Anonymous
06/24/2022 17:55
Subject: Be honest with your seniors
Anonymous wrote:I think the costs of college have not caught up with most of us. We've been expecting our little darlings to go to private colleges like the ones we attended, not noticing that those colleges are only accessible to the very rich and very poor. The middle class can't go to private colleges. No one making <200K can send a kid to a college that costs $85K per year, even if you've saved for the kid's entire life. We tried, and saved $100k per kid, yet it wasn't enough to keep pace with the insanely skyrocketing price of private college. Even with merit aid, private colleges were not available, financially, to us. DCs went to public colleges, and believe me, not one of them was happy about it because they'd heard about the private colleges (much revered on this board) that DH and I attended. But we're neither wealthy nor poor, so public was our only option. We tried to tell our kids, but they really didn't listen, somehow believing that merit aid would get them to a private college. Or that they'd get into a HYP that would give them enough FA to attend. Neither of those things happened.
My mistake was paying off our mortgage. If we hadn't done that, we might have been eligible for FA. But the colleges saw our (modest) house as a bank account, and hence, no FA for us!
It's really hard to tell your kids you can't afford something you had and they want, OP. I tried, and pretty much failed.
Sadly, this scenario is a lot more common than anyone will admit. Since kids are no longer expected, by colleges, to contribute to the cost of their educations, and nor can young adults emancipate themselves from their parents to be considered for FA based on what they would earn if they were working, the parents are expected to pay and have to pay if the kid goes to college. A parent cannot 'opt out' of filling out a FAFSA even if the parent refuses to pay for college. FERPA also enables the disconnect because parents must pay for college but have no legal right to know their kid's grades, classes, enrollment status, etc, are unless their kid gives them permission to have that information.
Anonymous
06/24/2022 17:47
Subject: Be honest with your seniors
Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:My kid is attending a private that cost $75k a year. She got significant merit scholarships that have us paying about $40k/year out of pocket.
That’s why.
Did you know (through Net Price Calculator or other means) that she had a good chance of receiving a significant merit scholarship BEFORE applying to that school? Otherwise - if $40K was your limit - you could have had a very disappointed kid.
No, it was not expected. We learned with our first that the outcomes could be vastly different than predicted, so apply where you want and make the decision based on where you get in and the value proposition of each.
+1
Merit aid is not predictable but does exist and can be very generous. Also estimate that the colleges will estimate how much they each think your ability to pay will be able to stretch out of pocket. There is an expectation that you will be willing to pay a little more for private than required by in-state tuition metrics.
Anonymous
06/24/2022 17:37
Subject: Be honest with your seniors
Basic Adulting = you can't afford everything
and, you don't blame your parents
and, you don't blame your parents
Anonymous
06/24/2022 17:25
Subject: Be honest with your seniors
Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:My parents did this. HHI of 300k in the early 2000s and didn’t save a penny. And wouldn’t co-sign for private loans. Found out when I’d already gotten in to my dream school.
Where did you end up? I’m sorry, similar story here. Can’t shake the resentment, years later.
State Flagship U and it wasn’t a UVA or a Berkeley obviously. And yes I’m still bitter.
What was your dream school?
How many siblings do you have?
Anonymous
06/24/2022 17:14
Subject: Be honest with your seniors
DH and I valued our large state U experience (in different states) and our kids would have had to convince us of the merits of a SLAC. So, with that framework, we printed off a list of state schools around the country that we thought would be a good fit, in descending order of published cost of attendance. We actually drew a line - schools below the line were affordable.
They did apply to a couple privates. Got merit at most out-of-state publics. DD applied to 10 schools total and her list from most expensive to least expensive was completely re-ordered once merit aid came in.
The original list we printed off for them stayed on their bedroom wall for months. It took months before they seemed intersted in talking about it. "Gee Mom, did you see that school X is almost twice as expensive as school y?" It's like finally, after months and months, costs seemed to sink it.
They did apply to a couple privates. Got merit at most out-of-state publics. DD applied to 10 schools total and her list from most expensive to least expensive was completely re-ordered once merit aid came in.
The original list we printed off for them stayed on their bedroom wall for months. It took months before they seemed intersted in talking about it. "Gee Mom, did you see that school X is almost twice as expensive as school y?" It's like finally, after months and months, costs seemed to sink it.
Anonymous
06/24/2022 16:41
Subject: Be honest with your seniors
Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:My parents did this. HHI of 300k in the early 2000s and didn’t save a penny. And wouldn’t co-sign for private loans. Found out when I’d already gotten in to my dream school.
Where did you end up? I’m sorry, similar story here. Can’t shake the resentment, years later.
State Flagship U and it wasn’t a UVA or a Berkeley obviously. And yes I’m still bitter.
Anonymous
06/24/2022 16:26
Subject: Be honest with your seniors
Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:My kid is attending a private that cost $75k a year. She got significant merit scholarships that have us paying about $40k/year out of pocket.
That’s why.
I'm glad you can afford $40k, but we can't.
Our oldest child got a free ride in-state, and there was no way we could turn that down to pay $160k for four years of college.
We are also paying $40k a year after 50% tuition scholarship at a T50 school.
Majoring in CS so itll be a year's worth of salary.
Its a great deal.
Anonymous
06/24/2022 16:16
Subject: Be honest with your seniors
Anonymous wrote:I never thought I could afford most of the things I ended up affording. Multiple children, big house in desirable zip code, extensive renovations, very nice vacations. Things have a way of working out. Esp if you’re gainfully employed, have good credit, and are a homeowner. Money is a tool. You just have to know how to move it around to make it work for you. I would never rule out a school upfront just bc of price. You never know what could happen…
This has got to be a troll.
Anonymous
06/24/2022 16:16
Subject: Re:Be honest with your seniors
PP- Nobody is saying to rule out a specific college. OP here suggesting that parents give their kid a max dollar amount they can/will spend.
Anonymous
06/24/2022 15:37
Subject: Be honest with your seniors
I never thought I could afford most of the things I ended up affording. Multiple children, big house in desirable zip code, extensive renovations, very nice vacations. Things have a way of working out. Esp if you’re gainfully employed, have good credit, and are a homeowner. Money is a tool. You just have to know how to move it around to make it work for you. I would never rule out a school upfront just bc of price. You never know what could happen…
Anonymous
06/24/2022 15:27
Subject: Be honest with your seniors
Anonymous wrote:My kid is attending a private that cost $75k a year. She got significant merit scholarships that have us paying about $40k/year out of pocket.
That’s why.
I'm glad you can afford $40k, but we can't.
Our oldest child got a free ride in-state, and there was no way we could turn that down to pay $160k for four years of college.
Anonymous
06/24/2022 15:25
Subject: Be honest with your seniors
Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:My kid is attending a private that cost $75k a year. She got significant merit scholarships that have us paying about $40k/year out of pocket.
That’s why.
Did you know (through Net Price Calculator or other means) that she had a good chance of receiving a significant merit scholarship BEFORE applying to that school? Otherwise - if $40K was your limit - you could have had a very disappointed kid.
Yeah, I think they just wanted to brag about the scholarship.
+1. Note also they didn’t provide the name. That’s because it’s not an elite school. Elite schools don’t have to give large merit awards in order to compose the class they want
And? So what?
My kid got $34K at Oberlin which enabled her to choose it over in-state options. It is not elite but it is what she wanted and we can afford it.
What is your point?
Do you mind sharing whether the 34K was all merit and what year it was? That would be a good number if available to us, but I had heard that 25K was top merit the last year or so.
When your in-state option is $30K, a merit award (discount) of $25k off of an $85k price tag just won't cut it. No way was any private with double the price of our public. And we couldn't afford it, and refused to take out loans.
Anonymous
06/24/2022 15:23
Subject: Be honest with your seniors
I think the costs of college have not caught up with most of us. We've been expecting our little darlings to go to private colleges like the ones we attended, not noticing that those colleges are only accessible to the very rich and very poor. The middle class can't go to private colleges. No one making <200K can send a kid to a college that costs $85K per year, even if you've saved for the kid's entire life. We tried, and saved $100k per kid, yet it wasn't enough to keep pace with the insanely skyrocketing price of private college. Even with merit aid, private colleges were not available, financially, to us. DCs went to public colleges, and believe me, not one of them was happy about it because they'd heard about the private colleges (much revered on this board) that DH and I attended. But we're neither wealthy nor poor, so public was our only option. We tried to tell our kids, but they really didn't listen, somehow believing that merit aid would get them to a private college. Or that they'd get into a HYP that would give them enough FA to attend. Neither of those things happened.
My mistake was paying off our mortgage. If we hadn't done that, we might have been eligible for FA. But the colleges saw our (modest) house as a bank account, and hence, no FA for us!
It's really hard to tell your kids you can't afford something you had and they want, OP. I tried, and pretty much failed.
My mistake was paying off our mortgage. If we hadn't done that, we might have been eligible for FA. But the colleges saw our (modest) house as a bank account, and hence, no FA for us!
It's really hard to tell your kids you can't afford something you had and they want, OP. I tried, and pretty much failed.
Anonymous
06/24/2022 14:59
Subject: Be honest with your seniors
Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:My kid is attending a private that cost $75k a year. She got significant merit scholarships that have us paying about $40k/year out of pocket.
That’s why.
Did you know (through Net Price Calculator or other means) that she had a good chance of receiving a significant merit scholarship BEFORE applying to that school? Otherwise - if $40K was your limit - you could have had a very disappointed kid.
Yeah, I think they just wanted to brag about the scholarship.
+1. Note also they didn’t provide the name. That’s because it’s not an elite school. Elite schools don’t have to give large merit awards in order to compose the class they want
And? So what?
My kid got $34K at Oberlin which enabled her to choose it over in-state options. It is not elite but it is what she wanted and we can afford it.
What is your point?
Do you mind sharing whether the 34K was all merit and what year it was? That would be a good number if available to us, but I had heard that 25K was top merit the last year or so.
Anonymous
06/24/2022 14:15
Subject: Be honest with your seniors
Anonymous wrote:She’s okay with going to college in Ohio?
What a bizarre question.