Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Today I learned: one polite email is “begging” and “groveling”

Who do you think is going to be more successful in life: the person who takes what they get and never negotiates or asks for more, or the person who is smart enough to know when putting yourself out there and communicating what you want will pay off?

It is really interesting that parents now see an email asking to raise a grade the same as assertive contract negotiations. This is what’s wrong with this generation. They think they can get what they want by asking, demanding, being polite or assertive, and writing emails and letters. No, what they need to do is the work. Hard work and completion the if the job.

Why don’t you try that. Don’t show up for work but write a polite email asking for your full paycheck without using your sick or vacation time. It’s the same, right?

I’m a high school teacher and I can confirm this. Parents and students push and plead to have grades inflated, or as OP calls it, “grounded up.”

Many parents and students believe that if the student tries his/her best in my AP class, he/she deserves an A. Students and parents often argue that “I worked really hard!” Or “Larlo studied late into the night for your tests.” They truly feel that everybody who works hard deserves the grade they want, and that it is unfair for a student who “tries her very best” to be given a lower grade than the student or parent wants.

Three years ago I had a serious email from a parent asking me to raise her 11th grader’s grade, explaining that her son “needs an A in your class for the colleges he wants.” Her son was a solid B student.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Today I learned: one polite email is “begging” and “groveling”

Who do you think is going to be more successful in life: the person who takes what they get and never negotiates or asks for more, or the person who is smart enough to know when putting yourself out there and communicating what you want will pay off?

It is really interesting that parents now see an email asking to raise a grade the same as assertive contract negotiations. This is what’s wrong with this generation. They think they can get what they want by asking, demanding, being polite or assertive, and writing emails and letters. No, what they need to do is the work. Hard work and completion the if the job.

Why don’t you try that. Don’t show up for work but write a polite email asking for your full paycheck without using your sick or vacation time. It’s the same, right?

Well, they can, per the OP

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Today I learned: one polite email is “begging” and “groveling”

Who do you think is going to be more successful in life: the person who takes what they get and never negotiates or asks for more, or the person who is smart enough to know when putting yourself out there and communicating what you want will pay off?

It is really interesting that parents now see an email asking to raise a grade the same as assertive contract negotiations. This is what’s wrong with this generation. They think they can get what they want by asking, demanding, being polite or assertive, and writing emails and letters. No, what they need to do is the work. Hard work and completion the if the job.

Why don’t you try that. Don’t show up for work but write a polite email asking for your full paycheck without using your sick or vacation time. It’s the same, right?

I know you’re not that dumb. No, because that is a silly request, but you know that. The risk of offending, ruining a relationship or your reputation is quite high while the likelihood your request would be granted is next to nothing. It’s a waste. The situation in the OP is the opposite—low risk for a relatively high reward. There’s almost no downsides to asking (unless the professor might write you a recommendation in the future, or you’ll have to take another class with them, but then you might make a different calculation) and the chances of your request being granted aren’t bad. The only risk is that some pearl-clutchers on DCUM will call you a grade grubber. Another important life skill is knowing whose opinions matter and whose are irrelevant.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I say good for your DD. There are so many studies about men getting paid more than women for the same work because (1) men ASK for more more money, unlike women, who are taught not to ask for more than they are offered and (2) they apply for jobs with higher salaries than they are technically qualified for, unlike women, who if they can't meet the written expectations of the throw their hat in the ring. It is the way the world works.

Sadly there are also studies that show that when women do similar things to men they don't experience the same benefits.

What’s your point? That mediocrity and fake grades need to be equally accessible, valid options for both genders?

I would be so disappointed in my son if he told me he had grovelled for an inflated grade. Whether or not he got the fake grade would make no difference: OP is doing her child no favours in the long run.

I was responding to the point the PP made that the reason men make more money is that they ask for more and apply for jobs they are not qualified for. I was just noting that experimental studies show that when women try to do the same, they are not rewarded like men are. I wasn't saying anything about the grade inflation point (I'm against grade-grubbing like that).

Anonymous wrote:Today I learned: one polite email is “begging” and “groveling”

Who do you think is going to be more successful in life: the person who takes what they get and never negotiates or asks for more, or the person who is smart enough to know when putting yourself out there and communicating what you want will pay off?

It is really interesting that parents now see an email asking to raise a grade the same as assertive contract negotiations. This is what’s wrong with this generation. They think they can get what they want by asking, demanding, being polite or assertive, and writing emails and letters. No, what they need to do is the work. Hard work and completion the if the job.

Why don’t you try that. Don’t show up for work but write a polite email asking for your full paycheck without using your sick or vacation time. It’s the same, right?

Anonymous wrote:Grade grubbing is not something to be proud of.

+1. No wonder so many colleges probably have a jaundiced view of GPAs these days.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:She is welcome to ask. Lord knows I got 73857353 emails in the last 48 hours begging me to do the same.

Unlike that teacher though, I said no. There were plenty of opportunities all year to earn points, and a final exam to show trend/mastery learning.

I will say that I refuse to write college recs for kids who do this. Own the grade you get. Begging me to raise it doesn’t reflect well on yourself.

Totally agree.

+1

OP, your kid went begging for grades and you are proud? Do you work at a busy intersection with a cardboard sign, your kids in tow and not in school, and begging for money?

Today I learned: one polite email is “begging” and “groveling”

Who do you think is going to be more successful in life: the person who takes what they get and never negotiates or asks for more, or the person who is smart enough to know when putting yourself out there and communicating what you want will pay off?

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:She is welcome to ask. Lord knows I got 73857353 emails in the last 48 hours begging me to do the same.

Unlike that teacher though, I said no. There were plenty of opportunities all year to earn points, and a final exam to show trend/mastery learning.

I will say that I refuse to write college recs for kids who do this. Own the grade you get. Begging me to raise it doesn’t reflect well on yourself.

Totally agree.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I say good for your DD. There are so many studies about men getting paid more than women for the same work because (1) men ASK for more more money, unlike women, who are taught not to ask for more than they are offered and (2) they apply for jobs with higher salaries than they are technically qualified for, unlike women, who if they can't meet the written expectations of the throw their hat in the ring. It is the way the world works.

Sadly there are also studies that show that when women do similar things to men they don't experience the same benefits.

What’s your point? That mediocrity and fake grades need to be equally accessible, valid options for both genders?

I would be so disappointed in my son if he told me he had grovelled for an inflated grade. Whether or not he got the fake grade would make no difference: OP is doing her child no favours in the long run.

Anonymous wrote:I say good for your DD. There are so many studies about men getting paid more than women for the same work because (1) men ASK for more more money, unlike women, who are taught not to ask for more than they are offered and (2) they apply for jobs with higher salaries than they are technically qualified for, unlike women, who if they can't meet the written expectations of the job, don't throw their hat in the ring. It is the way the world works.

Sadly there are also studies that show that when women do similar things to men they don't experience the same benefits.

This really is not something to celebrate.

I have lived in countries where the general professional and medical standards were low, in part due to the fact that the local schools, universities and medical schools awarded grades according to ‘wasta’ (influence).

OP, your kid got a grade she didn’t earn. I’m not saying you should shame her, but voicing your “pride” is a bit much.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Not going to work well once she gets into college..

It will work fine and happens all the time.

+1

Anonymous wrote:Not going to work well once she gets into college..

It will work fine and happens all the time.