Anonymous
Post 05/15/2022 10:39     Subject: “thanks for asking”
Anonymous wrote:I don’t know why, but something about this phrase, especially when you’re following up with someone who has been ill or having a hard time, makes me feel really bad. It feels almost passive aggressive, like I have done something wrong.

That’s me, right? I’m weird? It’s really just a normal conversational transition, right?


When I say this I'm simply thanking you for offering help. I don't understand why you think this is passive aggressive.
Anonymous
Post 05/15/2022 06:30     Subject: “thanks for asking”
Anonymous wrote:I think there's a usage of "Thanks for asking" that I sometimes -- not often, but occasionally -- use to set a boundary and distance myself from the question. It's not hostile, but it is a distancing mechanism.

"How are doing with your diet?"

"Thanks for asking. It's going just fine."


Saying thanks is a distancing mechanism, but fine is not considered evasive? Never change DCUM.
Anonymous
Post 05/15/2022 06:07     Subject: “thanks for asking”
I think there's a usage of "Thanks for asking" that I sometimes -- not often, but occasionally -- use to set a boundary and distance myself from the question. It's not hostile, but it is a distancing mechanism.

"How are doing with your diet?"

"Thanks for asking. It's going just fine."
Anonymous
Post 05/14/2022 14:02     Subject: “thanks for asking”
Wow. When I say it I mean it sincerely. It’s nice to have someone ask about you and whatever’s going on.
Anonymous
Post 05/14/2022 13:59     Subject: Re:“thanks for asking”
I think context, as well as tone is very important here.

I only would find this phrase offensive in nature if it was said to me in a sarcastic tone.

Otherwise I likely would have no issue w/someone telling me this. 😀
Anonymous
Post 05/14/2022 11:18     Subject: “thanks for asking”
Anonymous wrote:Op here. Truly not a troll.

I totally realize this is *my* issue, that’s why I asked. I think the issue is that the person who most often says this to me is my MIL, who definitely has a dramatic “oh, it’s so nice for you to take time out of your busy life to ask about little old me” air. And I have kind of a “let’s just cut to the chase” personality, so I know this shouldn’t rub me wrong.

And I came to DCUM for exactly this slap in the face, so thank you. (Sincerely)


I don't think it's passive aggressive at all, but OP I understand. My father thinks I never make enough of any effort so when he says it is cloying. When a person with whom I have a normal relationship says it, it's just fine.
Anonymous
Post 05/14/2022 11:17     Subject: Re:“thanks for asking”
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:I say this, but I really 100% genuinely mean it when I say it. It never occurred to me that this would offend anyone. Can someone explain why? (no, snark - serious question). I hope I haven't unintentionally offended someone.


Because it implies that no one ever asks so it’s being passive aggressive imo.


What a load. To me it is the same as saying thanks for being kind. You need to get more fresh air or up the meds.
Anonymous
Post 05/14/2022 11:07     Subject: “thanks for asking”
Anonymous wrote:I don’t know why, but something about this phrase, especially when you’re following up with someone who has been ill or having a hard time, makes me feel really bad. It feels almost passive aggressive, like I have done something wrong.

That’s me, right? I’m weird? It’s really just a normal conversational transition, right?


No - it is NOT passive aggressive. People need to stop making something out of nothing. The drama!!!