Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I wouldn't go - my sister had a no kids wedding although all of her 3 older siblings had kids - at a venue far from where there was any lodging so she hired a sitter to watch the kids at the venue - who proceeded to call and have parents come up and get their kids if the kids fussed so my husband and I spent most of the wedding outside looking in the windows with the kids - her choice, and it wasn't an option to skip a siblings wedding, but you have to evaluate how the people you want most to attend and celebrate with you will do so with the choices you are making. I also had a no kids wedding and set up babysitters in the hotel for couples with kids but in the end regretted it because everyone was running up and down to the rooms to check on kids, spouses up there etc.. If alot of people are coming from out of town - it really changes the no kids element. If everyone is local i see no reason why you can't get a trusted babysitter to sit.

If you've run out of periods and can't afford any more, start a Go Fund Me - I'd gladly contribute.

ily

A lot of my cousins had no kids weddings out of town. I send a nice gift and decline.

The only problem arises when then they (or other family members) try to put pressure on you and complain about your choice - I've had one wedding where it was going to be somewhere rural, so we'd have to fly and then rent a car to drive to the wedding venue for over an hour. It was a no child wedding for all the events over two days and I had no interest in either leaving my husband and kids or flying with everyone to only then try to find a babysitter in an unfamiliar place in the middle of nowhere and leave the kids alone for the bulk of two days. The amount of pushback I got on that from various family members soured me on the whole thing. But if your cousin is not doing that, then all you should do is be gracious, send a nice present, and count all the money you saved in not going.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:You suggest that the fact that there are a ton of kids among the family is a reason to include the kids in her wedding.

You should understand that the fact that there a ton of kids is PRECISELY the reason why she does not want to include kids. She doesn’t want to turn it in to Romper Room. And Imtotally agree.

Also, parents who can never use a babysitter are not healthy. Why don’t your parents-in-law stay with your kids that weekend?

+100.

She has BTDT at all your inclusive weddings and knows that SHE DOES NOT WANT THAT at her wedding.

This. OP, you had three kids at your wedding, she is expected to have 15. Totally different dynamic, not to mention the cost.

Plus, as other PPS have mentioned, you seem to have some attachment issues.

Anonymous wrote:I wouldn't go - my sister had a no kids wedding although all of her 3 older siblings had kids - at a venue far from where there was any lodging so she hired a sitter to watch the kids at the venue - who proceeded to call and have parents come up and get their kids if the kids fussed so my husband and I spent most of the wedding outside looking in the windows with the kids - her choice, and it wasn't an option to skip a siblings wedding, but you have to evaluate how the people you want most to attend and celebrate with you will do so with the choices you are making. I also had a no kids wedding and set up babysitters in the hotel for couples with kids but in the end regretted it because everyone was running up and down to the rooms to check on kids, spouses up there etc.. If alot of people are coming from out of town - it really changes the no kids element. If everyone is local i see no reason why you can't get a trusted babysitter to sit.

If you've run out of periods and can't afford any more, start a Go Fund Me - I'd gladly contribute.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:It's so frustrating. Literally everyone has kids. All the cousins except this one. All of us had inclusive weddings. She also has given 0 help for everyone coming from out of town to find sitters. I enjoy my kids and frankly find it hard to leave them in a hotel room for multiple hours.

You can’t spend one evening without your kids?

+1 This seems so disingenuous. Do you work? Do you run errands?

Go or don’t.

Anonymous wrote:For those commenting about mid week weddings, there is no weekend availability!

Yes there is. My wedding is planned for a Saturday, this year, it is significantly more expensive than a weekday though.

Anonymous wrote:For those commenting about mid week weddings, there is no weekend availability!

Mid week is fine! As long as bride/groom aren’t upset that guests with jobs may not be able to take multiple days off to travel.

For those commenting about mid week weddings, there is no weekend availability!

Then
Stay
Home
Are you paying for her wedding and the kids or the venue?
Let people have the event they want and they have to accept that some will not come.
It’s called being an adult.

So don't go. And for "help for everyone who is coming"...God, I hated it when I was a bride. We were exploited by our relatives. "Meet us at the airport, drive us here, drive us there, uncle Bob has an ulcer, aunt Miriam has a newly discovered diet". We were so exhausted on our wedding day. WE got no help. Most people did not bother to rent cars. They complained about their hotel rooms. They wanted menu changes at the last minute. We had parents of toddlers throwing FITS because we had no flower girl or ring boy. So I am team bride. &^#% you, entitled relatives.

Anonymous wrote:It's so frustrating. Literally everyone has kids. All the cousins except this one. All of us had inclusive weddings. She also has given 0 help for everyone coming from out of town to find sitters. I enjoy my kids and frankly find it hard to leave them in a hotel room for multiple hours.

Her wedding, her choice. I had a no kids wedding because I did not want them running all over and making a mess, no tantrums or crying. I also have "no kid" parties because adults need social gatherings where they can have adult conversations without constant interruptions from children. In fact, I have hired babysitters to keep my kids in TV/rec room so they didn't interrupt party.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I loved having kids at my wedding! They are so stinking cute and usually bring out some funny moments.

Everyone has a right to the wedding they want. If you can't spend a few hours without your kids, this isn't the wedding for you. Just send a gift and stay home.

Some people are coming from out of town. They would be traveling with kids, and the expense of that, only to be sticking them with a babysitter they don't know and running up/down to check on them. Not fun.

It's not about not being able to spend a few hours without them, Miss/Mr. Judgmental. Everyone likes a break from their kids. And yes, I did decline these weddings when mine were little.

The OP specifically mentioned not enjoying time away from her kids. That's what the PP you quoted was referencing, so yes, it WAS about not being able to spend a few hours without them, in the context of the OP.

I wasn't specifically addressing the OP but the prior comment and the sentiment generally.

Anonymous wrote:You suggest that the fact that there are a ton of kids among the family is a reason to include the kids in her wedding.

You should understand that the fact that there a ton of kids is PRECISELY the reason why she does not want to include kids. She doesn’t want to turn it in to Romper Room. And Imtotally agree.

Also, parents who can never use a babysitter are not healthy. Why don’t your parents-in-law stay with your kids that weekend?

+100.

She has BTDT at all your inclusive weddings and knows that SHE DOES NOT WANT THAT at her wedding.

Anonymous wrote:+1

She’s entitled to pick her wedding, you’re entitled to choose rather or not to go. The fact that everyone else had inclusive weddings is irrelevant (You chose to include kids. However you could also have chosen to exclude kids, elope to Vegas, have an elaborate destination wedding, tied the knot at city hall, or said your vows on a roller coaster, etc. Any of those choices might have affected the attendance responses of your invited guests.) . The fact that everyone has kids is irrelevant to your decision, but if everyone declines it may become relevant for her.

Basically, everyone is free to decide their own course of action. She is not obligated to design her wedding to accommodate your preferences and you are not obligated to attend.

+1,000

Can we just have Jeff pin this response?