According to OP his concerns include:
1. He just paid for an expensive international trip she wanted to go on.
2. He is concerned about the economy because he fears a recession. NOTE: FACT = >8% inflation (>15% if using historical calculation method)
3. He pays for all HH expenses because as she put it he wants her to keep all her earned income.

This does not sound like an abusive situation from his end. He is doing what a husband is supposed to do. He is making sure the family is financially stable and ALSO providing nice things (i.e., expensive international trips).

The OP simply isn't on the same page as her husband. She doesn't want to walk down that financially conservative path that he husband is trying to lead the family down.
When it comes to compromise according to the OP the ONLY person compromising is her husband. He essentially gave up trying to convince her and told her "do what you want."

I can imagine, also, that because they are in an apartment the husband expects that they will eventually relocate to a home and in addition to items 1,2,3 above is wondering "why spend money on stuff for this temporary living situation which probably will not match the décor of our future home."

If you want to divorce over furniture then you should get a divorce ASAP. Don't have kids and get your divorce. It will be better for him in the long run. You are not suited for marriage.

Anonymous wrote:I understand what you mean. In my case, the furniture was a huge issue, and it was one of many things that he was ultra controlling about. I decided to take a freelance gig on the side and didn't mention it. I saved up $20k over several months, and spent a large part of that on new furniture. He didn't ask many questions since I was paying for everything. We did eventually divorce due to his controlling nature.

I think you divorced because of all this nonsense of "his money - my money", who is paying for this, who is paying for that.

Why the hell do you people get married? I hope you did not have kids with this man.

Congrats OP!

OP here. Update. I selected a pair of side tables for $700. I showed it to him and said I am buying them. He said they look nice and to go for it.

First little win!

You both sound ridiculous.

Sometimes re-upholstering can be more costly than buying new furniture.

Find a price point that he is comfortable with and meet him halfway or just buy the furniture you want with your money.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP here. I just told my husband I will buy us side tables. He looked incredulous," with MY money?"

I said, "with OUR money."

He says that he just took me on a big trip abroad and he does not want to spend any money. I told him I am happy to use "MY" money.

He gets angry and says "everyone knows you like to spend and spend!"

I said, "that is not accurate, I am buying side tables with my money."

He rolls his eyes and says, "do whatever you want!" sighs and walks out.

There's a key to your dynamic in here. If you took the trip together, how is it that he sees it as him "taking you" on a trip abroad? Does he think he's responsible for all the finances in your relationship? Do you guys have a very high hhi?

My DH makes about double what I do. He would never dream of saying that he "took me on vacation" b.c it's our combined money. We also don't fight like teens by saying things like "everyone knows you spend and spend." That's extremely immature.

You don't have a furniture problem in your relationship- you have a power struggle and control issue problem. Put on your big person pants and look at the forest not the trees.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP here. I just told my husband I will buy us side tables. He looked incredulous," with MY money?"

I said, "with OUR money."

He says that he just took me on a big trip abroad and he does not want to spend any money. I told him I am happy to use "MY" money.

He gets angry and says "everyone knows you like to spend and spend!"

I said, "that is not accurate, I am buying side tables with my money."

He rolls his eyes and says, "do whatever you want!" sighs and walks out.

He's way too good for you. You LIED and said he forbade you when the FACTS are he let's you do whatever you want. Instead of ordering the side tables with your money LIKE HE ALLOWED, you libeled him on the internet. Shaking my head.

LIBEL ON THE INTERNET 😂😂😂😂😂

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP here. I just told my husband I will buy us side tables. He looked incredulous," with MY money?"

I said, "with OUR money."

He says that he just took me on a big trip abroad and he does not want to spend any money. I told him I am happy to use "MY" money.

He gets angry and says "everyone knows you like to spend and spend!"

I said, "that is not accurate, I am buying side tables with my money."

He rolls his eyes and says, "do whatever you want!" sighs and walks out.

He's way too good for you. You LIED and said he forbade you when the FACTS are he let's you do whatever you want. Instead of ordering the side tables with your money LIKE HE ALLOWED, you libeled him on the internet. Shaking my head.

Ugh, just stop. Clearly the guy is used to using his anger to limit what op does. OP isn't used to standing up for herself and just taking his wrath. That's how you get power back. She's learning.

Anonymous wrote:OP here. I just told my husband I will buy us side tables. He looked incredulous," with MY money?"

I said, "with OUR money."

He says that he just took me on a big trip abroad and he does not want to spend any money. I told him I am happy to use "MY" money.

He gets angry and says "everyone knows you like to spend and spend!"

I said, "that is not accurate, I am buying side tables with my money."

He rolls his eyes and says, "do whatever you want!" sighs and walks out.

He's way too good for you. You LIED and said he forbade you when the FACTS are he let's you do whatever you want. Instead of ordering the side tables with your money LIKE HE ALLOWED, you libeled him on the internet. Shaking my head.

Anonymous wrote:OP here. I just told my husband I will buy us side tables. He looked incredulous," with MY money?"

I said, "with OUR money."

He says that he just took me on a big trip abroad and he does not want to spend any money. I told him I am happy to use "MY" money.

He gets angry and says "everyone knows you like to spend and spend!"

I said, "that is not accurate, I am buying side tables with my money."

He rolls his eyes and says, "do whatever you want!" sighs and walks out.

There's a key to your dynamic in here. If you took the trip together, how is it that he sees it as him "taking you" on a trip abroad? Does he think he's responsible for all the finances in your relationship? Do you guys have a very high hhi?

I used to be this person (I'm a woman though.) I was deeply insecure about our financial situation and didn't want to spend a single unnecessary dollar. He has an anxiety problem Try going out together to a special place, have a good talk about your money and try to make him feel like you're on his side. Show him specific items you'd like to buy and get them one at a time.

Anonymous wrote:OP here. I just told my husband I will buy us side tables. He looked incredulous," with MY money?"

I said, "with OUR money."

He says that he just took me on a big trip abroad and he does not want to spend any money. I told him I am happy to use "MY" money.

He gets angry and says "everyone knows you like to spend and spend!"

I said, "that is not accurate, I am buying side tables with my money."

He rolls his eyes and says, "do whatever you want!" sighs and walks out.

That's okay. Take your power back. Let him be angry - clearly someone is going to be upset in this scenario, why should it be you?

Good. Then do what you want with your money.

OP here. I just told my husband I will buy us side tables. He looked incredulous," with MY money?"

I said, "with OUR money."

He says that he just took me on a big trip abroad and he does not want to spend any money. I told him I am happy to use "MY" money.

He gets angry and says "everyone knows you like to spend and spend!"

I said, "that is not accurate, I am buying side tables with my money."

He rolls his eyes and says, "do whatever you want!" sighs and walks out.

Anonymous wrote:OP here. Thank you for your feedback. When I say "forbids" I mean to say that he expresses intense and loud disapproval. Getting angry or frustrated and urging me to "stop spending money!"

When I say I am happy to buy it with "my paycheck" he tells me to not and to "keep my money" as a recession is coming.

I suppose I could go ahead and buy what I want anyway, but I feel uncomfortable doing that as I always imagined a couple agreeing on bigger purchases especially if they are for the home. I am sad when I see husbands and wives go furniture shopping together or planning decor for a room together and buying and selecting furniture is a fun bonding nesting experience.

So here I either not buy anything or go ahead and buy things without his input and potentially have him get angry and yell at me.

Setting boundaries is ALWAYS uncomfortable. Discomfort doesn’t mean you are doing the wrong thing. And you need to give up what you imagined a couple doing. You have the partner you have, not the partner you imagined.