Anonymous wrote:Do you avoid taking her to target because she'll want a toy every time? Do you avoid taking her to the grocery store because she'll demand ice cream? Do you alway give in to her requests or do you say no?

While I don't think you should attach rewards to reading, I also think that a 3.5 year old should be able to understand "not today" if you want to look at the dolls. You could have her take photos of the ones she likes for "next time we go"

And if you never say no...it's a good time to start

+1

Go and say you are just looking.

3.5 olds are old enough to understand.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Do you avoid taking her to target because she'll want a toy every time? Do you avoid taking her to the grocery store because she'll demand ice cream? Do you alway give in to her requests or do you say no?

While I don't think you should attach rewards to reading, I also think that a 3.5 year old should be able to understand "not today" if you want to look at the dolls. You could have her take photos of the ones she likes for "next time we go"

And if you never say no...it's a good time to start

Those are totally different bc the adult has to go to those stores for errands and kids need to learn to tag along politely on those errands. And I think it’s clear to a young child “we are here for laundry detergent, not toys.” But there is no reason for an adult to go to the American girl store. The only purpose of that trip is to torture the child and try to teach a 3.5 year old some weird lesson she’s not capable of understanding.

I respectfully disagree that it's as different as you think. Sometimes we had to go to target to buy a birthday present for another kid and only that, and my kids tagged along with me and they didn't get something.

I do think the whole AG reward for reading is not great, BUT the fear of taking a kid somewhere if you can't or won't buy them what they want when they want it...if you're so afraid, maybe your kid needs practice being let down in life: you're not alway going to get the lollipop you want, you're not always going to be able to wear your favorite dress when you want it; eat off of the tractor plate because it's being washed. I feel like so many parents are afraid of the tantrums they bend over backwards to make kids lives easy and stress free, but really you're teaching your kids to not be able to tolerate when life isn't fair or easy.

Browse? What is she, a 45 year old government attorney?

Anonymous wrote:

Op needs to read “Punished by Rewards”.

Can you summarize this

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:My 3.5 DD has become interested in American Girl dolls after I gave her my childhood doll for Christmas. I showed her the doll website and my husband set up a tracker for her to “earn” money by reading books to save up for another doll. She knows there is a doll store and has been asking to go, and I’ve explained many times that we can look at the dolls to see which one you like, but that she needs to read more books to have enough money to buy one. She says “I have coins in my room”- which is true but obviously not enough for a doll.

Is it a good idea to take her to the store to browse dolls to motivate her to read more books? I want her to learn that it’s good to work hard to get something you want, but I am afraid it might be better not to visit the store unless we can leave with a doll.

Yes, you talk them before they go to a store that this is what you are buying and if she is getting anything. If she tantrums, you give her a warning, if she does it again, you leave the store briefly and return when she stops and if she does it again she goes home and the next time she stays home.

The whole point of going to the store is to somehow try to motivate her to read more. This makes no sense at all.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:A 3.5 year old is a ticking time bomb. They will melt down if a carrot is too far to the left on their plate. They will keep you up all night complaining of an itchy fingernail. All you can do is pray for each day to pass and not getting arrested or having a shoe thrown at your head.

Going to a toy store to browse? Do you have a death wish, OP?

I feel that this PP didn’t get enough applause and recognition for her comment.

Thank you. This made my day. You see me. 😂😂😂

Op. Don’t worry- after I saw your comment I was like “Okay it’s settled definitely not going to the doll store!” 😜

Anonymous wrote:3.5 is too young to have an American Girl doll. I assume you're talking about the full-size ones. Even the smaller (and cheaper) Wellie Wishers are for kids aged 5-7.

OP here. I agree she might be a little young for the AG dolls but she has one which was mine in the 90s so I didn’t buy it for her. She likes playing dress up with the doll but isn’t old enough to understand their stories- I tried to read her Molly’s books but they don’t have enough pictures and she has no idea what WWII is.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:A 3.5 year old is a ticking time bomb. They will melt down if a carrot is too far to the left on their plate. They will keep you up all night complaining of an itchy fingernail. All you can do is pray for each day to pass and not getting arrested or having a shoe thrown at your head.

Going to a toy store to browse? Do you have a death wish, OP?

I feel that this PP didn’t get enough applause and recognition for her comment.

Thank you. This made my day. You see me. 😂😂😂

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OMG, do not do that!!! That’s a cruel thing to do to a little kid!!!


And why doesn’t she like reading? Are you reading to her? Are you letting her watch too much TV?

Honestly, at 3.5 if your child doesn’t like being read to, you need to readjust your own expectations and way of reading. My oldest child would sit on my lap and read 20 books in a row at 3.5; my second kid would read about five before needing to get up; my youngest at 2.5 can handle maybe two at the most before getting off my lap but I keep reading and she plays and looks back to the book.

OP here. Okay, I’m getting the idea that we’re not going to the doll store. She does like to read, but a little less than she used to. She is pretty interested in playing make believe and arranging dolls to sit at the table, etc., so we’re trying to get her back into books. She does watch a good amount of Tv after preschool because I’m still working. Yes, we read to her and she “reads” books to her dolls.

If she’s home while you’re working, I’d see about maybe finding a “mother’s helper” to come play with her in the afternoons for an hour or two. It’s a good job for something like a middle school girl or even a bit younger, since you’re home. It would help keep her off the screens and engaged in other play. At three it makes zero sense to try to incentivize her to read more.

She is at preschool all day, but when I pick her up I still need an hour or two of time to finish work/have meetings (on Zoom). Sometimes she plays without TV, but if I’m doing a meeting I sometimes just need to turn on the TV for her.

Anonymous wrote:My 3.5 DD has become interested in American Girl dolls after I gave her my childhood doll for Christmas. I showed her the doll website and my husband set up a tracker for her to “earn” money by reading books to save up for another doll. She knows there is a doll store and has been asking to go, and I’ve explained many times that we can look at the dolls to see which one you like, but that she needs to read more books to have enough money to buy one. She says “I have coins in my room”- which is true but obviously not enough for a doll.

Is it a good idea to take her to the store to browse dolls to motivate her to read more books? I want her to learn that it’s good to work hard to get something you want, but I am afraid it might be better not to visit the store unless we can leave with a doll.

Yes, you talk them before they go to a store that this is what you are buying and if she is getting anything. If she tantrums, you give her a warning, if she does it again, you leave the store briefly and return when she stops and if she does it again she goes home and the next time she stays home.

All of mine did. We would talk on our walk towards the door of the store about whether this is a "looking" trip or a "buying" trip. Did they cry sometimes? Sure. Did I hug them and say "It's so hard to just have to look when you want to buy, isn't it?" Sure. And then we'd walk out without having bought.

Anonymous wrote:A 3.5 year old is a ticking time bomb. They will melt down if a carrot is too far to the left on their plate. They will keep you up all night complaining of an itchy fingernail. All you can do is pray for each day to pass and not getting arrested or having a shoe thrown at your head.

Going to a toy store to browse? Do you have a death wish, OP?

I feel that this PP didn’t get enough applause and recognition for her comment.

Anonymous wrote:3.5 is too young to have an American Girl doll. I assume you're talking about the full-size ones. Even the smaller (and cheaper) Wellie Wishers are for kids aged 5-7.

No. DD got her American Girl doll ( full size) at 2.5 and still plays with her at 8.

But we didn’t bring her to the AG store to look at what she couldn’t have! We bright her to choose her doll and have lunch with her. It’s an event because they bring a high chair for your new doll.

3.5 is too young to have an American Girl doll. I assume you're talking about the full-size ones. Even the smaller (and cheaper) Wellie Wishers are for kids aged 5-7.

Anonymous wrote:Do you avoid taking her to target because she'll want a toy every time? Do you avoid taking her to the grocery store because she'll demand ice cream? Do you alway give in to her requests or do you say no?

While I don't think you should attach rewards to reading, I also think that a 3.5 year old should be able to understand "not today" if you want to look at the dolls. You could have her take photos of the ones she likes for "next time we go"

And if you never say no...it's a good time to start

Those are totally different bc the adult has to go to those stores for errands and kids need to learn to tag along politely on those errands. And I think it’s clear to a young child “we are here for laundry detergent, not toys.” But there is no reason for an adult to go to the American girl store. The only purpose of that trip is to torture the child and try to teach a 3.5 year old some weird lesson she’s not capable of understanding.