Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I think you sound miserable, but I'm not sure why making your DH miserable (which, honestly, is what it seems like you're going for) would make you feel better? If you want DH to go to lunch with you sometimes, press for that with a reasonable ask (e.g., once every 2 weeks)... don't muddy the waters with leftovers (what do those have to do with wanting to have lunch with your DH other than you want him to be miserable too)?

OP here. I am not trying to make him miserable. I just feel like I'm the one making all the sacrifices, and I hate it. I just want something to keep me hanging on, even if it's a stupid lunch out, because right now I don't have anything.

Ignore that poster. You don’t sound like you’re trying to make your husband miserable. You do sound resentful that he is living his best life while you’re floundering and you know what? I’d have a hard time not being resentful about that too, especially if I told him I’d like to go lunch and he said he was busy.

Have you tried scheduling a lunch with him in advance?

Anonymous wrote:I think you sound miserable, but I'm not sure why making your DH miserable (which, honestly, is what it seems like you're going for) would make you feel better? If you want DH to go to lunch with you sometimes, press for that with a reasonable ask (e.g., once every 2 weeks)... don't muddy the waters with leftovers (what do those have to do with wanting to have lunch with your DH other than you want him to be miserable too)?

OP here. I am not trying to make him miserable. I just feel like I'm the one making all the sacrifices, and I hate it. I just want something to keep me hanging on, even if it's a stupid lunch out, because right now I don't have anything.

He needs to go on a lunch budget. You need to accept that he will not want to meet you for lunch. But there’s no harm in getting yourself some nice takeout or eating out by yourself with a book to get a break and a change of scenery.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Asking/expecting your husband to make space to have lunch with you once a week in a new place where you DON'T have the advantage of a built-in social structure is not asking your husband to "be her whole social system."

I think he's being a jerk.

Nah, once a week is too much.

Why is it too much?

I think the real issue OP is that you are lonely. Working from home with a spouse unavailable for lunch is isolating. Like PP said, this isn’t something for your husband to fix. Having moved around my entire life, I would suggest joining some organizations even if it affects your weekend time with your spouse, so you can cement some friendships. Join a church, start a neighborhood book club, work with Habitat for Humanity, take a community college course, go birdwatching with a group, take up running - whatever interests you and works with your lifestyle. Eventually you will find a network, if small, of people to grab occasional lunches with.

I think you sound miserable, but I'm not sure why making your DH miserable (which, honestly, is what it seems like you're going for) would make you feel better? If you want DH to go to lunch with you sometimes, press for that with a reasonable ask (e.g., once every 2 weeks)... don't muddy the waters with leftovers (what do those have to do with wanting to have lunch with your DH other than you want him to be miserable too)?

I would
-press DH to have lunch with you, schedule a few weeks out so he can't be "busy"
-look into co-working spaces, paying to be a space with other people will be worth it for your mental health
-dedicate some time and energy to making local friends and making yourself a nice lunch (I know the former can be really hard, but it's worth it to invest in your happiness)

Anonymous wrote:

Asking/expecting your husband to make space to have lunch with you once a week in a new place where you DON'T have the advantage of a built-in social structure is not asking your husband to "be her whole social system."

I think he's being a jerk.

Nah, once a week is too much.

OP, take advantage of working from home by signing up for an early morning or lunch time exercise class - regular human interaction (and exercise) will make you feel better!

Anonymous wrote:I'm not sure how to stop this. I'll eat leftovers for 1-3 days straight for lunch while he's eating out at a different restaurant every day, including some I'd love to try but he never wants to in the evening. Sometimes I'll ask him if we can get lunch, but he's always already got other plans. No, he's not in sales or a job that requires he dine with customers or anything. I suggest he take some leftovers to work, but he refuses. What can I do?

(Yes, I work from home, no, it's not my decision (trailing spouse). I hate everything about working remote, including this.)

You ask him to get lunch and he's already got other plans and won't take you to lunch or diner? There is a bigger problem here. Test him. Ask him to meet you for lunch way in advance like say next friday before he has time to make other plans with other people.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

1. I'm incredibly lonely.
2. Once in a while, I would like to eat meals that someone else cooked and/or are fresh.

You work from home. Every meal you eat should be fresh. What's stopping you from cooking a nice meal for yourself at home? Are you really so completely incompetent in the kitchen that you can only eat leftovers?

That covers 'fresh' but completely ignores 'someone else cooked'

So go buy food from a restaurant! Why is this so hard?

I don't get the helplessness here. Is OP not allowed to talk to strangers except when her husband is present?!

NP. I agree that OP can do something about the situation, but her husband has a built-in social structure at the office and she doesn’t. Of course she can go out and make new friends but it’s much harder if you’re working from home. To have a group to go out to lunch with every day or even most days if the week can take years to build.

Oh for sure, and it sounds like her husband is having a great time - and she is struggling. It would certainly be kind of him to take her out for lunch once a week - or at least out for dinner. But OP also needs to recognize that her husband can't be her whole social system. However hard it is, she has to put herself out in the world and meet some people of her own.

PP here. Yes you’re totally right. And I think going out with her husband once a week to stave off a lot of the loneliness could make it easier to build the bigger support system she needs.

That is probably right. I hadn't thought about it that way, but it sounds correct.

Go out for lunch by yourself. I do that sometimes when I WFH. I go to our great local sushi place and enjoy every minute.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

1. I'm incredibly lonely.
2. Once in a while, I would like to eat meals that someone else cooked and/or are fresh.

You work from home. Every meal you eat should be fresh. What's stopping you from cooking a nice meal for yourself at home? Are you really so completely incompetent in the kitchen that you can only eat leftovers?

That covers 'fresh' but completely ignores 'someone else cooked'

So go buy food from a restaurant! Why is this so hard?

I don't get the helplessness here. Is OP not allowed to talk to strangers except when her husband is present?!

NP. I agree that OP can do something about the situation, but her husband has a built-in social structure at the office and she doesn’t. Of course she can go out and make new friends but it’s much harder if you’re working from home. To have a group to go out to lunch with every day or even most days if the week can take years to build.

Oh for sure, and it sounds like her husband is having a great time - and she is struggling. It would certainly be kind of him to take her out for lunch once a week - or at least out for dinner. But OP also needs to recognize that her husband can't be her whole social system. However hard it is, she has to put herself out in the world and meet some people of her own.

Asking/expecting your husband to make space to have lunch with you once a week in a new place where you DON'T have the advantage of a built-in social structure is not asking your husband to "be her whole social system."

I think he's being a jerk.

Do you have good delivery options near you, OP? I mostly work from home and order a lunch delivery once or twice a month. I get a large variety of dishes and freeze lunch sized combinations to thaw and heat when I’m feeling too lazy to make myself something. My DH has no clue I do this. I make lunch for us both when he works from home, but I save the freezer stash for when I’m alone. It’s a nice treat.

Agree with others that you need to work on getting a community and trying to let go of any resentment toward your DH. You have the power to do fun things with or without him, and there is also no need to eat his leftovers if you don’t want to.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

1. I'm incredibly lonely.
2. Once in a while, I would like to eat meals that someone else cooked and/or are fresh.

You work from home. Every meal you eat should be fresh. What's stopping you from cooking a nice meal for yourself at home? Are you really so completely incompetent in the kitchen that you can only eat leftovers?

That covers 'fresh' but completely ignores 'someone else cooked'

So go buy food from a restaurant! Why is this so hard?

I don't get the helplessness here. Is OP not allowed to talk to strangers except when her husband is present?!

NP. I agree that OP can do something about the situation, but her husband has a built-in social structure at the office and she doesn’t. Of course she can go out and make new friends but it’s much harder if you’re working from home. To have a group to go out to lunch with every day or even most days if the week can take years to build.

Oh for sure, and it sounds like her husband is having a great time - and she is struggling. It would certainly be kind of him to take her out for lunch once a week - or at least out for dinner. But OP also needs to recognize that her husband can't be her whole social system. However hard it is, she has to put herself out in the world and meet some people of her own.

PP here. Yes you’re totally right. And I think going out with her husband once a week to stave off a lot of the loneliness could make it easier to build the bigger support system she needs.