Anonymous wrote:This is OP, yet again.
Many of you think I should move on and/or find new friends. Others think I send too many texts and I should wait for the other person to make the next move. Someone actually called me a psycho ... wow and LOL.

Let me tell you something. DH and I live in a small town. Semi-rural is the best way to describe it. We moved here from a big, vibrant, cosmopolitan city 16 years ago.
Some people say they feel lonely in a big city. I have to say that I found socializing far, far easier in the big city we lived in than here. We went out more, got together with friends more often, drinks with co-workers after work, etc. Social life was just easier.
Here, by contrast, trying to get together with someone for coffee or a meal is like pulling teeth.

The people I'm texting are mid/late 50s, early 60s so not elderly!

Anonymous wrote:This is OP, yet again.
Many of you think I should move on and/or find new friends. Others think I send too many texts and I should wait for the other person to make the next move. Someone actually called me a psycho ... wow and LOL.

Let me tell you something. DH and I live in a small town. Semi-rural is the best way to describe it. We moved here from a big, vibrant, cosmopolitan city 16 years ago.
Some people say they feel lonely in a big city. I have to say that I found socializing far, far easier in the big city we lived in than here. We went out more, got together with friends more often, drinks with co-workers after work, etc. Social life was just easier.
Here, by contrast, trying to get together with someone for coffee or a meal is like pulling teeth.

The people I'm texting are mid/late 50s, early 60s so not elderly!

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I'm OP. The saga goes on ...

Last Thursday I texted the friend I had seen in the street about 2 weeks earlier, and who had said it would be fun to get together for dinner, meaning the friend herself, her partner, me and DH.

Last Thursday's text was the third (!) I'd sent her asking if they wanted to go out for dinner with us at the weekend (last Friday or Saturday) and if so, I would book a table. Until then I had only received vague answers from her.
She replied on Thursday night saying she still hadn't made up her mind about the weekend and she couldn't decide if she'd be in town or stay at her partner's place which is 1.5 hours away.
In her text she said DH and I should make alternative plans for the weekend and let's meet for coffee the following weekend.

I'm felt really irritated that it took me 3 (!) texts, for her to leave us waiting and to call it off at the last minute.
By the time I tried to book a table for just DH and me, our preferred time slots were all taken.

Why are people so indecisive? They are adults, not kids. Why can't they make a decision about something so simple?
All this dilly dallying ... sometimes I want to give up on trying to socialize.

It's not a "saga," you psycho. You're a bean-counting Desperado and she wants to be rid of you.

So how do you explain the fact that she herself made a point of saying 'the four of us should get together for dinner soon'? She said it voluntarily.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I'm OP. The saga goes on ...

Last Thursday I texted the friend I had seen in the street about 2 weeks earlier, and who had said it would be fun to get together for dinner, meaning the friend herself, her partner, me and DH.

Last Thursday's text was the third (!) I'd sent her asking if they wanted to go out for dinner with us at the weekend (last Friday or Saturday) and if so, I would book a table. Until then I had only received vague answers from her.
She replied on Thursday night saying she still hadn't made up her mind about the weekend and she couldn't decide if she'd be in town or stay at her partner's place which is 1.5 hours away.
In her text she said DH and I should make alternative plans for the weekend and let's meet for coffee the following weekend.

I'm felt really irritated that it took me 3 (!) texts, for her to leave us waiting and to call it off at the last minute.
By the time I tried to book a table for just DH and me, our preferred time slots were all taken.

Why are people so indecisive? They are adults, not kids. Why can't they make a decision about something so simple?
All this dilly dallying ... sometimes I want to give up on trying to socialize.

It's not a "saga," you psycho. You're a bean-counting Desperado and she wants to be rid of you.

So how do you explain the fact that she herself made a point of saying 'the four of us should get together for dinner soon'? She said it voluntarily.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I'm OP. The saga goes on ...

Last Thursday I texted the friend I had seen in the street about 2 weeks earlier, and who had said it would be fun to get together for dinner, meaning the friend herself, her partner, me and DH.

Last Thursday's text was the third (!) I'd sent her asking if they wanted to go out for dinner with us at the weekend (last Friday or Saturday) and if so, I would book a table. Until then I had only received vague answers from her.
She replied on Thursday night saying she still hadn't made up her mind about the weekend and she couldn't decide if she'd be in town or stay at her partner's place which is 1.5 hours away.
In her text she said DH and I should make alternative plans for the weekend and let's meet for coffee the following weekend.

I'm felt really irritated that it took me 3 (!) texts, for her to leave us waiting and to call it off at the last minute.
By the time I tried to book a table for just DH and me, our preferred time slots were all taken.

Why are people so indecisive? They are adults, not kids. Why can't they make a decision about something so simple?
All this dilly dallying ... sometimes I want to give up on trying to socialize.

It's not a "saga," you psycho. You're a bean-counting Desperado and she wants to be rid of you.

Anonymous wrote:I wouldn't make any long-term assumptions about these friendships based on their non-responses to your VERY vague inquiries during a major COVID surge. Like maybe they don't really want to head out to a restaurant right now until they see the cases really plummet. And before you say "well i know they went to blah blah blah inside" some of us are not drawing hard lines but instead pushing stuff off that doesn't feel urgent (i.e. coffee date that can just as easily happen in Feb or March).

My husband has a friend who reaches out in the way that's similar to you...like saying "Drinks sometime??" dozens of times my DH will text back and be like, sure, what works for you, or here's my availability, and friend takes forever to actually nail down a date/time/place, frequently cancels or is late, etc... so if they feel like after these vague texts, it's going to be on them to nail down a time, place, etc.. it may feel like too much work to negotiate over text.

Definitely try the (i'll be out and about running errands in your area on Saturday, want to meet up for coffee or a walk around 3pm?".

Anonymous wrote:I'm OP. The saga goes on ...

Last Thursday I texted the friend I had seen in the street about 2 weeks earlier, and who had said it would be fun to get together for dinner, meaning the friend herself, her partner, me and DH.

Last Thursday's text was the third (!) I'd sent her asking if they wanted to go out for dinner with us at the weekend (last Friday or Saturday) and if so, I would book a table. Until then I had only received vague answers from her.
She replied on Thursday night saying she still hadn't made up her mind about the weekend and she couldn't decide if she'd be in town or stay at her partner's place which is 1.5 hours away.
In her text she said DH and I should make alternative plans for the weekend and let's meet for coffee the following weekend.

I'm felt really irritated that it took me 3 (!) texts, for her to leave us waiting and to call it off at the last minute.
By the time I tried to book a table for just DH and me, our preferred time slots were all taken.

Why are people so indecisive? They are adults, not kids. Why can't they make a decision about something so simple?
All this dilly dallying ... sometimes I want to give up on trying to socialize.

Anonymous wrote:I'm OP. The saga goes on ...

Last Thursday I texted the friend I had seen in the street about 2 weeks earlier, and who had said it would be fun to get together for dinner, meaning the friend herself, her partner, me and DH.

Last Thursday's text was the third (!) I'd sent her asking if they wanted to go out for dinner with us at the weekend (last Friday or Saturday) and if so, I would book a table. Until then I had only received vague answers from her.
She replied on Thursday night saying she still hadn't made up her mind about the weekend and she couldn't decide if she'd be in town or stay at her partner's place which is 1.5 hours away.
In her text she said DH and I should make alternative plans for the weekend and let's meet for coffee the following weekend.

I'm felt really irritated that it took me 3 (!) texts, for her to leave us waiting and to call it off at the last minute.
By the time I tried to book a table for just DH and me, our preferred time slots were all taken.

Why are people so indecisive? They are adults, not kids. Why can't they make a decision about something so simple?
All this dilly dallying ... sometimes I want to give up on trying to socialize.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Maybe it's their age and they are more into phone calls.

Not sure. One woman I texted is very active on social media (mainly Facebook) so she is used to virtual interaction with others.

I'm not on Facebook, Twitter, etc.

Anonymous wrote:I'm OP. The saga goes on ...

Last Thursday I texted the friend I had seen in the street about 2 weeks earlier, and who had said it would be fun to get together for dinner, meaning the friend herself, her partner, me and DH.

Last Thursday's text was the third (!) I'd sent her asking if they wanted to go out for dinner with us at the weekend (last Friday or Saturday) and if so, I would book a table. Until then I had only received vague answers from her.
She replied on Thursday night saying she still hadn't made up her mind about the weekend and she couldn't decide if she'd be in town or stay at her partner's place which is 1.5 hours away.
In her text she said DH and I should make alternative plans for the weekend and let's meet for coffee the following weekend.

I'm felt really irritated that it took me 3 (!) texts, for her to leave us waiting and to call it off at the last minute.
By the time I tried to book a table for just DH and me, our preferred time slots were all taken.

Why are people so indecisive? They are adults, not kids. Why can't they make a decision about something so simple?
All this dilly dallying ... sometimes I want to give up on trying to socialize.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I'm OP. The saga goes on ...

Last Thursday I texted the friend I had seen in the street about 2 weeks earlier, and who had said it would be fun to get together for dinner, meaning the friend herself, her partner, me and DH.

Last Thursday's text was the third (!) I'd sent her asking if they wanted to go out for dinner with us at the weekend (last Friday or Saturday) and if so, I would book a table. Until then I had only received vague answers from her.
She replied on Thursday night saying she still hadn't made up her mind about the weekend and she couldn't decide if she'd be in town or stay at her partner's place which is 1.5 hours away.
In her text she said DH and I should make alternative plans for the weekend and let's meet for coffee the following weekend.

I'm felt really irritated that it took me 3 (!) texts, for her to leave us waiting and to call it off at the last minute.
By the time I tried to book a table for just DH and me, our preferred time slots were all taken.

Why are people so indecisive? They are adults, not kids. Why can't they make a decision about something so simple?
All this dilly dallying ... sometimes I want to give up on trying to socialize.

She wasn’t indecisive- she was passive and noncommittal and probably never wanted to go, all of which, yes, is rude. But your expectations of her were too high. You need to learn to completely let people like this go, rather than doubling down on trying to make them commit.

OP again.
It was actually our friends' own suggestion to get together for dinner sometime. I had initially suggested to meet for coffee and she suggested dinner instead.

I get why she prefers to stay at her partner's place at weekends. She's in the middle of a home renovation project and her living room is a building site and she finds it hard to relax in her house.
But why wait so long to decide. And leave us waiting when it was her idea to go out for dinner in the first place ...

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Retire the word "sometime" from your vocabulary. You're using to try to be flexible, but they see it as "no specific date? Great, I don't have to answer this RIGHT NOW."

You're right. This is why I suggested this coming weekend or the following weekend to the friend I saw in the street.

Yes, I try to be flexible because these ladies work full time in an office Monday to Friday, so their timetable is rigid and I know their weekends are busy and precious. My work is very different to theirs and my timetable is not as rigid.

I obviously do NOT expect them to be free during the week.

I'm curious about this though - is it rude to ask WFH friends to meet up for lunch or coffee? I do that all the time during the week but twice friends have said a horrifying 'No' like I suggested they be eaten by alligators.