Anonymous wrote:OP I have a friend not dissimilar to you, who lives in Los Angeles. She decided to have a child on her own, age 40 before it was biologically more challenging and did so via IVF and an anonymous donor. And her kid is now in HS and they have a great relationship, there are uncles and aunts and cousins, grandparents (one set) all nearby and it works for them.

I don't think you need a partner, unless you happen to come across someone organically who you get along with. Not everyone does.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Either (i) you come off as a complete lunatic in person, laughing constantly and at inappropriate times, or (ii) you have no earthly idea what lol means.

Also, repeated use of emojis is the sign of a 15 yo.

I don’t know about that, but she seems overly eager to come off as a happy, well-adjusted and fulfilled person. I used to do the same thing when I was single and alone, kind of a self-defense mechanism about how UNfufilled (miserable) I was with certain aspects of my life.

It also reminds me of when people call into dating streams and parrot all of the “correct” answers back to the host. Well if you have all the answers, how come your present dating life actually sucks?

Bingo. OP is in lala land and is trying to insert an imaginary man into the hypothetical life she doesn’t have yet. Maybe back off a bit of all your future “goals” and live your life a little day to day.

Eh, this is simply how I write and message in this context. Among my demographic and the people in my circles, we sprinkle in our “lols” here and there. We don’t always literally mean it as laughing out loud, but to also note that something is humorous or to be taken lightly. Not something to majorly analyze, but have at it. When one puts something on a messaging board, one has to be ready to accept all kinds of responses. Alas 🤷🏾‍♀️

In any case, I am actually happy with my life and future goals. The point of starting this thread was to gain perspective on the questions posed in the OP. Many posters have provided great insight, advice, and shared anecdotes, and for that I’m grateful, as it will better inform me going forward as I think about my future and dating prospects.

Not sure why others are so hard pressed to label me as miserable, lonely, maladjusted, etc., and additionally pick apart my messaging style to glean some idea of where I’m mentally at when that’s not the point of this post. But again, to each his/her own. It’s not my job to convince anybody otherwise, so take it for what you will.

I have no idea if you are the bolded. But, based solely on your posts here, I know you're annoying AF, which is going to impact your likelihood of finding a partner far more than your self-proclaimed ambivalence.

I’m not sure where you’re getting that from. You’re welcome to that opinion though.

[
DP. Ignore the name-callers on here, OP. No need to respond to them. They come to these threads just to bash OPs. They're the kind of posters who bash you for a long and detailed description of your situation, but also would bash any OP who didn't provide what they deem enough details, and would "call troll" on those PPs for not writing enough.

Anonymous wrote:Congratulations on defending your dissertation. I know what a bear that process can be. Honestly, I think you need to wait to get out of grad school to reassess. PhD programs are emotionally constipating. Myself and many of my friends found that when we finished and got jobs, some in academia and some in other fields, our lives and even our personalities changed quite a bit. Being in school makes it hard to see how the future is going to unfold, but after school you start making the choices that will shape your life - where you will live, what you will do, how you will spend your free time, etc.

Focus on finishing and making some decisions about the future and then, when you land, think about the life that you want. You will naturally run into new people in that new life and you might find that you can imagine picking one to make a life with. Or you won’t feel that, and you can pursue a solo life.

Anonymous wrote:Congratulations on defending your dissertation. I know what a bear that process can be. Honestly, I think you need to wait to get out of grad school to reassess. PhD programs are emotionally constipating. Myself and many of my friends found that when we finished and got jobs, some in academia and some in other fields, our lives and even our personalities changed quite a bit. Being in school makes it hard to see how the future is going to unfold, but after school you start making the choices that will shape your life - where you will live, what you will do, how you will spend your free time, etc.

Focus on finishing and making some decisions about the future and then, when you land, think about the life that you want. You will naturally run into new people in that new life and you might find that you can imagine picking one to make a life with. Or you won’t feel that, and you can pursue a solo life.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I don't think you want a partner in the life partner/romantic sense that most people expect. That's FINE -- but you need to be 100% up front and honest about that with anyone that you plan to date. Not fair otherwise.

I think you'd be better off finding someone else like you who is interested in a non-romantic non-sexual partnership to raise children. I don't think you should automatically assume that person will be a man, either.

Thank you for your comment! Yes, I understand that, and have always been honest, upfront, and forethcoming about these family ideals and aspirations of mine with those I’ve gone on dates with, and even sometimes in the initial stages of messaging. I also write it into my bio as well on the dating apps I’ve used/am currently using.

And yes, I’ve considered your later advice as well. I do have a good female friend who’s similar to me - no desire for a relationship. She also doesn’t want children though. So that already got me thinking about having that kind of “relationship.” Someone who’s just fun to live with as a friend and wants to jointly raise and foster/adopt, be they a man or women.

Thanks again for your comment! I’ve still much to consider and think about! 😌

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Either (i) you come off as a complete lunatic in person, laughing constantly and at inappropriate times, or (ii) you have no earthly idea what lol means.

Also, repeated use of emojis is the sign of a 15 yo.

I don’t know about that, but she seems overly eager to come off as a happy, well-adjusted and fulfilled person. I used to do the same thing when I was single and alone, kind of a self-defense mechanism about how UNfufilled (miserable) I was with certain aspects of my life.

It also reminds me of when people call into dating streams and parrot all of the “correct” answers back to the host. Well if you have all the answers, how come your present dating life actually sucks?

Bingo. OP is in lala land and is trying to insert an imaginary man into the hypothetical life she doesn’t have yet. Maybe back off a bit of all your future “goals” and live your life a little day to day.

Eh, this is simply how I write and message in this context. Among my demographic and the people in my circles, we sprinkle in our “lols” here and there. We don’t always literally mean it as laughing out loud, but to also note that something is humorous or to be taken lightly. Not something to majorly analyze, but have at it. When one puts something on a messaging board, one has to be ready to accept all kinds of responses. Alas 🤷🏾‍♀️

In any case, I am actually happy with my life and future goals. The point of starting this thread was to gain perspective on the questions posed in the OP. Many posters have provided great insight, advice, and shared anecdotes, and for that I’m grateful, as it will better inform me going forward as I think about my future and dating prospects.

Not sure why others are so hard pressed to label me as miserable, lonely, maladjusted, etc., and additionally pick apart my messaging style to glean some idea of where I’m mentally at when that’s not the point of this post. But again, to each his/her own. It’s not my job to convince anybody otherwise, so take it for what you will.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Either (i) you come off as a complete lunatic in person, laughing constantly and at inappropriate times, or (ii) you have no earthly idea what lol means.

Also, repeated use of emojis is the sign of a 15 yo.

I don’t know about that, but she seems overly eager to come off as a happy, well-adjusted and fulfilled person. I used to do the same thing when I was single and alone, kind of a self-defense mechanism about how UNfufilled (miserable) I was with certain aspects of my life.

It also reminds me of when people call into dating streams and parrot all of the “correct” answers back to the host. Well if you have all the answers, how come your present dating life actually sucks?

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP, there are very few men your age who would be interested in building a relationship that will reduce, rather than increase, access to sex. Few childless men want to give up fathering children biologically, but be compelled to help raise offspring to whom they are not genetically related. The truth of your life has given you the answer to your question. I think you should remain open to love but not actively seek it out. Your time is better spent in other ways.

Thank you for your comment, and shedding some truthful reality! Yes, I know my prospects are low given the nature of most men, and that’s okay. I’m willing to compromise with frequency of sex - although being willing and what actually plays out are two different things. I just wish it’d be easier to find those men who would like to foster/adopt as well. I know they exist somewhere, if only few and far between. Perhaps male childcare workers 🤔. Your comment has sparked an idea of where I may find some success as it relates to the fostering/adopting avenue. I’ll continue to remain open, but will also focus where I need to focus for myself as you’ve advised. Much appreciated! 😄

Anonymous wrote:She's a highly intelligent bio-medical researcher with a PhD. People like OP are often a little quirky. Can be exasperating for average Joes who don't have the intelligence to relate. She has plans and wants to do great things with her life. So be nice.

OP, I wanted to mention that I know a woman (she's not asexual but divorced) who started up a cooperative living situation with a couple other single moms, they share a home and the child care responsibilities. They say it's working out great. Might be an idea to explore.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP, there are very few men your age who would be interested in building a relationship that will reduce, rather than increase, access to sex. Few childless men want to give up fathering children biologically, but be compelled to help raise offspring to whom they are not genetically related. The truth of your life has given you the answer to your question. I think you should remain open to love but not actively seek it out. Your time is better spent in other ways.

Thank you for your comment, and shedding some truthful reality! Yes, I know my prospects are low given the nature of most men, and that’s okay. I’m willing to compromise with frequency of sex - although being willing and what actually plays out are two different things. I just wish it’d be easier to find those men who would like to foster/adopt as well. I know they exist somewhere, if only few and far between. Perhaps male childcare workers 🤔. Your comment has sparked an idea of where I may find some success as it relates to the fostering/adopting avenue. I’ll continue to remain open, but will also focus where I need to focus for myself as you’ve advised. Much appreciated! 😄

Anonymous wrote:She's a highly intelligent bio-medical researcher with a PhD. People like OP are often a little quirky. Can be exasperating for average Joes who don't have the intelligence to relate. She has plans and wants to do great things with her life. So be nice.

OP, I wanted to mention that I know a woman (she's not asexual but divorced) who started up a cooperative living situation with a couple other single moms, they share a home and the child care responsibilities. They say it's working out great. Might be an idea to explore.