I don't understand how you're okay with half-day preschool, but not daycare. The ratio/room sizes are typically around the same for those two options.

In fact, small in-home daycares probably have the smallest rooms.

Pay the $25 - $30 per hour if you have some savings and can dip into that.

You might have negative cash flow for another year or 2, but this is a long term investment in your kids and your mental health. Don’t think of it as lost money.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:You’re making bad economic decisions based on questionable medical advice. You should go back to your normal job and your full earning capacity. The rotavirus thing makes no sense - can’t he be vaccinated now? And rotavirus is not a death sentence anyway. You need a second opinion on daycare. Also you need to see childcare as your husband’s responsibility too. You are not paying for all the childcare, and you are not backup childcare.

Agree, plus all the other kids at a licensed, regulated daycare center will be vaccinated for rotavirus -- this is one instance where "herd immunity" really works. Same with measles, etc.

This is a great and important point.

Yep, the rotavirus vaccines are fully done at 6 months which means that if OP's child is in any toddler room herd immunity will apply.

Just remember that even in licensed child care centers parents are allowed to fill out religous exemption papers for vaccines. We have 3 unvaccinated kids in one of our infant/toodler rooms.

I don’t really understand why you can’t pursue nanny share as an option. It would certainly be cheaper and fewer kids around than daycare. You say all the families you’ve seen with nanny shares have at least 2 kids but why don’t you try looking around and posting on various listservs and you can maybe find one that only has 1 kid (and a vetted, high performing nanny).

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I'm not one to blame the victim ... but OP sounds awful.

You get what you pay for. Make your kids lunch and put it in your fridge for the nanny to feed them if you don't like that they are feeding them....

Arrange activities for your nanny to take your child too... find play groups, classes, etc.

Actually try to find another child to do a nanny share with, other then then 1 family you spoke too that didn't work out.... there are PLENTY out there

20 dollars is barely a living wage, if that's all you can afford then manage your expectations accordingly.

This is straight up nuts. What is the point of having a nanny if OP has to do all the work wrt feeding, scheduling, finding activities, etc. You are absolutely ridiculous. We pay our nanny $20/hr and she is wonderful and does all of this. OP, I'm sorry, you just have a bad nanny. It's not you or the pay. It's just this nanny. Unfortunately it does take a lot of work to find a decent nanny as there ARE a lot of crappy ones out there. I have a friend who's been struggling the past couple years with a situation similar to yours and she and her DH are not the reason they've had nanny churn, except in that I guess they weren't able to determine in interviewing that the nannies weren't very good. I think you should let this one go and try again. There really are good nannies out there, yes, including at the $20/hour level.

Op has gone through 8 nannies in 2 years- she’s the problem not the nanny.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:You’re making bad economic decisions based on questionable medical advice. You should go back to your normal job and your full earning capacity. The rotavirus thing makes no sense - can’t he be vaccinated now? And rotavirus is not a death sentence anyway. You need a second opinion on daycare. Also you need to see childcare as your husband’s responsibility too. You are not paying for all the childcare, and you are not backup childcare.

Agree, plus all the other kids at a licensed, regulated daycare center will be vaccinated for rotavirus -- this is one instance where "herd immunity" really works. Same with measles, etc.

This is a great and important point.

Yep, the rotavirus vaccines are fully done at 6 months which means that if OP's child is in any toddler room herd immunity will apply.

Anonymous wrote:I'm not one to blame the victim ... but OP sounds awful.

You get what you pay for. Make your kids lunch and put it in your fridge for the nanny to feed them if you don't like that they are feeding them....

Arrange activities for your nanny to take your child too... find play groups, classes, etc.

Actually try to find another child to do a nanny share with, other then then 1 family you spoke too that didn't work out.... there are PLENTY out there

20 dollars is barely a living wage, if that's all you can afford then manage your expectations accordingly.

This is straight up nuts. What is the point of having a nanny if OP has to do all the work wrt feeding, scheduling, finding activities, etc. You are absolutely ridiculous. We pay our nanny $20/hr and she is wonderful and does all of this. OP, I'm sorry, you just have a bad nanny. It's not you or the pay. It's just this nanny. Unfortunately it does take a lot of work to find a decent nanny as there ARE a lot of crappy ones out there. I have a friend who's been struggling the past couple years with a situation similar to yours and she and her DH are not the reason they've had nanny churn, except in that I guess they weren't able to determine in interviewing that the nannies weren't very good. I think you should let this one go and try again. There really are good nannies out there, yes, including at the $20/hour level.

I'm not one to blame the victim ... but OP sounds awful.

You get what you pay for. Make your kids lunch and put it in your fridge for the nanny to feed them if you don't like that they are feeding them....

Arrange activities for your nanny to take your child too... find play groups, classes, etc.

Actually try to find another child to do a nanny share with, other then then 1 family you spoke too that didn't work out.... there are PLENTY out there

20 dollars is barely a living wage, if that's all you can afford then manage your expectations accordingly.

Anonymous wrote:I am confused about what is wrong with nanny bringing coffee with her in the morning? I drink coffee and often bring it with me to my job, as does like 90% of the rest of the country. How come you think your nanny does not deserve to have a morning coffee like everyone else?

I read it as she's late because she was f***ing around waiting for her latte at Starbucks -- i.e. the coffee is the reason, which shows poor time management.

Agree that nanny bringing coffee (without punctuality issue) is totally fine, my sitters/nannies are always well caffeinated.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Are DMV rates higher than in NYC? Because there are plenty of better Nannie’s out there in nyc for $20- I just interviewed a bunch. Sure, you will have more options at $25 but $20-22 got me some really good candidates still.

NYC Nannie’s charge less and many of them want to be paid under the table:

Interesting I had no idea. Why do nyc Nannies charge less? Thought it would be the most expensive market

I'm not sure that NYC nannies actually charge less overall, but, I do think way more people in the NYC area are willing to pay nannies under the table. In DC, a lot of the people with nannies are attorneys, people with security clearances, etc. who for professional reasons don't want to pay someone under the table.

I am confused about what is wrong with nanny bringing coffee with her in the morning? I drink coffee and often bring it with me to my job, as does like 90% of the rest of the country. How come you think your nanny does not deserve to have a morning coffee like everyone else?

OP, you should look harder into the nanny share option. There are other families out there with one kid who want to share, or who will split hosting duties. Put an ad up on your local parent listerv and you should be able to identify someone. The fact that the two families you identified weren't a good fit doesn't mean that option is off the table.

However, I also think you need to consider what you are doing wrong. 8 nannies in two years means it's not just a nanny problem. Are you communicating clearly about your expectations, including that she take the initiative to go to the park every day, clean up toys and meals, etc. without being asked? Do you give her the tools she needs to do what you want (i.e., if you want her to cook healthy meals, are you buying the ingredients and suggesting a menu that your son will actually eat?). Do you give her information about the library/activities/etc. that you want her to do? Are you micromanaging every aspect of the day so she feels like she should just wait until you tell her what to do next? The reality is, for $20/hr you aren't going to get an experienced, professional nanny, so you should expect to put in a lot of work in terms of training and feedback.

Anonymous wrote:Are you in the DMV? If so, the problem is at $20, you’re aren’t hiring nannies You’re hiring babysitters.

+1

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Nanny should be on time but I would allow her to bring a coffee and a breakfast item. Yes, get rid of the convenience foods and prepare food for the nanny to give him for the day’s breakfast and lunch each night. Tell her to clean any messes she and the baby make each day. I’d allow one child’s program while he was eating. She should take him for a walk or outing every day unless the weather is bad.

Op told all of this to the nanny already ^^^. Nanny is ignoring it

OP has been through 8 nannies in 2 years. Pretty sure she is the problem.

For instance, if nanny started preparing healthy amazing lunches for the charge - OP would complain that he's sitting in front of the TV for an hour during meal prep.

There's no way to win and certainly not for $20/hr.

This is a you issue. You are expecting way too much for way little. Also, your reasons for not doing a nanny share are the same for everyone, but like you it is the only way they can afford a good nanny. You are making your own life miserable. Pretty sure your nanny is actually looking for a new job btw.