Anonymous
Post 06/25/2022 09:45     Subject: How to marry a financially compatible man?
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:I am a woman in early 40s, recently divorced. Not looking to remarry immediately, I just date. But if I was to remarry, it would need to be someone "financially compatible". I have a net worth if $3.5mm (primarily real estate trust-like managed arrangement). No financial obligations except for a very small mortgage (net worth counted after mortgage).

My trust makes around 250k/year. I also work full time at a fed contractor making 100K/year at a contracting position. I am not particular career oriented as I already make enough for single lifestyle. Basically it's like having 2 jobs with gross total income 300-350k depending on a year. Ideally I need my future husband in a 300K+ income bracket, to "restore" the lifestyle I had prior to my divorce. I had a comfortable income with exH at 700-$1mm/year. I like traveling to Europe, skiing, nice clothing, restaurants etc. I would want to mix the income which has to be roughly equal, without mixing our pre-marital assets. That way we both could step up our joint lifestyle and afford more as a couple plus benefit on joint taxes (every economist knows "economy of scale" principle). Of course, we could buy another joint property or start some joint business in real estate which I am very familiar with

My partner would need to have a similar life style: e.g. not being cheap, willing to mix incomes but not assets, like art in other words being accustomed to this lifestyle. I can't imagine arguing about things which I can somewhat afford myself already. I am a member of a country club (where everyone seems married); a sport club, travel every season for 2 weeks on average; go out to nice restaurants.

Is it realistic to find a partner like this? How would I "weed out" those under the parameters I am looking for? Are there dating platforms for wealthier people? I am not on any app at the moment, would it be a poor taste to put the requirements on the profile?


It’s not impossible. Look at Lauren Sanchez, she’s 52, dating Bezos, and they seem to be living an extravagant lifestyle together. He could have easily gone for a 24 year old but chose her.

I don’t think you should put your requirements for wealth on profiles, that’s a big turn off. Instead focus on the positives of that - the traveling, art galleries, whatever else you are into that indicates wealth. Then look for the same on men’s profiles.

You might be better off with a matchmaking service. Still use the apps, but try a matchmaker specifically for wealthy people.


OP here, this is the first post that's indeed helpful! Can you recommend a matchmaker? I have pretty wide social circle locally, don't want people to see my online profile. I have Linkedin but no IS and my FB is barely active
Anonymous
Post 06/25/2022 09:45     Subject: Re:How to marry a financially compatible man?
I actually understand OP’s viewpoint very well. She is looking for someone just like her financially and culturally.

I am curious how you built your real estate trust that generates $250k a year, OP.
I am late 40s but not too late for me to get wealthy.
Anonymous
Post 06/25/2022 09:41     Subject: How to marry a financially compatible man?
Anonymous wrote:I am a woman in early 40s, recently divorced. Not looking to remarry immediately, I just date. But if I was to remarry, it would need to be someone "financially compatible". I have a net worth if $3.5mm (primarily real estate trust-like managed arrangement). No financial obligations except for a very small mortgage (net worth counted after mortgage).

My trust makes around 250k/year. I also work full time at a fed contractor making 100K/year at a contracting position. I am not particular career oriented as I already make enough for single lifestyle. Basically it's like having 2 jobs with gross total income 300-350k depending on a year. Ideally I need my future husband in a 300K+ income bracket, to "restore" the lifestyle I had prior to my divorce. I had a comfortable income with exH at 700-$1mm/year. I like traveling to Europe, skiing, nice clothing, restaurants etc. I would want to mix the income which has to be roughly equal, without mixing our pre-marital assets. That way we both could step up our joint lifestyle and afford more as a couple plus benefit on joint taxes (every economist knows "economy of scale" principle). Of course, we could buy another joint property or start some joint business in real estate which I am very familiar with

My partner would need to have a similar life style: e.g. not being cheap, willing to mix incomes but not assets, like art in other words being accustomed to this lifestyle. I can't imagine arguing about things which I can somewhat afford myself already. I am a member of a country club (where everyone seems married); a sport club, travel every season for 2 weeks on average; go out to nice restaurants.

Is it realistic to find a partner like this? How would I "weed out" those under the parameters I am looking for? Are there dating platforms for wealthier people? I am not on any app at the moment, would it be a poor taste to put the requirements on the profile?


It’s not impossible. Look at Lauren Sanchez, she’s 52, dating Bezos, and they seem to be living an extravagant lifestyle together. He could have easily gone for a 24 year old but chose her.

I don’t think you should put your requirements for wealth on profiles, that’s a big turn off. Instead focus on the positives of that - the traveling, art galleries, whatever else you are into that indicates wealth. Then look for the same on men’s profiles.

You might be better off with a matchmaking service. Still use the apps, but try a matchmaker specifically for wealthy people.
Anonymous
Post 06/25/2022 09:38     Subject: How to marry a financially compatible man?
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:You need to grow up. I am early 40s divorced with kids. I make double your salary but do not have your wealth. My ex husband makes the same and would not even look at you and he is below the standards you set. You need a reality check. The chances of you finding wealth from a man in a second marriage is less than one percent.


I don’t know how anyone making 600k/year (and 1.2m/year jointly) for years would not have at least $3mm net worth. It means you and your exH were terrible managing your money and assets. I would not want someone who’s wasteful and wouldn’t look at your exH either


And I have a sibling who is a multimillionaire (more than 5 mil—probably double) and he wouldn’t look at you with a 10 foot pole if he was divorced. You are greedy and not a good person.
Anonymous
Post 06/25/2022 09:37     Subject: How to marry a financially compatible man?
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:What you seek is a business arrangement, not a marriage. Sorry but, you sound incapable of loving, which would explain your current circumstance. I wish you luck.


I am very loving, with endless patience and still pretty good looking. My exH didn’t want to divorce for these reasons and he still didn’t remarry. He was surrounded by ladies hunting for his money on business trips I couldn’t live next 5-10 years like that it was affecting my well being.

Marriage is a financial contract.


And now you are hunting for similar?
Anonymous
Post 06/25/2022 09:36     Subject: How to marry a financially compatible man?
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:I feel like this is going to be tough. A lot of men at that income level will be looking at women 10-20 years younger than you. Sorry, OP.


I am 43 it’s fine if he’s 50-55 doesn’t need to be anyone in his 40s. But I just look younger and younger men hit on me more often when I go to a pool etc


1. You might look great for 43, but you aren’t fooling anybody.

2. Younger men who “hit on” you at the pool are not asking to marry you. They probably will date you and sleep with you, and this can be a lot of fun. When you were a young woman, they would have been good marriage prospects, maybe, but you need to recognise that the majority of these men will want to actually marry someone young enough to give them their own children/family. You are playing a new game now, with different prizes.
Anonymous
Post 06/25/2022 09:35     Subject: How to marry a financially compatible man?
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:You need to grow up. I am early 40s divorced with kids. I make double your salary but do not have your wealth. My ex husband makes the same and would not even look at you and he is below the standards you set. You need a reality check. The chances of you finding wealth from a man in a second marriage is less than one percent.


I don’t know how anyone making 600k/year (and 1.2m/year jointly) for years would not have at least $3mm net worth. It means you and your exH were terrible managing your money and assets. I would not want someone who’s wasteful and wouldn’t look at your exH either


I’m talking about salary only in terms of income because that is all we have. I read that OP makes 100k (salary). I am only making 200k for the first time this year. I was making a little over 100 most of my career. My ex husband makes about the same— but with two jobs one being a federal employee. Our total income while married was 250-300 K a year. My ex-husband who earns just under 200k a year would not be interested in you is my point… if someone making that amount of money is not going to be interested in you someone who’s making a lot more money certainly isn’t going to be interested.
Anonymous
Post 06/25/2022 09:33     Subject: How to marry a financially compatible man?
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:You need to grow up. I am early 40s divorced with kids. I make double your salary but do not have your wealth. My ex husband makes the same and would not even look at you and he is below the standards you set. You need a reality check. The chances of you finding wealth from a man in a second marriage is less than one percent.


I don’t know how anyone making 600k/year (and 1.2m/year jointly) for years would not have at least $3mm net worth. It means you and your exH were terrible managing your money and assets. I would not want someone who’s wasteful and wouldn’t look at your exH either


I assumed the $3.5 million was some kind of inheritance too. Her net worth could be more, but yes, it sounds like she spends most of "their" money.
Anonymous
Post 06/25/2022 09:32     Subject: Re:How to marry a financially compatible man?
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:It sort of seems like your first marriage was mostly a business arrangement. I don’t think trying to replicate that is the best plan. In your 40s, you don’t have to marry for crazy passionate love, but marriage is still more than a business arrangement. You should be looking for genuine compatibility, shared interests, kindness and consideration. If you find all of that in a man who only makes $160K, would you really not consider it?


I would start a relationship with a man who’s making 160k but it’s not a sign of a very driven person for DC at age 40. And likely he’s not same life style as me. I would give him ideas how to improve his income situation by moving jobs, making good investments but won’t officially marry until he can show ability to achieve more in life. I’ve made my first million at age 30 only after 5 years in the US


A lot of people don’t care about making large sums of money. Take your advice and shove it.


Guys who don’t care about making a good living should marry ladies alike not me.


Don’t worry, no one is going to marry you.


Well, if one married me and remained married for 16 years I guess another could, too. Sorry if I offended any men here but 170k gross with 2-3 kids would really make you count items in your shopping cart. I won’t subsidize it. Their mom should chin on, too. I am not looking for a sponsor myself. If my man makes more than me I wouldn’t expect him contribute more than I do. A mixed joint/separate income and investments marriage would be fine


Yes, but the man who remained married to you for 16 years is a different situation entirely because:

1. You were young when he met and married you.

2. You had children with him.

It is a different game now. You need to relax your standards if you want to get married again.
Anonymous
Post 06/25/2022 09:30     Subject: Re:How to marry a financially compatible man?
Here I thought we were talking about being financially responsible.

And yet...we're talking about spending 600K per year, lord.

I make 400K/year as a woman. When I met my husband I made double his salary. By your standards, he would be dismissed. Except he's financially conservative (like me) and one of most wonderful men I've ever met.

Together, from scratch, we've built a real estate portfolio worth nearly $2 million, raise my child from a previous (very bad) relationship and our child.
Anonymous
Post 06/25/2022 09:29     Subject: How to marry a financially compatible man?
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:I feel like this is going to be tough. A lot of men at that income level will be looking at women 10-20 years younger than you. Sorry, OP.


I am 43 it’s fine if he’s 50-55 doesn’t need to be anyone in his 40s. But I just look younger and younger men hit on me more often when I go to a pool etc


uh huh
Anonymous
Post 06/25/2022 09:28     Subject: How to marry a financially compatible man?
OP, you are too old to be so rigid in your requirements. That is the brutal truth. The majority of men your age and older would prefer a younger woman than you, and your money and the attitudes you consider an asset are not going to raise your value in their eyes. You need to be realistic.

Most men your age and most men ten years older are looking for younger women then you. Your “currency” is not as strong as it was when you were young. (I am sure others will chime in to say that a 40-something woman has the same prospects as a 20 or 30-something woman, but I stand by my argument).
Anonymous
Post 06/25/2022 09:25     Subject: How to marry a financially compatible man?
Anonymous wrote:You need to grow up. I am early 40s divorced with kids. I make double your salary but do not have your wealth. My ex husband makes the same and would not even look at you and he is below the standards you set. You need a reality check. The chances of you finding wealth from a man in a second marriage is less than one percent.


I don’t know how anyone making 600k/year (and 1.2m/year jointly) for years would not have at least $3mm net worth. It means you and your exH were terrible managing your money and assets. I would not want someone who’s wasteful and wouldn’t look at your exH either
Anonymous
Post 06/25/2022 09:23     Subject: How to marry a financially compatible man?
You need to grow up. I am early 40s divorced with kids. I make double your salary but do not have your wealth. My ex husband makes the same and would not even look at you and he is below the standards you set. You need a reality check. The chances of you finding wealth from a man in a second marriage is less than one percent.
Anonymous
Post 06/25/2022 09:22     Subject: How to marry a financially compatible man?
Anonymous wrote:I feel like this is going to be tough. A lot of men at that income level will be looking at women 10-20 years younger than you. Sorry, OP.


My ex cheated with many older women than me, all were professional. His current GF is 51. He is 56.