Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:My kid is miserable (7th grade) and I'm at a loss for what to do. She says she has no friends. I know that she is friendly with a ton of girls in her class and they are nice girls and even dd doesn't say they are mean to her. She says that when she sits with them, they don't 'include' her... they talk about what they did together last weekend, etc. that she can't participate in the conversation about.

I'm considering reaching out to those girls' parents (whom I know from ES) to see if they could somehow get her included in weekend invites but haven't yet because I think it could backfire (what will those parents actually tell their kids?)

I don't know if I have tangible advice for OP, except to try to make sure your kid is solidly in a friendship group before going to MS. But that's easier said than done-- by MS it is kind of the kids' turn to navigate these things and as much as we try, we are more spectators than anything else.

I’m sorry your daughter is struggling—I’ve been there. But I don’t think the bolder will necessarily help much. The friend groups always seem to reshuffle a bit in MS. It’s like groups from different schools coming together and a new pecking order is established. I think encouraging your kids to be open to new people, new groups and not to fixate on their elementary friends or whoever the “in” group is will serve them well.

Agree with this take. The friendship groups totally shift in middle school. It really isn't about having a group from elementary.

What is happening to your daughter happened to me in 7th grade. I had a lunch table and for whatever reason no one liked me. I never got invited to any outside school activities and they all talked about everything in front of me. It was awful and I am in my 40s and remember it to this day. BUT....it made me a better person too. More empathetic. More inclusive. More aware of not doing the same thing to others.

What happens with kids is they feel "stuck". The lunch tables are set for this year, she will probably tell you. She can't find a new group, she will probably tell you. And to her, this is totally true. It's a lot to ask a kid that age to pivot and put herself out there in a setting where she already feels unsure of herself and uncomfortable.

What you should do - get her involved in things outside of school with different groups of kids, tell her that this will pass and she should work to find a new group in 8th grade. The summer is always a huge reset.

And no, you can't say anything to the parents.

Anonymous wrote:My kid is miserable (7th grade) and I'm at a loss for what to do. She says she has no friends. I know that she is friendly with a ton of girls in her class and they are nice girls and even dd doesn't say they are mean to her. She says that when she sits with them, they don't 'include' her... they talk about what they did together last weekend, etc. that she can't participate in the conversation about.

I'm considering reaching out to those girls' parents (whom I know from ES) to see if they could somehow get her included in weekend invites but haven't yet because I think it could backfire (what will those parents actually tell their kids?)

I don't know if I have tangible advice for OP, except to try to make sure your kid is solidly in a friendship group before going to MS. But that's easier said than done-- by MS it is kind of the kids' turn to navigate these things and as much as we try, we are more spectators than anything else.

I’m sorry your daughter is struggling—I’ve been there. But I don’t think the bolder will necessarily help much. The friend groups always seem to reshuffle a bit in MS. It’s like groups from different schools coming together and a new pecking order is established. I think encouraging your kids to be open to new people, new groups and not to fixate on their elementary friends or whoever the “in” group is will serve them well.

My kid is miserable (7th grade) and I'm at a loss for what to do. She says she has no friends. I know that she is friendly with a ton of girls in her class and they are nice girls and even dd doesn't say they are mean to her. She says that when she sits with them, they don't 'include' her... they talk about what they did together last weekend, etc. that she can't participate in the conversation about.

I'm considering reaching out to those girls' parents (whom I know from ES) to see if they could somehow get her included in weekend invites but haven't yet because I think it could backfire (what will those parents actually tell their kids?)

I don't know if I have tangible advice for OP, except to try to make sure your kid is solidly in a friendship group before going to MS. But that's easier said than done-- by MS it is kind of the kids' turn to navigate these things and as much as we try, we are more spectators than anything else.

My DS enjoyed the transition. He felt more independent. He was feeling like ES was too baby-ish. All in all, it's been positive.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:It's funny that some ppl say changing classes is something they enjoy. I didn't see anything inherently better about changing classrooms and teachers all day.

Ah, so then everyone had to feel how you do? It’s not possible for some kids to enjoy changing classes? I will tell you why my kids likes it:

She gets to stretch her feet
She gets fresh air (we live in CA and hallways are outside)
She gets to socialize & talk to friends for a few minutes
She gets to have a drink of water or a snack
She gets to rest her mind before switching to another subject matter. In elementary school, transitions were quick.
She gets to see other areas of campus and see lots of kids, which she enjoys. You know, people watching.

Where did I say that ppl had to have the same opinion as me? I just strikes me interesting that so many like changing classes.

I'm not going to lie, it's wrecked our world but COVID added a few layers of complications. I've aged 10 years with my 8th-grade son. Caveat, DS has pretty severe ADHD. That said, I will say I've seen a ton of maturity over the past 6 months.

1. try to support him in finding a good friend group.
2. MS is hard when lots of kids coming together and you don't know if their friends come from families with similar values that you have. SO, try to have friends come to your house
3. Have the house stocked with food and fun entertainment for them because eventually they start wanting to roam the streets and you don't have as much control
4. Keep them off of social media as long as you can but not too long if their core group of friends are communicating via certain apps. Once you do allow, set specific ground rules about apps and how you are going to monitor for their safety
5. Keep them active after school as much as you can. Idle hands are the devils tools.
6. Communicate with teachers about your child. Surround them with good mentors and support where you can!
7. We had to watch our ADHD son like a hawk because he doesn't have the frontal lobes that other 8th grade boys have and he's functioning more like a 6th grader in an 8th graders body.


Good luck!

Anonymous wrote:It's funny that some ppl say changing classes is something they enjoy. I didn't see anything inherently better about changing classrooms and teachers all day.

Ah, so then everyone had to feel how you do? It’s not possible for some kids to enjoy changing classes? I will tell you why my kids likes it:

She gets to stretch her feet
She gets fresh air (we live in CA and hallways are outside)
She gets to socialize & talk to friends for a few minutes
She gets to have a drink of water or a snack
She gets to rest her mind before switching to another subject matter. In elementary school, transitions were quick.
She gets to see other areas of campus and see lots of kids, which she enjoys. You know, people watching.

Anonymous wrote:It's funny that some ppl say changing classes is something they enjoy. I didn't see anything inherently better about changing classrooms and teachers all day.

My kids never were in the best elem. classrooms with the best behaved kids. They were the really well behaved kids who were allotted to the disordered classes to act as a buffer. Same kids day in and out. If Larlo and Larla start fooling around before math lesson, they will also try to fool around during science as well.
My kids loved the changing classes and and onlyseeing certain people for an hour a day.

It's funny that some ppl say changing classes is something they enjoy. I didn't see anything inherently better about changing classrooms and teachers all day.

My child thrived.

Loved changing classes.
Loved more independence.
Loved a bigger group of kids and made a lot of new friends.
Loved the more extensive after school options.
Did great with keeping track of assignments and studying.

It’s definitely an awkward age and there is more friend drama than when they are younger and the tone of it can get meaner and more complicated to navigate and with technology it can spill outside of school too easily. Just stay in tune with that side of your kid’s life. Make sure they are talking to you and you know what they’re up to.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:All kids go through it, and the vast majority come out fine.

Does it suck, when hormones are raging through your awkward body? Yes, but it's the same for all of them!

Best part of MS is a) only 3 years and b) when those 3 years are over!

Middle school is 2 years; not 3.

In some districts it’s 6-7-8.

In Arlington County it’s 6-8.

We were worried with one of ours (dressed however they wanted even when 90% of the other kids wore the same clothes and brands as if they were a uniform, smart and a little nerdy in interests, very sheltered by awesome caring elementary teachers) and our middle school had a bunch of complaints on rating sites about a bullying culture, but it went great. Highly recommend they get involved right away in a sport or an arts class with a lot of outside of school,activities, like band, orchestra, theatre or choir. It helped ours a lot to find ready made friendships with kids with similar interests.

Good luck!

Anonymous wrote:I was surprised that in middle school, although DD made friends with a bunch of nice girls, she also made friends with a group of boys and would be the lone girl hanging out with them, both in and out of school. She also announced one day she'd joined the GSA and it took me a bit to figure out why exactly.

Overall, middle school was great - DD got super organized and learned how to work hard and achieve, and how to make friends with teachers. She had to work in groups for big projects which stunk because she often got paired with slackers (I would email the teacher to let them know DD did all the work when that happened).

Oh my God, you’re THAT mom. Rest assured you were regularly mocked behind your back.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:All kids go through it, and the vast majority come out fine.

Does it suck, when hormones are raging through your awkward body? Yes, but it's the same for all of them!

Best part of MS is a) only 3 years and b) when those 3 years are over!

Middle school is 2 years; not 3.

In some districts it’s 6-7-8.

It’s been pretty ok. My oldest (8th) has always been fine, she’s just one of those people who can handle a lot. I have been surprised at my current 6th grader. She had such a horrible time in online school, she couldn’t handle hardly any work. I was super nervous with her going to middle school, but she’s actually done well. She likes the changing classes, different people to talk to. She has adhd and the changing suits her. She used to get really hung up on disliking certain teachers or clsssmates that she found annoying, but with the 6 period day, she’s never forced to be around anyone she disliked for long enough to her too worked up