Anonymous
Post 08/02/2022 14:13     Subject: Good manners or unnecessary?
I am white and grew up in a predominantly white, upper middle class/upper class area and I was taught those manners as well. My son is expected to engage politely as well, except the hugging.
Anonymous
Post 07/31/2022 14:57     Subject: Good manners or unnecessary?
Anonymous wrote:Ha ha

We were expected to be out of sight before adult guests reached the top of the stairs after coming in the door. They were not there for us. If someone greeted us first we would respond, but we never approached our parents friends.


Same, unless the adults visiting were doing so specifically to see us. We knew when that was happening, because we were rushed around into a bath and clean clothes.
Anonymous
Post 07/31/2022 13:52     Subject: Good manners or unnecessary?
Ha ha

We were expected to be out of sight before adult guests reached the top of the stairs after coming in the door. They were not there for us. If someone greeted us first we would respond, but we never approached our parents friends.
Anonymous
Post 07/31/2022 12:52     Subject: Re:Good manners or unnecessary?
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:I'm from a working-class, white, Irish American family. Honestly, if I invite a friend to come over I don't expect my kid to chat with them unless we are all having a meal or doing an activity together. If my friend and I are sitting in the backyard having iced tea, I'm fine with my kid continuing to do their own thing. I don't like hugging friends and neither does my child. I think other ways of interacting are lovely, but that's not us.


Agree with this.

It is your friend, not theirs. If they walk by, then yes, they should greet your friend politely. But I don’t think the kid needs to stop what they are doing, seek out mom’s friend to come and say hi.


The point is that a child also in the backyard, say swinging on a set, doesn't need to come over and say hi before returning to their play all because the adult being visited needs line-of-sight on the child.
Anonymous
Post 07/31/2022 12:49     Subject: Re:Good manners or unnecessary?
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:OP here. Thanks for all the comments. It seems most people think of this as rude behavior and not something I should just shrug off as a cultural difference.

Makes me feel a bit disappointed in those friends and neighbors who aren't trying to instill good social skills at a young age.


My kids have level 1 autism. No one would know it to look at them or interact with them. Instead, they see them as rude or creepy because they don't have basic social skills despite being taught ad nauseum. If they had an obvious disability like Downs Syndrome , no one would be upset by their lack of social skills.
OP, I would invite you to focus on actual kindness versus politeness. The two are very different things. Politeness means expecting the social rules are followed at all times. Niceness means giving others the benefit of the doubt at all times.


In OP’s scenario the parent is around and should be reminding the child to greet the acquaintance. No excuse for the parent to be lax even if the child is autistic. My nephew is autistic and his parents always have him greet.


Not at all. After a certain age you must treat children with the same dignity and good manners you expect as a guest. That includes not correcting their behavior in front of guests. Manners goes for all.


Reminding/ gently nudging is not the same as correcting.


For some children, it amounts to the same thing.
Anonymous
Post 07/27/2022 13:06     Subject: Re:Good manners or unnecessary?
"It is your friend, not theirs. If they walk by, then yes, they should greet your friend politely. But I don’t think the kid needs to stop what they are doing, seek out mom’s friend to come and say hi."

Can we just stick to the original question? NOBODY is talking about a kid stopping what they're doing in another part of the house and seeking out the neighbor or parent's friend.