Anonymous wrote:she is a lesbian obviously

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:But, many , many, many men do suck - in all corners of women’s lives - male colleagues, bosses, peers, relatives members of the public. It deeply affects the quality and trajectory of our lives. If you can’t recognize that and instead feel threatened by it, think your wife should just keep quiet about it, or if you feel obligated to stick up for sucky men just because they are your male brethren, then, TBH, there is something wrong with you and you should do some serious self-reflection.

And if you’re about to respond - but I don’t suck and I’m a man so why should I tolerate being lumped in with all the men? Well, that means you do not even begin to recognize the immense male privilege you have benefitted from every second of your life since you were born.

You would not say the same thing if a man was beset by his female colleagues, bosses, peers, relatives, etc. and abstracted his negative feelings about them onto women as a whole. You'll try to justify the double standard by some hand waving about societal power, but it's still wrong.

NP. If women subjected men to everything that men subject women to I would! For sure. But that is not the world we live in.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Why do you find it off-putting? Is it because it’s a downer? Because it’s constant? Because you are in the group that is pissing her off? All three?

If it’s because it’s a downer and/or constant, and you have already tried finding common ground and changing the subject, I’d just tell her you love her but you don’t have it in you to keep talking about it and encourage her to find people to vent to, like a friend, online group, or therapist.

If it’s because you’re a man and feeling defensive on behalf of yourself or other men, examine that feeling. Defensiveness usually comes from somewhere. And perhaps try to really, really see where she is coming from. A lot of men agree intellectually with this stuff but don’t actually get it. I find that when men really do get it, they feel less defensiveness and more compassion for their partner. And a little anger on their behalf.

This is dumb. "Examine that feeling"? He feels...annoyed. And why wouldn't he? Nobody would want to hear someone go on and on and on about how much their gender sucks. Get outta here. "I find that when men really do get it"?? What man is agreeing with you saying men suck all of the time? My guess is none. - A woman.

I said examine the defensiveness, not the aspect of repeated complaints. The reason negative feelings surrounding repeated complaints doesn’t really need to be examined because constant complaining brings people down. So the solution is just to kindly let the one complaining that they can’t listen anymore and when the complainer needs to vent they have to find another listening ear.

Defensiveness is trickier. Often when men bristle when women complain about men, it’s because deep down inside it makes them wonder “am I at fault here?” Your ego usually doesn’t want to ask itself that question so instead you react with defensiveness and blame the person triggering the defensiveness. But many men do learn to respond to complaints about sexism with some humility. They might decide that they aren’t doing anything wrong, but they gain some understanding about the anger. Or they might decide they want to do better.

This is hard but practicing empathy and letting go of ego is great for your marriage.

Anonymous wrote:I'm generally on the same side as my wife politically, and I agree that women tend to get the short end of the stick in a lot of ways, politically, legally, and culturally. But the constant drumbeat of how men suck is just really off-putting. When I occasionally object, she'll say some variant of "oh, I don't mean you." If I was on and on about the shortcomings of women, she'd be furious. And she'd take it personally.

Anyone else have a spouse who fixates on a single subject in a way that's relentlessly negative? If so, how do you deal with it?

Anonymous wrote:I'm generally on the same side as my wife politically, and I agree that women tend to get the short end of the stick in a lot of ways, politically, legally, and culturally. But the constant drumbeat of how men suck is just really off-putting. When I occasionally object, she'll say some variant of "oh, I don't mean you." If I was on and on about the shortcomings of women, she'd be furious. And she'd take it personally.

Anyone else have a spouse who fixates on a single subject in a way that's relentlessly negative? If so, how do you deal with it?

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Oh op…
Just wait.
I hear Roe is literally being overturned tomorrow.
Avoid your DW for most of the day if possible.

Or maybe offer a shoulder to cry on? Like, you know, a friend and a partner would do?

If she’s venting daily about every damn injustice in the world, no. OP is responsible for his actions, not for whatever she happens to be upset about.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:But, many , many, many men do suck - in all corners of women’s lives - male colleagues, bosses, peers, relatives members of the public. It deeply affects the quality and trajectory of our lives. If you can’t recognize that and instead feel threatened by it, think your wife should just keep quiet about it, or if you feel obligated to stick up for sucky men just because they are your male brethren, then, TBH, there is something wrong with you and you should do some serious self-reflection.

And if you’re about to respond - but I don’t suck and I’m a man so why should I tolerate being lumped in with all the men? Well, that means you do not even begin to recognize the immense male privilege you have benefitted from every second of your life since you were born.

You would not say the same thing if a man was beset by his female colleagues, bosses, peers, relatives, etc. and abstracted his negative feelings about them onto women as a whole. You'll try to justify the double standard by some hand waving about societal power, but it's still wrong.

NP. If women subjected men to everything that men subject women to I would! For sure. But that is not the world we live in.

Yes, the world we live in is one in which women have all the power in modern so-called marriages. Women control the sex and every aspect of the man's life, and can walk out at any time with his kids and half his wealth, and do this all while claiming to be oppressed. It's quite a trick!

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:But, many , many, many men do suck - in all corners of women’s lives - male colleagues, bosses, peers, relatives members of the public. It deeply affects the quality and trajectory of our lives. If you can’t recognize that and instead feel threatened by it, think your wife should just keep quiet about it, or if you feel obligated to stick up for sucky men just because they are your male brethren, then, TBH, there is something wrong with you and you should do some serious self-reflection.

And if you’re about to respond - but I don’t suck and I’m a man so why should I tolerate being lumped in with all the men? Well, that means you do not even begin to recognize the immense male privilege you have benefitted from every second of your life since you were born.

You would not say the same thing if a man was beset by his female colleagues, bosses, peers, relatives, etc. and abstracted his negative feelings about them onto women as a whole. You'll try to justify the double standard by some hand waving about societal power, but it's still wrong.

NP. If women subjected men to everything that men subject women to I would! For sure. But that is not the world we live in.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:My husband agrees with me that men suck.

Now we know why some boys grow up hating women. These women constantly belittling and raving about how awful men are while raising boys is why they get so f&&ked up.

Yes, it's clearly those angry feminists who created misogyny with their bad parenting! Astute historical assessment.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Oh op…
Just wait.
I hear Roe is literally being overturned tomorrow.
Avoid your DW for most of the day if possible.

Or maybe offer a shoulder to cry on? Like, you know, a friend and a partner would do?

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:My husband agrees with me that men suck.

Now we know why some boys grow up hating women. These women constantly belittling and raving about how awful men are while raising boys is why they get so f&&ked up.

Anonymous wrote:This is one of the reasons why blanket statements based on race, gender, culture, etc. are so toxic to our society--and by extension, why social media is so toxic.

I don't know how the hearer, who is part of the maligned group, can really avoid feeling offended, even if the hearer is "one of the good ones" or otherwise agrees with the sentiment.

These kinds of blanket statement are really intellectually lazy. They are not going to create more understanding. They are not going to make a point or change anyone's mind or behavior. They are just venting (which is fine, on occasion), but far more likely to just entrench disagreement.

So, yeah, men have created tons of problems for women. But just ranting to your husband and male children about how men suck isn't going to change anything for the better, isn't going to make your husband want to be better, and isn't going to teach your sons how to be better. It is just lazy and angry and, frankly, trashy. I can see why OP doesn't like it.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:But, many , many, many men do suck - in all corners of women’s lives - male colleagues, bosses, peers, relatives members of the public. It deeply affects the quality and trajectory of our lives. If you can’t recognize that and instead feel threatened by it, think your wife should just keep quiet about it, or if you feel obligated to stick up for sucky men just because they are your male brethren, then, TBH, there is something wrong with you and you should do some serious self-reflection.

And if you’re about to respond - but I don’t suck and I’m a man so why should I tolerate being lumped in with all the men? Well, that means you do not even begin to recognize the immense male privilege you have benefitted from every second of your life since you were born.

You would not say the same thing if a man was beset by his female colleagues, bosses, peers, relatives, etc. and abstracted his negative feelings about them onto women as a whole. You'll try to justify the double standard by some hand waving about societal power, but it's still wrong.

Anonymous wrote:Oh op…
Just wait.
I hear Roe is literally being overturned tomorrow.
Avoid your DW for most of the day if possible.