Anonymous
Post 07/06/2022 12:02     Subject: 22 year old wants to have baby
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:I realize this is an ultra-progressive board, but whatever happened to getting married then having a kid? If the boyfriend is not the right guy, then wait for someone else. Children are not pets. This is a recipe for disaster.


Some women are scared they may never find THE ONE and pass their fertility window. However, she is too young to worry about that and probably doesn't understand how a child can change a mother's life forever.


That will be true whenever you have kids. If you know you want to be a mom that might be quite alright.
Anonymous
Post 07/06/2022 12:01     Subject: 22 year old wants to have baby
Anonymous wrote:I realize this is an ultra-progressive board, but whatever happened to getting married then having a kid? If the boyfriend is not the right guy, then wait for someone else. Children are not pets. This is a recipe for disaster.


Some women are scared they may never find THE ONE and pass their fertility window. However, she is too young to worry about that and probably doesn't understand how a child can change a mother's life forever.
Anonymous
Post 07/06/2022 11:51     Subject: 22 year old wants to have baby
I realize this is an ultra-progressive board, but whatever happened to getting married then having a kid? If the boyfriend is not the right guy, then wait for someone else. Children are not pets. This is a recipe for disaster.
Anonymous
Post 07/06/2022 11:48     Subject: 22 year old wants to have baby
Anonymous wrote:Who is the boyfriend? If he is a young software engineer I say she should go ahead. They shouldn’t get married though as she will be able to get benefits if she is a single mom (as long as they don’t live together… she should use your address maybe? But some programs don’t count her as a separate adult until 23, so she needs to check).
Even if you decide not to use any benefits it’s fine too. Marriage is overrated anyway. She can file as head of household too.
The key thing is to make sure the father has earning potential. She cannot get any meaningful support from someone who can’t get a good job. But if he is a potentially high earner she is set for life even if they later separate.


Gross. You do know that someone is paying for those benefits, right? JFC
Anonymous
Post 07/06/2022 11:30     Subject: Re:22 year old wants to have baby
OP are you sure you’re not being over dramatic? When I was 24 I started to notice a biological urge to have a baby. I didn’t actually have one until I was 27, but I did start to settle my life down and get ready. (And no that doesn’t mean I had a nest egg; all my prime earning years were ahead of me and my prime fertility years were upon me and I wasn’t so silly as to think I should have the horse drive the cart backwards!)
Anonymous
Post 07/06/2022 11:28     Subject: 22 year old wants to have baby
Anonymous wrote:You need to cut the cord. She will make her own decisions and mistakes. Yes it sounds like a horrible idea, but it’s not your life.


And this mistake - having a baby with boy friend at age 22 - will cost her dearly in life.
Anonymous
Post 07/06/2022 11:25     Subject: 22 year old wants to have baby
Anonymous wrote:Remind her that if she's on leave the first year, that will likely be entirely unpaid. FMLA doesn't kick in until an employee has been at a place for a year -- and that's assuming the school has enough employees to qualify for FMLA rules.

Remind her that her students seem especially precious because she sees them for a handful of hours a day, with co-teacher backup, then goes home to a quiet, adult-oriented house. She is not in charge of dinner, bath, getting dressed or waking up at 6 am on a Saturday.

Or taking care of them when they’re sick or when she’s sick. There are no sick days for parents when it comes to their own kids.
Anonymous
Post 07/06/2022 11:09     Subject: 22 year old wants to have baby
Remind her that if she's on leave the first year, that will likely be entirely unpaid. FMLA doesn't kick in until an employee has been at a place for a year -- and that's assuming the school has enough employees to qualify for FMLA rules.

Remind her that her students seem especially precious because she sees them for a handful of hours a day, with co-teacher backup, then goes home to a quiet, adult-oriented house. She is not in charge of dinner, bath, getting dressed or waking up at 6 am on a Saturday.
Anonymous
Post 07/06/2022 09:51     Subject: 22 year old wants to have baby
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:Being a single mother would wreck her chances of finding a good husband if the baby daddy breaks up with her. *That* should be the biggest concern. And of course her raising the kid in your home, as a single mommy.

This is one of the misconceptions. Many women waffle around until they are 30+ and they they aren’t really marriage material. I say this as a woman before someone accuses me of being an incel lol
I myself waited too long, my potential partners all were married or divorced, so I had to settle for a man with a child.
It’s a tricky game. If her partner is a good catch she may need to put her dibs on him now.

LOL. I don't think your age was the problem, sweetie.

Anonymous
Post 07/06/2022 09:37     Subject: 22 year old wants to have baby
What is the current living situation? If she is living with you, it’s time for her to move on. Does she have health insurance at her job? If not, and if she is on your plan, her baby will not be covered.
Anonymous
Post 07/06/2022 09:36     Subject: 22 year old wants to have baby
Anonymous wrote:22 year old graduated back in May, and now she wants to have a baby with her boyfriend. She was hired as a full time pre-school teacher but I think she should wait a few years before having a baby. How can I tell her to wait? I am worried that the Principal and parents will not be very happy with her if she on leave the first year she starts working.


She wants to have a baby? Is she pregnant or wants to keep it? Is she hoping to get pregnant?
Anonymous
Post 07/06/2022 09:29     Subject: 22 year old wants to have baby
You need to first be honest about the real reason you don't want your 22-year-old to have a baby. It has nothing to do with irrelevant, in the scheme of life, Principal and parents.

If you are embarrassed that she will be a baby momma making peanuts with a baby daddy that may not stick around, just say it. Most of us understand and agree.
Anonymous
Post 07/06/2022 08:39     Subject: 22 year old wants to have baby
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:Being a single mother would wreck her chances of finding a good husband if the baby daddy breaks up with her. *That* should be the biggest concern. And of course her raising the kid in your home, as a single mommy.

This is one of the misconceptions. Many women waffle around until they are 30+ and they they aren’t really marriage material. I say this as a woman before someone accuses me of being an incel lol
I myself waited too long, my potential partners all were married or divorced, so I had to settle for a man with a child.
It’s a tricky game. If her partner is a good catch she may need to put her dibs on him now.


Having a baby isn't really having "dibs." Getting married is.
Anonymous
Post 07/06/2022 08:33     Subject: Re:22 year old wants to have baby
Encourage her to work at the preschool for 6 months before making this decision. Chances are she'll get an IUD installed within the first couple moths of the job. I worked at a daycare in college and got married at 22. I love kids and loved the job but it was hard as hell. That experience made me not want any of my own for a good long time. I was 30 when our first was born.
Anonymous
Post 07/05/2022 21:42     Subject: Re:22 year old wants to have baby
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:Good Lord. At the very least, she should work long enough to save up a nest egg before starting a family. Will she even get maternity leave if she’s worked there for less than a year? Has she thought about how she’ll deal with it if she ends up with multiples or a special needs child? Parenting isn’t all heart bursting joy; there are plenty of days that are a long, hard slog. It makes me sad to think about someone becoming a parent way before most of their friends, before enjoying things like child free travel, and then having their friends unable to do fun things later, when the friends start having kids.


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