I don't see this. Or maybe I just don't care what I'm a part of/not a part of. I have friends, my kids have friends. No issues.

Maybe you have some leftover baggage from high school?

Join or ignore. They may seem more cliqueish from the outside.

There is a #neighborhoodmoms group in my neighborhood that does #momsnightout and #momsweekend and #momsdrinkingwine. (Hashtags are actual examples they've used on FB / IG.)

There are a few OG "members" who have lived here for 10+ years and have older kids. A couple of them went to high school together, so there was already that built-in exclusivity. Others became friends b/c we all went to the same neighborhood preschool.

I have a kid the age of the youngest siblings of the #momgroup, so by the time we got to preschool and met the families, there was already a built-in clique.

We are friendly, we do playdates, we invite each other to kid birthday parties, chat in the park, share beers at the pool, watch each other's kids, etc., but I'm not part of the #momgroup.

It is what it is. I have other close friends (including mom friends whose kids and mine are friends) and there are plenty of other neighborhood moms who are also not part of the group. Sometimes, I'm like, "damn, that looks fun." Other times, I'm like... yeah, no... I'm an introvert who would probably not enjoy the #momshikinganddrinking weekends.

It's okay for me to be on the outside of an inner circle, as long as nobody is openly exclusionary and as long as my kid has friends and social experiences. I have my own inner circle.

Do you participate in the pta

Anonymous wrote:OP, are you a friendly, approachable person? Do you ever initiate or make plans? I find that the people who complain about this are never the organizers and are often awkward socially.

I'm not the op. When my kid was in preschool, I was the one making the plans which were never reciprocated. I really didn't need to be part of a mom's group, I just wanted my kid to play with his friends from school. So yeah, don't blame op. We try.

Thank God he's older now and can make his own plans.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Why do people want mom friends I don’t understand. Cool if it happens organically, but why is this a type of friend people want for the sake of it?

Because we're lonely, OP. Not all of us are the queen bee mean moms like you clearly are.

+1

It’s also generally only an issue when it seems like others are friends and you are not included. It’s the same in an office or neighborhood. I don’t sit around thinking I have to have work friends or neighbor friends, but if there’s a big group of people either place who are very visibly friends with each other, it feels awkward to be excluded. I have friends but they aren’t associated with a specific place or activity, so when I spend time with them it’s not like we are excluding other people around us.

I think the parent friend thing is also stressful because it can also translate to kid cliques, and if your kid is outside one, you feel responsible on some level for not better facilitating friendships.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Another one here who is involved in the school, hosts playdates, lives in the "cool" neighborhood is is excluded.

I also agree with PP that I've been much happier since I stopped tried to get myself included. Turning 40 helped too. Fewer f&%$# to give.

I don’t even know who the cool moms are so I guess I am definitely not one of them.

I am friendly with some moms from school and sports. We don’t go out drinking but we chit chat and hang out at games, school functions and some parties.

I have my own friends and hang out with them without kid. They are just friends, not mom friends even though they are all moms.

Me too. Although I can definitely think of a woman who really really wants to be a cool mom in our neighborhood! It’s sort of painful to watch

What a catty thing to say. You are the problem.

Maybe find a bigger school. Ours is so big that even if there are mom cliques I wouldn't know bc I wouldn't see them. From where I am chatting with another parent it just looks like a small group of people. The same extends to the kids, too. The solution to pollution is dilution.

Anonymous wrote:Why do people want mom friends I don’t understand. Cool if it happens organically, but why is this a type of friend people want for the sake of it?

Because we're lonely, OP. Not all of us are the queen bee mean moms like you clearly are.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP, are you a friendly, approachable person? Do you ever initiate or make plans? I find that the people who complain about this are never the organizers and are often awkward socially.

OP here - yes, I actually am! I've tried to invite people out for coffee or drinks, I try to do playdates, but it's not the same when you don't live in the neighborhood and run into people walking or driving down the street or when the neighborhood has parties and you don't live there, so you can't attend.

Yeah, you don't want to be part of the neighborhood you think is "popular". Those byotches are stuck in high school. Don't do it.

Sounds like you weren’t invited. All the seasonings and you chose to be salty.

they always swing the conversation to where we live or some other "class marker" topic

Must be the same in every area, every neighborhood! Our development is very cookie-cutter. Same builder built five different models. The largest typically sells for 10% more than the very smallest. Inevitably early upon meeting, many in the neighborhood will go out of their way to uncover which model you live in.

Find other moms that also aren’t in the cliques and befriend them. Assuming there are 20 kids in the class, I can’t imagine there are 20 moms in te clique. Find the other moms………..

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Another one here who is involved in the school, hosts playdates, lives in the "cool" neighborhood is is excluded.

I also agree with PP that I've been much happier since I stopped tried to get myself included. Turning 40 helped too. Fewer f&%$# to give.

I don’t even know who the cool moms are so I guess I am definitely not one of them.

I am friendly with some moms from school and sports. We don’t go out drinking but we chit chat and hang out at games, school functions and some parties.

I have my own friends and hang out with them without kid. They are just friends, not mom friends even though they are all moms.

Me too. Although I can definitely think of a woman who really really wants to be a cool mom in our neighborhood! It’s sort of painful to watch

Most of the new women I meet are moms. So that's pretty much my only option

I def understand wanting friends, but I think trying to be friends with groups of women, similar to the same way our children socialize at school, is hard. The friend groups I have were made organically (i like someone, we get on, I introduce my friends or vice versa, and over time it’s a group. Focus on making one friend at a time, based on liking that person and having friend chemistry. I have many friends but no mom friends - people I like and are friendly with, but that’s it. The idea of trying to break Into a clique is exhausting and I think doomed to failure.

uncool mom with uncool kids
10 years later you won't remember the details