Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I do not regret it. But it probably would have been easier logistically with kids to stay married and just have an affair until they were a little older. I offered that alternative to divorce. We never had sex but he still said no.

It's an unpopular opinion but I agree that if you can pull off an affair in a low sex marriage it's a much better alternative than divorce. Eventually, your hormones calm down and you can live happily ever after. Many couples that make it to old age together have undiscovered affairs.

I consider myself really open minded, but that’s not then kind of long-term relationship I would ever want, one where you are life partners until you die, but you’ve kept a fundamental betrayal from that other person. That’s pretty gross actually. I would sooner have an open affair and try to maintain my marriage than do something like that. I’m not sure how someone even considers that a quality relationship.

They are not considering it a quality relationship. They consider it to stay married for other reasons than the relationship itself. Like surviving a bad marriage for kids, finances, etc. the relationship is obviously not quality to begin with in these situations. Happily married people will never understand how bad a marriage has to be to consider this or divorce.

Nah. Some men do this for a midlife crisis and it’s nothing to do with the quality of the relationship or the wife. It’s pretty common in 50-year marriages for a lapse, even the very happy marriages.

It’s wives looking for exit affairs. Fundamentally different than the men.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I do not regret it. But it probably would have been easier logistically with kids to stay married and just have an affair until they were a little older. I offered that alternative to divorce. We never had sex but he still said no.

It's an unpopular opinion but I agree that if you can pull off an affair in a low sex marriage it's a much better alternative than divorce. Eventually, your hormones calm down and you can live happily ever after. Many couples that make it to old age together have undiscovered affairs.

I consider myself really open minded, but that’s not then kind of long-term relationship I would ever want, one where you are life partners until you die, but you’ve kept a fundamental betrayal from that other person. That’s pretty gross actually. I would sooner have an open affair and try to maintain my marriage than do something like that. I’m not sure how someone even considers that a quality relationship.

They are not considering it a quality relationship. They consider it to stay married for other reasons than the relationship itself. Like surviving a bad marriage for kids, finances, etc. the relationship is obviously not quality to begin with in these situations. Happily married people will never understand how bad a marriage has to be to consider this or divorce.

Nah. Some men do this for a midlife crisis and it’s nothing to do with the quality of the relationship or the wife. It’s pretty common in 50-year marriages for a lapse, even the very happy marriages.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I do not regret it. But it probably would have been easier logistically with kids to stay married and just have an affair until they were a little older. I offered that alternative to divorce. We never had sex but he still said no.

It's an unpopular opinion but I agree that if you can pull off an affair in a low sex marriage it's a much better alternative than divorce. Eventually, your hormones calm down and you can live happily ever after. Many couples that make it to old age together have undiscovered affairs.

I consider myself really open minded, but that’s not then kind of long-term relationship I would ever want, one where you are life partners until you die, but you’ve kept a fundamental betrayal from that other person. That’s pretty gross actually. I would sooner have an open affair and try to maintain my marriage than do something like that. I’m not sure how someone even considers that a quality relationship.

They are not considering it a quality relationship. They consider it to stay married for other reasons than the relationship itself. Like surviving a bad marriage for kids, finances, etc. the relationship is obviously not quality to begin with in these situations. Happily married people will never understand how bad a marriage has to be to consider this or divorce.

Anonymous wrote:Most people believe they made the right choice, whether they did or not. It also includes memory distortion to support the choice. It’s called choice-supportive bias.

https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Choice-supportive_bias

Thanks for this. Very true. Would like to point out that I see this bias in a lot of old married couples as well, a lot of “we made the best decision staying together, “when really it just sounds like they are justifying their long awful marriage to themselves. My point is, everyone does this.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Me. It wasn’t my choice and I will never forgive my Ex for giving up on our 20yr+ marriage for “freedom” from responsibility

WOW. My life. She left for "freedom" after a 20+ year relationship and two kids involved. Soon after I found out that she was having an affair because she pretty quickly moved in with him. Now she has her freedom and I have two kids that wonder where mom is and why she left. She comes over a few times a week for dinner with them and then it's freedom. I will never forgive her. Ever.

Are you honest with the kids about why she left? How are the kids doing?

There is usually so, so much more to stories like this. Seriously doubt she just up and left, and shacked up and doesn’t care, without there being any more layers to the story. Can’t believe how some people just take stories like this at face value. People are complex human beings and are motivated by many different conflicting things. I’m sure this woman isn’t pure evil, we are also not hearing her side of the story.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I do not regret it. But it probably would have been easier logistically with kids to stay married and just have an affair until they were a little older. I offered that alternative to divorce. We never had sex but he still said no.

It's an unpopular opinion but I agree that if you can pull off an affair in a low sex marriage it's a much better alternative than divorce. Eventually, your hormones calm down and you can live happily ever after. Many couples that make it to old age together have undiscovered affairs.

I consider myself really open minded, but that’s not then kind of long-term relationship I would ever want, one where you are life partners until you die, but you’ve kept a fundamental betrayal from that other person. That’s pretty gross actually. I would sooner have an open affair and try to maintain my marriage than do something like that. I’m not sure how someone even considers that a quality relationship.

Anonymous wrote:OP asked only for those who did regret it but I love how this thread is filled with divorcee's eager to justify why their divorce was the best choice - must make you all feel better about your choices.

You seem upset that people here are regretful about their divorces. Why?? You need to be "eager" or "justify" anything if divorce was the best option. It was for me and I don't need a thread to make me "feel better" about my choice. My ex-H left and moved in with woman he had previously had an affair with. You don't know people's lives and why they made the choices they did so STFU.

Anonymous wrote:OP asked only for those who did regret it but I love how this thread is filled with divorcee's eager to justify why their divorce was the best choice - must make you all feel better about your choices.

Kinda like you scolding them makes you feel better about your choice to stay married?

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I do not regret it. But it probably would have been easier logistically with kids to stay married and just have an affair until they were a little older. I offered that alternative to divorce. We never had sex but he still said no.

It's an unpopular opinion but I agree that if you can pull off an affair in a low sex marriage it's a much better alternative than divorce. Eventually, your hormones calm down and you can live happily ever after. Many couples that make it to old age together have undiscovered affairs.

Care to share the source?

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I do not regret it. But it probably would have been easier logistically with kids to stay married and just have an affair until they were a little older. I offered that alternative to divorce. We never had sex but he still said no.

It's an unpopular opinion but I agree that if you can pull off an affair in a low sex marriage it's a much better alternative than divorce. Eventually, your hormones calm down and you can live happily ever after. Many couples that make it to old age together have undiscovered affairs.

I completely agree - and wish I could read some of my friends this thread. I am in my early 40s and have so, SO many female friends who are newly divorced or want to be divorced because their lives have gotten boring now that their kids are more independent and they (both people in the couple) have not taken the time and care to maintain intimacy. The women feel unloved, bored, unappreciated, and they think there is some miraculous fun, sexy, single life out there. In reality, there are a lot of messed up, gross men trolling for younger woman, a lot of lonely nights, and a lot of HARD work being a single mom. Even when they feel like the original PP - that they do not regret it - they know they are exhausted and still unfulfilled and less financially stable now. They also know it SUCKS for their kids.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I regret, but didn’t initiate it. He’s left after inheriting his mom’s estate, after 32 years. Low conflict marriage, keep dps not fully independent. If he had waited a few years, there would have been less collateral damage.

Wait longer? After 32 years? That makes no sense.

Well, yes. If he could have increased time in a low conflict marriage by 1/32, kids would have had both parents though high school. We could have had conversations not overhead by kids re: separating, etc. instead he went scored earth, with accompanying legal fees.

Most people believe they made the right choice, whether they did or not. It also includes memory distortion to support the choice. It’s called choice-supportive bias.

https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Choice-supportive_bias

Anonymous wrote:I don’t know anyone who has regrets about their divorce. Almost everyone i know that’s divorced wishes they would’ve divorced sooner or thinks they never should’ve married their ex at all.

Most people divorce bc their marriage sucks. It’s not like they are leaving something great.

100%!

Anonymous wrote:My XH is abusive and I can't regret it. But he blew up my life and it will take me another 5 years to repair the damage. I regret losing 15 uears to this disaster.

+1

I don’t know anyone who has regrets about their divorce. Almost everyone i know that’s divorced wishes they would’ve divorced sooner or thinks they never should’ve married their ex at all.

Most people divorce bc their marriage sucks. It’s not like they are leaving something great.