Op ~ YOU go without your husband. YOU stop making this sound like a slight. YOU stop saying, "DIL wants ...". YOUR SON and his wife are a couple and the decision is joint. If your son is presenting it as, just his wife, your son is not being a good spouse. And you shouldn't be encouraging that speculation.

This is YOUR tradition. Not your DIL's tradition. Also, maybe your tradition isn't fun for your son. My parents tradition for vacations was to take us to somewhere boring and then visit every museum that area had and read every single thing there. My brother and I were SO bored and it made us hate museums. Despite that it was tradition. Maybe your son hates being hot, or hates sand getting everywhere, or just wants to try something new.

There's nothing wrong with this. It's not a lot to process. They don't want to do YOUR tradition, and are inviting you to partake in an adventure they want to take. You're SO LUCKY they invited you!

Anonymous wrote:There is something to be said about tradition! I think people are being too harsh on OP.

I agree with you, but the way OP handles this is going affect her relationship with her son and DIL going forward.

OP, I would continue with your beach vacation next year and then go w/out your DH on the mountain vacation. Your son and DIL handled this change in tradition in the most thoughtful and kind way possible. They may join you again at the beach down the road.

Anonymous wrote:There is something to be said about tradition! I think people are being too harsh on OP.

Whose tradition?

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:1. Your husband is in his 60s, and still "indispensable" on the front line of a pool company? Hmmm.

2. Your kids have the right to change their minds more than a year in advance.

3. Vacations in the same spot for decades? Torture, OP, torture.

4. You do not have priority. "Tradition" is meaningless.

ancillery to this post, but #1 tells us a lot about the people in this area and understandings of how businesses work. facepalm, facepalm, facepalm

Yep! And the labor shortage is no joke! OP’s husband would probably love some trustworthy reliable subordinates but they don’t grow on trees. Every service company is struggling for workers - I’m not sure how anyone could have missed that.

If it's that bad, maybe a beach vacation isn't going to be possible!

NP. You really do keep sounding more and more like a nitwit. Best to stop.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:1. Your husband is in his 60s, and still "indispensable" on the front line of a pool company? Hmmm.

2. Your kids have the right to change their minds more than a year in advance.

3. Vacations in the same spot for decades? Torture, OP, torture.

4. You do not have priority. "Tradition" is meaningless.

ancillery to this post, but #1 tells us a lot about the people in this area and understandings of how businesses work. facepalm, facepalm, facepalm

Yep! And the labor shortage is no joke! OP’s husband would probably love some trustworthy reliable subordinates but they don’t grow on trees. Every service company is struggling for workers - I’m not sure how anyone could have missed that.

If it's that bad, maybe a beach vacation isn't going to be possible!

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I love the beach but cannot imagine going on vacation with my parents or my ILs every summer, no matter the location.
That is a lot to ask of someone.

AND THEIR FRIENDS. OMG. My ILs' friends hassle me about not changing my name, and I've been married 15 years! They think it's "unnatural" that I don't eat red meat. They're always sneaking outside to smoke and then lying about it as if we can't see them from the window, it's insane. And they never want to do anything, and they get up at 6 AM and make a ton of noise in the kitchen but then you come downstairs and realize they made 1 Keurig cup and there's no breakfast.

Why do you go on vacation with them? And why would they be making you coffee and breakfast?

Well, I do it because it's really important to my DH and ILs. Sometimes family involves compromise.

I don't need them to make me coffee and breakfast, I'm just perplexed why there's such a racket of pots and pans waking up everybody in the house just to produce one K-cup of coffee.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:1. Your husband is in his 60s, and still "indispensable" on the front line of a pool company? Hmmm.

2. Your kids have the right to change their minds more than a year in advance.

3. Vacations in the same spot for decades? Torture, OP, torture.

4. You do not have priority. "Tradition" is meaningless.

ancillery to this post, but #1 tells us a lot about the people in this area and understandings of how businesses work. facepalm, facepalm, facepalm

Yep! And the labor shortage is no joke! OP’s husband would probably love some trustworthy reliable subordinates but they don’t grow on trees. Every service company is struggling for workers - I’m not sure how anyone could have missed that.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Well, the great thing about mountain resorts is you can go there at different times of year. Why don't you make plans for Labor Day weekend or the 3-day weekend in October? That's a lovely time of year in Shenandoah, Deep Creek Lake, Canaan Valley, southern New York state, southern Pennsylvania, etc. You can do the whole fall thing with leaves, hay ride, hot cider, etc. It will be lovely!

The key to family harmony is not pressuring people do to things they don't want to do, and being happy to bend and flex as children grow.

The son and his wife want to go to the mountains instead of the beach. And they are willing to pay for the trip. The last thing OP should do is try and pressure them to change the mountain trip to another time of the year.

OP, if the summer is hard for your husband, why not a spring or fall vacation with the grandkids? It sounds like a win-win to me. You can pick apples. "Traditions" come and go. They stop when people stop enjoying them, and it sounds like this one has run its course for your family. It's ok to be disappointed but ultimately this kind of thing cannot be forced.

And really do consider if your friends are enjoyable for your son and DIL and the kids. Really. Offer a no-friends trip and see what they say.

Sincerely,
Someone who is very tired of her ILs' gross male friend constantly commenting on her weight.

I'm not reading the whole thread, but, for those of us who grew up going to different places on vacation every year, the once a year trip to the same beach/same rental condo/same house, gets extremely boring. We literally don't understand it. I would suggest alternating every year if going to Fenwick is important to you.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I love the beach but cannot imagine going on vacation with my parents or my ILs every summer, no matter the location.
That is a lot to ask of someone.

AND THEIR FRIENDS. OMG. My ILs' friends hassle me about not changing my name, and I've been married 15 years! They think it's "unnatural" that I don't eat red meat. They're always sneaking outside to smoke and then lying about it as if we can't see them from the window, it's insane. And they never want to do anything, and they get up at 6 AM and make a ton of noise in the kitchen but then you come downstairs and realize they made 1 Keurig cup and there's no breakfast.

Why do you go on vacation with them? And why would they be making you coffee and breakfast?

Anonymous wrote:Well, the great thing about mountain resorts is you can go there at different times of year. Why don't you make plans for Labor Day weekend or the 3-day weekend in October? That's a lovely time of year in Shenandoah, Deep Creek Lake, Canaan Valley, southern New York state, southern Pennsylvania, etc. You can do the whole fall thing with leaves, hay ride, hot cider, etc. It will be lovely!

The key to family harmony is not pressuring people do to things they don't want to do, and being happy to bend and flex as children grow.

The son and his wife want to go to the mountains instead of the beach. And they are willing to pay for the trip. The last thing OP should do is try and pressure them to change the mountain trip to another time of the year.

Anonymous wrote:1. Your husband is in his 60s, and still "indispensable" on the front line of a pool company? Hmmm.

2. Your kids have the right to change their minds more than a year in advance.

3. Vacations in the same spot for decades? Torture, OP, torture.

4. You do not have priority. "Tradition" is meaningless.

ancillery to this post, but #1 tells us a lot about the people in this area and understandings of how businesses work. facepalm, facepalm, facepalm

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:There is something to be said about tradition! I think people are being too harsh on OP.

A lot of us have had "tradition" weaponized against us, so we're bringing our own feelings about it. For instance, my MIL has a standard Thanksgiving dinner and no dishes are allowed to be added or subtracted. Same with vacations. It becomes oppressive. MILs really don't want DILs inputs.

And that’s when you stop going to Thanksgiving.

This. Why do you do nothing and keep doing the same thing over and over and complaining about it?

Oh that's not me complaining. I did stop attending and started hosting my own so that I can see my family some years as well. It's just an example

It's perfectly reasonable for your son's family to establish their own traditions. Not everyone likes Fenwick. You are lucky they are including you - and wow, offering to pay!

Go one time, see if you like it. After that (if invited) don't go back or go back every other year or every year or whatever you want to do. Don't try to force them to do what YOU want.