You can't do that. They will hate each other for life.

Who is your executor, OP? Don't make a family member manage xsomething that isn't equally divided. Pay someone else.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:No one knows the future. I am sure your grandkids will lead healthy great lives. But what if one of them gets a disability and can't work? If you are passing funds down to grandkids it should be fully equal.

My friend and her sibling....my friend has worked all her life, for an education, a good paying job, married etc. She had student loans BC her parents didn't or couldn't help at the time. Her sibling brother is a n'ere do well alcoholic who can't hold a job, has been in and out of situations with multiple girlfriends, has children with a couple different ladies etc. Parents decided to cut my friend entirely out if will BC she's so BC wealthy and does so well. Brother got everything including the house. Let's just say that this did not go over well.

The “cool” sibling deserves LESS. Different is still fair.

Don't agree. Also the so called appearance of wealth can be deceptive. If she were that wealthy she wouldn't have had to take out student loans.

One elderly parent I knew left all three children equal inheritances. The oldest adult child is extremely wealthy, lives very comfortably, doesn't work stays home with children, enjoys luxury vacations etc. The youngest sibling is divorced single mom, abusive ex husband, gets by barely but it has been very very difficult. Second sibling is more middle class doing fine but not much in the way if extra funds. When parent passed money was doled out equally. Wealthy oldest sibling declared that she absolutely did not need the money and she redirected her inheritance to the youngest sibling. Wealthy oldest sibling was so glad to do it. Young poor sibling was very hesitant but grateful and took offer in the end.

Divide up inheritance equally. Let people make their own decisions.

I was referring to the brother as the “cool” sibling.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:No one knows the future. I am sure your grandkids will lead healthy great lives. But what if one of them gets a disability and can't work? If you are passing funds down to grandkids it should be fully equal.

My friend and her sibling....my friend has worked all her life, for an education, a good paying job, married etc. She had student loans BC her parents didn't or couldn't help at the time. Her sibling brother is a n'ere do well alcoholic who can't hold a job, has been in and out of situations with multiple girlfriends, has children with a couple different ladies etc. Parents decided to cut my friend entirely out if will BC she's so BC wealthy and does so well. Brother got everything including the house. Let's just say that this did not go over well.

The “cool” sibling deserves LESS. Different is still fair.

Don't agree. Also the so called appearance of wealth can be deceptive. If she were that wealthy she wouldn't have had to take out student loans.

One elderly parent I knew left all three children equal inheritances. The oldest adult child is extremely wealthy, lives very comfortably, doesn't work stays home with children, enjoys luxury vacations etc. The youngest sibling is divorced single mom, abusive ex husband, gets by barely but it has been very very difficult. Second sibling is more middle class doing fine but not much in the way if extra funds. When parent passed money was doled out equally. Wealthy oldest sibling declared that she absolutely did not need the money and she redirected her inheritance to the youngest sibling. Wealthy oldest sibling was so glad to do it. Young poor sibling was very hesitant but grateful and took offer in the end.

Divide up inheritance equally. Let people make their own decisions.

Anonymous wrote:No one knows the future. I am sure your grandkids will lead healthy great lives. But what if one of them gets a disability and can't work? If you are passing funds down to grandkids it should be fully equal.

My friend and her sibling....my friend has worked all her life, for an education, a good paying job, married etc. She had student loans BC her parents didn't or couldn't help at the time. Her sibling brother is a n'ere do well alcoholic who can't hold a job, has been in and out of situations with multiple girlfriends, has children with a couple different ladies etc. Parents decided to cut my friend entirely out if will BC she's so BC wealthy and does so well. Brother got everything including the house. Let's just say that this did not go over well.

The “cool” sibling deserves LESS. Different is still fair.

No one knows the future. I am sure your grandkids will lead healthy great lives. But what if one of them gets a disability and can't work? If you are passing funds down to grandkids it should be fully equal.

My friend and her sibling....my friend has worked all her life, for an education, a good paying job, married etc. She had student loans BC her parents didn't or couldn't help at the time. Her sibling brother is a n'ere do well alcoholic who can't hold a job, has been in and out of situations with multiple girlfriends, has children with a couple different ladies etc. Parents decided to cut my friend entirely out if will BC she's so BC wealthy and does so well. Brother got everything including the house. Let's just say that this did not go over well.

Anonymous wrote:It probably depends how mild the autism. If it’s really mild, that may not be such a limiting factor and the other kids may also have issues that you aren’t aware of, and might be upset grandkid is getting special treatment just for dropping out of college.
But if it’s severe, I can’t think this would upset anyone.
Like it one grandkid had Down’s syndrome, or was a little a paraplegic, would anyone gripe if the grandparent left more to a kid with a significant disability? Not in my family, certainly.

I have a kid with profound disabilities. I would never want money left to her and not others in the family. The reality is that often the situation is either mild enough that they should be able to get along with an equal share or they are so disabled they need to be in a Medicaid funded group home or facility. One of the things I’ve started to realize is that I don’t need “tons” of money for my child that will be in an intermediate care facility. She won’t be able to leave the facility for vacations — due to bed funding issues. These kids also absolutely CANNOT have money left to them in their name. It will completely screw up their Medicaid funding. It must go through a special needs trust. If you leave money to someone that has a mild enough situation not to qualify for Medicaid, you are likely to create major and unnecessary resentments.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I have 2 sons and each son has 2 kids. One grandson has mild autism. He graduated high school, got a job which he quit amd will be starting an apprenticeship.

Should I split my sizeable will 1/3 to each son and 1/3 to this grandson?

Why would you leave the other grandkids out of your will? How unfair. Why this favoritism?

Fair doesn’t mean equal. It’s always shocking this has to be said.

+1 if life was fair, your grandson wouldn’t be struggling with autism

Agree.

+3

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I have 2 sons and each son has 2 kids. One grandson has mild autism. He graduated high school, got a job which he quit amd will be starting an apprenticeship.

Should I split my sizeable will 1/3 to each son and 1/3 to this grandson?

Why would you leave the other grandkids out of your will? How unfair. Why this favoritism?

Fair doesn’t mean equal. It’s always shocking this has to be said.

+1 if life was fair, your grandson wouldn’t be struggling with autism

Agree.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I have 2 sons and each son has 2 kids. One grandson has mild autism. He graduated high school, got a job which he quit amd will be starting an apprenticeship.

Should I split my sizeable will 1/3 to each son and 1/3 to this grandson?

Why would you leave the other grandkids out of your will? How unfair. Why this favoritism?

Fair doesn’t mean equal. It’s always shocking this has to be said.

But it does ... A grandparent should love their grandkids in EQUAL measure. Why would the others not need the money?

Did you not read the first post?

Anonymous wrote:How much cheddar are we talking about here, grandma?

The whole wheel, pp.

Anonymous wrote:I’d set up a special needs trust. It’s a specific type and important to get the trust document correct so the money doesn’t disqualify him for other services. His siblings and cousins will not support him financially when he is in his 30s and older.

+1. This is very important. You should also include the parents of your SN grandson in this discussion.

How much cheddar are we talking about here, grandma?

Anonymous wrote:No. You should trust that your son and your grandson's mother know how to make the best financial accommodations for their autistic son.

Only if it were that simple. You assume that parents will be fiscally responsible and not blow the inheritance and leave enough for their kids, including the special needs child.

Ultimately, OP is the better judge on who gets what. They have the good sense to have amassed some savings. I would suggest that OP add a clause in the will or trust that, if a beneficiary contests the will, that person would no longer be paid the inheritance.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I think u leave equal amounts to both sons. Then if you want to give the grandkids come give them an equal amount too. Like less than your sons but the same as each other. What happens if one grandson gets in a car accident and ends up in a wheelchair? You going to change your will?

I would split the bulk of the estate equally between the two sons and a smaller amount divided equally among the grandchildren. Place the autistic child’s portion in a special needs trust. Depending on the ages of the others, they may need a spendthrift trust. Or just split equally between two sons and let them plan for their own children.

This.

Also, I only say this because the two sons each have two kids. If there were an unequal number of grandkids or one childless kid, I’d say just keep it at the son level.