Anonymous wrote:We decided to remain childless and not adopt after infertility. We aren't child free so much as childless.

Everything is so expensive that we had a choice of mortgaging the rest of our life for the chance of possibly adopting a child, foster care for the possibility of adopting a child, or just staying childless.

So, we are living a fulfilled life without kids because we just didn't financially have another choice. More people with infertility will probably be making the same choice in the future. Not everyone ends up with a "rainbow baby," even if they have treatment, but no one wants to hear about that. It's just easier to call people "selfish."

I wanted to have a child so badly that I didn't even wait for a partner. I was prepared to be a single mother. I spent about eight years trying. I didn't run out of money, but I just couldn't do it anymore. Does it hurt? Yes. But I can and will have a good life anyway.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Extremely happy childless couple here. Our house is clean, quiet, and free of plastic thingamabobs in primary colors. Our bank accounts are full. We travel extensively, dine out, host friends, sleep in, and have lots of time to talk, exercise, cook elaborate meals, read, and sit in quiet contemplation. We are also an excellent aunt and uncle to our nephew and nieces. I understand the allure of children but am very happy with my choice. It's such a personal decision.

Well, aren't you selfish.

Selfish is having a child when you don't even want one. OP has explicitly said more than once that they have no desire to have children. They're worried about regret or maybe boredom or loneliness in the future. She is literally contemplating bringing a life into the world to save herself potential discomfort later. Doing that would be extremely selfish.

Anonymous wrote:OP here. We have great careers, financially stable, our marriage is solid, etc. All of the things you want and hope for you have a child. That being said, we just can’t really decide. There are times when we see friends having kids or play with nieces and nephews and are like “ we want one” but then the moment is over when the baby starts screaming or the toddler throws a tantrum. It’s turns to “ I want one” to relief I don’t have to do it.

We love our lifestyle. We travel and enjoy hobbies. We love sleeping in and being able to go to lunch on a whim or go to dinner without needing to worry about schedules or kids. We have babysat many times for family and have been exhausted and so glad for a quiet house after they leave. We love them and love spending them with them but neither of us can deal with the loud yelling and constant need for attention that kids require.

We both feeling like us not having a strong desire means we shouldn’t have kids, but there is a small part that worries we might change our minds down the road. I’m 35 and don’t have a bunch of time if we want kids. We are leaning towards not having kids and I just wanted to get some perspective from couples who love having a child free life.

You sound like you're talking about an item of furniture.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Extremely happy childless couple here. Our house is clean, quiet, and free of plastic thingamabobs in primary colors. Our bank accounts are full. We travel extensively, dine out, host friends, sleep in, and have lots of time to talk, exercise, cook elaborate meals, read, and sit in quiet contemplation. We are also an excellent aunt and uncle to our nephew and nieces. I understand the allure of children but am very happy with my choice. It's such a personal decision.

Well, aren't you selfish.

Nope. Not in the slightest.

My DH and I don't have kids-we're in our late 40's. I agonized for years and years about whether or not to have kids-my DH didn't have an opinion so the decision fell to me. Financially and for mental health reasons (I have lifelong depression and anxiety) I decided not to. If we had had a child I would have wanted to be a SAHM for a few years but we would not have been able to afford it. I couldn't see myself managing a career and parenting a baby or small child effectively. I would have been stressed and miserable. Plus I was very, very concerned about going off my antidepressant while pregnant or staying on it and having it negatively impact my child in some way (I know it's rare but it happens). We looked into adopting an older child from foster care but ultimately neither of us wanted to do it badly enough to pursue it.

Not having children was the right decision for us and I don't regret it but if the circumstances were different I would have. Sometimes I feel sad that I don't have a child but to be honest it's less about having the child/being a parent and more about feeling like I have missed out on a big aspect of life. But I don't regret the decision not to have a child/children. I do regret the fact that it took years and years to come to that conclusion-I wasted a lot of time obsessing, agonizing and trying to talk myself into having a child when I knew given the circumstances it wouldn't have been the right decision.

Just like a great marriage or awesome career, no one knows what they're missing out on if they've never had in in their life so I think the answer to OP's question is just a plain yes. Child free people simply find other things in life that they find fulfilling.

We decided to remain childless and not adopt after infertility. We aren't child free so much as childless.

Everything is so expensive that we had a choice of mortgaging the rest of our life for the chance of possibly adopting a child, foster care for the possibility of adopting a child, or just staying childless.

So, we are living a fulfilled life without kids because we just didn't financially have another choice. More people with infertility will probably be making the same choice in the future. Not everyone ends up with a "rainbow baby," even if they have treatment, but no one wants to hear about that. It's just easier to call people "selfish."

https://wearechildfree.com/

I follow this group on IG. Might be worth digging into their interviews and resources and seeing if any of it speaks to you, OP.

Fwiw, I used to be very on the fence too, and one day it totally switched on for me. I was only 33. Then years of infertility. Ended up with one DD who has been a challenge but who I love dearly and have zero regrets about.

I am a mom of three with many fulfilled, self-realized child free kids. What a silly question. Parenthood isn’t for everyone, and I think the social pressure to have children is ridiculous.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Extremely happy childless couple here. Our house is clean, quiet, and free of plastic thingamabobs in primary colors. Our bank accounts are full. We travel extensively, dine out, host friends, sleep in, and have lots of time to talk, exercise, cook elaborate meals, read, and sit in quiet contemplation. We are also an excellent aunt and uncle to our nephew and nieces. I understand the allure of children but am very happy with my choice. It's such a personal decision.

Well, aren't you selfish.

How is that selfish?

It’s not selfish. They are speaking like a true breeder.

Selfish is bringing children into the world just because society told you to do so.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Extremely happy childless couple here. Our house is clean, quiet, and free of plastic thingamabobs in primary colors. Our bank accounts are full. We travel extensively, dine out, host friends, sleep in, and have lots of time to talk, exercise, cook elaborate meals, read, and sit in quiet contemplation. We are also an excellent aunt and uncle to our nephew and nieces. I understand the allure of children but am very happy with my choice. It's such a personal decision.

Well, aren't you selfish.

How is that selfish?

Anonymous wrote:Of course you can be happy without kids. Personally, I had them because I enjoy them, and because I figured the pause of my hobbies would be temporary. It's been about 10 years since my oldest was born and we are now doing those hobbies together, and I have more time for doing things on my own as well. The intense part of young children is short. I like how it gives the different decades of my life more variety, I think I would get tired of the no-kids lifestyle.

I really enjoy the community of other parents as well. It has brought a lot of friendship into my life. Maybe not forever-friends, but nice fun people who care.

Your statement about the intense part being short is true only if you have children without special needs Just saying. Don’t assume your experience will be everyone’s

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP here. We have great careers, financially stable, our marriage is solid, etc. All of the things you want and hope for you have a child. That being said, we just can’t really decide. There are times when we see friends having kids or play with nieces and nephews and are like “ we want one” but then the moment is over when the baby starts screaming or the toddler throws a tantrum. It’s turns to “ I want one” to relief I don’t have to do it.

We love our lifestyle. We travel and enjoy hobbies. We love sleeping in and being able to go to lunch on a whim or go to dinner without needing to worry about schedules or kids. We have babysat many times for family and have been exhausted and so glad for a quiet house after they leave. We love them and love spending them with them but neither of us can deal with the loud yelling and constant need for attention that kids require.

We both feeling like us not having a strong desire means we shouldn’t have kids, but there is a small part that worries we might change our minds down the road. I’m 35 and don’t have a bunch of time if we want kids. We are leaning towards not having kids and I just wanted to get some perspective from couples who love having a child free life.

Do you have a dog? I think you should get one and see if it's worth it.

DH and I have a cat and the idea of even a dog to have to take care of seems too much work for us.

OP here. We are not dog people. We have two cats and have no desire to get a dog.

A million percent yes you can be fulfilled without kids. And if you don't really want them, you'll be much happier with out them. Being a parent is amazing but by far the most difficult and stressful job in the world.

You've got to really want it or you'll be resentful, which is no way to raise a kid.

If you do kind of want one, you may regret not doing it.

If you aren't 100% sure, just give yourself some time. Late in life is OK too.

Anonymous wrote:Extremely happy childless couple here. Our house is clean, quiet, and free of plastic thingamabobs in primary colors. Our bank accounts are full. We travel extensively, dine out, host friends, sleep in, and have lots of time to talk, exercise, cook elaborate meals, read, and sit in quiet contemplation. We are also an excellent aunt and uncle to our nephew and nieces. I understand the allure of children but am very happy with my choice. It's such a personal decision.

Well, aren't you selfish.