Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:To those who say Op has to co-mingle the money for the sake of a good marriage. No. It's not "enjoy your money alone" as some pp said. Instead, it's, "Op, in this case, how it is spent is your decision. Plenty of spouses can choose to invest/spend for the good of the marriage and family. But the decision making power is all Op's. And should be.

The idea on this board, though, that it's absolutely insane to commingle an inheritance strikes me as misguided. I inherited about 1/3 of what OP is expecting about 10 years ago and didn't think twice about putting it into a joint account with my wife. It's not like I did anything to earn the money. It wasn't even like my parents did anything to earn the money; it came from my grandparents. I saw it as basically a windfall that there was no reason I should consider mine and mine alone. If one day half of it goes off into another family because ours breaks up, the people who actually earned it will never know or care.

Anonymous wrote:I’m thinking fully fund the college accounts? DH wants to pay down the house.
We have only 300k in the 529s and we have three kids (16,14,5)
We have about 2 mil in retirement (late 40s)
About 800k in taxable investments.
We both work.
We have a very expensive mortgage.
We pay for an expensive private school so we are accustomed to the tuition bills every year so DH doesn’t think we need more saved for college.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:To those who say Op has to co-mingle the money for the sake of a good marriage. No. It's not "enjoy your money alone" as some pp said. Instead, it's, "Op, in this case, how it is spent is your decision. Plenty of spouses can choose to invest/spend for the good of the marriage and family. But the decision making power is all Op's. And should be.

The idea on this board, though, that it's absolutely insane to commingle an inheritance strikes me as misguided. I inherited about 1/3 of what OP is expecting about 10 years ago and didn't think twice about putting it into a joint account with my wife. It's not like I did anything to earn the money. It wasn't even like my parents did anything to earn the money; it came from my grandparents. I saw it as basically a windfall that there was no reason I should consider mine and mine alone. If one day half of it goes off into another family because ours breaks up, the people who actually earned it will never know or care.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Inheritance is a separate property of the spouse who inherited it. Don’t invest in anything joint - you are gifting your spouse 50%. Is it what you want ?

I would buy a separate rental property or a brokerage account and put it into a irrevocable solid divorce proof trust with mine and kids names on it. Way too many divorces when kids are off to college in mid 50s….

As a 23-year spouse to someone who received a many millions dollar trust fund and has been very careful not to co-mingle, I assure you, this kind of behavior is one way to ensure that empty nest divorce. My spouse will live a very lonely life because of this kind of attitude. You sound as hateful, paranoid, and insecure as my spouse. Enjoy your money, alone.

Are you struggling without the inheritance? I ask because I think DH will receive an inheritance and I will not, and if he's careful not to commingle I wouldn't be particularly upset because it goes to our kids eventually. I might even be able to loosen the savings strings a bit and spend more on day-to-day with that safety net in the background.

If you're living on rice and beans while your spouse is living it up on separate funds I could see that being very upsetting.

Exactly: there are trust funds that are structured in a way that the recipient of the income can use this income on his/her daily needs. It's up to a spouse whether to use inheritance on family needs. But the underlying asset remains separate property which is protected in divorce/remains with ex spouse who received it. This is done to protect children interests in the first place, so that inheritances are not diluted in subsequent remarriages/go to steps and other "no blood line" relatives down the line.

That's what I find putrid in long-term, committed marriages. "Up to spouse" whether they want to share their good fortune with their loving spouse who contribued their own income for decades while raising their family. How is it even a choice? If you love and trust your spouse, it goes into the shared accounts, period. If you don't, you act like a miser. Those who are okay with this were raised the wrong way. And for the record, I come from a wealthy family who is very familiar with all these contrivances. But we were raised to respect, trust, and love one another.

If you give your husband 50% of your inheritance through commingling, and tomorrow he "upgrades" you for a secretary, and your 50% inheritance goes to her ,would you be happy? Anything might happen, particular in LT marriage.

Income from trusts can be commingled, so that the whole family could have one lifestyle, but would you re-register your parents' inherited house to your and your spouse names??? Really???

In Ops' situation, she is much lower paid vs her husband, and this financial trust from her parents would ensure she's on equal terms with her spouse.

Maybe for someone who inherits hundreds of million it doesn't matter to commingle or not, but if you are making 70K/year and inherit a house worth $2mm, would it be wise to commingle it with a spouse who makes 200K/year? Or make it a rental property under your kids' names, and contribute this extra income into family budget? It's not like that higher paying spouse married you for inheritance!

Withhold your good fortune from your spouse of decades and sure, you're inviting them to go do better. I hate my spouse for his refusal to share his good fortune, while every penny of my income is spent on our family expenses. We don't have to worry about college, and I am thankful for that, but outside of that, he lives with the confidence that he can live however he wants with no worries about retirement, while I wonder everyday how I will make ends meet if he decides to up and leave. I hate him for it and am trapped. All he had to do was share his luck to be born to wealthy parents with the woman he chose to marry and have children with, but because of this horrible trend that was devised by wealth managers, here we are. I will leave him anyway, but will sue for all the money I lost while married to him and raising his children. I'll still have to work until I'm 80, but it will be better than growing old with this cheap, selfish, narcisstic jerk. Those of you who put your money ahead of your spouse, trust me, your spouses feel the same. If they don't, they're doormats--just like I have been.

Anonymous wrote:To those who say Op has to co-mingle the money for the sake of a good marriage. No. It's not "enjoy your money alone" as some pp said. Instead, it's, "Op, in this case, how it is spent is your decision. Plenty of spouses can choose to invest/spend for the good of the marriage and family. But the decision making power is all Op's. And should be.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Inheritance is a separate property of the spouse who inherited it. Don’t invest in anything joint - you are gifting your spouse 50%. Is it what you want ?

I would buy a separate rental property or a brokerage account and put it into a irrevocable solid divorce proof trust with mine and kids names on it. Way too many divorces when kids are off to college in mid 50s….

As a 23-year spouse to someone who received a many millions dollar trust fund and has been very careful not to co-mingle, I assure you, this kind of behavior is one way to ensure that empty nest divorce. My spouse will live a very lonely life because of this kind of attitude. You sound as hateful, paranoid, and insecure as my spouse. Enjoy your money, alone.

Are you struggling without the inheritance? I ask because I think DH will receive an inheritance and I will not, and if he's careful not to commingle I wouldn't be particularly upset because it goes to our kids eventually. I might even be able to loosen the savings strings a bit and spend more on day-to-day with that safety net in the background.

If you're living on rice and beans while your spouse is living it up on separate funds I could see that being very upsetting.

Exactly: there are trust funds that are structured in a way that the recipient of the income can use this income on his/her daily needs. It's up to a spouse whether to use inheritance on family needs. But the underlying asset remains separate property which is protected in divorce/remains with ex spouse who received it. This is done to protect children interests in the first place, so that inheritances are not diluted in subsequent remarriages/go to steps and other "no blood line" relatives down the line.

That's what I find putrid in long-term, committed marriages. "Up to spouse" whether they want to share their good fortune with their loving spouse who contribued their own income for decades while raising their family. How is it even a choice? If you love and trust your spouse, it goes into the shared accounts, period. If you don't, you act like a miser. Those who are okay with this were raised the wrong way. And for the record, I come from a wealthy family who is very familiar with all these contrivances. But we were raised to respect, trust, and love one another.

If you give your husband 50% of your inheritance through commingling, and tomorrow he "upgrades" you for a secretary, and your 50% inheritance goes to her ,would you be happy? Anything might happen, particular in LT marriage.

Income from trusts can be commingled, so that the whole family could have one lifestyle, but would you re-register your parents' inherited house to your and your spouse names??? Really???

In Ops' situation, she is much lower paid vs her husband, and this financial trust from her parents would ensure she's on equal terms with her spouse.

Maybe for someone who inherits hundreds of million it doesn't matter to commingle or not, but if you are making 70K/year and inherit a house worth $2mm, would it be wise to commingle it with a spouse who makes 200K/year? Or make it a rental property under your kids' names, and contribute this extra income into family budget? It's not like that higher paying spouse married you for inheritance!

Withhold your good fortune from your spouse of decades and sure, you're inviting them to go do better. I hate my spouse for his refusal to share his good fortune, while every penny of my income is spent on our family expenses. We don't have to worry about college, and I am thankful for that, but outside of that, he lives with the confidence that he can live however he wants with no worries about retirement, while I wonder everyday how I will make ends meet if he decides to up and leave. I hate him for it and am trapped. All he had to do was share his luck to be born to wealthy parents with the woman he chose to marry and have children with, but because of this horrible trend that was devised by wealth managers, here we are. I will leave him anyway, but will sue for all the money I lost while married to him and raising his children. I'll still have to work until I'm 80, but it will be better than growing old with this cheap, selfish, narcisstic jerk. Those of you who put your money ahead of your spouse, trust me, your spouses feel the same. If they don't, they're doormats--just like I have been.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Inheritance is a separate property of the spouse who inherited it. Don’t invest in anything joint - you are gifting your spouse 50%. Is it what you want ?

I would buy a separate rental property or a brokerage account and put it into a irrevocable solid divorce proof trust with mine and kids names on it. Way too many divorces when kids are off to college in mid 50s….

As a 23-year spouse to someone who received a many millions dollar trust fund and has been very careful not to co-mingle, I assure you, this kind of behavior is one way to ensure that empty nest divorce. My spouse will live a very lonely life because of this kind of attitude. You sound as hateful, paranoid, and insecure as my spouse. Enjoy your money, alone.

Are you struggling without the inheritance? I ask because I think DH will receive an inheritance and I will not, and if he's careful not to commingle I wouldn't be particularly upset because it goes to our kids eventually. I might even be able to loosen the savings strings a bit and spend more on day-to-day with that safety net in the background.

If you're living on rice and beans while your spouse is living it up on separate funds I could see that being very upsetting.

Exactly: there are trust funds that are structured in a way that the recipient of the income can use this income on his/her daily needs. It's up to a spouse whether to use inheritance on family needs. But the underlying asset remains separate property which is protected in divorce/remains with ex spouse who received it. This is done to protect children interests in the first place, so that inheritances are not diluted in subsequent remarriages/go to steps and other "no blood line" relatives down the line.

That's what I find putrid in long-term, committed marriages. "Up to spouse" whether they want to share their good fortune with their loving spouse who contribued their own income for decades while raising their family. How is it even a choice? If you love and trust your spouse, it goes into the shared accounts, period. If you don't, you act like a miser. Those who are okay with this were raised the wrong way. And for the record, I come from a wealthy family who is very familiar with all these contrivances. But we were raised to respect, trust, and love one another.

If you give your husband 50% of your inheritance through commingling, and tomorrow he "upgrades" you for a secretary, and your 50% inheritance goes to her ,would you be happy? Anything might happen, particular in LT marriage.

Income from trusts can be commingled, so that the whole family could have one lifestyle, but would you re-register your parents' inherited house to your and your spouse names??? Really???

In Ops' situation, she is much lower paid vs her husband, and this financial trust from her parents would ensure she's on equal terms with her spouse.

Maybe for someone who inherits hundreds of million it doesn't matter to commingle or not, but if you are making 70K/year and inherit a house worth $2mm, would it be wise to commingle it with a spouse who makes 200K/year? Or make it a rental property under your kids' names, and contribute this extra income into family budget? It's not like that higher paying spouse married you for inheritance!

Withhold your good fortune from your spouse of decades and sure, you're inviting them to go do better. I hate my spouse for his refusal to share his good fortune, while every penny of my income is spent on our family expenses. We don't have to worry about college, and I am thankful for that, but outside of that, he lives with the confidence that he can live however he wants with no worries about retirement, while I wonder everyday how I will make ends meet if he decides to up and leave. I hate him for it and am trapped. All he had to do was share his luck to be born to wealthy parents with the woman he chose to marry and have children with, but because of this horrible trend that was devised by wealth managers, here we are. I will leave him anyway, but will sue for all the money I lost while married to him and raising his children. I'll still have to work until I'm 80, but it will be better than growing old with this cheap, selfish, narcisstic jerk. Those of you who put your money ahead of your spouse, trust me, your spouses feel the same. If they don't, they're doormats--just like I have been.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Inheritance is a separate property of the spouse who inherited it. Don’t invest in anything joint - you are gifting your spouse 50%. Is it what you want ?

I would buy a separate rental property or a brokerage account and put it into a irrevocable solid divorce proof trust with mine and kids names on it. Way too many divorces when kids are off to college in mid 50s….

As a 23-year spouse to someone who received a many millions dollar trust fund and has been very careful not to co-mingle, I assure you, this kind of behavior is one way to ensure that empty nest divorce. My spouse will live a very lonely life because of this kind of attitude. You sound as hateful, paranoid, and insecure as my spouse. Enjoy your money, alone.

Are you struggling without the inheritance? I ask because I think DH will receive an inheritance and I will not, and if he's careful not to commingle I wouldn't be particularly upset because it goes to our kids eventually. I might even be able to loosen the savings strings a bit and spend more on day-to-day with that safety net in the background.

If you're living on rice and beans while your spouse is living it up on separate funds I could see that being very upsetting.

Exactly: there are trust funds that are structured in a way that the recipient of the income can use this income on his/her daily needs. It's up to a spouse whether to use inheritance on family needs. But the underlying asset remains separate property which is protected in divorce/remains with ex spouse who received it. This is done to protect children interests in the first place, so that inheritances are not diluted in subsequent remarriages/go to steps and other "no blood line" relatives down the line.

That's what I find putrid in long-term, committed marriages. "Up to spouse" whether they want to share their good fortune with their loving spouse who contribued their own income for decades while raising their family. How is it even a choice? If you love and trust your spouse, it goes into the shared accounts, period. If you don't, you act like a miser. Those who are okay with this were raised the wrong way. And for the record, I come from a wealthy family who is very familiar with all these contrivances. But we were raised to respect, trust, and love one another.

If you give your husband 50% of your inheritance through commingling, and tomorrow he "upgrades" you for a secretary, and your 50% inheritance goes to her ,would you be happy? Anything might happen, particular in LT marriage.

Income from trusts can be commingled, so that the whole family could have one lifestyle, but would you re-register your parents' inherited house to your and your spouse names??? Really???

In Ops' situation, she is much lower paid vs her husband, and this financial trust from her parents would ensure she's on equal terms with her spouse.

Maybe for someone who inherits hundreds of million it doesn't matter to commingle or not, but if you are making 70K/year and inherit a house worth $2mm, would it be wise to commingle it with a spouse who makes 200K/year? Or make it a rental property under your kids' names, and contribute this extra income into family budget? It's not like that higher paying spouse married you for inheritance!

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Inheritance is a separate property of the spouse who inherited it. Don’t invest in anything joint - you are gifting your spouse 50%. Is it what you want ?

I would buy a separate rental property or a brokerage account and put it into a irrevocable solid divorce proof trust with mine and kids names on it. Way too many divorces when kids are off to college in mid 50s….

As a 23-year spouse to someone who received a many millions dollar trust fund and has been very careful not to co-mingle, I assure you, this kind of behavior is one way to ensure that empty nest divorce. My spouse will live a very lonely life because of this kind of attitude. You sound as hateful, paranoid, and insecure as my spouse. Enjoy your money, alone.

Are you struggling without the inheritance? I ask because I think DH will receive an inheritance and I will not, and if he's careful not to commingle I wouldn't be particularly upset because it goes to our kids eventually. I might even be able to loosen the savings strings a bit and spend more on day-to-day with that safety net in the background.

If you're living on rice and beans while your spouse is living it up on separate funds I could see that being very upsetting.

Exactly: there are trust funds that are structured in a way that the recipient of the income can use this income on his/her daily needs. It's up to a spouse whether to use inheritance on family needs. But the underlying asset remains separate property which is protected in divorce/remains with ex spouse who received it. This is done to protect children interests in the first place, so that inheritances are not diluted in subsequent remarriages/go to steps and other "no blood line" relatives down the line.

That's what I find putrid in long-term, committed marriages. "Up to spouse" whether they want to share their good fortune with their loving spouse who contribued their own income for decades while raising their family. How is it even a choice? If you love and trust your spouse, it goes into the shared accounts, period. If you don't, you act like a miser. Those who are okay with this were raised the wrong way. And for the record, I come from a wealthy family who is very familiar with all these contrivances. But we were raised to respect, trust, and love one another.

If you give your husband 50% of your inheritance through commingling, and tomorrow he "upgrades" you for a secretary, and your 50% inheritance goes to her ,would you be happy? Anything might happen, particular in LT marriage.

Income from trusts can be commingled, so that the whole family could have one lifestyle, but would you re-register your parents' inherited house to your and your spouse names??? Really???

In Ops' situation, she is much lower paid vs her husband, and this financial trust from her parents would ensure she's on equal terms with her spouse.

Maybe for someone who inherits hundreds of million it doesn't matter to commingle or not, but if you are making 70K/year and inherit a house worth $2mm, would it be wise to commingle it with a spouse who makes 200K/year? Or make it a rental property under your kids' names, and contribute this extra income into family budget? It's not like that higher paying spouse married you for inheritance!

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I’m thinking fully fund the college accounts? DH wants to pay down the house.
We have only 300k in the 529s and we have three kids (16,14,5)
We have about 2 mil in retirement (late 40s)
About 800k in taxable investments.
We both work.
We have a very expensive mortgage.
We pay for an expensive private school so we are accustomed to the tuition bills every year so DH doesn’t think we need more saved for college.

Because of this, I wouldn't lock up too much money in 529s. You can invest the money in a brokerage account, and still use it for college if needed. But if you don't, then it's much more flexible and can be used for retirement or other goals you may have.

Terrible advice. They should be overfunding 529s, which can be used for the expensive private school *and* college *and* grad school. If not "needed" because of a scholarship they can pull an equivalent amount out penalty free. Money that goes into a brokerage is getting no tax advantages no matter what it's used for.

Why are you so opposed to paying taxes? In order to avoid paying taxes (on money that's grown BTW), you'd be willing to put it into a 529 and possibly never use it in your lifetime? That's wild to me. The likelihood of a scholarship is super low, also.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Inheritance is a separate property of the spouse who inherited it. Don’t invest in anything joint - you are gifting your spouse 50%. Is it what you want ?

I would buy a separate rental property or a brokerage account and put it into a irrevocable solid divorce proof trust with mine and kids names on it. Way too many divorces when kids are off to college in mid 50s….

As a 23-year spouse to someone who received a many millions dollar trust fund and has been very careful not to co-mingle, I assure you, this kind of behavior is one way to ensure that empty nest divorce. My spouse will live a very lonely life because of this kind of attitude. You sound as hateful, paranoid, and insecure as my spouse. Enjoy your money, alone.

Are you struggling without the inheritance? I ask because I think DH will receive an inheritance and I will not, and if he's careful not to commingle I wouldn't be particularly upset because it goes to our kids eventually. I might even be able to loosen the savings strings a bit and spend more on day-to-day with that safety net in the background.

If you're living on rice and beans while your spouse is living it up on separate funds I could see that being very upsetting.

Exactly: there are trust funds that are structured in a way that the recipient of the income can use this income on his/her daily needs. It's up to a spouse whether to use inheritance on family needs. But the underlying asset remains separate property which is protected in divorce/remains with ex spouse who received it. This is done to protect children interests in the first place, so that inheritances are not diluted in subsequent remarriages/go to steps and other "no blood line" relatives down the line.

That's what I find putrid in long-term, committed marriages. "Up to spouse" whether they want to share their good fortune with their loving spouse who contribued their own income for decades while raising their family. How is it even a choice? If you love and trust your spouse, it goes into the shared accounts, period. If you don't, you act like a miser. Those who are okay with this were raised the wrong way. And for the record, I come from a wealthy family who is very familiar with all these contrivances. But we were raised to respect, trust, and love one another.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I’m thinking fully fund the college accounts? DH wants to pay down the house.
We have only 300k in the 529s and we have three kids (16,14,5)
We have about 2 mil in retirement (late 40s)
About 800k in taxable investments.
We both work.
We have a very expensive mortgage.
We pay for an expensive private school so we are accustomed to the tuition bills every year so DH doesn’t think we need more saved for college.

Because of this, I wouldn't lock up too much money in 529s. You can invest the money in a brokerage account, and still use it for college if needed. But if you don't, then it's much more flexible and can be used for retirement or other goals you may have.

Terrible advice. They should be overfunding 529s, which can be used for the expensive private school *and* college *and* grad school. If not "needed" because of a scholarship they can pull an equivalent amount out penalty free. Money that goes into a brokerage is getting no tax advantages no matter what it's used for.

Anonymous wrote:Late 40s with such low retirement and paying for expensive private school for 3 kids?
Are you counting on more inheritance?

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Inheritance is a separate property of the spouse who inherited it. Don’t invest in anything joint - you are gifting your spouse 50%. Is it what you want ?

I would buy a separate rental property or a brokerage account and put it into a irrevocable solid divorce proof trust with mine and kids names on it. Way too many divorces when kids are off to college in mid 50s….

As a 23-year spouse to someone who received a many millions dollar trust fund and has been very careful not to co-mingle, I assure you, this kind of behavior is one way to ensure that empty nest divorce. My spouse will live a very lonely life because of this kind of attitude. You sound as hateful, paranoid, and insecure as my spouse. Enjoy your money, alone.

Are you struggling without the inheritance? I ask because I think DH will receive an inheritance and I will not, and if he's careful not to commingle I wouldn't be particularly upset because it goes to our kids eventually. I might even be able to loosen the savings strings a bit and spend more on day-to-day with that safety net in the background.

If you're living on rice and beans while your spouse is living it up on separate funds I could see that being very upsetting.

Exactly: there are trust funds that are structured in a way that the recipient of the income can use this income on his/her daily needs. It's up to a spouse whether to use inheritance on family needs. But the underlying asset remains separate property which is protected in divorce/remains with ex spouse who received it. This is done to protect children interests in the first place, so that inheritances are not diluted in subsequent remarriages/go to steps and other "no blood line" relatives down the line.