Anonymous
Post 02/12/2022 23:50     Subject: Is $200K A Negative?
Anonymous wrote:
OP,

We are in our 40s and 50s and have never made anywhere close to 200K individually or combined. When I met my husband, he was earning peanuts as a post-doc at NIH. Research doesn't pay, even when you have an MD and a PhD. It's a labor of love. It saves lives. There are a lot of professions with a higher purpose, and perhaps you could look there for a spouse.

And yet we're living a nice life in Bethesda, because we live frugally and invested wisely in the stock market.

There will be plenty of interested people if you present well and are genuine and charming. Some people on DCUM are crazy, ignore.


Invested wisely and bought housing at a price that is now unthinkable. Don’t be dense. OP cannot afford a SAHM in Bethesda. I think that’s fine—he can live in Anne Arundel with me—but seriously, join us in the current century.
Anonymous
Post 02/12/2022 23:30     Subject: Is $200K A Negative?
200k is more than fine. Especially if you’re ok living out in the suburbs, which are getting better and better due to mass migration to WAH.
Anonymous
Post 02/12/2022 22:55     Subject: Re:Is $200K A Negative?
I make about $180k and my wife is now a sah mom to our 2 kids. Money is occasionally tight (as when we unexpectedly had to replace the roof last year), but generally I think it’s a fine income. I’d focus on finding the person who is right for you and shares your values and the rest will sort itself out.
Anonymous
Post 02/12/2022 22:36     Subject: Is $200K A Negative?

OP,

We are in our 40s and 50s and have never made anywhere close to 200K individually or combined. When I met my husband, he was earning peanuts as a post-doc at NIH. Research doesn't pay, even when you have an MD and a PhD. It's a labor of love. It saves lives. There are a lot of professions with a higher purpose, and perhaps you could look there for a spouse.

And yet we're living a nice life in Bethesda, because we live frugally and invested wisely in the stock market.

There will be plenty of interested people if you present well and are genuine and charming. Some people on DCUM are crazy, ignore.
Anonymous
Post 02/12/2022 22:27     Subject: Is $200K A Negative?
200k is ok for new grads
Anonymous
Post 02/12/2022 22:02     Subject: Re:Is $200K A Negative?
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:Just avoid women who have any desire to be SAH. That's a rare type of woman these days. Shouldn't be too hard. Discuss it early and be clear.


Why? What is so wrong with women who want to stay home and raise their family?


They don’t earn money $$..duh!


This is very judgmental. I have a career I love but there was nothing important to me than raising my kids. I wanted to be there in the early years to watch all their first steps and see them grow. I wanted to be the one actively talking care of them during the day. I was able to save up money in order to stay home for 5 years while I raised my two kids. I went back to work once they were both in school but still work less hours to make sure I’m there to pick them up from school. Some people don’t care, but to others raising your kids is important. I did not have kids so someone else can raise them. I understand that not everyone has that option, but why have kids if you don’t want to be involved in raising them? I was not okay with working and seeing my kids for an hour each night between work and them going to end. Staying home doesn’t mean the woman will never go back to work. Thankfully I have a supportive husband who sees the value in having our kids raised by their parents.


So…men don’t raise their kids? Your husband didn’t raise his kids, because he has a job? Fascinating.
Anonymous
Post 02/12/2022 21:29     Subject: Is $200K A Negative?
Op, you’re fine. You make a good salary. Stay away from the women who want or need more. They’ll make you miserable and provide little value add. Find someone who is secure in her own earning potential. If she is also 200, you’re a solid 400HHI. That’s fabulous!

When I met my DH over a decade ago, he made 65K. I thought that was a TON. He makes 200 now but is older than you at 45. I’m fine w his salary. I started at 60k and now make close to $400k. I’m glad that I didn’t go chasing men for salaries when I can provide for myself. DH and I are partners in this venture. That’s what you should be looking for — a partner, not a leach.
Anonymous
Post 02/12/2022 21:17     Subject: Re:Is $200K A Negative?
I think $200 and 35yo makes OP a great catch, if he has the qualities the women he's attracted to are looking for!

I never considered salary when dating. In fact I dated what you might call losers. I was kind of stupid and romantic about it. But lucky I guess. When I married DH, he had practically nothing, and a job type different from where he ended up, but now he makes $400. Meanwhile I had a solid fed job gs-13.

I also never intended to SAhM. Did not aspire to it. But things got overwhelming, and again, I was lucky I could rely on DH -- temporarily, because I do intend to work again.
Anonymous
Post 02/12/2022 21:03     Subject: Re:Is $200K A Negative?
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:Just avoid women who have any desire to be SAH. That's a rare type of woman these days. Shouldn't be too hard. Discuss it early and be clear.


Why? What is so wrong with women who want to stay home and raise their family?


Forever dependents!


Forever not a mother since you can’t even parent your own kids. Why have kids if you’re going to have someone else raise them?


It’s so gross to me how these so called feminists are pro women until they find a woman who loves being married and stays home to raise their kid. They are only pro women when they have the same views.

I’m sorry you didn’t have a strong enough connection to your kid that you felt it was better to have a stranger raise them than be a parent to them. Clearly you’re just not the mother type. Some people actually believe in raising their own kids instead of pawning them off on strangers. I feel bad for your kids because their mom clearly doesn’t care enough to want to be an active parent in their life.
Anonymous
Post 02/12/2022 20:54     Subject: Re:Is $200K A Negative?
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:Just avoid women who have any desire to be SAH. That's a rare type of woman these days. Shouldn't be too hard. Discuss it early and be clear.


Why? What is so wrong with women who want to stay home and raise their family?


Forever dependents!


Forever not a mother since you can’t even parent your own kids. Why have kids if you’re going to have someone else raise them?
Anonymous
Post 02/12/2022 20:52     Subject: Re:Is $200K A Negative?
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:Just avoid women who have any desire to be SAH. That's a rare type of woman these days. Shouldn't be too hard. Discuss it early and be clear.


Why? What is so wrong with women who want to stay home and raise their family?


They don’t earn money $$..duh!


This is very judgmental. I have a career I love but there was nothing important to me than raising my kids. I wanted to be there in the early years to watch all their first steps and see them grow. I wanted to be the one actively talking care of them during the day. I was able to save up money in order to stay home for 5 years while I raised my two kids. I went back to work once they were both in school but still work less hours to make sure I’m there to pick them up from school. Some people don’t care, but to others raising your kids is important. I did not have kids so someone else can raise them. I understand that not everyone has that option, but why have kids if you don’t want to be involved in raising them? I was not okay with working and seeing my kids for an hour each night between work and them going to end. Staying home doesn’t mean the woman will never go back to work. Thankfully I have a supportive husband who sees the value in having our kids raised by their parents.
Anonymous
Post 02/12/2022 20:46     Subject: Is $200K A Negative?
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:I will put it bluntly. You won’t have to settle for a fatty with that salary, but you won’t be able to get a trophy wife with that salary.


Funny, I had a trophy wife and I made a lot less than OP.


Then she’s not a trophy.
Anonymous
Post 02/12/2022 20:37     Subject: Re:Is $200K A Negative?
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:Just avoid women who have any desire to be SAH. That's a rare type of woman these days. Shouldn't be too hard. Discuss it early and be clear.


Why? What is so wrong with women who want to stay home and raise their family?


Forever dependents!
Anonymous
Post 02/12/2022 20:36     Subject: Re:Is $200K A Negative?
Anonymous wrote:OP please don’t use this board as any kind of barometer for what “most” women in DC want. It’s incredibly skewed and $200k is a great salary. I live in DC with my DH, 3 kids and a HHI of $250k (split evenly) and we live extremely well with no additional help. This board is not reflective of reality for the vast majority of people.


Then why are you replying.
Anonymous
Post 02/12/2022 20:34     Subject: Re:Is $200K A Negative?
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:Just avoid women who have any desire to be SAH. That's a rare type of woman these days. Shouldn't be too hard. Discuss it early and be clear.


Why? What is so wrong with women who want to stay home and raise their family?


They don’t earn money $$..duh!