I always trot out my own life as an example, but here it is again. I went to Masterman, in Philadelphia, at a time when their graduating high school class only had about thirty students. Best public magnet in the state. Ten of us went to ivies, and the rest to 'lesser' schools like Duke, UVA, Penn State, etc.

None of us has invented post-its yet, although I was tempted to pretend I had at the last reunion.

We're just not that successful. A lot of teachers. I think one doctor and one biglaw partner. A few MBAs who are now housewives. Two self-published authors you've never heard of.

Anonymous wrote:I am extremely jealous and annoyed. My kid is just as smart if not smarter. Why should your kid get in over mine?

TRUTH!

LUCK!

And also, so many kids got in based on athletics but the parents were not telling, and just say their kid is smart. So get baited! All I can say is I didn’t understand the game enough and I was not rich enough to hire consultants.

Anonymous wrote:My DD had a classmate whose mom posted that he had missed one question on the math SAT, retaken, and gotten his math from 780 up to 800

She posted near 5/1 but he had paid his deposit for UVA but was on on the WL for two better ranked schools.

Then she posted two weeks later that he was off the WL for a T10 school, but was not attending because they could not afford it. So, he would still be going to UVA, even though he was accepted someplace better ED

Don’t be this mom.

It makes me so sad to read this. She is also setting an example for her children. There are many games to play in life, but this is the wrong way.

OP, my kids used to compete in music all the time. And we learned early on that there are politics among judges and preferences for styles and interpretation. So no matter how well you prepare, the same performance can win accolades from one set of judges and criticism from another. You lose some and you win some, and of course, college acceptance is a much bigger deal.

My point is, have thick skin, even though it is very very hard knowing that results are not always fair. I watch my DC who has always been a super star dealing with this situation right now. My DC had a bad junior year and holistic review or not, the results are looking non promising. You have to pick yourself up and tell yourself that college is not the end game of life, and go outshine in the long run, you can do it. Put on your thick skin, congratulate others. Any parents who want to poke you back are not friends. You will learn who really have been in your corner and you have not.

My DD had a classmate whose mom posted that he had missed one question on the math SAT, retaken, and gotten his math from 780 up to 800

She posted near 5/1 but he had paid his deposit for UVA but was on on the WL for two better ranked schools.

Then she posted two weeks later that he was off the WL for a T10 school, but was not attending because they could not afford it. So, he would still be going to UVA, even though he was accepted someplace better ED

Don’t be this mom.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:
How to quell the disappointment/jealousy/sadness/curiosity when other kids who may or may not seem to have lower stats etc get in to much better schools than your DC?
I know they might have had something "else" in their application that we don't know about, but still...comparison is hard...

Why this endless stats, stats, stats? That is not how this game is played. You are misleading your student. Stats are not enough. If they are not very gifted in some specific way, they lose out to the superstar...in music, or art or science or sports or writing, etc.

That's how things are "wokesplained" these days when it comes to college. Grin and bear. Vote right.

Give me a break. It was this way when I applied to college in 1984.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:GPA, Course Rigor, SAT/ACT(although supposedly optional) are the most imortant stat.
Let's not kid about it. These can be known among friends.
Also you can see their ECs and stuff faily easily.

I disagree. Just like the saying, "you can't know what goes on behind closed doors", you can not know what a student has accomplished and put on their college applications.
My DS is extremely private about his extracurricular research work. He has progressively done more and more each year and finally some research his senior year of high school at a local university. His science work is impressive but I would guess that most of his classmates do not know about it. Or if they do have a sense, they do not realize to the extent that it has become. There are thousands of kids and examples just like this.

I agree with this. My DS quietly accumulated over 500 volunteer hours in high school. It was something we got him started with in 9th grade because, frankly, he seemed to have a little too much time on his hands. He enjoyed volunteering at this organization so much that he just kept with it and boosted his involvement over time. But most people had no idea he was doing this, I know because people told me so when he won a community volunteer award at the end of senior year. I'm sure prior to his winning the award anyone inclined to give any thought to his ECs would have assumed he didn't have any.

This, slightly modified. My very introverted DC had a side interest/hobby that they were pretty passionate about. School had no idea, classmates had no idea about what DC was doing summers or outside of school (esp. pandemic). DC's stuff involved more extensive exploration of that interest, and a very focused essay that explained how they synthesized interests and why they wanted to go to X school to study Y. And it was a field the schools were looking for students to study in. School counselor didn't expect it, but we did. It's about hitting the sweet spot and showing why your kid fits a particular niche/need for the school.

Similar story here. DD is quiet about what she has been doing. She pursued CS competitions and just got accepted to MIT. She did not do them with college applications in mind, just wanted to learn more about CS. As she is the only one from her HS who has these international awards, and not even a Presidency of an established club at her school, folks are probably scratching their heads as to how she got in!

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:
How to quell the disappointment/jealousy/sadness/curiosity when other kids who may or may not seem to have lower stats etc get in to much better schools than your DC?
I know they might have had something "else" in their application that we don't know about, but still...comparison is hard...

Why this endless stats, stats, stats? That is not how this game is played. You are misleading your student. Stats are not enough. If they are not very gifted in some specific way, they lose out to the superstar...in music, or art or science or sports or writing, etc.

That's how things are "wokesplained" these days when it comes to college. Grin and bear. Vote right.

Um yeah, actual colleges that want to educate undergraduate students still want to have, for example, classes in English, linguistics, foreign languages, history, poly sci, etc.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:GPA, Course Rigor, SAT/ACT(although supposedly optional) are the most imortant stat.
Let's not kid about it. These can be known among friends.
Also you can see their ECs and stuff faily easily.

I disagree. Just like the saying, "you can't know what goes on behind closed doors", you can not know what a student has accomplished and put on their college applications.
My DS is extremely private about his extracurricular research work. He has progressively done more and more each year and finally some research his senior year of high school at a local university. His science work is impressive but I would guess that most of his classmates do not know about it. Or if they do have a sense, they do not realize to the extent that it has become. There are thousands of kids and examples just like this.

I agree with this. My DS quietly accumulated over 500 volunteer hours in high school. It was something we got him started with in 9th grade because, frankly, he seemed to have a little too much time on his hands. He enjoyed volunteering at this organization so much that he just kept with it and boosted his involvement over time. But most people had no idea he was doing this, I know because people told me so when he won a community volunteer award at the end of senior year. I'm sure prior to his winning the award anyone inclined to give any thought to his ECs would have assumed he didn't have any.

This, slightly modified. My very introverted DC had a side interest/hobby that they were pretty passionate about. School had no idea, classmates had no idea about what DC was doing summers or outside of school (esp. pandemic). DC's stuff involved more extensive exploration of that interest, and a very focused essay that explained how they synthesized interests and why they wanted to go to X school to study Y. And it was a field the schools were looking for students to study in. School counselor didn't expect it, but we did. It's about hitting the sweet spot and showing why your kid fits a particular niche/need for the school.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:My kid is going to Clemson for CS. They have friends going to top schools, but mostly as humanities majors.

Major matters more than people realize. Everyone can’t have the same major. There are not enough resources.

This! Most colleges do not want an entire class of, say, pre-med students.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:
How to quell the disappointment/jealousy/sadness/curiosity when other kids who may or may not seem to have lower stats etc get in to much better schools than your DC?
I know they might have had something "else" in their application that we don't know about, but still...comparison is hard...

Why this endless stats, stats, stats? That is not how this game is played. You are misleading your student. Stats are not enough. If they are not very gifted in some specific way, they lose out to the superstar...in music, or art or science or sports or writing, etc.

That's how things are "wokesplained" these days when it comes to college. Grin and bear. Vote right.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:GPA, Course Rigor, SAT/ACT(although supposedly optional) are the most imortant stat.
Let's not kid about it. These can be known among friends.
Also you can see their ECs and stuff faily easily.

I disagree. Just like the saying, "you can't know what goes on behind closed doors", you can not know what a student has accomplished and put on their college applications.
My DS is extremely private about his extracurricular research work. He has progressively done more and more each year and finally some research his senior year of high school at a local university. His science work is impressive but I would guess that most of his classmates do not know about it. Or if they do have a sense, they do not realize to the extent that it has become. There are thousands of kids and examples just like this.

I agree with this. My DS quietly accumulated over 500 volunteer hours in high school. It was something we got him started with in 9th grade because, frankly, he seemed to have a little too much time on his hands. He enjoyed volunteering at this organization so much that he just kept with it and boosted his involvement over time. But most people had no idea he was doing this, I know because people told me so when he won a community volunteer award at the end of senior year. I'm sure prior to his winning the award anyone inclined to give any thought to his ECs would have assumed he didn't have any.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:
How to quell the disappointment/jealousy/sadness/curiosity when other kids who may or may not seem to have lower stats etc get in to much better schools than your DC?
I know they might have had something "else" in their application that we don't know about, but still...comparison is hard...

I'll let you know when I figure it out LOL.

Love (not) about all the people launching on here about how you are probably wrong that your kid had a stronger creds. They never rest with it. A lot of us know how the kids stack up and are seeing this this happen over and over so I am right there with you.

My only advice at this point is to find the bright point of options - cheaper? (ivy's are expensive, invest the extra money into a spdr fund to launch your kids), closer? has friends there? lower stress ie: big fish in small pond? maybe a good football team/campus life? there is always grad school....

Maybe you are right but the point is the colleges didn't accept the kids with the stronger creds (I assume you mean GPA/test scores) and went with someone else that had something else that they thought was more desirable.

This poster is right. By definition, the other kid had “stronger creds” according to the college, so your opinion about the relative strengths and weaknesses is just that, an opinion (and not the one that matters).

Reading comprehension is lacking— I didn’t state an opinion about strengths and weaknesses. I said that the college decided to pick someone else that had lower creds because for whatever reason, the college decided that another student had something else that they wanted. That is not an opinion, that is a fact. Arguing on a forum why colleges should accept students with stronger stats is an opinion that doesn’t matter.

You missed my point. You said “lower creds.” My point was that although their test scores and/or GPA may be lower, the college clearly thought their credentials overall (which are more than just test scores and GPA) were better in the college’s opinion. Although you, personally, may not think recommendations, ECs, etc. are credentials, the colleges do, as evidenced by the decision. I was taking issue with your definition of credentials. I just didn’t realize I would have to spell it out so clearly.

Anonymous wrote:
How to quell the disappointment/jealousy/sadness/curiosity when other kids who may or may not seem to have lower stats etc get in to much better schools than your DC?
I know they might have had something "else" in their application that we don't know about, but still...comparison is hard...

It’s natural to feel disappointed but don’t forget that it’s a game of luck and everyone has a different lane. If you are a native Indian musician from Oklahoma, you have to meet a completely different criterion than one for a white legacy lacrosse player from Boston.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:
How to quell the disappointment/jealousy/sadness/curiosity when other kids who may or may not seem to have lower stats etc get in to much better schools than your DC?
I know they might have had something "else" in their application that we don't know about, but still...comparison is hard...

I'll let you know when I figure it out LOL.

Love (not) about all the people launching on here about how you are probably wrong that your kid had a stronger creds. They never rest with it. A lot of us know how the kids stack up and are seeing this this happen over and over so I am right there with you.

My only advice at this point is to find the bright point of options - cheaper? (ivy's are expensive, invest the extra money into a spdr fund to launch your kids), closer? has friends there? lower stress ie: big fish in small pond? maybe a good football team/campus life? there is always grad school....

Maybe you are right but the point is the colleges didn't accept the kids with the stronger creds (I assume you mean GPA/test scores) and went with someone else that had something else that they thought was more desirable.

This poster is right. By definition, the other kid had “stronger creds” according to the college, so your opinion about the relative strengths and weaknesses is just that, an opinion (and not the one that matters).

Reading comprehension is lacking— I didn’t state an opinion about strengths and weaknesses. I said that the college decided to pick someone else that had lower creds because for whatever reason, the college decided that another student had something else that they wanted. That is not an opinion, that is a fact. Arguing on a forum why colleges should accept students with stronger stats is an opinion that doesn’t matter.

DP: You missed the other person's point. Colleges pick on credentials (a wide variety of them not just GPA/test scores). By virtue of being picked, the other kid had better credentials than yours. You may disagree with the criteria the college used but obviously the other kid won out. You said it yourself "something else they wanted"--that's a credential.