It’s such a hard decision. We have a perfect four year old, and two frozen embryos now in storage on a different continent. We have faithfully paid the storage fees for almost 5 years. We are completely confident we do not want to add to our family, but also can’t bring ourselves to stop paying for the cryo. It’s very personal, but we do not want to donate for embryo adoption or to science. It’s a really really tricky situation. You’re not alone trying to make these tough decisions. Thinking of you.

You aren’t ready. Wait 1 more year. After my IVF baby was born, I thought about my 7 embryos a lot. When my 2nd surprise child turned one, I felt complete and let them go without issue.

What helped me, OP, was thinking about how if I didn't have to do IVF we'd be like "every other normal couple" using birth control and would never think twice about going for a third. If you were on the pill right now would you consider going off of it? If the answer is no, I think you can feel at peace donating/discarding the embryo. What you have (the embryo) is only marginally more tangible at this point than a fertile couple mid-cycle every month.

Anonymous wrote:Don't overthink this. Do you and DH want a third or not? If you do, I'm sure you have the resources to make it responsibly happen.

I think this is good advice. It’s not a baby yet- you’d still have to have a successful implantation and pregnancy. Just saying, it’s a chance at a third baby and even couples conceiving naturally make that choice. So I’d really just ask yourselves do you want a third kid? Don’t feel guilt about the embryo sitting there.

Anonymous wrote:I have many remaining embryos and while I may have one more, this question torments me.

I have many too and am 38 with a twice scarred uterus. Wish I had started younger.

I have many remaining embryos and while I may have one more, this question torments me.

Speaking just to the age aspect, I was 41 when I had my last. At the time it seemed easy peasy. But now approaching my mid-fifties with a young teen, not so easy. Its hard to imagine when you are youngish and healthy how your energy levels go down and your body changes in just ten or 12 years.

Go with your heart but for what it's worth- I enjoyed the baby stage the most with my 3rd and she has been such a treat. It's so hard for a short period and then it gets easier. For those hard years, an au pair is a life saver and also temporary. Our youngest is now 4 and we just finished with our last au pair and are managing pretty well.

We transferred our third (last) embryo and had a successful pregnancy. I was in my late thirties but have a smaller age gap between each of my kids, so it’s still pretty exhausting. That said, I’m so incredibly grateful for our third baby. Good luck with your decision, OP!

Don't overthink this. Do you and DH want a third or not? If you do, I'm sure you have the resources to make it responsibly happen.