I feel like these are just life lessons.

You make choices in life....there are pros/cons to that and life will play out based on your choices in various ways. If you don't like where you've landed, regroup and move on - whether that be to make the best of it, give it a chance, or make a change.

It's also not healthy to covet what others have - their outcome always more complicated in reality than it seems from the eyes of the person in envy. Everyone has to make choices - you can't have everything that everyone else has.

Example
Apply ED - accepted
Pros- enjoy senior year with less stress on grades, likely less work on applications etc., get good news early

Cons - not part of the Spring excitement, will always wonder about other schools you didn't apply to, lose opportunities to make financial comparisons

I think it's important for kids to really think these things through, and/or to "own" their decision. If you decide later it wasn't a good choice, that's ok. But, then do something about it but be responsible about it (like - don't back out on ED for another school).

I feel like the ones who regret it later are doing so because they are envious of where classmates accepted - and this is not taking full ownership of their original choice.

First of all, just because someone else with your stats was accepted to some other "more desired" school, doesn't mean you would have been. Second, those kids were probably envious of you for not having to worry so much about (and do more work on) applications and grades after mid-Dec.

It's very easy at this time of year to look at others and be envious or question why others were accepted.

I know we all want our kids to be happy, so regretting ED may be hard to see for the parent. But this seems like feeding into that isn't good for their growth.

As for a child who chose ED and learned later it was a bad match. This is just not doing the work upfront. I realize kids change, but really change that much since the Fall?

Anonymous wrote:Did she get into another school, then go for it. It is very confusing for a 17 year old to make a life changing decision.

D had some doubts in the summer before leaving for college. It was a disaster. She became depressed and made zero friends because she was so miserable.

I think we tried to help her with the decision process, but ultimately tried to let her make the choice.

Nothing at 17 is a life changing decision. DC is a freshman in college, and we've reiterated this over and over. Nothing is permanent. Nothing you do or decide at your age, now 18 and soon 19, is permanent.

Anonymous wrote:Everyone has doubts, it's a normal part of the process of transitioning from being in HS to being a lot more independent, in college.

Remind her it's normal. Do not show fear of your own, be supportive and upbeat. If you can.

+100. Normal, and reassure her of that.

Anonymous wrote:Almost every kid I know who did ED had a bit of buyer's remorse (including my own), and then most got out of it eventually. Many do after May 1 when everyone's committed. My kid sort of waxed and waned on it all summer even after committing, and even fall of 1st year there wasn't 100% sure, but now has grown to love the place. I think the thing is making a kid aware that they could get out of it but giving absolutely zero help in that process. So sure, you don't need to go to your ED school--'don't go if it's not the right place for you. We'll support you.' But then it's 100% on her to figure out what she would really like to do and how to make it happen and how to communicate that to the institutions.

(I feel this way about transferring too--express absolutely that you can transfer if you want, but then back away--they have to research how, do all the paperwork, meet the deadlines, make it work financially etc). I think giving them the feeling of agency and control is enough to help kids get out of that uncertainty if it isn't a real problem. They know they are in the driver's seat so if they aren't changing things they must really want them. Psychologically that often helps them feel more confident in their choice--or if it's really a bad decision they will make a change and feel empowered by all they did to make that change happen.

I had to double check to make sure that I did not write the above post as it sounds word-for-word what I would have written. This is absolutely how many kids feel after ED acceptance and also offers the same approach that we took and would recommend for ED buyers remose. We told our kid that she could find a way out, take a gap year, transfer etc. but she would have to figure it out. For the record, both of my kids did ED but only one had buyers remorse.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:ED absolutely discriminates against low income and donut-hole families - ie, vast majority of families applying - who are cost conscious.

IMHO, ED is just a way for well-off people to "pay to play." It reminds me of the old laws that allowed the well-to-do to avoid military drafts by paying a fine.

This is FALSE.

The NPC will tell you exactly what you will pay before you apply. If the award comes out different than the NPC, you are released from your commitment. So if you can afford it, apply, if not, don't.

If you are seeking merit aid, no college that will give yo merit aid will require ED to improve chance of admission.

What you have typed is FALSE.

Technically, yes. But in practice ED absolutely give those with greater financial means a leg up as well as those that come from families that have experience with the college application process (i.e. NOT first gen students).

Most of us with college age kids went before things like Common App and ED/EA/SCEA etc. existed so our knowledge isn't that relevant. I don't even remember applying to college TBH. We look it up and read forums etc. Yes, being college educated helps you to navigate things but that's true for all aspects of college application not just ED.

Another perspective on ED and the process in general. It's a counterweight to the overwrought emotionalism about this process as well as the competitiveness. My DS got in ED1 to a great school. It may not be the absolute best school he might have ever possibly stood a chance at, although close. And neither he nor us as parents indulged in any of this nonsense about 'dream school' or love. He looked at his odds, his interests, preferences on size and geography etc, and this was the school that seemed to fit best.

When he was applying I was kind of indifferent - I could have seen him at other places (and I did harbor hopes of a dream reach.) But once he got in, he was done - no analyzing, obsessing, regretting, wondering about alternatives. He's happy about the acceptance and probably underestimates how fortunate he was in this admissions cycle, but he's also not spending much time thinking about it. Even now I'm trying to persuade him to visit for admitted students day and he doesn't see the point.

It's been a good lesson for me on how to steer my younger kids. ED can be a useful way to juice your odds a little bit but you can't get emotionally attached to any school in this process. You can't treat college applications like a romcom - there is no 'one true love' school for anyone.

Did she get into another school, then go for it. It is very confusing for a 17 year old to make a life changing decision.

D had some doubts in the summer before leaving for college. It was a disaster. She became depressed and made zero friends because she was so miserable.

I think we tried to help her with the decision process, but ultimately tried to let her make the choice.

Anonymous wrote:Technically, yes.

"Technically". The best kind.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:ED absolutely discriminates against low income and donut-hole families - ie, vast majority of families applying - who are cost conscious.

IMHO, ED is just a way for well-off people to "pay to play." It reminds me of the old laws that allowed the well-to-do to avoid military drafts by paying a fine.

This is FALSE.

The NPC will tell you exactly what you will pay before you apply. If the award comes out different than the NPC, you are released from your commitment. So if you can afford it, apply, if not, don't.

If you are seeking merit aid, no college that will give yo merit aid will require ED to improve chance of admission.

What you have typed is FALSE.

Technically, yes. But in practice ED absolutely give those with greater financial means a leg up as well as those that come from families that have experience with the college application process (i.e. NOT first gen students).

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:ED is such a scam. It's to give a leg-up to full pay rich kids and legacies. That's the sole reason for ED's existence. I guarantee that many competitive universities will soon be fill 75%+ of the incoming class with only ED's.

I hate it and wish it was banished.

While that is part of the end results (giving full pay a leg up), ED is really for the schools to maximize yield. Look at how many schools have added ED2 in the past 5 years. That's so they can catch all of the kids who don't get into their ED. Most "top schools" fill over 50% of their incoming class with ED. Some schools with EA even use their ED2 to poll students/encourage students who were deferred to RD to switch to ED2---basically saying if you switch you will get in---the college is worried about their yield.

However, ultimately any school that costs ~$75-80K will ultimately end up with a significant percent of full pay students, even if they didn't have ED---unless they have an endowment to give more grants to all students, there will be many families that cannot afford the 75K/year and will be forced to go elsewhere

I love all of you complaining about the full pay kids. Do you think all of these other kids would get the kind of aid they get without some people paying the full price. Get over it. Be glad somebody can afford it so that others can attend as well.

Anonymous wrote:ED absolutely discriminates against low income and donut-hole families - ie, vast majority of families applying - who are cost conscious.

IMHO, ED is just a way for well-off people to "pay to play." It reminds me of the old laws that allowed the well-to-do to avoid military drafts by paying a fine.

This is FALSE.

The NPC will tell you exactly what you will pay before you apply. If the award comes out different than the NPC, you are released from your commitment. So if you can afford it, apply, if not, don't.

If you are seeking merit aid, no college that will give yo merit aid will require ED to improve chance of admission.

What you have typed is FALSE.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:ED is such a scam. It's to give a leg-up to full pay rich kids and legacies. That's the sole reason for ED's existence. I guarantee that many competitive universities will soon be fill 75%+ of the incoming class with only ED's.

I hate it and wish it was banished.

I agree, I hate it too. My son did not ED his second choice because he said he could not "never know if he could get in UCLA". He is very high stat (I know everyone is, but just putting in context) and good ECS. His guidance counselor told him about his second choice "you will very likely get in ED but unlikely RD - that would be consistent with what she sees every year". We actually thought she was being pessimistic about RD and even some other schools that he was above 75%. He was rejected (well WL, but same thing). He is still happy about his T50 choice and super cheap because of all the merit (and compared to $80K per year at second choice). He stills says that he would do the same thing again. I don't think the ED game is good for students both educationally or mentally. But his is my last so now done with it.

You know applying ED is your option, right? No one forces you to do it?

Don’t like it? Don’t use it.

Why should it be banned for those that do want to use it? That have a clear first choice, ran the NPC and can afford it, and hope to spend Dec-April enjoying senior year with less stress?

It's going to become harder and harder to get in via RD when lion's share of seats are distributed in the ED round(s) for T50 schools. ED absolutely discriminates against low income and donut-hole families - ie, vast majority of families applying - who are cost conscious.

IMHO, ED is just a way for well-off people to "pay to play." It reminds me of the old laws that allowed the well-to-do to avoid military drafts by paying a fine.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:ED is such a scam. It's to give a leg-up to full pay rich kids and legacies. That's the sole reason for ED's existence. I guarantee that many competitive universities will soon be fill 75%+ of the incoming class with only ED's.

I hate it and wish it was banished.

I agree, I hate it too. My son did not ED his second choice because he said he could not "never know if he could get in UCLA". He is very high stat (I know everyone is, but just putting in context) and good ECS. His guidance counselor told him about his second choice "you will very likely get in ED but unlikely RD - that would be consistent with what she sees every year". We actually thought she was being pessimistic about RD and even some other schools that he was above 75%. He was rejected (well WL, but same thing). He is still happy about his T50 choice and super cheap because of all the merit (and compared to $80K per year at second choice). He stills says that he would do the same thing again. I don't think the ED game is good for students both educationally or mentally. But his is my last so now done with it.

You know applying ED is your option, right? No one forces you to do it?

Don’t like it? Don’t use it.

Why should it be banned for those that do want to use it? That have a clear first choice, ran the NPC and can afford it, and hope to spend Dec-April enjoying senior year with less stress?

The kids are competing for admittance and the colleges are competing for kids. Hard to see how ED will go away as it serves both purposes for an affluent demographic.

Anonymous wrote:ED is such a scam. It's to give a leg-up to full pay rich kids and legacies. That's the sole reason for ED's existence. I guarantee that many competitive universities will soon be fill 75%+ of the incoming class with only ED's.

I hate it and wish it was banished.

While that is part of the end results (giving full pay a leg up), ED is really for the schools to maximize yield. Look at how many schools have added ED2 in the past 5 years. That's so they can catch all of the kids who don't get into their ED. Most "top schools" fill over 50% of their incoming class with ED. Some schools with EA even use their ED2 to poll students/encourage students who were deferred to RD to switch to ED2---basically saying if you switch you will get in---the college is worried about their yield.

However, ultimately any school that costs ~$75-80K will ultimately end up with a significant percent of full pay students, even if they didn't have ED---unless they have an endowment to give more grants to all students, there will be many families that cannot afford the 75K/year and will be forced to go elsewhere