Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I'm CFBC but I am surprised your friend would breathe a word about childrearing. You see, we childfree folks know better than to antagonize parents. Your friend is the exception and lacks EQ. Why not just tell her you find her comments rude? If she's a true friend, she'll apologize for hurting your feelings. If you were trying to get her to babysit, then yes, you will get rude comments from the childfree. Just be forewarned.

Its a funny thing. The childfree are generally polite and cognizant of limited parental resources and therefore don't bring up things that will antagonize a parent - especially one with a young child that needs a lot of commitment and focus in the early years. However I don't see that same sort of deference from parents who bring up everything about their child (positively) when they were never asked.

Commitment should go both ways.

OP here. I rarely bring up my child. Tap dance around doing it, actually, because I know the CFBC are very holier than thou about it, and who needs that? We generally talk politics and about our husbands.

OP, you sounds like you’re very judgemental. Perhaps this is playing a part in your loneliness?

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:"You were once a child. Did you think your opinion on children was influenced by how your mom viewed parenthood?"

Curious why you just mention the mom.

Because that’s who gets stuck raising the kids 80% of the time

np I think you are being generous1 More like 98 percent.

Anonymous wrote:That’s rude and I’d drop her if it’s a habit.

I think it’s a parent saying “don’t you think it will be lonely in your old age not to have kids or grandkids?!”

I know people DO say things like that to the child free and that also is rude.

I have several child free relatives and there’s no tension at all because neither of us is rude to the other.

Anonymous wrote:That’s rude and I’d drop her if it’s a habit.

I don’t see it as rude. My sister says stuff like that. Having kids is not for her. It’s not a judgment on me and my kids, it’s about her and what kids would be like for her. I wouldn’t take comments like that personally.

That’s rude and I’d drop her if it’s a habit.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Childfrees have a need for validation.

She is not child-free. She is child-less. An empty nester is child free.

Childfree by Choice is their preferred term - as opposed to infertile or whatever.

She is then Child Less By Choice. CLBC. Children are not cooties or debt that you need to be free of. Of course, you could be a parent who deserts his/her children or does not acknowledge them or murders them -- by choice!

Also, the C for Choice very often stands for C for Circumstance. Else, the passive-aggressive snide remarks would not flow out so easily.

No, I'm child-free, not child-less. You've clearly thought long and hard about this, spending so much time and energy on it indicates you regret your own choice to parent.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Let me preface this by saying I love this friend, and I don't want to ruin our friendship because I am very lonely. But she's continually making comments like "I am so glad I don't have kids" and "It must be so gross cleaning up a boy's toilet, I'm so glad I don't have to do that." I never even mentioned cleaning toilets! I never even complain about child-rearing, period. How do I respond to comments like these?

My childfree friend once said to me, "I didn't realize how hard it was having kids until I observed you (and dh) with your kids." I felt embarrassed and insulted, but she is my friend and I trust she meant no offense. Childfree adults have no idea what it feels like to have a child and no way can they understand how changing your own kid's diaper is not gross, it is standard care. The reward is the joy, love and smiles they bring into your life.

How in the WORLD is that insulting?

She said we make parenting look difficult, essentially. We have a child centered home where the kids' needs and feelings are considered in our choices, etc. In our style of parenting, there are no selfish parental indulgences if they would interfere with the kids' needs or care. My friend is spontaneous, often going out of town on a whim. She also sleeps until 11am on weekends. I was up with the kids at the crack of dawn with the kids in those days.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Let me preface this by saying I love this friend, and I don't want to ruin our friendship because I am very lonely. But she's continually making comments like "I am so glad I don't have kids" and "It must be so gross cleaning up a boy's toilet, I'm so glad I don't have to do that." I never even mentioned cleaning toilets! I never even complain about child-rearing, period. How do I respond to comments like these?

My childfree friend once said to me, "I didn't realize how hard it was having kids until I observed you (and dh) with your kids." I felt embarrassed and insulted, but she is my friend and I trust she meant no offense. Childfree adults have no idea what it feels like to have a child and no way can they understand how changing your own kid's diaper is not gross, it is standard care. The reward is the joy, love and smiles they bring into your life.

How in the WORLD is that insulting?

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:You love and accept her just the way she is and go about your day, she is free to express her disgust with tasks that come with child rearing

+1 If OP wants to be the free speech police she should get a job with Biden’s ministry of truth.

How sad to sockpuppet like six posts in a row.

Anonymous wrote:You are talking about parenting. She is responding by talking about not parenting. You don’t have to agree on every single issue, and you don’t have to take her experience personally.

No. I am talking about parenting. Literally never. I go out of my way to not mention children.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I'm CFBC but I am surprised your friend would breathe a word about childrearing. You see, we childfree folks know better than to antagonize parents. Your friend is the exception and lacks EQ. Why not just tell her you find her comments rude? If she's a true friend, she'll apologize for hurting your feelings. If you were trying to get her to babysit, then yes, you will get rude comments from the childfree. Just be forewarned.

Its a funny thing. The childfree are generally polite and cognizant of limited parental resources and therefore don't bring up things that will antagonize a parent - especially one with a young child that needs a lot of commitment and focus in the early years. However I don't see that same sort of deference from parents who bring up everything about their child (positively) when they were never asked.

Commitment should go both ways.

OP here. I rarely bring up my child. Tap dance around doing it, actually, because I know the CFBC are very holier than thou about it, and who needs that? We generally talk politics and about our husbands.

You sound like an incredibly judgmental friend

How so? By going out of my way to not talk about something she hates?

You are talking about parenting. She is responding by talking about not parenting. You don’t have to agree on every single issue, and you don’t have to take her experience personally.

I haven't read every single response, but if a friend of mine was saying things that hurt my feelings, regardless of on what topic, I'd tell my friend she was hurting my feelings. Yes, if you respond with snark, it might be rude. You indicated you wanted to avoid being rude (which makes sense -- better not to combat rudeness with more rudeness), but I think letting her know that her comments are bothersome is far from rude.

I would look at her in a surprised way, and say: "Cleaning poo, pee and vomit does not bother me at all."

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Childfrees have a need for validation.

She is not child-free. She is child-less. An empty nester is child free.

My child -less, but, really, -free friend travels the world. I pay for glasses, braces, classes, etc for my kids. Childfree seems more apt, imo.