Can we summarize the discussion so far?

- McLean (insert rich suburb) single moms are the exception
- Widows are the exception
- Teen moms (poor or rich) are the exception because numbers have declined

I think the core of the argument is more about the changing nature of family and expectations for men/women/trans.

-- Does a child need a nuclear family with mom and dad?
-- Do women need men at all to have and raise children?
-- What's the real value of men if they won't or not needed to be single providers?

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

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Anonymous wrote:I love how those nuts bring teen pregnancy rates in discussion. Teen pregnancy rates are at a historic lows and represent a minuscule number of live births. I'm more concerned about the SAH, religious breeders who keep popping tons of kids until their uterus is at their knees. Those are the problem, not successful single moms.

Why do these successful single women need to pop out a kid at all? Why not be happy and childless? Why not be happy with their career? Why choose loser men to have children with?

maybe they want a kid? Maybe they don't want a or need a man telling them what to do? There are tons of reasons.

Exactly - why are we policing women's bodies/fertility/happiness?

No one is policing anyone. There was a single mom or moms who acted superior to married.

I am married with 3 kids. My kids are well liked and have a lot of friends. I will happily include their friends from any family background.

Dh is an amazing dad and provider. To insult him and me because we are married is ridiculous.

I think part of your bias/baggage is asserting that someone is "acting superior" ipso facto because she is happy and successful in a life different than yours.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I love how those nuts bring teen pregnancy rates in discussion. Teen pregnancy rates are at a historic lows and represent a minuscule number of live births. I'm more concerned about the SAH, religious breeders who keep popping tons of kids until their uterus is at their knees. Those are the problem, not successful single moms.

Why do these successful single women need to pop out a kid at all? Why not be happy and childless? Why not be happy with their career? Why choose loser men to have children with?

maybe they want a kid? Maybe they don't want a or need a man telling them what to do? There are tons of reasons.

Exactly - why are we policing women's bodies/fertility/happiness?

No one is policing anyone. There was a single mom or moms who acted superior to married.

I am married with 3 kids. My kids are well liked and have a lot of friends. I will happily include their friends from any family background.

Dh is an amazing dad and provider. To insult him and me because we are married is ridiculous.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I love how those nuts bring teen pregnancy rates in discussion. Teen pregnancy rates are at a historic lows and represent a minuscule number of live births. I'm more concerned about the SAH, religious breeders who keep popping tons of kids until their uterus is at their knees. Those are the problem, not successful single moms.

Why do these successful single women need to pop out a kid at all? Why not be happy and childless? Why not be happy with their career? Why choose loser men to have children with?

maybe they want a kid? Maybe they don't want a or need a man telling them what to do? There are tons of reasons.

Exactly - why are we policing women's bodies/fertility/happiness?

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I love how those nuts bring teen pregnancy rates in discussion. Teen pregnancy rates are at a historic lows and represent a minuscule number of live births. I'm more concerned about the SAH, religious breeders who keep popping tons of kids until their uterus is at their knees. Those are the problem, not successful single moms.

Why do these successful single women need to pop out a kid at all? Why not be happy and childless? Why not be happy with their career? Why choose loser men to have children with?

maybe they want a kid? Maybe they don't want a or need a man telling them what to do? There are tons of reasons.

I wonder what people consider a single mom.

Is the dad totally out of the picture? Financially or physically?

Of course if the guy was toxic, it is better not to have the dad in the picture but I can’t imagine my kids not having a dad.

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Anonymous wrote:What a bizarre final comment you make about marriage. How does being alone help women??

Well, as a single mom making $300, I can guarantee I have far less arguments about how I’m spending my money or child raising decisions than 99.9% of married people. (Not, op).

I live in McLean and I never run into women like you.

Why would someone liker her live in McLean? I wouldn't.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:What a bizarre final comment you make about marriage. How does being alone help women??

Well, as a single mom making $300, I can guarantee I have far less arguments about how I’m spending my money or child raising decisions than 99.9% of married people. (Not, op).

I live in McLean and I never run into women like you.

Because you are old and live in one of those old ranchers. There are plenty of successful, single moms at Longfellow making this or more. For those who can't imagine a woman in her 30s making a high salary, you need to leave Woodbridge more. A 25 year old computer system engineer makes around 200K. A lawyer makes at least 300K. I'm a fed at a fin agency and I make over 200K. My single friend at Amazon makes 400. My H is a VP of sales in biotech and his top sales person is a woman in Atlanta making 600K.

So if you have a middle school student and in your 30s, you were a young mom. I have a middle school student and I’m 43 and I feel like one of the young moms. I also have a kid in preschool. You are a super young mom.

I am not trying to put you down but 200k is low in McLean. Sorry.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:What a bizarre final comment you make about marriage. How does being alone help women??

Well, as a single mom making $300, I can guarantee I have far less arguments about how I’m spending my money or child raising decisions than 99.9% of married people. (Not, op).

I live in McLean and I never run into women like you.

Because you are old and live in one of those old ranchers. There are plenty of successful, single moms at Longfellow making this or more. For those who can't imagine a woman in her 30s making a high salary, you need to leave Woodbridge more. A 25 year old computer system engineer makes around 200K. A lawyer makes at least 300K. I'm a fed at a fin agency and I make over 200K. My single friend at Amazon makes 400. My H is a VP of sales in biotech and his top sales person is a woman in Atlanta making 600K.

DP here. We live in McLean and I have a kid at Cooper. We live in an expensive neighborhood. Our house is $3m and most of the areas in our immediate neighborhood around Cooper/Langley are $2-5m.

I do not know any single moms. I do know several divorced and blended families. Dad is in the picture and we usually have a relationship with both parents. I usually text or email both the mom and dad when making plans or coordinating with the kids.

And we know plenty of high earning women. I used to be a high earning mom but I am now a sahm with 3 kids. Dh recently reminded me that I spend 10-20k on my Amex every month. I spend more now than when I actually worked.

I know there are mothers by choice but I don’t personally know any in our friend circles. In preschool, we knew one mom who was single. I never knew or asked where the dad was but she was a true single mom. She eventually moved to be closer to her family.

Anonymous wrote:What the article is saying is that men's income has not increased because of stagnant wage increases in society. Marital status does not change this. Corporation are not raising wages.

So men who want to "support their family" are finding it harder to do because of the lack of jobs that allow this.

Men, specifically, could support a family as a carpenter or working the meat counter at the grocery store or other blue collar jobs. Those job's wages are not keeping up with inflation.

Ding ding ding!!!

Someone actually read and synthesized what the article is conveying.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:What a bizarre final comment you make about marriage. How does being alone help women??

Well, as a single mom making $300, I can guarantee I have far less arguments about how I’m spending my money or child raising decisions than 99.9% of married people. (Not, op).

Well, I certainly don't want the tragic life of raising a kid in a single family. I am in a happy marriage with a man who is a great dad. I could never imagine depriving my child of his dad. I also have the security that if some thing happens to me, my children still have my husband. Maybe you chose a loser to father your child.

Your anecdata about financial issues with a partner speaks volumes about the kind of family you were raised in. Sorry, but many people were not raised in dysfunctional families.

There is nothing tragic about a child being raised by a single mother.

What a disgusting misogynistic comment.

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Anonymous wrote:I don't see why that's a bad thing. Frankly I'm glad my dh makes the exact same amount as me. Then he has to do the same amount of chores, can help the same amount with kids, etc. Men who make $$$ often work long hours and won't help with kids. 100-250k seems to be the sweet spot.

Get out there and make your own money.

Also, dh and I haven't ever had an argument about spending money or child raising. We argue but I can't imagine arguing over those.

+1
I love my job and making money and enjoy having a PARTNER to share child and home responsibilities with, so I prefer that we both make good money instead of 1 of us making great money and 1 of us handling bulk of the home front. That would not work for me, I would be lonely and disconnected from my spouse with that setup.

Agree completely.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:What a bizarre final comment you make about marriage. How does being alone help women??

Well, as a single mom making $300, I can guarantee I have far less arguments about how I’m spending my money or child raising decisions than 99.9% of married people. (Not, op).

+1000. But, high-earning single mothers are not the norm. I have nannies, babysitters, mother's helpers. whatever, because it is all on me - I would rather have a stable co-parent.

Different poster here but you can have a stable coparent and be divorced.
I find it much preferable than being in a crappy marriage.

Anonymous wrote:https://news.wisc.edu/professional-couples-are-on-the-rise-but-its-not-increasing-income-inequality/

This is a really insightful research. With all the talk of assortative mating— this research shows that married men’s incomes are declining.

Women need to read this and stop thinking marriage is this golden panacea so many conservatives make it out to be.

OP, you win! Your choices are fantastic. Yay!

Anonymous wrote:https://news.wisc.edu/professional-couples-are-on-the-rise-but-its-not-increasing-income-inequality/

This is a really insightful research. With all the talk of assortative mating— this research shows that married men’s incomes are declining.

Women need to read this and stop thinking marriage is this golden panacea so many conservatives make it out to be.

The reference to "conservatives" in the final sentence reveals that the OP has a political agenda, which minimizes the importance of what she has to say in terms of relationships. Take it over to the political forum!