Anonymous wrote:It boggles my mind that so many of you believe that your family owes you free childcare and free house work. Your family owes you nothing. You chose your life, live with it.

That's fine and why all the Boomers in my life are going into the cheapest available nursing home. However I am raising my kids to break that cycle by being there for them for their kids.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I also had my mom come for extended periods when I had an infant. Now she comes at least one weekend every other month to babysit. Even if parents are out of state they will probably want to come help. And don't forget about siblings; grandparents aren't the only ones who can help out.

Did you pay your mother and your siblings?

My parents haven’t visited in 3 years and my in-laws haven’t visited since my younger DD (now 5 and a half years) was two weeks old. The expectation is always that we fly to them which is expensive and exhausting.

Op - I’m not sure we manage that well. Our home is always upside down and there are often grumpy days / competing interests. Sitters help a lot of you can hire them and are willing. We pulled our younger daughter from daycare when Covid started and she went back a year ago after 14 months at home. In those 14 months we both worked full time and never hired a sitter. Definitely not what we wanted or envisioned when we had kids but we managed sort of. Our kids are 9 and 5 now.

You just do it. My husband commuted coast to coast and we had no family nearby and I worked full time, and I just did it. I hired a housekeeper once a week and hired a nanny and had close friends who helped me through.

Anonymous wrote:I did not have any family around because we are immigrant. I was SAH so I did not have pressures of office but I also had the following -

1) DH who pitched in whole heartedly with parenting and household duties. We are a very good team
2) House cleaner twice a week who also did other chores like laundry and food prep. Paid hourly.
3) A cook who came once a week to make several entrees. Paid hourly.
4) A person who mowed our lawn. A handyman on call for basic home repairs. A college student who did the following errands for us - taking cars for car maintainence and wash, picking and dropping our drycleaning, buying groceries...

This is not normal and most of us who sah do all those things. You just figure out.

I did not have any family around because we are immigrant. I was SAH so I did not have pressures of office but I also had the following -

1) DH who pitched in whole heartedly with parenting and household duties. We are a very good team
2) House cleaner twice a week who also did other chores like laundry and food prep. Paid hourly.
3) A cook who came once a week to make several entrees. Paid hourly.
4) A person who mowed our lawn. A handyman on call for basic home repairs. A college student who did the following errands for us - taking cars for car maintainence and wash, picking and dropping our drycleaning, buying groceries...

You just do it. It’s hard.

I’m a SAHM and DH’s job is based from home and very flexible. I’m pregnant with my third and don’t know if I would want to continue living without family nearby if my spouse had a very inflexible job. He is able to help and be around our kids so much.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:It boggles my mind that so many of you believe that your family owes you free childcare and free house work. Your family owes you nothing. You chose your life, live with it.

I was a SAHM until my youngest was in 3rd grade and so many of you were like parasites in trying to foist your kids on me for free childcare. One woman used to send her kids over because they were hungry! They are your children and you take care of them!

Bitter much?

Not even remotely. I let everyone of the.lazy, parasite mothers that in future I was available to keep their children for $50/hour per child and feeding them was an additional $50 per hour per child, paid in cash in advance. Cheap mothers never bothered me again.

I have no idea what this had to do with having family around to help with kids. Many families want to help each other out and have a level of trust that you can't immediately get by hiring random people for every circumstance. In addition, nearby family can be a safety net for urgent needs (not full-time care). You know how when you love someone and are willing to help them out if they are in a crisis because that's what kind people do?

Not everyone can have a full-time nanny who continues while the kids are in school plus a housekeeper. If you don't have full-time staff, it's not easy to have a backup, backup childcare provider readily available.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Honestly it wasn't so much help I could have used but help for the crazy isolation I felt while on maternity leave. I tried to go to classes and mommy and me stuff but I just felt incredibly alone. I talked to my mom on the phone a lot but it just wasn't the same. I was the first in my friend group to have a kid so my friends weren't as available either.

I really would have lived just having someone to talk to and hold the baby.

Me too. Sending a hug back to each of us.

I was the last and everyone was too busy. They kept saying they’d stop in but life happened.

Anonymous wrote:Honestly it wasn't so much help I could have used but help for the crazy isolation I felt while on maternity leave. I tried to go to classes and mommy and me stuff but I just felt incredibly alone. I talked to my mom on the phone a lot but it just wasn't the same. I was the first in my friend group to have a kid so my friends weren't as available either.

I really would have lived just having someone to talk to and hold the baby.

Me too. Sending a hug back to each of us.

Honestly it wasn't so much help I could have used but help for the crazy isolation I felt while on maternity leave. I tried to go to classes and mommy and me stuff but I just felt incredibly alone. I talked to my mom on the phone a lot but it just wasn't the same. I was the first in my friend group to have a kid so my friends weren't as available either.

I really would have lived just having someone to talk to and hold the baby.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:It boggles my mind that so many of you believe that your family owes you free childcare and free house work. Your family owes you nothing. You chose your life, live with it.

I was a SAHM until my youngest was in 3rd grade and so many of you were like parasites in trying to foist your kids on me for free childcare. One woman used to send her kids over because they were hungry! They are your children and you take care of them!

Bitter much?

Not even remotely. I let everyone of the.lazy, parasite mothers that in future I was available to keep their children for $50/hour per child and feeding them was an additional $50 per hour per child, paid in cash in advance. Cheap mothers never bothered me again.

We just had DC2 and are considering moving to my family, actually. Like another PP said, DH and I actually manage our house just fine but we want our kids to have a relationship with grandparents like we both did.

We are not looking for “free childcare.” My parents will be over the moon if we decide to do this and want to spend time with the grandkids.

Anonymous wrote:It boggles my mind that so many of you believe that your family owes you free childcare and free house work. Your family owes you nothing. You chose your life, live with it.

I was a SAHM until my youngest was in 3rd grade and so many of you were like parasites in trying to foist your kids on me for free childcare. One woman used to send her kids over because they were hungry! They are your children and you take care of them!

Bitter much?

It boggles my mind that so many of you believe that your family owes you free childcare and free house work. Your family owes you nothing. You chose your life, live with it.

I was a SAHM until my youngest was in 3rd grade and so many of you were like parasites in trying to foist your kids on me for free childcare. One woman used to send her kids over because they were hungry! They are your children and you take care of them!