Anonymous wrote:just talked about this with my 10 yo. we expect her to move out when she gets married. i don't see the point of moving out if you are not starting a family.

Anonymous wrote:I am moving out as soon as my youngest turns 18. That will complete 33 years of parenting, from #1 to #6. All of my children had to be ready to fly before 18, because they need to hit the ground running. You're free to go wherever and do whatever, so go do that and have fun at it. That's my policy. 18 is a legal adult.

Hi cranky mom of 6! I always love that you are SO done with your kids now that they are adults but yet you lurk on this board all the time. Quite pathetic.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:why are you saying you're a white family???

Probably because it's common in the Caribbean, South America, the Middle East, and many other places to reside in the family home until marriage, in my family, it would be very odd and unacceptable if a child moved out before marriage for anything beyond a great job opportunity that only existed far away from family. Uni, sure, coming back and forth. But we stay put until marriage. And we have a good bit more wealth than other people in the area, so it's not a money thing.

Also Indian kids live at home until they get married. Usually Indian-Americans also have a good bit more wealth than other people in the area, and one of the reason may be that they save their money for a big down payment for a property, start their retirement fund and start to save for future children's college.

My kids have several single Indian friends aged 21-30, none of them lives at home. To be fair, none of them are in same states as their parents so may be their experience is different.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:My now 27 year old moved out at 24. My 25 year old has no interest in moving and she is welcomed to live at home until she sees fit to leave.

Ugh...I worry this where I'll end up. Not that your situation is bad, but unclear. My 9 (yes, nine!) yo has told me he wants to go to UMCP (we live in Moco) so he can live at home. So I've decided that I need to make this a home that they enjoy - but not enough to stay as an adult...

Op here. We as a family are close so much so that my 27 year old moved into the apartment upstairs from us when she decided to move out with her partner. My 25 year old has a great job making great money and takes care of all her own bills (car, insurance, cc etc). She has all the freedom she would as if she lived on her own. She just likes being here and we are in no hurry for our daughters to leave. When she does decide to move she will have enough saved to buy a home if she chooses to.

Asian family here. My DS graduated in 2018 at the age of 21 and he is still living at home with us to save money. He wants to be able to put down 50% down payment for his first home, figures to be around 500K. He has been working for a FinTech company so he is making a lot of money in the past four years. He now has more than 500K in the bank and he is looking to buy a house so my guess is that he will be moving out in less than a year.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:just talked about this with my 10 yo. we expect her to move out when she gets married. i don't see the point of moving out if you are not starting a family.

You don't see the point of s woman learning how to be independent and luving on their own? Would you say that if you had a son?

DP here. Yes. Independence should be learned at the parents home by learning to budget, cook, clean, drive, do laundry, do yardwork, study, excel in your career, be responsible, save money, take care of health, learn how to live in society, learn to put in the time to maintain the infrastructre of a household, learn traditions of your culture, increase your wealth, meet social obligations and increase and strengthen your network, grow spiritually, have a backup for life's difficult situations.

The reason that it is important for young people in WASP homes to leave the house is because they will not be able to find a life partner without sexually test driving lots of people. What they do not understand and most other cultures also pair up, get married and have a family quite successfully and with dating other people.

That is the reason that in this society when people are so very unhappy about their personal lives and relationships, immigrants with different cultural norms are still thriving and holding fast to these advantageous practices.

The adult children of immigrants living here seem extremely unhappy with the amount of control and pressure their parent exert on them as adult. You are not independent if your parents are forcing their will on your life choices. Parents like you don’t want their children to move out because they will lose control. American culture is different, young people are encouraged to think for themselves and learn adulting by doing and pursue their own dreams not their parents dreams.

Whenever they want to move out and whenever they can make a good case for moving out. I do not believe in multiple false-start launches. Therefore, going to college is not a launch for my kid. Getting a job is not a launch for my kid. Finding a boyfriend or girlfriend is not a launch for my kid. For my kids to launch - college and job are but small steps towards launching. For really launching they need to have a significant job that is foundation of a successful well paying career far away from home, and a SO who is on a similar path (college, career) and is a good and loyal person with no baggage, and they both want to get married (that we will pay for). They are desirous of having a family, good careers and see each other as true partners. Then they can launch and leave.

Half baked "moving in with the McDonald burger flipper" who is not college educated and on a good career trajectory is not a solution for my kids or their SOs.

How can we enforce this? Well, if your kids are losers or stupid, you cannot make them see reason. However, most of these youngsters see the benefits that having a good education, good career, money in the bank etc gives them. This realization sinks in at college when they share dorm rooms with others and quickly find out that the benefits they have taken for granted from their parents is not the norm. The true appreciation for their parents come when our kids get their first taste of living away from home in American college dorms. So thank you to all the other students who are on their own.

They realize that their parents gave them a leg up because they pay for college, priortize their education, pay for wedding, give seed money for business, home etc and create generational wealth. They also realize that their parents did not have much money but were able to make small and strategic sacrifices along the way to build up this wealth.

Heck, many of our children raised on the milk of American culture were thrilled in the mcmansions they share with their parents when COVID lockdown happened and their kids were remote learning. No working mom in our circle quit because of lack of childcare. And such kinds of unexpected calamities may happen more and more. So there is strength in being in a strong multi-gen family unit.

After college, employed, age 23 moved out.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:just talked about this with my 10 yo. we expect her to move out when she gets married. i don't see the point of moving out if you are not starting a family.

You don't see the point of s woman learning how to be independent and luving on their own? Would you say that if you had a son?

DP here. Yes. Independence should be learned at the parents home by learning to budget, cook, clean, drive, do laundry, do yardwork, study, excel in your career, be responsible, save money, take care of health, learn how to live in society, learn to put in the time to maintain the infrastructre of a household, learn traditions of your culture, increase your wealth, meet social obligations and increase and strengthen your network, grow spiritually, have a backup for life's difficult situations.

The reason that it is important for young people in WASP homes to leave the house is because they will not be able to find a life partner without sexually test driving lots of people. What they do not understand and most other cultures also pair up, get married and have a family quite successfully and with dating other people.

That is the reason that in this society when people are so very unhappy about their personal lives and relationships, immigrants with different cultural norms are still thriving and holding fast to these advantageous practices.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:My now 27 year old moved out at 24. My 25 year old has no interest in moving and she is welcomed to live at home until she sees fit to leave.

Ugh...I worry this where I'll end up. Not that your situation is bad, but unclear. My 9 (yes, nine!) yo has told me he wants to go to UMCP (we live in Moco) so he can live at home. So I've decided that I need to make this a home that they enjoy - but not enough to stay as an adult...

Why? Why is a child's desire to stay at home as an adult seen as a failure to launch? If they can co-exist in harmony and as responsible adults, having a joint (multi-generational) family is an insurance against many of life's adversities and challenges that can visit us.

The trick is to create a family culture so that the communal living simplifies and enriches life for everyone, resulting in infrastructure of care for elderly, disabled, sick, children, unemployed etc. On a societal scale, it is like the social welfare systems of the Nordic countries where everyone works together to have benefits for all.

Of course, for this structure to work, no one can be the boss at all times and do what they want to all the time. In other words, a culture that has respect for each other, gratefulness, spirit of reciprocity, civic sense and patience, can find this a very beneficial situation.

Anonymous wrote:just talked about this with my 10 yo. we expect her to move out when she gets married. i don't see the point of moving out if you are not starting a family.

You don't see the point of s woman learning how to be independent and luving on their own? Would you say that if you had a son?

I moved out my Sophomore year of college and only ever went back home to visit. My middle brother did the same. The baby of the family bounced back and forth between home and roommate situations after college for about 5 years.

The expectation for me has always been that our kids will move out on their own after college (especially since we plan on paying for college 100% so they don't have loans), but... I am willing to be flexible. Everything is so freaking expensive. One of our kids has expressed an interest in teaching, so I told them that they will likely need to be ok with roommates or a lower COL area, or living pretty frugally. If they lived at home, I would be very invested in helping them to launch on their own within 12 months.

Anonymous wrote:My now 27 year old moved out at 24. My 25 year old has no interest in moving and she is welcomed to live at home until she sees fit to leave.

Ugh...I worry this where I'll end up. Not that your situation is bad, but unclear. My 9 (yes, nine!) yo has told me he wants to go to UMCP (we live in Moco) so he can live at home. So I've decided that I need to make this a home that they enjoy - but not enough to stay as an adult...

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:why are you saying you're a white family???

Probably because it's common in the Caribbean, South America, the Middle East, and many other places to reside in the family home until marriage, in my family, it would be very odd and unacceptable if a child moved out before marriage for anything beyond a great job opportunity that only existed far away from family. Uni, sure, coming back and forth. But we stay put until marriage. And we have a good bit more wealth than other people in the area, so it's not a money thing.

Also Indian kids live at home until they get married. Usually Indian-Americans also have a good bit more wealth than other people in the area, and one of the reason may be that they save their money for a big down payment for a property, start their retirement fund and start to save for future children's college.

My kids "moved out" at 19 and 22 and were fully financially independent (everything except the phone) at 23 and 24. We also bought them both second hand cars which helped a lot in terms of expenses.