.

So, PP, you're a non-drinker who thinks "people who don't drink at parties look odd" and actually "are odd," and they hang out in dorms talking (rather than ever going to parties where they...look and actualy are "odd"). Because...that's what you perceived years ago when you were in college yourself.

I'm glad that current college students are more mature than you were then, and more mature than you seem to be now, regarding non-drinkers. It's NBD either way at DC's college. You'll whine that you don't believe me but I don't care. I'm odd that way. Or maybe my kid is odd, for actually talking to me about drinking (or lack of it).

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I went through college without drinking and it was fine even at a school with heavy drinking. It's good to learn to function in the real world.

I found friends (my people) who liked doing things other than drinking, from hiking to games to attending campus events. They all drank too, it just wasn't how they spent the majority of their spare time.

I also found that I could go to parties and socialize where there was drinking as long as I was willing to leave before it got sloppy. No one ever cared what was in my cup. (Very few people even noticed that I didn't drink because I was always social.) I got good at reading the room and would depart before people were drunk and it stopped being fun for a sober person.

The choice not to drink actually had a positive impact on my social life. I'd hop from parties that were turning sloppy to other gatherings, ultimately extending my social circle. It wasn't odd for me to make an appearance at 3-4 parties in a single night. I also wouldn't be hung over so the next morning I'd get up early and go do something with other friends. I had tons of friends and ended up being elected student body president as a result.

Eh. Partying is synonymous with drinking in college. People notice if you’re not drinking, and it makes it harder to get into certain circles. Students who don’t drink will usually need to find friends who don’t party.

A few very popular kids can be accepted by people who drink without drinking themselves, but they’re rare.
-Teetotaler NP

It sounds like you're one of those people who thought college parties were training for admission to AA. Those people were never much fun. All they cared about was getting blasted.

The rest of us we went to parties to meet new people, flirt, dance, maybe play pool or darts or corn hole, and kick back. Alcohol was common but not mandatory as long as you didn't impede others from kicking back.

I’m the PP you responded to. I’ve been a non-drinker all my life. People who don’t drink at parties look odd. That’s because they are odd, like vegans who insist on hanging out at bbq restaurants.

At my school, kids who didn’t want to drink hung out in dorm rooms talking etc.

They only look odd if they choose to look odd. I never stuck around for the very drunken portion at the end of college parties, but the early part or every party was just good social fun.

I went to a slac. Most friends drank. I didn't. Nbd

Large urban campuses.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I went through college without drinking and it was fine even at a school with heavy drinking. It's good to learn to function in the real world.

I found friends (my people) who liked doing things other than drinking, from hiking to games to attending campus events. They all drank too, it just wasn't how they spent the majority of their spare time.

I also found that I could go to parties and socialize where there was drinking as long as I was willing to leave before it got sloppy. No one ever cared what was in my cup. (Very few people even noticed that I didn't drink because I was always social.) I got good at reading the room and would depart before people were drunk and it stopped being fun for a sober person.

The choice not to drink actually had a positive impact on my social life. I'd hop from parties that were turning sloppy to other gatherings, ultimately extending my social circle. It wasn't odd for me to make an appearance at 3-4 parties in a single night. I also wouldn't be hung over so the next morning I'd get up early and go do something with other friends. I had tons of friends and ended up being elected student body president as a result.

Eh. Partying is synonymous with drinking in college. People notice if you’re not drinking, and it makes it harder to get into certain circles. Students who don’t drink will usually need to find friends who don’t party.

A few very popular kids can be accepted by people who drink without drinking themselves, but they’re rare.
-Teetotaler NP

It sounds like you're one of those people who thought college parties were training for admission to AA. Those people were never much fun. All they cared about was getting blasted.

The rest of us we went to parties to meet new people, flirt, dance, maybe play pool or darts or corn hole, and kick back. Alcohol was common but not mandatory as long as you didn't impede others from kicking back.

I’m the PP you responded to. I’ve been a non-drinker all my life. People who don’t drink at parties look odd. That’s because they are odd, like vegans who insist on hanging out at bbq restaurants.

At my school, kids who didn’t want to drink hung out in dorm rooms talking etc.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I went through college without drinking and it was fine even at a school with heavy drinking. It's good to learn to function in the real world.

I found friends (my people) who liked doing things other than drinking, from hiking to games to attending campus events. They all drank too, it just wasn't how they spent the majority of their spare time.

I also found that I could go to parties and socialize where there was drinking as long as I was willing to leave before it got sloppy. No one ever cared what was in my cup. (Very few people even noticed that I didn't drink because I was always social.) I got good at reading the room and would depart before people were drunk and it stopped being fun for a sober person.

The choice not to drink actually had a positive impact on my social life. I'd hop from parties that were turning sloppy to other gatherings, ultimately extending my social circle. It wasn't odd for me to make an appearance at 3-4 parties in a single night. I also wouldn't be hung over so the next morning I'd get up early and go do something with other friends. I had tons of friends and ended up being elected student body president as a result.

Eh. Partying is synonymous with drinking in college. People notice if you’re not drinking, and it makes it harder to get into certain circles. Students who don’t drink will usually need to find friends who don’t party.

A few very popular kids can be accepted by people who drink without drinking themselves, but they’re rare.
-Teetotaler NP

It sounds like you're one of those people who thought college parties were training for admission to AA. Those people were never much fun. All they cared about was getting blasted.

The rest of us we went to parties to meet new people, flirt, dance, maybe play pool or darts or corn hole, and kick back. Alcohol was common but not mandatory as long as you didn't impede others from kicking back.

Anonymous wrote:In my experience, the non drinkers will find their tribe even at big party schools.

While my roommates were getting hammered, I found other non-drinkers having movie nights in the common lounge. A student can ask their RA about things happening on campus that don’t involve alcohol. RA’s can help make introductions with other students that you might have things in common with.

Ugh. Please don't do this. You'll seem like such a tool. Just ask the RA for activities if you can't figure out how to find them yourself. Do your own screen for whether you'll enjoy them. Many activities, like going to see a band on campus, may have alcohol available but may be perfectly fun without drinking.