You could’ve skipped 90% of the details in this post and still gotten your point across.

Yes, it’s odd.
Yes, they’re rude and entitled.
Yes, you have the hangout house. I’d let that go or get a different house if you can’t stomach it.

No, that does not mean you have to cook for everyone. Tell them the night before or even farther ahead what your plan is. “We’re doing an early breakfast over here tomorrow, so we’ll see you later at the beach.” “We having sandwiches on the beach at noon if you want to join us with your lunch.” Communicate ahead of time (send a 5am text since you’re up!) before they show up on your doorstep.

If they don’t get the giant hints, and about 90 paragraphs tells me this is likely, just go ahead and have the inevitable big fight with your DH. You know it’s coming anyway. Put your foot down, stick to it, and don’t go. But be ready to live with the consequences.

Christ on a cracker. You're all mad.

TL;DR

I think all of you are odd. I understand your perspective but your husband’s family obviously thought your house was the hang out house.

We have a small family and both my brother and BIL aren’t married. We always pay for everything. We tell our brothers to buy this or bring that. It is no drama.

I think you clearly had a communication breakdown about food. There always seems to be drama about food when vacationing together. It can be easy if everyone is on the same page and a nightmare depending on eating habits, lack of contribution, etc. I have heard so many complaints and have my own complaints.

Once again, more of a husband issue. Your husband wants to go on vacation to the beach with his family. Graciously give in and give up (but stay for fewer days and plan another get away for remainder). Buy a ton of Costco heat and serve type items and cheap booze. Announce to all and sundry that you are on vacation and will not be cooking and then actually follow through. Relax about who eats what- it really makes you FEEL uptight and parsimonious, even if you know that it’s not true. The previous poster who stated boundaries and assignments are useless with this crows was accurate.

I'm assuming you and your husband are considered the wealthy family in this cohort. And the rest of the family are lifelong moochers. Moochers are shameless and will push and push for more and more. My SIL is like this. She's a total dirtbag, complete with expecting everyone else to entertain and feed her kids whenever she's around. And she's not appreciative in the slightest. To her, it costs us nothing and she gets off on nickel and diming us out of jealousy and spite because her life sucks.

Anonymous wrote:Tough call. You had what sounds like a huge house, so the folks who live or rented in town are naturally going to congregate at your place. I would enjoy this and just have tons of easy breakfast stuff, sandwich fixings and cheap beer and let people come and go as they want. But that doesn’t sound like your idea of a good time, which is fine. I would not cook elaborate meals for anyone—we do hamburgers and hotdogs on the grill or a giant spaghetti dinner with bread and salad. I think you need to work this out with your H.

You lack reading comprehension and missed everything op said. Her sil et al don't want simple. Op would like to come and go as she wants, they are aggravated by her being independent of them.

Hotdogs are disgusting btw.

OP typing all of that out proves you are nuts.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Everyone in this situation is ridiculous. Honestly, if there is a family beach home and a second home is rented next door that is much larger, I can 100% see family assuming that the larger house is the “hang out” house and the smaller house is the “just go sleep there house.” In a family full of normal people, this could totally work fine.

But people thinking they can demand others cook for them, feed their kids, etc are crazy. If your husband thinks this is cool, I would put every demand back on him. “Your sister would like French toast with bacon and homeade apricot jam. I’m headed for a run, dear.” See if your husband will deal with this nonsense.

Yes, the host house thing makes sense, as they consider it an extension of the house they own. The demanding you cook part is weird, and you simply don't do it, or make your husband do it. THis is the one thing your husband asks for so you will have to figure out how to make this work.

I also get the impression that you think you are better than them because you get up early and exercise. There is an overtone of self-righteousness regarding this that oozes from your post. And it is odd that you specified what kind of sandwiches they poached. Like, we would be on your side because they where Hawaiian rolls and ham, but turkey on wheat would be ok for them to take? Have you been drinking?

Sounds like you are a lazy non exerciser who probably eats too much.

Oh please. Most of this drama is occurring at breakfast when OP and her husband are out at 5 am running and doing yoga. Anyone who’s getting up at 5 am on vacation to go running is super uptight and controlling, hence the angst with people popping in chaotically all the time. These two groups should not vacation together.

Anyone who judges others for their interests and hobbies particularly those that are healthy isn't worth listening to.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Need a TL;DR please.

OP and her family rent a beach house. Her husband's sibs and parents treat it like it's their house - eating all the food, inviting their friends over, acting entitled. OP doesn't like it.

But her husband wants his sibs and parents there.

My take, OP, is to shrug it off. It makes your husband happy. You said in your OP that this is the only thing he asks for. I would make sure he has it even if it grated on me.

People are weird. Learn to smile at what you see as absurdities and move on.

This.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:“What makes you think I’m in charge of making you lunch?”
“What makes you think it’s ok to host an event at our beach rental without asking? And then without preparing anything?”
“What makes you think I want to make tacos? What makes you think you get to decide what’s for dinner without checking with the rest of us?”
Etc. Your husband doesn’t seem to care they treat your house like their house.

or that they treat op like their maid. Why has almost every response here ignored that?

Didn’t the uncle make the tacos? Though he did force her and family to eat them.

what a disingenuous response. they expected her to be cooking all the time for them. bfd. the azz made tacos once that he expected her to make. can you read?

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Everyone in this situation is ridiculous. Honestly, if there is a family beach home and a second home is rented next door that is much larger, I can 100% see family assuming that the larger house is the “hang out” house and the smaller house is the “just go sleep there house.” In a family full of normal people, this could totally work fine.

But people thinking they can demand others cook for them, feed their kids, etc are crazy. If your husband thinks this is cool, I would put every demand back on him. “Your sister would like French toast with bacon and homeade apricot jam. I’m headed for a run, dear.” See if your husband will deal with this nonsense.

Yes, the host house thing makes sense, as they consider it an extension of the house they own. The demanding you cook part is weird, and you simply don't do it, or make your husband do it. THis is the one thing your husband asks for so you will have to figure out how to make this work.

I also get the impression that you think you are better than them because you get up early and exercise. There is an overtone of self-righteousness regarding this that oozes from your post. And it is odd that you specified what kind of sandwiches they poached. Like, we would be on your side because they where Hawaiian rolls and ham, but turkey on wheat would be ok for them to take? Have you been drinking?

I actually liked the ham on Hawaiian rolls detail. It means that OP put some thought into what would be delicious beach food!

It means it took longer than just throwing some ham on slices of bread. It takes a bit of work and anyone who would eat all of something like that knowing others haven't had any are disgusting.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Everyone in this situation is ridiculous. Honestly, if there is a family beach home and a second home is rented next door that is much larger, I can 100% see family assuming that the larger house is the “hang out” house and the smaller house is the “just go sleep there house.” In a family full of normal people, this could totally work fine.

But people thinking they can demand others cook for them, feed their kids, etc are crazy. If your husband thinks this is cool, I would put every demand back on him. “Your sister would like French toast with bacon and homeade apricot jam. I’m headed for a run, dear.” See if your husband will deal with this nonsense.

Yes, the host house thing makes sense, as they consider it an extension of the house they own. The demanding you cook part is weird, and you simply don't do it, or make your husband do it. THis is the one thing your husband asks for so you will have to figure out how to make this work.

I also get the impression that you think you are better than them because you get up early and exercise. There is an overtone of self-righteousness regarding this that oozes from your post. And it is odd that you specified what kind of sandwiches they poached. Like, we would be on your side because they where Hawaiian rolls and ham, but turkey on wheat would be ok for them to take? Have you been drinking?

Sounds like you are a lazy non exerciser who probably eats too much.

Oh please. Most of this drama is occurring at breakfast when OP and her husband are out at 5 am running and doing yoga. Anyone who’s getting up at 5 am on vacation to go running is super uptight and controlling, hence the angst with people popping in chaotically all the time. These two groups should not vacation together.

I would rather hang out with the exercisers. How are they controlling getting their workout in before it gets too hot for the day? You are not even out of bed yet so do don’t see any control issues. They are healthy and the others are waking up demanding someone cook food so they can stuff their faces. Gross!

Hi op, I get the running at 5 am. When I am at my favorite beach, I love that I get to run along the water as it is beautiful, peaceful at that hour, not hot, and so different from my normal run.

This year sounds crazy, but since important to your dh I would first review with him how you saw/ felt things from your perspective. Then, I’d communicate with him and ILs what you’d like for next year…. family welcome everyday from 10 am on ( you choose time), everyone bring a few snacks and drinks for the week the first day, dinner schedule is mon, weds, sat - whatever as y’all want to eat out other nights.

As sounds like big group events are important for SIL, maybe choose one night as a party night and everyone invites friends, and/ or a brunch. Also, state if you use kitchen you clean up. Have a bowl and everyone toss in x dollars so that if you run out of water, fruit, wine, chips someone gets while out.

We have vacationed with all 4 sibs, in-laws, aunts, cousins, babies, teens, occasional friends of any of the above, and it works as we do the above. No issues in 10 years!

Tough call. You had what sounds like a huge house, so the folks who live or rented in town are naturally going to congregate at your place. I would enjoy this and just have tons of easy breakfast stuff, sandwich fixings and cheap beer and let people come and go as they want. But that doesn’t sound like your idea of a good time, which is fine. I would not cook elaborate meals for anyone—we do hamburgers and hotdogs on the grill or a giant spaghetti dinner with bread and salad. I think you need to work this out with your H.