Associates in big law are essentially debt slaves. Partners are either divorced and spending down their retirement so they can’t retire, have family money, or are really lucky. High rights of addiction, depression, adultery - and overspending to make up for tortured childhoods.

We're a biglaw family... there are all kinds of kinds in our professional social circles. The ones with the flashy cars and big parties, and the ones ones driving the same car they had 10+ years ago, and plenty in between. If anything I would say most are in between. The OP reads like two funny caricatures.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I know a Kirkland partner who has been a partner for 15 years who recently told me his wife has *never* flown first class. So I really don’t know what people in here are talking about.

Or maybe you don’t realize that Kirkland partners aren’t “really” partners because most are non-equity.

That’s not really the question though. OP didn’t say “equity big law partners.”

Anonymous wrote:I know a Kirkland partner who has been a partner for 15 years who recently told me his wife has *never* flown first class. So I really don’t know what people in here are talking about.

Or maybe you don’t realize that Kirkland partners aren’t “really” partners because most are non-equity.

This is such a dumb thread. Can we end it please?

I know a Kirkland partner who has been a partner for 15 years who recently told me his wife has *never* flown first class. So I really don’t know what people in here are talking about.

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Anonymous wrote:If you are from old money can you really say there’s “lots of money” in big law?

Not even sure what old money means in this context.

Met very few biglaw families like this. They tend more to live large but as a family.

Maybe it’s just my circle but I don’t even know many big law attorneys who really live large. I can think of 3: two who are very high up in their firms and one who has a trust fund (the one with a trust fund doesn’t live conspicuously, but she does all the wealthy things, rather than having to pick and choose like most big law attorneys do).

Really. 20 year partners mostly have $2 million plus homes, beach house, possibly another house 1-3 country clubs. Nice expensive cars -- Mercedes, BMW, mostly fly themselves and family first class. Europe and Caribbean every year. If they ski -- then that.

? I've never known a DC-based partner who lives like this and both me and my husband have been in biglaw 10 years

You must be at a second tier firm then, or maybe you just need to stick around longer. Lots of DC based lawyers who live like this, but not the senior associates or whatever.

Not “lots” do all that. I’m sure they’re out there but it’s rare. And I’ve noticed because I come from a place where having a beach house is one of the first things people do once they have some money. But at the V20s I am referring to here, a second home is pretty rare. And those partners who do have a beach house don’t also do all that other stuff.

Anonymous wrote:So many of my partners at big law are wealthy generationally. Some are Jews. Are they allowed to be “old money”? Some are wasps. Some give very generous gifts. Should you start a seminar of subtle hints to rehabilitate them?

True - old money here who went to Brown with other old money. I worked on Wall Street and that's my idea of new, shiny $, to be spent on coke and Eastern European models.

To answer OPs question - I don’t think “big law” partners typically give friends large or expensive gifts, and it seems strange to me if you have three friends who do so! The only exception would be if by “gift” you mean treating someone to food (whether at a restaurant or at home) or theater / event tickets. Both of these are not gifts but a type of entertaining and don’t strike me as unusual at all (and has literally nothing to do with new or old money. I had an “old money” friend who would never have given me anything, for fear I would start to take advantage of her, but thought nothing of taking me along to 20K per head dinners.)

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Anonymous wrote:I want to know more about OP. OP, do you work? What is your relationship to “old money” - how far back are we talking, and about how much? Why does being treated to a gift or being a guest at a nice party make you feel uncomfortable, and why do you assume others also feel uncomfortable? Why do you single out Big Law, and is it really the case they are a legion (as opposed to you just reacting to one example)?

I find the psychology of “old money” fascinating.

I don’t. I have two high WASP friends — the kind with ancestral portraits hanging in their homes, like museum quality ones — and I’m embarrassed for them when they entertain. There is never enough food, and it is cheap quality. Meanwhile you are sitting on very expensive furniture. Just embarrassing.

Okay to me that just seems hilarious, like the perfect setup for a dramedy.

It would be funny, except everyone is starving! And getting very drunk because there's plenty of booze flowing. Drunk + starving = not funny at all

I don't know, I was always brought up to think that the right way to do things is give your best to your guests.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:If you are from old money can you really say there’s “lots of money” in big law?

Not even sure what old money means in this context.

Met very few biglaw families like this. They tend more to live large but as a family.

Old money means previous generations were good earners and accumulators, but current beneficiaries of that largesse are underachievers with an unfounded superiority complex and no evident sense of irony.

I know lots of old money people, some family members, who are very hard working and accomplished. There is no doubt they had enormous privilege in getting to where they are, but it is pure fantasy to believe that old money people are a bunch of layabouts.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:If you are from old money can you really say there’s “lots of money” in big law?

Not even sure what old money means in this context.

Met very few biglaw families like this. They tend more to live large but as a family.

Old money means previous generations were good earners and accumulators, but current beneficiaries of that largesse are underachievers with an unfounded superiority complex and no evident sense of irony.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:If you are from old money can you really say there’s “lots of money” in big law?

Not even sure what old money means in this context.

Met very few biglaw families like this. They tend more to live large but as a family.

Maybe it’s just my circle but I don’t even know many big law attorneys who really live large. I can think of 3: two who are very high up in their firms and one who has a trust fund (the one with a trust fund doesn’t live conspicuously, but she does all the wealthy things, rather than having to pick and choose like most big law attorneys do).

Really. 20 year partners mostly have $2 million plus homes, beach house, possibly another house 1-3 country clubs. Nice expensive cars -- Mercedes, BMW, mostly fly themselves and family first class. Europe and Caribbean every year. If they ski -- then that.

? I've never known a DC-based partner who lives like this and both me and my husband have been in biglaw 10 years

You must be at a second tier firm then, or maybe you just need to stick around longer. Lots of DC based lawyers who live like this, but not the senior associates or whatever.

Anonymous wrote:You’d probably be shocked by how many showy people give showy gifts because the showy stores they shop at require an unofficial yearly spend to gain access to limited quantity items and they’ve run out of expensive tchotchkes they want for themselves. And that’s how your kindergartener gets a $400 pair of mittens for Christmas.

Sorry. I don’t know anyone like this.

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Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:If you are from old money can you really say there’s “lots of money” in big law?

Not even sure what old money means in this context.

Met very few biglaw families like this. They tend more to live large but as a family.

Maybe it’s just my circle but I don’t even know many big law attorneys who really live large. I can think of 3: two who are very high up in their firms and one who has a trust fund (the one with a trust fund doesn’t live conspicuously, but she does all the wealthy things, rather than having to pick and choose like most big law attorneys do).

Really. 20 year partners mostly have $2 million plus homes, beach house, possibly another house 1-3 country clubs. Nice expensive cars -- Mercedes, BMW, mostly fly themselves and family first class. Europe and Caribbean every year. If they ski -- then that.

? I've never known a DC-based partner who lives like this and both me and my husband have been in biglaw 10 years

Same! I know of a partner who has a country house, but she doesn't have nice cars or fly first class. I know of a partner who skiis and has a 2M dollar house, but she doesn't have another house and she also doens't fly first class. Etc. etc.

and I want to point out that OP just said "big law." She didn't say "attorneys in big law who have been partners for 20 years." As ubiquitous as attorneys are in DC, there actually aren't a whole lot of attorneys in big law who have been partners for 20 years. The vast majority of big law attorneys cannot afford a 2M dollar house.

An associate cannot afford a $2m alone if they have student loans, childcare costs, etc.

I feel a lot of people living in expensive homes have some family money.

Partners obviously earn more and can afford a $2m house.