Anonymous wrote:I think it’s fine if he doesn’t want to “play” with them but hopefully he has things he *does* like to do with them. I’m the reader/ cards and board game parent here. Spouse doesn’t like any of those - but he plays sports, washes cars, builds things, gardens with them. I think it’s fine to know the types of things you enjoy and do those things with your kids.

Anonymous wrote:This is such a tiresome thread. Some of us spend so much time with our kids and do so much with and for them that we don't have to feel bad about not doing every single thing that they might ask of us or want to do, like play games.

Maybe if you all weren't working all day long and sticking your kids in day care or with nannies you'd understand.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:This does not matter in the slightest. It’s a recent thing for parents to play with kids. I grew up in the 70s & 80s and parents playing with kids was not a thing. They can do other kinds of projects, outings, quality time that he is actually into. It’s fine.

This is BS. I’m 55 years old. I have very clear and fond memories of my dad playing card games with my siblings. I learned Gin Rummy from him. He also taught us Parchesi.

Good for you. I'm 45. Neither of my parents played with me or my siblings. They were too busy working or taking care of us or the house. Parents don't "need" to play with their kids in that sense. My husband is very smart and highly successful. it's hard for him to play with our 9 year old. But, he does spend many hours teaching her math, grammar, etc for school and also learning how to ride a bike, swim, etc. He will take her to landscaping stores because she loves flowers. There are plenty of things a parent can do with their kids besides "play".

Nothing wrong with it.

I love the name drop of “successful”. So he bought his way out of being a parent?

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Talk about first world problems...what's so painful about playing games with your kids for awhile a few times a week? I don't get it. Any intelligent or creative person could make it enjoyable for themselves AND the kids. If not, your husband may be super stressed and need to talk to a therapist. For real, I hope he can get some help and enjoy life (and his kids) more.

No. A "first world problem" is identifying not playing games with your kids as a real issue. You have it backwards, sister.

Np here interestingly having spent time in so called non first world countries totally outdated terminology btw, I witnessed parents and other adults playing with their kids.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:This does not matter in the slightest. It’s a recent thing for parents to play with kids. I grew up in the 70s & 80s and parents playing with kids was not a thing. They can do other kinds of projects, outings, quality time that he is actually into. It’s fine.

+1. I rarely play with my child and she is 2. It wasn't the way for a long time. We do activities together (nature walks, etc.) but I do not sit on the floor and play.

You ignored your daughter during her infancy. Awesome!

I did not ignore. I engage, but I'm not a "get down on the floor and play stickers" kind of parent. I do play a little, just not all day.

Also, I'm talking about now, not when she was incapable of independent play as an actual infant. When I said "it wasn't the way," I mean in previous generations.

P.S. I ran around in the woods all day as an elementary schooler, was often left in front of the TV after school, was certainly not played with on the floor as a toddler, and have a very secure, loving relationship with my parents.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:This does not matter in the slightest. It’s a recent thing for parents to play with kids. I grew up in the 70s & 80s and parents playing with kids was not a thing. They can do other kinds of projects, outings, quality time that he is actually into. It’s fine.

This is BS. I’m 55 years old. I have very clear and fond memories of my dad playing card games with my siblings. I learned Gin Rummy from him. He also taught us Parchesi.

Good for you. I'm 45. Neither of my parents played with me or my siblings. They were too busy working or taking care of us or the house. Parents don't "need" to play with their kids in that sense. My husband is very smart and highly successful. it's hard for him to play with our 9 year old. But, he does spend many hours teaching her math, grammar, etc for school and also learning how to ride a bike, swim, etc. He will take her to landscaping stores because she loves flowers. There are plenty of things a parent can do with their kids besides "play".

Nothing wrong with it.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:This does not matter in the slightest. It’s a recent thing for parents to play with kids. I grew up in the 70s & 80s and parents playing with kids was not a thing. They can do other kinds of projects, outings, quality time that he is actually into. It’s fine.

+1. I rarely play with my child and she is 2. It wasn't the way for a long time. We do activities together (nature walks, etc.) but I do not sit on the floor and play.

You ignored your daughter during her infancy. Awesome!

Anonymous wrote:This is such a tiresome thread. Some of us spend so much time with our kids and do so much with and for them that we don't have to feel bad about not doing every single thing that they might ask of us or want to do, like play games.

Maybe if you all weren't working all day long and sticking your kids in day care or with nannies you'd understand.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:This does not matter in the slightest. It’s a recent thing for parents to play with kids. I grew up in the 70s & 80s and parents playing with kids was not a thing. They can do other kinds of projects, outings, quality time that he is actually into. It’s fine.

+1. I rarely play with my child and she is 2. It wasn't the way for a long time. We do activities together (nature walks, etc.) but I do not sit on the floor and play.

Anonymous wrote:This does not matter in the slightest. It’s a recent thing for parents to play with kids. I grew up in the 70s & 80s and parents playing with kids was not a thing. They can do other kinds of projects, outings, quality time that he is actually into. It’s fine.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Adults don’t have to play with kids and it’s actually modeling healthy boundaries to say something like “I’m fine here, I’m going to rest and watch you play!” That said it’s important to be kind and present. Maybe emphasize the latter over the former.

Of course they don't HAVE to...but unless they truly have no time that's not spent supporting the family, why the heck wouldn't they sometimes? Carpe diem. YOLO. This time together is fleeting. Your kids (gasp) love to spend time with you. Whatever slogan you need, it's not like someone's asking you to withstand torture. Perspective, patience, and love will help.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Adults don’t have to play with kids and it’s actually modeling healthy boundaries to say something like “I’m fine here, I’m going to rest and watch you play!” That said it’s important to be kind and present. Maybe emphasize the latter over the former.

Of course they don't HAVE to...but unless they truly have no time that's not spent supporting the family, why the heck wouldn't they sometimes? Carpe diem. YOLO. This time together is fleeting. Your kids (gasp) love to spend time with you. Whatever slogan you need, it's not like someone's asking you to withstand torture. Perspective, patience, and love will help.

What makes you think that just because dad doesn't play with them that he's not spending time with them? There are plenty other things to do with your kids in all this "fleeting" time besides play. He could teaching them to cook, change tires, plant flowers, cut grass, wash the car, watching sports, teaching them to drive, reading with them, helping with homework, surfing, swimming... Just because he doesn't one thing they ask him to do doesn't mean he's not supporting the family. Get outta here.

I get what you're saying on one level, but doing something the other person wants to do (unless it's damaging to you) is part of healthy relationships. "My dad helped me with homework and taught me how to cut grass" may or may not lead to healthy development, self-image, etc. in a child who's ASKING his/her dad to play with them.

This is such laughable, unadulterated BS. There's not a child in the world who is going to be damaged by a good parent who happens to not like to play friggin games and says as much. Get real. You don't have to do every single thing your kids asks you to do.

dp [Well speaking as a child whose parents didn't play but, I asked it did hurt me because I wanted to do something with them and was rejected. So, I did get over it obviously but, I chose to play games and even do plays with my kids! Such fun times and good memories. So much anger in your post. Maybe somebody should have played candy land with you!

This. I had a parent who only wanted to play on their terms, what they found interesting. As a child it was frustrating. As an adult I understand that they were emotionally neglected as a child and also a little narcissistic so they weren't able to see beyond their own needs. I don't resent them we all do the best we can. At the same time when you know better you do better.