Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I’d love a random card or flowers on a Tuesday in January, too.
But I don’t get it.
So the fact that I’ve specifically asked for a card is hurtful.
It’s ok to want what you want. It’s even better to ask for it, instead of hoping silently and being disappointed. It’s incredibly hurtful to be ignored after communicating something.

NP. OP, please sit down and examine -- if you can get past the emotion -- why you are so, so invested. It's OK to BE invested, but do you even understand why? Were you raised in a family where cards and gestures meant a lot, so you expect them now too? Or conversely, did you grow up in a family where little things like Mother's Day, Valentine's Day, or even big likes like birthdays, were not really acknowledged and you felt hurt when you saw friends or relatives getting a big deal made over them? I'm being serious with you here, not snarky. You mentioned that it had been a good week with your DH and you even had special time together this past week, but you then devalue that somewhat by indicating he also must hew to your requests for today. I'd also note that today isn't even over yet but you're already so upset you're crying and posting.

So think about the bigger picture, not just cards. Yes, "it's incredibly hurtful to be ignored after communicating something." But does your DH ignore you after you communicate about the truly important things? Things about your kids, your marriage? Is it possible you focus so much on specific gestures, for specific days of the year, that you don't see he does keep up with the things that matter more? I'm not here to say he's perfect or anything, I'm saying, can you step back from your potent emotions enough to ask why this means SO much to you, and if bigger issues are getting lost in all the focus on small ones?

Sorry, but this is BS. It’s not unreasonable for moms to expect their Hs put in some sort of effort on Mother’s Day. It doesn’t require reflection to figure out why, like it’s some crazy expectation. Most women just want a little bit of recognition for their work, since it is so devalued and overlooked by society. Most women just want to feel valued and that their work isn’t going unnoticed (because it usually does).

Valentines Day, birthday, anniversary, Mother’s Day, Christmas. That’s only 5 days out of 365 that men need to put in some effort. 1% of the total days of the year to show your W you appreciate them, and it pays in dividends the rest of the year.

Men have it so easy. The bar is so low that it’s unreasonable for them to show some effort for a handful of days out of the year. Ridiculous.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I’d love a random card or flowers on a Tuesday in January, too.
But I don’t get it.
So the fact that I’ve specifically asked for a card is hurtful.
It’s ok to want what you want. It’s even better to ask for it, instead of hoping silently and being disappointed. It’s incredibly hurtful to be ignored after communicating something.

NP. OP, please sit down and examine -- if you can get past the emotion -- why you are so, so invested. It's OK to BE invested, but do you even understand why? Were you raised in a family where cards and gestures meant a lot, so you expect them now too? Or conversely, did you grow up in a family where little things like Mother's Day, Valentine's Day, or even big likes like birthdays, were not really acknowledged and you felt hurt when you saw friends or relatives getting a big deal made over them? I'm being serious with you here, not snarky. You mentioned that it had been a good week with your DH and you even had special time together this past week, but you then devalue that somewhat by indicating he also must hew to your requests for today. I'd also note that today isn't even over yet but you're already so upset you're crying and posting.

So think about the bigger picture, not just cards. Yes, "it's incredibly hurtful to be ignored after communicating something." But does your DH ignore you after you communicate about the truly important things? Things about your kids, your marriage? Is it possible you focus so much on specific gestures, for specific days of the year, that you don't see he does keep up with the things that matter more? I'm not here to say he's perfect or anything, I'm saying, can you step back from your potent emotions enough to ask why this means SO much to you, and if bigger issues are getting lost in all the focus on small ones?

Sorry, but this is BS. It’s not unreasonable for moms to expect their Hs put in some sort of effort on Mother’s Day. It doesn’t require reflection to figure out why, like it’s some crazy expectation. Most women just want a little bit of recognition for their work, since it is so devalued and overlooked by society. Most women just want to feel valued and that their work isn’t going unnoticed (because it usually does).

Valentines Day, birthday, anniversary, Mother’s Day, Christmas. That’s only 5 days out of 365 that men need to put in some effort. 1% of the total days of the year to show your W you appreciate them, and it pays in dividends the rest of the year.

Men have it so easy. The bar is so low that it’s unreasonable for them to show some effort for a handful of days out of the year. Ridiculous.

Anonymous wrote:It's a made up holiday. I didn't do crap for my wife/mother either. I'm not a sucker for the greeting card industry.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:DH here. Once the child is old enough, it is their responsibility to give Mother’s Day card/gift. These are holidays for child to honor their parent. She is not my mother, nor am I her father.

That’s one perspective, sure. Another—my husbands— is that no one in the world can appreciate how much I do for our child as much as he does, because he loves her as much as I do.

Telling OP to suck it up is a lot of people very defensive about how little their spouses care about them, or how little they care about their spouses.

OP I’m sorry, please consider finding other ways to appreciate the day on the future.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I’d love a random card or flowers on a Tuesday in January, too.
But I don’t get it.
So the fact that I’ve specifically asked for a card is hurtful.
It’s ok to want what you want. It’s even better to ask for it, instead of hoping silently and being disappointed. It’s incredibly hurtful to be ignored after communicating something.

NP. OP, please sit down and examine -- if you can get past the emotion -- why you are so, so invested. It's OK to BE invested, but do you even understand why? Were you raised in a family where cards and gestures meant a lot, so you expect them now too? Or conversely, did you grow up in a family where little things like Mother's Day, Valentine's Day, or even big likes like birthdays, were not really acknowledged and you felt hurt when you saw friends or relatives getting a big deal made over them? I'm being serious with you here, not snarky. You mentioned that it had been a good week with your DH and you even had special time together this past week, but you then devalue that somewhat by indicating he also must hew to your requests for today. I'd also note that today isn't even over yet but you're already so upset you're crying and posting.

So think about the bigger picture, not just cards. Yes, "it's incredibly hurtful to be ignored after communicating something." But does your DH ignore you after you communicate about the truly important things? Things about your kids, your marriage? Is it possible you focus so much on specific gestures, for specific days of the year, that you don't see he does keep up with the things that matter more? I'm not here to say he's perfect or anything, I'm saying, can you step back from your potent emotions enough to ask why this means SO much to you, and if bigger issues are getting lost in all the focus on small ones?

Anonymous wrote:DH here. Once the child is old enough, it is their responsibility to give Mother’s Day card/gift. These are holidays for child to honor their parent. She is not my mother, nor am I her father.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I’d love a random card or flowers on a Tuesday in January, too.
But I don’t get it.
So the fact that I’ve specifically asked for a card is hurtful.
It’s ok to want what you want. It’s even better to ask for it, instead of hoping silently and being disappointed. It’s incredibly hurtful to be ignored after communicating something.

NP. OP, please sit down and examine -- if you can get past the emotion -- why you are so, so invested. It's OK to BE invested, but do you even understand why? Were you raised in a family where cards and gestures meant a lot, so you expect them now too? Or conversely, did you grow up in a family where little things like Mother's Day, Valentine's Day, or even big likes like birthdays, were not really acknowledged and you felt hurt when you saw friends or relatives getting a big deal made over them? I'm being serious with you here, not snarky. You mentioned that it had been a good week with your DH and you even had special time together this past week, but you then devalue that somewhat by indicating he also must hew to your requests for today. I'd also note that today isn't even over yet but you're already so upset you're crying and posting.

So think about the bigger picture, not just cards. Yes, "it's incredibly hurtful to be ignored after communicating something." But does your DH ignore you after you communicate about the truly important things? Things about your kids, your marriage? Is it possible you focus so much on specific gestures, for specific days of the year, that you don't see he does keep up with the things that matter more? I'm not here to say he's perfect or anything, I'm saying, can you step back from your potent emotions enough to ask why this means SO much to you, and if bigger issues are getting lost in all the focus on small ones?

Anonymous wrote:So far, nothing from my dh. He knows cards mean a lot to me. Going to try not to snap and give it time. Hoping he’s going to head out later today to pick up a card, wilted flowers. Something. Anything.

I’m crying in the bathroom. So disappointed.

Even a “good morning! happy mother day, we love you” little sing song would’ve been nice.

So hard to not be nasty and mean right now. I’m so disappointed.

Anonymous wrote:I’d love a random card or flowers on a Tuesday in January, too.
But I don’t get it.
So the fact that I’ve specifically asked for a card is hurtful.
It’s ok to want what you want. It’s even better to ask for it, instead of hoping silently and being disappointed. It’s incredibly hurtful to be ignored after communicating something.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:This is why Father's Day should come before Mother's Day in the calendar. Not the other way around. Moms would do a better job of remembering and setting expectations

Oh god no. Instead moms would put on big celebrations for Father’s Day and then receive nothing for Mother’s Day anyway. At least now, women who get nothing can not waste their time celebrating Father’s Day.

The answer is men need to make it a priority if they want a good marriage. It’s not difficult at all.

Blows my mind that men claim they built this world, created countries and governments and massive corporations, but celebrating a holiday is somehow too difficult.

Haha, I was thinking the same thing. No way should Father's Day be first. If a dad was aware enough to model his Mother's Day after what he got for Father's Day, he probably would do a good job on Mother's Day regardless.

Anonymous wrote:I don’t understand men who won’t celebrate Mother’s Day. It’s such an easy way to show your wife you give AF. My H cleaned the house, got me flowers and my favorite coffee, cooked my favorite breakfast, helped the kids make a card. And now he’s my damn hero, and will be getting laid like tile for weeks. Fathers Day is going to be VERY fun for him.

Keep stomping your foot and pouting “but she’s not MY mom!” and see how much sex that gets you.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:It's a made up holiday. I didn't do crap for my wife/mother either. I'm not a sucker for the greeting card industry.

+1 This. It's a made up holiday to make others feel guilty about their Mother, being a mother, not being a mother, being a "fur baby mother", etc. and so forth. It's one day out of the year. If you have no expectations you will not be disappointed. Honestly, I'd rather have a spontaneous "I love you" card in the middle of the year, unprompted by Hallmark than get overpriced wilted flowers.

+2

Anonymous wrote:So far, nothing from my dh. He knows cards mean a lot to me. Going to try not to snap and give it time. Hoping he’s going to head out later today to pick up a card, wilted flowers. Something. Anything.

I’m crying in the bathroom. So disappointed.

Even a “good morning! happy mother day, we love you” little sing song would’ve been nice.

So hard to not be nasty and mean right now. I’m so disappointed.