Anonymous wrote:I love my second child. We were on the fence and had him when his sister was 4. He is the joy of our family. But the one thing I didn’t realize is that there are no breaks with two little kids. One kid always needs me. Two needy little kids are hard for even a trained nanny or my husband to handle, and same goes for me.The parts of me I started to reclaim after the eldest toilet trained, weaned, and began STTN (exercise class, dinners with the girls, book club, solo travel) around age 2.5/3 are gone. The logistics of two (clothes, schedules, different kids of picky eating, trading illnesses, different needs) on top of running a household, a demanding full time job, the pandemic, aging parents, and day to day responsibilities for me is overwhelming. I have a very engaged husband but it’s just too much. It’s been a liability for my career, my marriage, my body, and my health. You have to be so much more selfless and patient to be a mom to two instead of one. The demands are greater and you have less reserves and are older. It’s just very hard. In ways I didn’t expect not being a FTM. I thought I would get myself back after number 2, but I’m not even close. I feel like a stereotypical exhausted mom
Who let herself go and it’s aged me terribly. I love my kids and I can’t imagine life without them but my god, it’s insane to try to be a good parent, wife, daughter, homeowner, employee, friend, etc. I feel like I’m constantly juggling plates smashing down upon me.

Anonymous wrote:I love my second child. We were on the fence and had him when his sister was 4. He is the joy of our family. But the one thing I didn’t realize is that there are no breaks with two little kids. One kid always needs me. Two needy little kids are hard for even a trained nanny or my husband to handle, and same goes for me.The parts of me I started to reclaim after the eldest toilet trained, weaned, and began STTN (exercise class, dinners with the girls, book club, solo travel) around age 2.5/3 are gone. The logistics of two (clothes, schedules, different kids of picky eating, trading illnesses, different needs) on top of running a household, a demanding full time job, the pandemic, aging parents, and day to day responsibilities for me is overwhelming. I have a very engaged husband but it’s just too much. It’s been a liability for my career, my marriage, my body, and my health. You have to be so much more selfless and patient to be a mom to two instead of one. The demands are greater and you have less reserves and are older. It’s just very hard. In ways I didn’t expect not being a FTM. I thought I would get myself back after number 2, but I’m not even close. I feel like a stereotypical exhausted mom
Who let herself go and it’s aged me terribly. I love my kids and I can’t imagine life without them but my god, it’s insane to try to be a good parent, wife, daughter, homeowner, employee, friend, etc. I feel like I’m constantly juggling plates smashing down upon me.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:The first two years of the second child's life are tough, so just plan those out carefully with a nanny or whatever support system you can muster. Once you have a plan, it's easier. Once the kid turns 2, and even moreso once they turn 3, it's mentally and physically about as hard as one (in my experience). There is more logistics/shuttling to activities, but other than that it evens out because they do occasionally play together. We were on the fence and love having two now. They are 4 years apart, girl then boy. Good luck, OP!

You can’t discount this though, when the husband will continue to work long hours. Yes in some ways, kids get easier as they get older, but in terms of the after school/after work rush, it gets much much harder.

Anonymous wrote:The first two years of the second child's life are tough, so just plan those out carefully with a nanny or whatever support system you can muster. Once you have a plan, it's easier. Once the kid turns 2, and even moreso once they turn 3, it's mentally and physically about as hard as one (in my experience). There is more logistics/shuttling to activities, but other than that it evens out because they do occasionally play together. We were on the fence and love having two now. They are 4 years apart, girl then boy. Good luck, OP!

Anonymous wrote:The first two years of the second child's life are tough, so just plan those out carefully with a nanny or whatever support system you can muster. Once you have a plan, it's easier. Once the kid turns 2, and even moreso once they turn 3, it's mentally and physically about as hard as one (in my experience). There is more logistics/shuttling to activities, but other than that it evens out because they do occasionally play together. We were on the fence and love having two now. They are 4 years apart, girl then boy. Good luck, OP!

Anonymous wrote:When my husband and I were having this conversation many years ago (kids are 7 and 10 now) we wound up in a conversation with a friend who is an only child who was at that time dealing with parents who were aging and one wound up dying shortly thereafter. She had to deal with it all by herself and shared how hard it was being the only child not just to carry on those memories but also to deal with the logistics of the whole situation.

My point being, the baby/toddler years are short in comparison to their whole lives. My two boys are very close (made closer by spending so much time together the past 2 years) and I'm so grateful that they have each other.

Anonymous wrote:I love my second child. We were on the fence and had him when his sister was 4. He is the joy of our family. But the one thing I didn’t realize is that there are no breaks with two little kids. One kid always needs me. Two needy little kids are hard for even a trained nanny or my husband to handle, and same goes for me.The parts of me I started to reclaim after the eldest toilet trained, weaned, and began STTN (exercise class, dinners with the girls, book club, solo travel) around age 2.5/3 are gone. The logistics of two (clothes, schedules, different kids of picky eating, trading illnesses, different needs) on top of running a household, a demanding full time job, the pandemic, aging parents, and day to day responsibilities for me is overwhelming. I have a very engaged husband but it’s just too much. It’s been a liability for my career, my marriage, my body, and my health. You have to be so much more selfless and patient to be a mom to two instead of one. The demands are greater and you have less reserves and are older. It’s just very hard. In ways I didn’t expect not being a FTM. I thought I would get myself back after number 2, but I’m not even close. I feel like a stereotypical exhausted mom
Who let herself go and it’s aged me terribly. I love my kids and I can’t imagine life without them but my god, it’s insane to try to be a good parent, wife, daughter, homeowner, employee, friend, etc. I feel like I’m constantly juggling plates smashing down upon me.

Anonymous wrote:No one is saying it, but I will.

It's also okay to decide you are really happy with just one child.

Your life now sounds pretty great. You are both in fulfilling careers. You have a child you love and are entering a good chapter with sleep and independence. Now you can go build on that with your one child - lean into the career you like, savor time with your one beloved child, plan for future family adventures like travel.

I too thought I'd have a second until I had my first at the beginning of the pandemic. For a long time, I felt like I'd failed that I didn't have it in me to have a second after a really. hard first year of parenting. Like it was in some way letting the pandemic defeat my future goals and plans. But when I really looked at my life, I said I want to make decisions that will make me happier, not more burnt out. Sometimes catastrophic events (pandemic, rough pregnancy, NICU, etc.) change things. It's okay to adapt to what life has dealt to you.

If in this moment, you are not ready for a second child, then pivot to a very happy life with one.