Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I can’t believe so many posters don’t see anything wrong with this! Guys, it’s rude and you’re being taken advantage of!

You get one baby shower for your first baby - that’s it, And your mother should not be the one hosting.

Our generation is getting a really unpleasant reputation as the Me, Me, Me Generation with our ridiculous Sprinkles, Gender Reveal parties, etc. Obvious gift grabs.

Who is being taken advantage of? How? It’s a party invite. Don’t go if you don’t want to. Don’t bring a gift, or bring something small, if that’s what feels appropriate to you.

The problem is you are stuck in this Miss Manners, rule-based system where everything is a rock solid obligation. It’s not. I used to politely decline baby showers all the time when I was not in a good headspace to attend. It’s fine. Be a grown up and make your own choices without trying to impose them on everyone else.

Anonymous wrote:A baby shower for your second child (or wedding) is definitely seen as rude. And a mother hosting for a daughter is also rude.

Do with that as you want but the rules aren’t going to change.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I don’t see anything wrong with that at all.

OP here. Well my own mother and grandmother are both dead. But I was always taught (and previous threads on here have confirmed that:

A - and immediately family member of the bride cannot host and
B - no showers after the first baby

In my culture, baby showers are hosted by immediate family member. Gifts are not important but MIL and Mom gives jewelry to the mom-to-be. Elaborate hot lunch or dinner is served to all after a religious ceremony. People avoid calling people who they will give bad vibes to the mom to be. Since you are being judge-y, you should certainly not go, because your negativity can harm the baby and the mom. Perhaps even the grandmother also, since you said that your own mom and grandmom are dead.

See how it works? In my culture, someone like you is inauspicious. At least that is what I was taught.

Your culture is irrelevant.

And you are an inauspicious jealous harpy. Shoo, shoo...go back in your sewer home, ugly!! Don't taint someone else's happiness.

Anonymous wrote:This etiquette is outdated.

I think it’s better for the mom to shell out money to host than to impose upon a friend.

I was a bridesmaid a million years ago, and the mother insisted that etiquette dictated the bridesmaids should foot the bill. As a law student, I really wasn’t equipped to host a fancy shower on top of the dress, shoes, makeup, salon/stylist, manicure, plus gift plus bachelorette trip. It was super annoying since the parents of both the bride and groom had nice homes and plenty of money.

Screw etiquette.

Anonymous wrote:
Showers are a made-up event with no cultural roots at all.
There are no rules for showers, given that the entire concept is pretty tacky to begin with. Do what feels right for you, and stop criticizing what others do.

Anonymous wrote:I am at the age where all my friend’s children are getting married. ALL the mother’s are the hosts for the bridal shower. I have not seen an aunt or bridesmaids stepping up to take over this task. Heck, I have seen mother’s of the bride having a second bridal shower when the first wedding didn’t work out.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I don’t see anything wrong with that at all.

OP here. Well my own mother and grandmother are both dead. But I was always taught (and previous threads on here have confirmed that:

A - and immediately family member of the bride cannot host and
B - no showers after the first baby

In my culture, baby showers are hosted by immediate family member. Gifts are not important but MIL and Mom gives jewelry to the mom-to-be. Elaborate hot lunch or dinner is served to all after a religious ceremony. People avoid calling people who they will give bad vibes to the mom to be. Since you are being judge-y, you should certainly not go, because your negativity can harm the baby and the mom. Perhaps even the grandmother also, since you said that your own mom and grandmom are dead.

See how it works? In my culture, someone like you is inauspicious. At least that is what I was taught.

Your culture is irrelevant.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Haha, OP, I know what you mean about the DCUM pearl-clutchers and their "rules" about this stuff. I think of this board too and laugh sometimes when someone I know does something that the harpies would get all twisted up about.

In seriousness, all these judgy comments about "gift grabs" and "greedy mothers" are pretty gross. They're mean in that these comments are largely coming from privileged UMC women who have plenty of resources to splash out and indulge themselves, which is hardly true for many or even most new mothers in this country; and they're sad because they show just how brainwashed most of us have been by the anti-parent, anti-family, do-it-all-on-your-own viewpoint pushed by a certain segment of our society who want to keep most of us fighting for scraps and fighting each other rather than building a society that supports us all. Giving gifts and, as another PP said, showing support and joy for those about to become parents, or to add another child to their family, is pretty universal (and yes I have non-American relatives who do this).

Ironically, you are the most judgy post of all on this thread.

Anonymous wrote:Haha, OP, I know what you mean about the DCUM pearl-clutchers and their "rules" about this stuff. I think of this board too and laugh sometimes when someone I know does something that the harpies would get all twisted up about.

In seriousness, all these judgy comments about "gift grabs" and "greedy mothers" are pretty gross. They're mean in that these comments are largely coming from privileged UMC women who have plenty of resources to splash out and indulge themselves, which is hardly true for many or even most new mothers in this country; and they're sad because they show just how brainwashed most of us have been by the anti-parent, anti-family, do-it-all-on-your-own viewpoint pushed by a certain segment of our society who want to keep most of us fighting for scraps and fighting each other rather than building a society that supports us all. Giving gifts and, as another PP said, showing support and joy for those about to become parents, or to add another child to their family, is pretty universal (and yes I have non-American relatives who do this).

Anonymous wrote:Haha, OP, I know what you mean about the DCUM pearl-clutchers and their "rules" about this stuff. I think of this board too and laugh sometimes when someone I know does something that the harpies would get all twisted up about.

In seriousness, all these judgy comments about "gift grabs" and "greedy mothers" are pretty gross. They're mean in that these comments are largely coming from privileged UMC women who have plenty of resources to splash out and indulge themselves, which is hardly true for many or even most new mothers in this country; and they're sad because they show just how brainwashed most of us have been by the anti-parent, anti-family, do-it-all-on-your-own viewpoint pushed by a certain segment of our society who want to keep most of us fighting for scraps and fighting each other rather than building a society that supports us all. Giving gifts and, as another PP said, showing support and joy for those about to become parents, or to add another child to their family, is pretty universal (and yes I have non-American relatives who do this).

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I don’t see anything wrong with that at all.

OP here. Well my own mother and grandmother are both dead. But I was always taught (and previous threads on here have confirmed that:

A - and immediately family member of the bride cannot host and
B - no showers after the first baby

In my culture, baby showers are hosted by immediate family member. Gifts are not important but MIL and Mom gives jewelry to the mom-to-be. Elaborate hot lunch or dinner is served to all after a religious ceremony. People avoid calling people who they will give bad vibes to the mom to be. Since you are being judge-y, you should certainly not go, because your negativity can harm the baby and the mom. Perhaps even the grandmother also, since you said that your own mom and grandmom are dead.

See how it works? In my culture, someone like you is inauspicious. At least that is what I was taught.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Who cares. I hate baby showers but I see nothing wrong in having one for each kid, having your parents or family host, etc. The second or third kid is not any less deserving of celebration, surely. People can get smaller token gifts if they want. No one says you have to buy the big ticket items.

Actually, I hate bridal showers even more than baby showers. Especially the ones with dumb sex jokes and penis cakes. Especially when half these people live together already. I assure you the wedding not is not the first time the bride has seen a penis.

Oh, so you don’t want to celebrate the bride but will celebrate the same mom having recurring baby showers for things she already has as a way to get more.

I mean, I go to showers if I'm invited and I bring a gift, but I still hate them. If a friend has a baby I get a gift regardless of whether she has a shower. In fact I prefer that! But there's nothing wrong with it. It's a celebration, why shouldn't people give the baby gifts? Some stuff can't be handed down, and even if it could, who cares? If you don't want to go or get a gift, then don't.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I don’t see anything wrong with that at all.

OP here. Well my own mother and grandmother are both dead. But I was always taught (and previous threads on here have confirmed that:

A - and immediately family member of the bride cannot host and
B - no showers after the first baby