Anonymous
Post 03/11/2022 16:37     Subject: Having a clean bedding as a privilege
I might not like the way they smell, esp at that age. I am a "sensitive person" but so are 20% of the population. I sometimes bring my favorite pillow when I travel by car because I like the way it feels on my face. Even if the sheets are gross b/c it's the guest bed, maybe they figure that she comes 1x/week, and so they should wash them every 2 months or somethng, because that's about a week in total. Not ideal, but I don't think it's living in squalor if this is what they do. REALLY not a biggie.

And I say this as someone who washes my sheets 1x a week but used to do it twice because it feels good and I like the smell
Anonymous
Post 03/10/2022 14:17     Subject: Having a clean bedding as a privilege
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:Has OP actually figured out if the in laws sheets are actually dirty or if they just use really strongly scented fabric softener or something?


OP here,

I talk with my daughter and she said it's the same bedding and it has stain and it smells awful. Pets are allowed on all beds in the house including guest room.
I have suspended sleepovers for the moment.


This is the more logical solution. She can just have day visits.


Frankly, after the stunt OP's family pulled, I doubt the daughter will be a super welcome guest for sleepovers for quite some time.


I'm always amazed at how DCUM families relate to each other. In my family, if my sister or brother had a dirty house, we're close enough for me to just say "you need to clean your damn house" or "your sheets smell terrible." They might get pissy for a bit, but they would most certainly get over it. We also don't need formal invitations for cousins to spend time with each other.
Anonymous
Post 03/10/2022 14:12     Subject: Having a clean bedding as a privilege
Reasons why we don’t do sleepovers in my family. Avoid family drama and the clean queen.
Anonymous
Post 03/10/2022 14:06     Subject: Having a clean bedding as a privilege
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:Has OP actually figured out if the in laws sheets are actually dirty or if they just use really strongly scented fabric softener or something?


OP here,

I talk with my daughter and she said it's the same bedding and it has stain and it smells awful. Pets are allowed on all beds in the house including guest room.
I have suspended sleepovers for the moment.


This is the more logical solution. She can just have day visits.


Frankly, after the stunt OP's family pulled, I doubt the daughter will be a super welcome guest for sleepovers for quite some time.
Anonymous
Post 03/10/2022 13:57     Subject: Re:Having a clean bedding as a privilege
Anonymous wrote:In a way it’s a privilege because we live in the US. Other countries don’t have the same level of hygiene that we do, or access to washing facilities. Having said that, unless you SIL is extremely poor with no washer/dryer there is no excuse for smelly bedding for a guest.

Sure. We also have running water here and expect food you serve to guests not to be spoiled given we have refrigerators. I don't see the point of bringing third world countries into this family drama.
Let the girl bring her own sheets if she wants to. No biggie.
Anonymous
Post 03/08/2022 21:29     Subject: Having a clean bedding as a privilege
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:Has OP actually figured out if the in laws sheets are actually dirty or if they just use really strongly scented fabric softener or something?


OP here,

I talk with my daughter and she said it's the same bedding and it has stain and it smells awful. Pets are allowed on all beds in the house including guest room.
I have suspended sleepovers for the moment.


This is the more logical solution. She can just have day visits.
Anonymous
Post 03/08/2022 21:17     Subject: Having a clean bedding as a privilege
Anonymous wrote:Has OP actually figured out if the in laws sheets are actually dirty or if they just use really strongly scented fabric softener or something?


It sounds like they are actually gross and OP thought it was fine to tell them that’s why her daughter was bringing linens. Classless.
Anonymous
Post 03/08/2022 20:58     Subject: Having a clean bedding as a privilege
Anonymous wrote:Has OP actually figured out if the in laws sheets are actually dirty or if they just use really strongly scented fabric softener or something?


OP here,

I talk with my daughter and she said it's the same bedding and it has stain and it smells awful. Pets are allowed on all beds in the house including guest room.
I have suspended sleepovers for the moment.
Anonymous
Post 03/08/2022 20:34     Subject: Having a clean bedding as a privilege
Has OP actually figured out if the in laws sheets are actually dirty or if they just use really strongly scented fabric softener or something?
Anonymous
Post 03/08/2022 20:31     Subject: Having a clean bedding as a privilege
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:Please settle an argument with my husband's family. My husband caught our daughter packing bedding and a towel last night, she was having a sleepover with her two cousins over the weekend. Our daughter is 13 years old and very independent. My husband asked her why she was packing bedding, she stated that her aunt's house don't have clean bedding and she is tired of the smell. I overheard the conversation, waited until my daughter left for school and ask my husband what's going on at his sister's house? He was upset I told him just call your sister and ask if everything was okay without saying anything about the bedding issue. Sister-in-law and I don't get along but we have kids the same age group and we encourage them to spend time together. Last weekend her daughter's came over and spend time with us. This is the first time I'm hearing but the bedding issue. My husband had the conversation with the sister and she basically just told him to mind his own business and check our daughter privilege? So basically I am confused, is having a clean home and regularly changing your bedding until a new way of saying that people are privilege.


This thread is so weird. Everyone’s focused on the sister’s sheets, but everyone is ignoring the red flag in bold. Your husband “caught” (wtf?) your daughter doing something totally normal and now it’s this weird overblown family drama.

I always take my own pillow & towel if I’m sleeping away from home, and have since I was a kid. Maybe get her a sleeping bag and a travel towel and stop pathologizing something totally normal.


I agree it’s nbd to bring your own stuff to a sleepover. Extremely rude to have DH call and confront the host/his sister asking why her sheets aren’t clean. I don’t stay places I think are gross but I don’t tell the person that’s why I’m not staying there!
Anonymous
Post 03/08/2022 19:20     Subject: Having a clean bedding as a privilege
Anonymous wrote:Please settle an argument with my husband's family. My husband caught our daughter packing bedding and a towel last night, she was having a sleepover with her two cousins over the weekend. Our daughter is 13 years old and very independent. My husband asked her why she was packing bedding, she stated that her aunt's house don't have clean bedding and she is tired of the smell. I overheard the conversation, waited until my daughter left for school and ask my husband what's going on at his sister's house? He was upset I told him just call your sister and ask if everything was okay without saying anything about the bedding issue. Sister-in-law and I don't get along but we have kids the same age group and we encourage them to spend time together. Last weekend her daughter's came over and spend time with us. This is the first time I'm hearing but the bedding issue. My husband had the conversation with the sister and she basically just told him to mind his own business and check our daughter privilege? So basically I am confused, is having a clean home and regularly changing your bedding until a new way of saying that people are privilege.


This thread is so weird. Everyone’s focused on the sister’s sheets, but everyone is ignoring the red flag in bold. Your husband “caught” (wtf?) your daughter doing something totally normal and now it’s this weird overblown family drama.

I always take my own pillow & towel if I’m sleeping away from home, and have since I was a kid. Maybe get her a sleeping bag and a travel towel and stop pathologizing something totally normal.
Anonymous
Post 03/08/2022 19:18     Subject: Having a clean bedding as a privilege
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:I’m surprised your daughter wants to go at all then. If the sheets smell and are dirty the rest of the house must be too. Doesn’t his sister find it weird your kid is stripping the bed and bringing her own sheets?

I think it is rude to do that, to be honest. If you don’t like their level of hygiene, then don’t go. Or go but don’t spend the night. Save sleepovers for your house. But bringing your own sheets is a bit much


OP here,

My daughter is the only child and I think she does enjoy being around her cousins but she's also a very picky kid. I will definitely sit down and have a conversation with her. I always ask her when she comes back from a sleepover, how everything went and if she behaved herself as a guest. I know we're all family but still need to behave and follow the families rules and regulation. I'm assuming my sister-in-law didn't notice that my daughter was changing her bedding when she gets to her house. My husband and I think they might be having money issues, he's close to the husband and he will have a talk with him to find out what we can do to help. If it's a financial issue nothing else.


I agree you need to talk with your daughter. It is incredibly rude and offensive that she is bringing her own bedding when she hasn't been asked to do so. You just don't do stuff like that if you're going to be a good guest. Your daughter needs to learn that being a good guest means that she doesn't do things that will hurt the host's feelings. Certainly your husband should talk to the BIL but you guys both need to talk to your daughter about being a better guest.


No. It's not rude to bring a sleeping bag or pillow if you're a child staying over. It doesn't sound like this was an issue with the SIL until Op's husband brought it up so indelicately. But it's not "incredibly rude and offensive" it might be more rude and offensive to expect your guests to sleep on dirty linens and offer them unclean towels. Who does that?


Bring your own linens? Not unless you're told to. It is horribly rude to bring your own linens because it says that the host's linens are not up to your standard. If that is your feeling then you shouldn't be staying there. Were you raised under a rock?


The linens haven't been washed in ages. Its gross.
Anonymous
Post 03/08/2022 19:17     Subject: Having a clean bedding as a privilege
Good for your daughter. The guest bed sheets should be changed after each use and your daughter is right. Its one thing if they don't have a washer/dryer but they do. I am impressed your daughter came up with a reasonable solution without complaining or making a big deal about it. Let her bring the bedding and let it go.
Anonymous
Post 03/08/2022 19:15     Subject: Having a clean bedding as a privilege
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:I’m surprised your daughter wants to go at all then. If the sheets smell and are dirty the rest of the house must be too. Doesn’t his sister find it weird your kid is stripping the bed and bringing her own sheets?

I think it is rude to do that, to be honest. If you don’t like their level of hygiene, then don’t go. Or go but don’t spend the night. Save sleepovers for your house. But bringing your own sheets is a bit much


OP here,

My daughter is the only child and I think she does enjoy being around her cousins but she's also a very picky kid. I will definitely sit down and have a conversation with her. I always ask her when she comes back from a sleepover, how everything went and if she behaved herself as a guest. I know we're all family but still need to behave and follow the families rules and regulation. I'm assuming my sister-in-law didn't notice that my daughter was changing her bedding when she gets to her house. My husband and I think they might be having money issues, he's close to the husband and he will have a talk with him to find out what we can do to help. If it's a financial issue nothing else.


I agree you need to talk with your daughter. It is incredibly rude and offensive that she is bringing her own bedding when she hasn't been asked to do so. You just don't do stuff like that if you're going to be a good guest. Your daughter needs to learn that being a good guest means that she doesn't do things that will hurt the host's feelings. Certainly your husband should talk to the BIL but you guys both need to talk to your daughter about being a better guest.


No. It's not rude to bring a sleeping bag or pillow if you're a child staying over. It doesn't sound like this was an issue with the SIL until Op's husband brought it up so indelicately. But it's not "incredibly rude and offensive" it might be more rude and offensive to expect your guests to sleep on dirty linens and offer them unclean towels. Who does that?


Bring your own linens? Not unless you're told to. It is horribly rude to bring your own linens because it says that the host's linens are not up to your standard. If that is your feeling then you shouldn't be staying there. Were you raised under a rock?


ok. I just don't stay at filthy places, I don't care if someone like you would be offended. But it's totally appropriate for kids to bring their own things, as I said. But keep pretending its the guests responsibility to make the host feel comfortable, not the other way around.
Anonymous
Post 03/08/2022 19:08     Subject: Having a clean bedding as a privilege
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:I’m surprised your daughter wants to go at all then. If the sheets smell and are dirty the rest of the house must be too. Doesn’t his sister find it weird your kid is stripping the bed and bringing her own sheets?

I think it is rude to do that, to be honest. If you don’t like their level of hygiene, then don’t go. Or go but don’t spend the night. Save sleepovers for your house. But bringing your own sheets is a bit much


OP here,

My daughter is the only child and I think she does enjoy being around her cousins but she's also a very picky kid. I will definitely sit down and have a conversation with her. I always ask her when she comes back from a sleepover, how everything went and if she behaved herself as a guest. I know we're all family but still need to behave and follow the families rules and regulation. I'm assuming my sister-in-law didn't notice that my daughter was changing her bedding when she gets to her house. My husband and I think they might be having money issues, he's close to the husband and he will have a talk with him to find out what we can do to help. If it's a financial issue nothing else.


I agree you need to talk with your daughter. It is incredibly rude and offensive that she is bringing her own bedding when she hasn't been asked to do so. You just don't do stuff like that if you're going to be a good guest. Your daughter needs to learn that being a good guest means that she doesn't do things that will hurt the host's feelings. Certainly your husband should talk to the BIL but you guys both need to talk to your daughter about being a better guest.


No. It's not rude to bring a sleeping bag or pillow if you're a child staying over. It doesn't sound like this was an issue with the SIL until Op's husband brought it up so indelicately. But it's not "incredibly rude and offensive" it might be more rude and offensive to expect your guests to sleep on dirty linens and offer them unclean towels. Who does that?


Bring your own linens? Not unless you're told to. It is horribly rude to bring your own linens because it says that the host's linens are not up to your standard. If that is your feeling then you shouldn't be staying there. Were you raised under a rock?