When a man acts assertively, he is called, well, assertive. When a woman acts the exact same way, she is called abrasive, unlikable, whatever euphemism you can think of for B.

Hey if you choose to date a man who is unlikeable and abrasive, because say he has money and brings status, that’s your call. But I’m going to avoid women like that.

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Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:It’s funny because a lot of this advice is basically “don’t be a doormat,” which means that in our society when a women isn’t acting like a doormat, she’s being a B.

And I’m sure I sound like a man-hater if I say something like this.

Actually you sound like all three.

Why so men take this statement so personally? When I say “society” I mean people generally, and that includes men and women. There are studies in this. When a man rejects a woman, that’s a bummer. When a woman rejects a man, she’s called a B. When a man acts assertively, he is called, well, assertive. When a woman acts the exact same way, she is called abrasive, unlikable, whatever euphemism you can think of for B.

I hope that if you are partnered, she knows that you said I sound like a B for making an observation about sexism that is backed by plenty of studies and anecdotes.

Get over yourself

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:It’s funny because a lot of this advice is basically “don’t be a doormat,” which means that in our society when a women isn’t acting like a doormat, she’s being a B.

And I’m sure I sound like a man-hater if I say something like this.

Actually you sound like all three.

Why so men take this statement so personally? When I say “society” I mean people generally, and that includes men and women. There are studies in this. When a man rejects a woman, that’s a bummer. When a woman rejects a man, she’s called a B. When a man acts assertively, he is called, well, assertive. When a woman acts the exact same way, she is called abrasive, unlikable, whatever euphemism you can think of for B.

I hope that if you are partnered, she knows that you said I sound like a B for making an observation about sexism that is backed by plenty of studies and anecdotes.

Anonymous wrote:It’s funny because a lot of this advice is basically “don’t be a doormat,” which means that in our society when a women isn’t acting like a doormat, she’s being a B.

And I’m sure I sound like a man-hater if I say something like this.

Actually you sound like all three.

She made a big deal, not I made a big deal

I had a college roommate who was like the poster child for that book. In the book she talks about how the guy marries the woman who isn’t particularly nice to him and no one can figure out what he’s doing with her. One of the things it says in this book is figure out what makes the man insecure and then talk about how he’s really bad at that thing and how he really needs your help to get better at it. The roommate in college fastened onto the fact that she was much cooler than the boy she was dating I made a big deal about how he didn’t know how to dress and insisted on buying all his clothes for him. He eventually married her and I wonder if they still have the same dynamic where she puts him down and makes him think that She’s doing him a favor by hanging out with them.

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Anonymous wrote:I just re-read this classic dating book. It's basically about not being a doormat. If a guy is giving you hot and cold, don't say anything- just walk away.

Do you agree that men secretly love b's?

We love women who have sex with us.

Unless she’s acting clingy and like she’ll do whatever she has to to get you to marry her.

+1. This is why you can’t listen to men on this: they don’t really know what they want until it’s right in front of their face. They do not like clingy and desperate no matter what they say.

Who said he liked clingy and desperate?

He said he loved "women who have sex with us." That's a pretty large category, but men don't realize that. It's like women who will have sex with them but aren't ideal in other ways -- aren't their physical type, have an off-putting personality, or who will accept any kind of treatment because they are desperate -- don't exist. So they think it's all about sex.

Exactly. And younger/less experienced women sometimes hear “we just want women who have sex with us!” and come to the conclusion that all she needs to do to be loved and committed to is have sex (have no boundaries, not stand up for her own emotional needs, etc.) just to keep a man happy. Which is emphatically not the case.

Ya know, if you push people away by being high maintenance, people will go away.

NP. If a guy thinks I'm being high maintenance when I stand up for my emotional needs and don't let him violate my boundaries, that's actually really great because it's a clear signal that I don't want him in my life.

+1. Exactly! That’s just being fair and reasonable, not high maintenance!

Who claimed he wants to “violate boundaries”? Why are you all making up weird stuff?

Do you think people who violate boundaries go around saying “YES I WANT TO VIOLATE BOUNDARIES AND TAKE YOU FOR GRANTED OK NOW LETS HAVE SEX”?

Obviously it happens whether unintentional or not. But a B in this context will not permit it to happen to her.

Not true

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I just re-read this classic dating book. It's basically about not being a doormat. If a guy is giving you hot and cold, don't say anything- just walk away.

Do you agree that men secretly love b's?

We love women who have sex with us.

Unless she’s acting clingy and like she’ll do whatever she has to to get you to marry her.

+1. This is why you can’t listen to men on this: they don’t really know what they want until it’s right in front of their face. They do not like clingy and desperate no matter what they say.

Who said he liked clingy and desperate?

He said he loved "women who have sex with us." That's a pretty large category, but men don't realize that. It's like women who will have sex with them but aren't ideal in other ways -- aren't their physical type, have an off-putting personality, or who will accept any kind of treatment because they are desperate -- don't exist. So they think it's all about sex.

Exactly. And younger/less experienced women sometimes hear “we just want women who have sex with us!” and come to the conclusion that all she needs to do to be loved and committed to is have sex (have no boundaries, not stand up for her own emotional needs, etc.) just to keep a man happy. Which is emphatically not the case.

Ya know, if you push people away by being high maintenance, people will go away.

NP. If a guy thinks I'm being high maintenance when I stand up for my emotional needs and don't let him violate my boundaries, that's actually really great because it's a clear signal that I don't want him in my life.

+1. Exactly! That’s just being fair and reasonable, not high maintenance!

Who claimed he wants to “violate boundaries”? Why are you all making up weird stuff?

Do you think people who violate boundaries go around saying “YES I WANT TO VIOLATE BOUNDARIES AND TAKE YOU FOR GRANTED OK NOW LETS HAVE SEX”?

Obviously it happens whether unintentional or not. But a B in this context will not permit it to happen to her.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I just re-read this classic dating book. It's basically about not being a doormat. If a guy is giving you hot and cold, don't say anything- just walk away.

Do you agree that men secretly love b's?

We love women who have sex with us.

Unless she’s acting clingy and like she’ll do whatever she has to to get you to marry her.

+1. This is why you can’t listen to men on this: they don’t really know what they want until it’s right in front of their face. They do not like clingy and desperate no matter what they say.

Who said he liked clingy and desperate?

He said he loved "women who have sex with us." That's a pretty large category, but men don't realize that. It's like women who will have sex with them but aren't ideal in other ways -- aren't their physical type, have an off-putting personality, or who will accept any kind of treatment because they are desperate -- don't exist. So they think it's all about sex.

Exactly. And younger/less experienced women sometimes hear “we just want women who have sex with us!” and come to the conclusion that all she needs to do to be loved and committed to is have sex (have no boundaries, not stand up for her own emotional needs, etc.) just to keep a man happy. Which is emphatically not the case.

Ya know, if you push people away by being high maintenance, people will go away.

NP. If a guy thinks I'm being high maintenance when I stand up for my emotional needs and don't let him violate my boundaries, that's actually really great because it's a clear signal that I don't want him in my life.

+1. Exactly! That’s just being fair and reasonable, not high maintenance!

Who claimed he wants to “violate boundaries”? Why are you all making up weird stuff?

You gotta look at prior comments before you assume we are making stuff up.