Anonymous wrote:Why don't people date long enough to understand what otger person is capable of. Both parties here lack basic kindness and communication skills.

+1 everyone attacking the man but she seems just as out of order. He may not have been tactful with his way of saying it but she clearly got angry about it and couldn't even pick up the phone. I mean what if something bad happened to him or the kids but she wouldn't know because she's still mad about a silly comment. She clearly didn't want to spend time with the family, if she did she'd change or go to the party alone and meet them there. Instead she sat at home being mad and bashing him on dcum. Both parties sound like they have some growing up to do

Anonymous wrote:I do not get the posters siding with him at all. This is such mean and controlling behavior. It is not a spat or them both communicating poorly. Also, completely inappropriate to involve the kids.

There seems to be one poster, in particular, who has posted repeatedly-- the simmer down, you sound unintelligent, both sides poster. Really weird and pretty messed up.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I came downstairs ready to go to a friend’s bbq with DH and our two DC. When DH saw me he flipped out. I was wearing a yellow JCREW off the shoulder top and jeans. He told me I looked like an insect because of the top being bright yellow, and said to our boys, “doesn’t mom look like a bumble bee”. He asked me to change and I said no. He said he would go without me then, which he did (and took the kids).

He called me several times during the bbq and I didn’t answer. I think he feels bad now. I left the house so I wasn’t home when he got back. What would you do?

Was it yellow top and black pants? That probably could make you look like a bumble bee. But yellow top and blue jeans would actually look nice.

OK? Why is so angry and why are you so quick to take offense? Dude!!!! You actually have bigger resentments simmering. And the fact that you have two small kids - oh, oh, oh! This is the shit phase of parenting. Most stressful. You both need to simmer down and learn to communicate better.

Yeah, no. Did you miss the part where he left without her?

Yeah, no, she did not change right? He then called several times and she did not pick up the phone, right? Neither of them are making good decisions. They both sound immature and their feelings are getting hurt quite a lot. All of which is fine by itself. Unfortunately, they have also produced two kids and this can and will impact them.

"She did not change" ... are you for real? You think a grown woman should change her clothes on her husband's command? WTAF?

A lot of drama over a dumb difference of opinion. I would have driven or Uber’d myself right over there then teased him mercilessly.

Anonymous wrote:My DH pretty much dislikes most things I wear. My choices are usually more practical than he would like. When we are going somewhere, he will often ask if there is something else (more to his aesthetic) that I could wear. I indulge him sometimes. We have gotten into arguments about this more than once in the 20+ years we have been married. But these are the things that sometimes happen in an otherwise normal marriage.

But he is a very respectful man at his core. What you are saying happened with your DH is something entirely different. That he would belittle you like that, drag your kids into it, and then ultimately leave with out you. That is a BIG problem. He is a big problem.

Please take the advice of someone who doesn't have a storybook marriage. With the phrase "for better or worse," what you are describing is not the normal "worse" that happens in a marriage. It is very much a red flag. Protect yourself and your children (they will be next.)

Sounds like the difference is you actually know marriage is sustained on compromise.

Anonymous wrote:I have to agree with the husband on this one. Why not just change? And why not answer the phone when he called? Sounds like you were looking for an argument

Can I ask what gender you are?

I have to agree with the husband on this one. Why not just change? And why not answer the phone when he called? Sounds like you were looking for an argument

Anonymous wrote:I would want to know more about what the husband found objectionable. Doubt it was simply the color. Did he find it too sexy and attention-seeking for a bbq? Until more details are forthcoming, hard to know whether he had a reasonable perspective or was just being a controlling @ss.

It was from JCrew. They’re not known for sexy, inappropriate or attention-seeking clothing. JCrew is preppy and generally fairly conservative. OP said it was the color and he thought she looked like a bumblebee. Regardless, he was way out of line (even if she was wearing something too sexy and attention-seeking).

When DH doesn’t like something I’m wearing he’ll ask, “You’re wearing that?” I simply say “Yes” and we move on unless I’m not sure about the outfit and his reaction causes me to reconsider.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I came downstairs ready to go to a friend’s bbq with DH and our two DC. When DH saw me he flipped out. I was wearing a yellow JCREW off the shoulder top and jeans. He told me I looked like an insect because of the top being bright yellow, and said to our boys, “doesn’t mom look like a bumble bee”. He asked me to change and I said no. He said he would go without me then, which he did (and took the kids).

He called me several times during the bbq and I didn’t answer. I think he feels bad now. I left the house so I wasn’t home when he got back. What would you do?

Was it yellow top and black pants? That probably could make you look like a bumble bee. But yellow top and blue jeans would actually look nice.

OK? Why is so angry and why are you so quick to take offense? Dude!!!! You actually have bigger resentments simmering. And the fact that you have two small kids - oh, oh, oh! This is the shit phase of parenting. Most stressful. You both need to simmer down and learn to communicate better.

What is wrong with you? OP ignore this idiot and get out now your do is a domestic abuser and it will get worse

As for this poster OP when you husband turns physically violent call her

I would want to know more about what the husband found objectionable. Doubt it was simply the color. Did he find it too sexy and attention-seeking for a bbq? Until more details are forthcoming, hard to know whether he had a reasonable perspective or was just being a controlling @ss.

Why don't people date long enough to understand what otger person is capable of. Both parties here lack basic kindness and communication skills.

Anonymous wrote:Any rude comments should be addressed immediately. "Stop stuffing your face" would be met with a "do you want me to start talking to you like that? We can go down that road if you'd like or you can talk to me with respect." Deal with it immediately.

This^. DO NOT let anyone treat you like this. Don't be aggressive but calmly assert yourself and make it known that this is unacceptable.

From the OPs description, I can’t tell what the exact details were that caused him to leave without her.

It is clear that he told her the outfit looked bad. While not perfect behavior, I think many of us agree that stuff like this gets said in marriages without it rising to the level of abuse.

Then OP says that she refused to change. Which we all agree is her right.

But then she says that DH went to the party without her. Not clear what happened here. Did he say that he was absolutely not letting her come with them unless she changed? Which is a problem. Or did she pull a hissy fit about his previous (not perfect but not egregious) comment and refuse to come. Which is not abuse by the DH but immaturity of OP.

On the stuffing face comment, I can’t tell if DH was telling Op to stop stuffing her own face, or if it was about stuffing the DCs face. I think the latter because DC was the one mumbling that they couldn’t understand?

Long story: I think OPs narrative has gaps that make all this sound more like tit for tat immaturity than a one sided abuser. I’m not even necessarily seeing abuse from the DH (eg if he just told her the outfit looks bad but she refused to come - no abuse there).

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:How often is he controlling and putative to you like this?

Op: we have a 2yr old and the other night he said something at dinner and DH couldn’t hear him and I couldn’t either, so DH snapped at me to “stop stuffing my face”. Stuff like that is happening more often now.

It’s going to get worse. I bet if you really sat down and thought about it, signs have been there your whole relationship.

Get out. Now. This will just get worse. Much worse.

This^. Unless you two go for therapy and he sees how rude and insensitive he is, this isn't going to change. Did you not know him before marriage? What changed?

Any rude comments should be addressed immediately. "Stop stuffing your face" would be met with a "do you want me to start talking to you like that? We can go down that road if you'd like or you can talk to me with respect." Deal with it immediately.