Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:The only day I skip an appetizer is Thanksgiving. The dinner food is the star. If you don’t offer a drink and app, does everyone sit down to dinner within 15 minutes of arrival? Potentially, your guests could be fed and gone within the hour. I prefer an evening in my home to move a little slower.

Do you have overnight guests? Or if people are arriving, how long do you wait before you serve dinner?

When my ILs host, we are overnight guests, and they don’t serve anything between breakfast (one muffin and one hard-boiled egg each) and don’t serve anything until 3 or 4 p.m. It’s awful.

When we host, we have a little breakfast, then set up appetizers as lunch around lunchtime; people can eat as much or as little as they want. Then we eat a proper dinner at 5 p.m.

+1 Thanksgiving is actually the one time when I do two or three rounds of appetizers. I don't do a big lunch and dinner is served at 3. People start arriving at noon and that's the first round of appetizers. Another round goes out at 1 or so, and the final round at 2. Basically by 2 there is enough of an appetizer bar that it makes up for no big lunch. But Thanksgiving is a day of feasting and everyone is so busy, playing out in the yard or running around in the house, that it isn't like they aren't working off the calories.

Anonymous wrote:The only day I skip an appetizer is Thanksgiving. The dinner food is the star. If you don’t offer a drink and app, does everyone sit down to dinner within 15 minutes of arrival? Potentially, your guests could be fed and gone within the hour. I prefer an evening in my home to move a little slower.

Do you have overnight guests? Or if people are arriving, how long do you wait before you serve dinner?

When my ILs host, we are overnight guests, and they don’t serve anything between breakfast (one muffin and one hard-boiled egg each) and don’t serve anything until 3 or 4 p.m. It’s awful.

When we host, we have a little breakfast, then set up appetizers as lunch around lunchtime; people can eat as much or as little as they want. Then we eat a proper dinner at 5 p.m.

I always serve some cheese/crackers, salsa and chips/hummus, nuts and grapes. People can decline but I always have it out as an option before the meal. Our friends/family do this too.

The only day I skip an appetizer is Thanksgiving. The dinner food is the star. If you don’t offer a drink and app, does everyone sit down to dinner within 15 minutes of arrival? Potentially, your guests could be fed and gone within the hour. I prefer an evening in my home to move a little slower.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:
Settle this debate for me. My sister and I live close to each other and often have a similar group of people over for dinner. She always serves a platter of cheese and crackers before the main meal (generally something like pork tenderloin with vegetables). My vote is to skip the appetizer so people are more hungry and can really enjoy the main meal. My sister says people will be starving and expect a nibble.

Thoughts?

Is your sister fat?

What does this have to with anything? I am thin and I would appreciate nibbles before the main meal. Doesn’t have to be fancy. It gives the guest the option to eat as much or as little as they want before the main meal. You don’t know if the guest is coming from somewhere else where they skipped a meal to get to your house or were too busy to eat beforehand. It seems more social to have snacks to nibble on too. I always serve something like chips and guacamole or salsa or charcuterie plate or nuts or mini baked things from TJ’s. The worst parties I go to are the ones where no meal is served (like 2-5 pm) but they don’t provide snacks either. Only alcohol. At one point, they pulled out leftover bags of stale chips and put out a crockpot of chicken noodle soup that had like two noodles and 3 small chunks of chicken in the whole pot. I was so hangry and distracted.

I love an appetizer and drink, but don’t expect it.

Always happy to have a casual bite first.

Anonymous wrote:
I've never been served appetizers in Israel either nor am I served appetizers when going to Shabbat dinners within the US. Do other people have appetizers with Shabbat? We also tend to sit down to the meal fairly quicly.

Of course there is no appetizers on Shabbat!. It's the whole tradition. You start with wine, then wash your hands, then goes the bread, then the dinner. Plus, people usually tend to show up for Shabbat dinners right in time.

Why serve nothing, like every other night, as in just another Tuesday at home?

This is supposed to be special and a bit festive. Even if you aren’t serving alcohol, even sparkling water or lemonade, it’s nice to have something to eat available if people are hungry and just to pass the time during conversation/if dinner is delayed.

Your sister is right: a good host/hostess sets out a little something.

Your sister is a better hostess than you, op.

I just sent my DH out to grab a veggie plate and cheese and crackers and some chips for a casual dinner with some friends.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:
OP here. A small nibble is fine but the big platters of cheese don't make sense to me. It's a lot of rich food and before a full meal so by the time the meal comes many people have filled up on cheese.

Unless she has a sign posted that says You Must Eat 5 Large Pieces of Cheese and 25 Crackers, you’re grasping at straws. Just because there’s a cheese platter available doesn’t mean I’m going to fill up on cheese. One small portion of Brie on a cracker, maybe also a piece of Gouda, and I’ll still be ready for dinner.

Exactly. I quite enjoy cheese or some nuts and wine when I’m with friends. It’s part of what makes eating with friends nice.

I usually put out some sort of nuts, cheese and crackers, and some veggies. Nothing that requires cooking but nice for people who like to have a bite with their wine

If you’re asking who is the better hostess, it is your sister.

I wouldn’t think you were a bad hostess if you didn’t have anything to nibble on, but yeah, I’d be kind of surprised, especially if you were serving drinks before dinner. My dinner parties are always fairly casual but I always have something - cheese/crackers, chips/salsa/guacamole, veggies/hummus, or nuts/olives - so obviously not fancy or elaborate - but something to take the edge off hunger if anybody is starving or at least give people something to do while I put the final touches on dinner.

^and it’s delicious- we love them through their poor prep- so we plan for a late night